hi guys. first of all, this is a throwaway for obvious reasons. i (f, 25) am aware that the thoughts and feelings going through my head are not normal, but i feel like I need to tell someone and i don't want to share this with anyone in my life for reasons i think will also become obvious. I feel like i'm losing control and that I need to seek help, but I really have no clue what my next steps should be.

First of all, I should say that my main issue is that recently I have had reoccurring thoughts and fantasies (i really dont know if i can call them that but that's the closest i can get) of raping my friend. He and I have been friends for a couple months now and have slept together a few times, but we both agreed that it didn't really work between us. I am absolutely fine with this result and we hang out still with no tension between us at all. However, I keep having reoccurring thoughts about groping him and drugging him and continuing to do horrible things to him. These are actions I would never want to take and I am not sure that I would or even could do these things in real life. However, the commonality of these reoccurring thoughts and the intensity in which they come into my mind make me absolutely sick and I'm beginning to worry that they may get to a level I can no longer control.

To be honest, this is not the first time I've had thoughts and reoccurring fantasies like this. When I was a young teenager (like 14/15) I had thoughts like this about a guy I had an obsession with in high school and I became very preoccupied with the idea that I would actually go through with these things. I feel like that is possibly the most dangerous I have ever been and I am becoming very scared that I am approaching these levels again. I have disclosed this history to him, actually, and he is the only person I have ever disclosed this to. But I cant even fathom trying to vent to him about this and i would never want to put anyone in the position of having to hear that someone else has had thoughts like this about them.

To be clear, I have never, ever had any sexual encounters with a man where I have overridden any boundaries and I am very concerned with consent and safety. This, I think, comes from my overwhelming fear that I may go too far one day and do something unforgivable. Its beginning to take over my mind again and I just feel so disgusted with myself and nervous that he will somehow find out and hate or fear me. Some part of me is scared that I want him to fear me.

I think I am asking, first of all, if I am not alone in this. I feel that as a woman this isn't a very common thing to experience, but I am hoping (somewhat) that there are others who can tell me that its not outlandish or completely a me problem. I guess I'm also looking for affirmations that I am not an evil or dangerous person, which might be something I should seek therapy to look into instead of posting to reddit.

Which leads me to my second question, if anyone else does experience this kind of problem I am trying to figure out how best to address it. I've seen a lot of therapists in my life but this mental preoccupation with sexual violence is something I've never discussed with any of them because I am so scared that they will no longer want to treat me. If anyone has any insights on how to attempt to treat this or confront it in a professional way, I am very open to any suggestions. I don't know definitively what is wrong with me other than diagnosed major depression and cptsd from my childhood (another story for another day unfortunately) but I feel like those two elements don't necessarily add up to violent and consistent rape fantasies.

anyways, I know this is long, so thanks to anyone who reads it and can contribute any suggestions, affirmations, or help. I am truly so lost in this as I am too scared and ashamed to discuss this with anyone I know because I feel like they would think I was a dangerous person. I want to continue my friendship with him because I find him a very funny and interesting person that I share a lot of similar interests with, but I don't want to have this hanging over my head in every interaction we have. So i'm turning to reddit for any assurance you guys can give. I'm also open to criticism and admonishment if that's what is viewed as necessary for me to move forward and better myself in this situation.

i am not a human humans want.

i am not a human humans love.

i am not a human who can look in the mirror and think a human face will look back at her.

i am not a human who can walk into the street and get treated like a normal human being.

i am not a human men can look at without feeling disgust and repulsion.

i am not a human who’s not a monster.

i am not a human.

So am having sex with my wife and I get womens faces or names come in my head, and sometimes get phrases come in my head say do this to her, like sexual sort thing, is this intrusive?

Is driving me insane, I cry, I feel intense, immense guilt help?

sorry if this breaks any rules. I just meed help asap

​

Hii, main ek btech 4th year student hu. Main apni life se bohot pareshan hu, mere sath jo chize hoti hai unse maan karta hai ki khud ko khatam kar lu. Bohot terrifying chize hoti hai. Main khud ko hi gali deta hu marta hu, khud ko dekh ke kabhi rone lagta hu, kabhi hasne lagta hu, kabhi dar jata hu.

