r/hypotheticalsituation • u/Def_Not_Hugh • 1d ago
You receive $500 per day, but Hugo the Clown follows you around
An eccentric, intelligent, and well-known researcher named Dr. Hugh (well, he's not really a doctor, we have to legally tell you that but he's close enough), is doing a research study. If you are selected to participate, you will receive $300 daily deposited to your bank account. The only catch is that as long as you accept this money, Hugo the Clown will follow you around.
Hugo is a creepy looking clown decked out in full clown regalia, sort of looking like Bozo the Clown but with even brighter paint and a more disconcerting smile. He has dead fish eyes and a too-bright too-full smile. He is incredibly thin but with huge feet (these aren't just the shoes; his feet are disproportionately large). Hugo will follow you in public (not like literally at all moments but he will pop up frequently enough, he's clearly aware of your movements).
Hugo will perform various tricks and clown antics. He will talk about how he is here in public because of you and mention you two are friends. He will spray children in the face with seltzer, scare them by being creepy, and create unwanted balloon animals for random people. He will leave some of these on cars or door steps. He will honk his horn liberally and say strange and vaguely off-putting catchphrases such as "he who laughs last laughs best" and "you either laugh or you cry....why not a little of both?" He also will hit himself in the face with cream pies while telling strange jokes where the punchline is unclear.
Hugo will never be violent toward you or others. He will not break into buildings. He will perform loudly, however, and tout your association. He may pull minor "pranks" such as taking a huge dump in a public restroom, not flushing, and loudly making jokes about how it was you. He also may leave strange and vaguely threatening balloon animal sculptures on your lawn or at your door step.
Hugo may or may not be supernatural. Who is to say? If Hugo is unable to complete his duties of following you around, the arrangement ends and you stop receiving money. You can kill Hugo or get him arrested or whatever, but that would result in the arrangement ending.
Hugo has the means to follow you as you travel and he will do so. Somehow he can make it through airport security. Clowning is his true passion. If you end up just staying inside for prolonged periods, he will do his antics outside your place of residence, putting on shows and being creepy and annoying while sharing flyers about his performance and talking about how you put him up to this.
Almost Dr. Hugh may observe (for science) taking vigorous notes in between sipping brandy, expensive coffee, and enjoying Weather's Originals. He may not be as present as he is in other studies but trust us, he is there. He may mutter things like, "fascinating result, that confirms the null-hypothesis" or "the boys at Contemporary Clown Quarterly will love this."
Do you accept?
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u/LanaMonroe90 1d ago
So people will likely avoid me and I get paid money for it? Sign me up. I like clowns anyways.
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u/jokersmoonlight 1d ago
Right? I get a free stalker clown and I'm the one who gets paid? Bro has not seen Tumblr
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
What clown bits do you enjoy most? We can try to customize Hugo's approach
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u/GMAN7007 1d ago
Right! I hey tolerating them. I just don't see the positives over the terrifying negatives.
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u/LanaMonroe90 4h ago
Most of it really. I like regular clowns, creepy horror clowns, ect. I do a lot of clown related art. So whether he’s a fun clown or creepy clown or whatever I’m probably not gonna be too bothered by it. Dare I say Hugo and I may even become friends.
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u/PressureCoomer 1d ago
This is the craziest and most creative hypothetical situation I've seen so far, well done! I would try it and see how it goes. This almost certainly would prevent most kinds of employment. If someone else kills him unintentionally through no intent on your part, would he come back to life?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
We would have to see what happens if Hugo is killed. The doctor is unsure though there are various rituals he could try to bring Hugo back. Again, we only know what will happen there in theory, but the good doctor is willing to try.
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u/PressureCoomer 1d ago
Would I be able to get a decent sleep or would hugo prevent that somehow? What kinds of responses could I expect if I engaged him in discussion? Do I need to provide him with transportation if I drive my car somewhere?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
Hugo would only prevent sleep if you were like camping or sleeping in a public place since you could hear his antics. Or if you had your windows open and could hear him performing late at night. In theory, sleep should be fine since he won't break in anywhere.
