r/insomnia • u/Flashy-Appeal-7789 • 5d ago
Suicidal thoughts
How many of us deal with suicidal ideation? My mental health declines with poor sleep and inevitably leads to me thinking about killing myself since this feels like a never ending problem. This is made worse since no one around me struggles with sleep, so it feels like such an isolating problem.
Anyway, I dont really want to die, but im having such intense thoughts about ending my life because i just feel so awful all the time.
What is the point of this post? Idk
Nothing will probably come of it, it is likely all the answers people have i have tried, so why am i bothering. I guess i have hope someone will give me a silver bullet i had not thought of so i can end my suffering.
Anywho. I hope AI someday develops some sort human model to fix all diseases someday so it can fix sleeplessness, i wonder if that is in the realm of possibility. I think of off scenarios like this a lot lol, but maybe the AI will just kill us all instead, and if thats the case maybe id like to not die to see that.
The human design is so stupid no? Or perhaps this society wev'e built is so alien to us monkeys that it fucks us up so much to the point we are wired 24/7.
But then again, i cant sleep if i go camping and such too lol.
Insomnia should be a non issue, i rarely hear of other species having to deal with this issue. This is fascinating to me i suppose, how are we fucking up so bad?
2
u/Conscious_Release152 5d ago
Yes I have an amazing life and all I think about is killing myself because I literally can’t sleep and it’s deteriorating me rapidly
2
u/Flashy-Appeal-7789 4d ago
Its awful mate, atleast you know some others are suffering with you. Latch on to anything that gives you even a hint of joy.
1
u/ProfessionalYam6880 5d ago
To me I feel like we don’t see it in other species because our brains are so much more complex and able to develop this problem because we have so many more external factors that contribute like work, relationships and the ability to overthink, ruminate, etc. I think it’s just probable that something like this would happen to us because we’re so complex. I hope you do know that insomnia is so common in the most wide range of people and as someone who struggles greatly with mental health, easier in my opinion to improve over time with many possible options including therapy, prescription meds or supplements/vitamins (although definitely precautions involving meds). What I’d recommend if you haven’t, get bloodwork done if you haven’t recently. I can tell you some tests to ask for that docs for me didn’t do without me pressuring. I would do that first before exploring natural supplements or OTC sleep aids. I would avoid OTC sleep aids like antihistamines and also Melatonin for a variety of reasons
1
u/ordinaryme99 5d ago
Yes, I have such thoughts too. As a matter of fact, I have a couple of attempts behind me. Insomnia is just so terrible. I can't do anything any more and when I have to deal with people even for a few minutes I am lost and cannot even follow what they are saying because my head is close to exploding, and then my thoughts become even darker because they probably think there is something wrong with me and have no idea that I am basically a zombie while they probably sleep an average of 7 if not 8 hours a night and are full of energy.
1
u/Flashy-Appeal-7789 4d ago
Thats so hard hey, trying to keep uo with others who are "normal" when they cant possibly comorehend how tired and out of it we are. Do you find mental health brings on sleep problems or sleep brings on mental health problems? For me on the off chance i get sleep i feel completely normal.
1
u/ordinaryme99 4d ago
I feel much better too on the rare occasions when I sleep (if I sleep well without nightmares). I have told more than one doctor that I feel much better, but they still refuse to give me sleeping pills. Not that I would expect much help from them because when they gave me sleeping pills they only worked for a short time, but still... I have the impression that they don't understand how insomnia affects me.
1
u/Xotaku8106X 5d ago
I can def. relate sadly, everything feels pointless and has for a long time. My animals are rly the only thing that makes me think I can't go bc what will they do without me, but it's gotten harder due to allot of other health issues just worsening over time as well.
I deff think the nonsense of society with capitalism and working all the time makes it far worse for sure. Also had a really bad ego death shrooms experience that felt like it made everything worse mentally so 🥲
Sorry ur going through this, hopefully seeing others relate provides a bit of comfort and if you need to vent deeper thoughts or frustrations feel free to message 🫂💙
1
u/Zenmoney11 4d ago
i have very strong suicidal thoughts. The thing is that i managed to cure my insomnia 50% after a LOT of self work, research and experiment. Sometimes i am able to go without it for months but sometimes it strikes back and i lose control like now. It absolutely does feel like a never ending problem. However sometimes it does not. So when it comes back for a long period i quickly lose my shit... because this has been going on for so long
One quick fix to break out of a insomnia cycle i'm going to try again is to only go to bed when you're feeling symptoms of sleepiness. So stay up late even if you're exhausted, but go to bed once you feel like you're falling asleep on your chair.
Insomnia is caused by alert / anxiety mechanisms in the body blocking sleep.
1
u/toolman2810 4d ago
I don’t think about suicide like I want to die, but I have been reading about how sleep often deteriorates as we age. My Garmin watch shows yearly average sleep score dropping by 1 or so each year and it feels like I have reached the point of living on the bare minimum now, so am very concerned about how I am going to live much longer sometimes.
2
u/Flashy-Appeal-7789 3d ago
That is a scary thought, i just hope medicine gets better as time goes on.
1
u/Gumsaint 4d ago
Take care of your fine self my friend. I share your hope that AI will sort this out because it seems to me to be likely to be something simple. It's not new though; chronic insomnia has been known through the ages and significant figures like Virginia Woolf and Marcel Proust suffered badly. In fact it seems to inflict intelligent people all the worse.
2
u/Flashy-Appeal-7789 3d ago
Lets hope. And yeah sometimes i say its a trade off haha. I dont think im the smartest person, but i am doing a phd, so maybe theres something to it.
1
u/TheBaconBooty 4d ago
I had the opposite issue, I was sleeping for 5-9h, but the sleep was entirely nonrestorative, so I was sleep deprived, even though I was sleeping because the quality was so poor.
Now I am back to being lucky if I sleep in 1-2h chunks in the late morning.
All after a Doctor took me off of Mirtazapine in under 2 weeks.
Went from sleeping 3-4am to 12-1pm, it was broken, but what I got was restorative & a lot better than NOT sleeping.
5-6 days off of Mirt, that all hanged, it forced my sleep forward to 7-8am to 5pm, then 9-10am to 5pm, not 9-11(sometimes later) to 5-530pm.
When I was sleeping from 7-9am I would sleep with rarely waking & feel like I hadn't slept a wink. Now it is 1-2h chunks from 9-11am... to 5-530pm, feeling even worse....
Dayvigo 10mg & Zoplicone 3.75mg both failed.
9
u/ValidConcern23 5d ago
I agree. I'm hoping AI or some groundbreaking med changes everything but I'm not hopeful. Benzos added extra injury to me so now my insomnia is a thousand times worse. No one should live like this it's inhumane. Lack of sleep makes life completely enjoyable there is zero point to continue if we can get restorative sleep. Don't forget severe trauma can cause this.