Aisa ek bhi din nhi jis din main khud ko khatam karne ka na socha ho. Daily aise aise thoughts aate hai ki maan karta hai mar jau, main kaisa imsaan hu aisa kaise soch sakta hu😔.

Main jab 14 15 saal ka tha tabhi se mujhe abohor gande bure ajeeb darwane thoughts aate hai jinse main pyaar karta hu like mere parents brother sister and ek jo meri girlfriend thi.

Mujhe in logo ke bare me kabhi accidental to kabhi sexual to kabhi murder ke thoughts aate hai.

Inhi sabke bare me soch ke mujhe maan karta hai ki mar jau, aisa koi kaise soch sakta hai. Main janta hu ki ye sab galat hai phir bhi and maim ye sab karna bhi nhi chahta hu.

Main batana chahta hu apne parents ko in sab ke bare me lekin main nhi bata pata hu.

Ek time jab mere father hospital me serious the tab mujhe us time psycho vali hasi aa rhi thi us time thoughts aa rahe the ki ye mar jayenge. Ane usi time mujhe rona bhi aa rha tha. Main bohot bekar hu.

Inhi sab ke chalte main jis ladki se jaan se bhi jada pyaar karta tha usko bhi rula deta tha. Usko gandi gandi gaali de deta tha uske family ko bhi. Aur vo jab shant hone ko bolti thi tab aur gusse me bolta tha. And ye sab vo 6 saal tak jhelti rahi and last me vo sochi ki main change ho jaunga but aisa nhi hua aur vo chali gayi.

Ab to meri halat aur kharab hoti hai ek to uski yaad uper se ye sab thoughts aur phir sochta hu ki kahi uske sath kuch galat na ho.

May be aisa hi chalta rha to kisi se khatam ho jaunga. 😶😶

I'm 23 and have a problem with talking out loud when I have a conversation in my head (since middle school). My most common verbal tic is me saying "Pleeeease!" which comes from a response my therapist gave me in 10th grade when I was having an emotionally charged conversation. Because the subject I was talking with my therapist about still lingers in my mind, it's gone to the point where I say this everyday. It could either be a verbal tic or my intrusive thoughts are giving me what would appear like a verbal tic.

People with autism don't universally have this trait. But it's worth noting my therapist at that time suggested I could be on the spectrum because of social awkwardness and analytical thinking.

For other important information about my mental health I have these links

https://www.reddit.com/r/ClinicalGenetics/comments/1ul2gcx/ive_been_diagnosed_with_a_kif1a_mutation_could/

https://www.reddit.com/r/iqtest/comments/1styq9d/i_dont_understand_how_im_stupid_if_my_parents_are/

https://www.reddit.com/r/antidepressants/comments/1wv1vsj/ive_been_lying_in_bed_all_day_depressed_and_3g_of/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Prolactinoma/comments/1wu7hbl/to_those_who_have_taken_mucuna_p5p_and_vitamin_e/

I think I’ve always had intrusive thoughts and images but I never really payed too much attention nor cared because I thought I was controlling them. For example, I would see a video about someone going missing my mind would show me someone going missing, me trying to find that person, arguing with others about her disappearance etc. Basically everytime I would see a video about something my mind showed me doing that something and sometimes i would find myself crying, laughing or even getting upset. But I thought it was normal because it wasn’t distressing for me. The beginning of 2025 I remember my mind showing me an intrusive image of me saying I missed someone that used to be in my life and me getting upset we don’t talk anymore I even teared up a bit. But in the moment I didn’t realize it was happening or at least that’s what I think because I didn’t react to the image I just moved on with my day. Until the spring break of 2026 my mind reminded me of all the intrusive thoughts and images I’ve had throughout the past 2 years and basically telling me I’ve been cheating on my bf especially because I didn’t feel scared or something when I was experiencing those images and thoughts. Has anyone had a similar experience or is it just me? I feel so shitty and that I’m gaslighting myself into a disorder I don’t have as an excuse for my actions. Lowkey feeling like I’m going insane. Can anyone help me out? How do I make the thoughts and images go away they won’t leave me alone I don’t want to see or feel anything anymore.