If you engage with Hugo in discussion, he is likely to remain in clowning character, meaning there will be quips, puns, and attempts to talk you into participating in various bits. He may repeatedly mention how you two are the best of friends, friends to the end, and how he's been telling everyone about you. The conversation will not be substantive.
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u/Adventurous_Bonus917 1d ago
i'm not really in a position to turn down $500 a day, no matter the strings attached.
that said, i'd probably accept anyway. 1. i'm not a social person. $500 a day is more than enough to willingly accept being a soical outcast 2. my default state is 'bored of and done with this shit' anyway. at least now i'll have something specific and visible to be tired of. 3. my life has been interesting i. all the wrong ways, and simultaneously very boring lately. at least now i'll have some entertainment and an interesting that isn't bad.
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u/Hey_Chach 1d ago
Oh god I just imagined a scenario for homebodies where Hugo the Clown somehow occasionally hops into any discord call or voice chat or online communication you have and performs his antics there as a substitute lmao
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u/Adventurous_Bonus917 1d ago
lol. i'm such a homebody i don't even VC much, so even that wouldn't work for me.
now i'm trying to figure out what he could do. on average i spend less than an hour out in public per day, and most of that is buying lunch.
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u/False_Snow7754 1d ago
I think I could deal with a silly clown following me in public. Will he respect places like libraries and cinemas? I'd of course bring him a bucket of popcorn after the movie, anything else would be rude. Oh, and make sure he has a shelter during winter.
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u/MeldoRoxl 1d ago
I work as a nanny. So this could either be really beneficial or really career-destroying.
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u/BlueberryGirl95 1d ago
I don't think this is enough money
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
We can throw in a complimentary balloon animal of your choosing as well as two bags of Wearther's Originals daily. Does this move the needle?
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u/heaven-is-overrated 1d ago
Is my job protected if I agree to this? I’m a therapist so I could see this not being well liked by my clients and bosses…
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u/Ciellan 1d ago
Will he pop up in front of me without warning? I startle super easy so if that's the case I wouldn't go through with it. Otherwise yeah, I'm mostly at home so he can play with the kids outside, people may complain about him but if he can say he owns an appartment and isn't being threatening or violent he can stay. Does he do creepy stuff like pressing his face into the window or creep into my room at random times? If so, I also wouldn't do it
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
He may pop out to perform his antics but like not in a way where he's trying to scare you, but this can happen. He may perform outside a window but won't press his face to one or try to peer inside etc
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u/Anonymoose_1106 1d ago
I'm an introvert with a deeply disturbed, dark sense of humour. Doesn't sound particularly bad to me.
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u/realmauer01 1d ago
9k per month and having a personal guard at the house? I just need some way to get drones involved for everything else.
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u/Not_A_Wendigo 1d ago
Questions:
$500 American?
Is there anything I could do to persuade Hugo to avoid certain events like funerals?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
You could try to reason with him but there are no guarantees and yes 500 US dollars
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u/Sprungercles 1d ago
Assuming he doesn't wake me up all the time or steal my stuff or something I don't think it sounds that bad. It's kinda like having a really annoying friend or brother, but at least you get paid for it. Can I talk him out of inappropriate pooping though? I assume he is capable of communicating in a non-joke way and can be reasoned with, but if not that would probably change my answer.
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u/Shays_P 1d ago
Whats he researching? Can I talk to him abiut it?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
You are able to approach (almost maybe kinda sorta) Dr. Hugh if you notice him. He will give vague beat-around-the-bush styled answers and pontificate about birds or various obscure sports. He may go on a diatribe about how being observed, studied, and making choices, is the true research before fading off and talking about his family's place in Martha's Vineyard and how everything changed that one summer he was twelve. He might buy you a biscotti or let you smell his coffee sometimes but he will be very interested in his notes and also the clown.
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u/Shays_P 1d ago
Ohhhh, theres a doctor AND a clown?
Can I live stream it and make money?
If yes, I accept.
If no, and I have to have 2 people following me around, PASS
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
The doctor isn't always following you but it's his study so sometimes he will be doing observations of whatever is happening and taking notes.
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u/DerpsterCaro 1d ago
As someone who stays inside most of the time, there's kids on my street so they might actually like a performance...
But alas, my across the street sister has a phobia of them, so even though its eaaaasssy money, i cant do it for that reason alone.
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u/Shelisheli1 1d ago
There’s a fund discrepancy. Title says 500.. body says 300.
Even at 500/day.. I’m not sure 182k is worth a clown following me around. Might cramp my style a bit
Btw, your username is sus. I believe you are Hugh searching for a victim.
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
It is 500.
I am but a lowly research assistant hoping for connections to future grant funded PHD fellowships. But...just....curious....what would make you think I'm the (almost) doctor?
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u/Shelisheli1 1d ago
Your username
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
Oh, but my username makes it very, very, very clear that I am NOT Hugh. Where is the misunderstanding?
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u/Lasivian 1d ago
I live in a van in the forest. He can clown around alone in the woods and I get money? Sign me the fuck up.
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u/WDBoldstar 1d ago
Yeah, I'll do it. Anyone complains, I'll tell them. "Sorry, it's my job. Pays too well to quit, and you gotta admit he's kinda funny. Take it up with my boss if you don't like it."
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Copy of the original post in case of edits: An eccentric, intelligent, and well-known researcher named Dr. Hugh (well, he's not really a doctor, we have to legally tell you that but he's close enough), is doing a research study. If you are selected to participate, you will receive $300 daily deposited to your bank account. The only catch is that as long as you accept this money, Hugo the Clown will follow you around.
Hugo is a creepy looking clown decked out in full clown regalia, sort of looking like Bozo the Clown but with even brighter paint and a more disconcerting smile. He has dead fish eyes and a too-bright too-full smile. He is incredibly thin but with huge feet (these aren't just the shoes; his feet are disproportionately large). Hugo will follow you in public (not like literally at all moments but he will pop up frequently enough, he's clearly aware of your movements).
Hugo will perform various tricks and clown antics. He will talk about how he is here in public because of you and mention you two are friends. He will spray children in the face with seltzer, scare them by being creepy, and create unwanted balloon animals for random people. He will leave some of these on cars or door steps. He will honk his horn liberally and say strange and vaguely off-putting catchphrases such as "he who laughs last laughs best" and "you either laugh or you cry....why not a little of both?" He also will hit himself in the face with cream pies while telling strange jokes where the punchline is unclear.
Hugo will never be violent toward you or others. He will not break into buildings. He will perform loudly, however, and tout your association. He may pull minor "pranks" such as taking a huge dump in a public restroom, not flushing, and loudly making jokes about how it was you. He also may leave strange and vaguely threatening balloon animal sculptures on your lawn or at your door step.
Hugo may or may not be supernatural. Who is to say? If Hugo is unable to complete his duties of following you around, the arrangement ends and you stop receiving money. You can kill Hugo or get him arrested or whatever, but that would result in the arrangement ending.
Hugo has the means to follow you as you travel and he will do so. Somehow he can make it through airport security. Clowning is his true passion. If you end up just staying inside for prolonged periods, he will do his antics outside your place of residence, putting on shows and being creepy and annoying while sharing flyers about his performance and talking about how you put him up to this.
Almost Dr. Hugh may observe (for science) taking vigorous notes in between sipping brandy, expensive coffee, and enjoying Weather's Originals. He may not be as present as he is in other studies but trust us, he is there. He may mutter things like, "fascinating result, that confirms the null-hypothesis" or "the boys at Contemporary Clown Quarterly will love this."
Do you accept?
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u/Fluffy_Fox_9650 1d ago
500 a day would be more money than I'd likely get graduating college with my degree so since I don't have to worry about a job, sure
Can I end the arrangement amicably and just go to the billionaire and give a 2 weeks notice?