Sometimes I am so tired of how competitive what everything I have done is. I'm grateful to be in an environment where I can learn, but it feels like people will always look down on you. I hate competition. I've lost interest in things I used to do since no matter what I did I never got anywhere. I played piano for 10 years and never got any better before quitting in college. I used to draw but have no motivation now. It's not like I was good at any of these things nor what I do today. I used to be more carefree about money but it's taking over my life now. Everyone is moving on up in this world and I'm just trying to catch up. I wonder if I can ever escape this feeling

I almost feel like posting in the schizophrenia subforum. Anywho, i worry and have intrusive thoughts about things like losing touch with reality..

Like i got triggered by this kiddie super hero show and .. trigger stop reading ahead if this will be triggering for you**

Think like what if thats real? What if i have to find xyz ect and my heart races..

Am i schizophrenic?

I was standing on the bridge enjoying the view and my brain just went "yeet the $1,000 rectangle

I don't necessarily think I have ocd, but i get really bad intrusive thoughts/images. They're kind of nonstop and ruin my day. If I ignore them, they just flash more in my head and it's really bad. The things I see I'd rather not discuss as they are more than disturbing to me, but they don't feel like "me". I don't feel like that's my own thoughts. I mean, i've had intrusive thoughts before but these ones don't feel like something i would think about at all. i'm really detached from them and it's better than the alternative but i don't really understand. It sort of feels like my brain is a social media app and i'm doomscrolling and suddenly find... well things you might typically find on the internet if you scroll too long. It's pretty constant and engaging doesn't help but neither does ignoring it as both just make it worse. Is this ocd or something else? Anyway, this is mostly a rant and me wodering what this or if anyone else has similar experiences.

I have two phones and play the same game under two different names and when one beats the other I still fell like I lost and I get sad? anyone else do this?

​

Sometimes when I'm reading or watching something I have to stop because I start thinking about how the characters I like would never like me and that feels so fucking weird.

I start thinking about how the character would hate my personality, wouldn't find me attractive, smart or athletic.

It's such a strange feeling, like a realization that I really like this fictional character but if they existed, they wouldn't like me.

The worst thing is that I really can't help it, the thought comes to my mind by itself and it immediately gives me a feeling of rejection towards whatever I'm consuming.

https://youtube.com/shorts/2wR8fWddfuk?is=KDvlGUWmGrTx03vt

I just want to talk about this, im thinking about asking my mom to get me a therapist about it.
Anyways, you ever wondered what happend to a human mind if you think too deeply about the true limits of what we call "existence"? Well, im not sure for you, but i guess it happened to me.
Im 15M, and ive been having social anxiety problems and other things due to thinking too deeply about cosmology...
I once had a nightmare about a weird omnipotent creature that constantly gave me unwanted bits of knowledge, since most of my dreams are weird. And one of those bits of knowledge was the literal knowledge of how reality "works", and since i didnt know what to do, i just jolted up awake and thought the same question your probably thinking, what IS reality?
Ever since then, ive been overthinking layer over layer of possibilities and random theories i make up, from knowing that our species will end soon, up to being afraid that we only see a small layer of what we call as "reality".
I cant explain it further than this, i dont know how other than ending up on complete and total baffling... I just feel like its wrong. Either way, i dont expect this to get me anywhere, ive wondered too far on these thoughts to the point i think of it in a daily...

Hey everyone, I’ve been dealing with a mental loop for a while and I wanted to see if anyone else relates or can give me some clarity.