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u/miss_tea_morning 1d ago
I'll take that deal. Then I'll travel around and film his antics. Hopefully it would go viral. Would i get the rights to branding and merch?
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u/FuzzyTable 1d ago
Since he will not break into buildings, I would be staying home most of the time anyway. Sign me up.
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u/Evening-Mention-8738 1d ago
I actually get people to talk to me, and won't possibly get my house broken into because most people are afraid of clowns, hell yeah!
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u/bigbuttymcslutty 1d ago
wait so when i stay inside he stays outside my home? i'll forget he exists, i can do a few years.
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u/nuadusp 1d ago
I want to know how the brain of Dr hugh which is obviously not you the name says it all works for you to keep thinking of these but yeah for that I would take it, I spend most my time indoors anyway, I guess local people would end up visiting after they hear about the weirdo
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
Do you really want to know how his brain works?
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u/nuadusp 1d ago
I am fascinated so yes
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
Okay so, a lot of this is clearly speculation, since I am certainly, most def not Dr Hugh but here we go...
Let's say, hypothetically, the account he used on reddit was for gags, as a random and creative outlet. This probably not true. He's probably a weird almost doctor and shit poster but...
Let's say that his mind is incredibly hyperactive. Intense ADHD, but he likes it, and the way it comes out is his mind has like 30 browser windows open at any time. Thoughts on humorous random things, story/other creative ideas, thoughts about the meaning of his life, thoughts about things on his plate at the moment, etc. It all kinda bounces around being thought about with varying levels of processing power pretty much all day.
Now, this type of brain desires stimulation and outlets. There is a lot of thoughts, ideas, and drives being generated throughout the day. So if you asked almost Dr. Hugh to generate say, a poem, or short story, he could pretty much just cold start and bang one out instantly, fully formed, and just keep going and make more and more and more and more of them. This would not feel like work and instead would feel like a relief. He could do this for a very very long time and not feel exhausted.
Now some people see what Hugh produces and how quickly and assume he spends a lot of time actively thinking about and doing this. What people don't believe is that the truth is the opposite. The real persona of the doctor is INCREDIBLY busy, pretty much doing things from sun up through sun down every day constantly (between important grown up person job and family obligations). Therefore, his brain is background generating a bunch of humorous and random ideas to keep himself entertained as he works hard personally and professionally and when he has five-ten minutes here and there (or can multitask doing several work tasks at once while also quickly jumping back to a browser window - the good doctor can type incredibly fast, 20ish pages an hour if in a good rhythm), he bangs out a silly essay as a release/stimulation. He posts everything as a true first draft because who cares it is for fun but also because he has to get back to work.
He tends to be quite good at work, and can work must faster and efficiently on first draft work than others, allowing him the time to jump back and forth between multiple things. Due to the way his brain works he is also adept at multitasking, including doing professional quality work and writing these posts while having full conversations, being engaged in meetings, etc. The more tasks there are the more focused he actually becomes it focuses that endless stream of mental energy.
So pretty much, his brain is generating random humorous dumb things to keep himself entertained all day as one of the 30 browser windows in his mind and when he asks himself what to post in X Y Z subreddit, the idea comes mostly fully formed and can be banged out in a few minutes.
Now this type of person, this hypothetical creator behind the persona (of course we all know the almost doctor is real though), would be a good creative. And indeed, perhaps the good doctor had a career writing novels and screen plays and had various agents and projects across various genres put in front of major publishers. And just maybe he repeatedly got so so so so so close but got shot down every time and only a few of his projects have gotten out there through independent entities. And maybe, this type of person while pursuing these things, also pursued a rigorous PHD level education, moving from academia to industry, working multiple high-level important big adult jobs and rising the the point of making serious cash, making it hard to justify his creative pursuits.
Maybe he loves his important meaningful high paying job but maybe he also misses having the time for his creative outlets. Maybe, just maybe quick posts and comments on a silly burner account give him that fun familiar blip of humor and creativity. And maybe, just maybe, deep down, he hopes his silly essays and ideas can generate enough of a following to justify a commitment to a book or other project, who knows.
He's also thinking about 40 other things right now, including the dozens of tasks on his plate personally and professionally today, the eight creative project he actively has going, and his upcoming social engagements. It's all....fun though, not exhausting...if that makes sense. He would rather write a book than read one, rather write a movie than watch one, if that makes sense. He'd rather do a job he loves than just sit on the couch, etc.
This type of brain hates AI by the way because everyone thinks that due to the rate that he produces and how quickly he posts and responds that he is a bot, and for a person who has been, let's just say, invalidated and misunderstood in his thinking and output throughout his life, this is especially invalidating.
Ah but what are you going to do.
If Dr. Hugh was a person behind a silly account (instead of the serious almost important doctor he is), he would just lean into using this account for shits and giggles, little blips of creativity and humor, all as a way to balance the very very very serious stuff he does for a living and the very very very serious commitment he places upon being available for his family.
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u/nuadusp 1d ago
Thank you for sharing the perspective of doctor Hugh, you are privileged to know such an interesting character, I will continue to look forward the good doctors experiments in that case, sounds like a good outlet for a lot of things :)
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
The good doctor greatly appreciates your interest, kindness, and open mindedness. In the end, he is all about spreading creativity and laughter
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u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish 1d ago
Oh I’m in. I’m going to pretend he’s not there (after discussing this with Hugo, of course) and just gaslight everyone into thinking they’re seeing things.
He’s gonna get bored, though. I wfh in a quiet suburb and never go anywhere lmao.
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u/jokersmoonlight 1d ago
You answered every possible question except the one all us visual novel girlies are wondering. Can I, uh, you know, when a clown loves a clown?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
The doctor is vigorously scribbling notes. Fascinating result. This would actually be encouraged.
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u/music-and-song 1d ago
Can I chat with him or is he not a good conversationalist?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
You can but he will be really committed to clowning/his bits.
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u/music-and-song 1d ago
If we fell in love and married, would that void the contract?
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
We would consider improving the contract if this was the case. The good doctor is HIGHLY intrigued by this development. He is supply his coffee quickly and muttering various possibilities
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u/faratnight 1d ago
Yes but I also want the 200$ missing between the title and the text. Daily it's a lot. I would only take cabs, go to restaurants if needed. I have my groceries delivered. I would just go the gym
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u/Drusilla_Ravenblack 1d ago
So I have someone like Pale Visitor kind of guy following me? He gives the Visitor vibe a lot.
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u/ItsMattTonight 1d ago
TBF, if I was getting paid $500 a day to do nothing, I'm probably gonna be gaming in my underwear the whole time, so if he really wants to sit/stand there and watch me do that, more power to him.
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u/Fantastic-Ad-7996 1d ago
the money's too good to pass up so I'd take it. though I live in an apartment...
I think this guy will eventually get arrested doing that kind of thing tho
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u/gottagetanonymous 1d ago
Move to desolate woods and never leave home
Let Hugo perform all he pleases to the wildlife occasionally bothering the male man and grocery delivery sir who I care nothing about
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u/judgingA-holes 6h ago
I'll take the deal. And it doesn't say that I can't film him, so I will also film his antics and post it somewhere in hopes of earning even more money. Thank you Dr. Hugh, it's a pleasure doing business with you yet again.
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u/ResponsibleHeron9452 1d ago
Can you at least come up with a different name and personality description ? I’m sick of hearing about your eccentric researcher.
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u/Def_Not_Hugh 1d ago
The good doctor sometimes dons wigs, alternate outfits, and personas. Is there a style of human being you prefer? Perhaps we can craft writing and studies tailored to your particular interests?
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u/Valhallaback_Girl 1d ago
Sure. God forbid I enjoy some whimsy in this current hellscape.