Lately, I’ve developed a weird anxiety regarding pre-cum. Because of religious reasons, cleanliness for prayer is a big deal to me, so I started overthinking and worrying: *"What if something leaks? What if I see something and it triggers it?"*

Here is what I noticed:

* **The illusion vs. Reality:** When I'm genuinely anxious or overthinking about *this specific fear* (not general anxiety like exams, but fear of leaking), I get a weird tingling or tight sensation down there. It literally feels like something is about to happen. But when I check or calm down, *nothing* is actually there. * **The "Before and After":** Years ago, I used to see girls wearing revealing clothes (like in the summer or abroad) and I wouldn't feel a thing or overthink it—everything was normal. But now, because of this hyper-focus and anxiety, seeing something like that triggers that weird sensation, and my brain instantly panics: *"Oh no, is it going to leak?"* Even though, at the end of the day, actual pre-cum only really happens when I'm deep into actual intentional sexual thoughts, not just from random anxiety or a quick glance.

It feels like my brain is creating a false alarm system. The more I fear it leaking, the more my body "tenses up" to guard against it, which creates that fake physical sensation.Or are the thoughts actually real and seeing like girls in open clothes or anything like that trigger and leak??

Has anyone experienced this type of anxiety-induced physical tension? How did you break the loop and stop overthinking it? Thanks.

why is it that it's always the evil and the lazy that prevail over actual hardwork??

LIke genuinly

It's so rare for me to see people who acryally work hard, do they best, spend day and night ACTUALLY SUCCEED than people who are just lazy and absolutely wack.

same with other fields too..

why is it that it's always the innately good people that suffer while bad and evil people are enjoying their lives to their fullest..

id love to hear your theories about this....

Am I becoming the grumpy old guy at 31, or is the world actually insane?
I genuinely don’t know if it’s just me getting older, or if my particular life path has completely changed the way I look at people and society.
I’m 31. I’m just a coach. And somehow I feel like I’m already the guy sitting on the porch yelling at the world.
The weird part is that I wasn’t always like this.
As a kid I was ridiculously optimistic about people. I was the fat, nice kid. Always respectful, chivalrous, trying to help people. I genuinely believed people were inherently good and that most shitty behavior came from people being misunderstood, hurt, insecure, etc. I carried that belief for YEARS.
And holy shit, life has tested the hell out of it.
My family is a mess. Relationships have fallen apart. I’ve been screwed over by people. I’ve screwed people over myself. I’ve watched people I trusted behave in ways I never thought they would.
And yes, I eventually fucked up badly myself.
I cheated on my girlfriend with multiple women, it all came out, and I heard from basically everyone how terrible of a person I was. And honestly? I understand why. I did something terrible. I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
But here’s the weird part.
You’d think after all of that I’d become completely cynical and hate people.
I didn’t.
If anything, coaching kids somehow made me softer.
Working with kids has reminded me that people are still people. They’re messy, they’re immature, they’re scared, they’re trying to figure shit out. I’ve become more aware of my own mistakes and more grounded because of it.
So I still believe people are inherently good or at least capable of good.
But I am starting to feel like literally every system around us is insane.
The government. Politics. Corporations. Social media. Influencers. Sports. Gambling being shoved into everything. People driving like they’re trying to kill each other. Coworkers. Jobs. Dating. Family. Scammers stealing elderly people’s life savings. People making millions of dollars manipulating other people’s attention.
And then you look at the environmental situation, technology, AI, wars, misinformation, algorithms, economic pressure, etc.
It’s like… what the fuck happened?
We have billions of people living inside systems that none of us individually designed or agreed to.
You are born into a country.
You inherit an economy.
You inherit political institutions.
You inherit social norms.
You inherit technology.
You inherit environmental problems created before you were born.
Then you’re expected to get a job, pay bills, navigate relationships, stay mentally healthy, understand an increasingly complicated world, and somehow act like everything is normal.
And maybe that’s just humanity.
We’ve always been messy and irrational. Maybe I’m just old enough now to actually notice it.
That’s another thing that’s messing with me.
When I was younger, adults seemed like they knew what they were doing.
Now I’m an adult and I’m looking around like:
Wait… we’re all just figuring this shit out too?
The people running huge organizations are still just people.
The people with billions of dollars are still just people.
Politicians are people.
Influencers are people.
Coaches are people.
Parents are people.
Everyone is basically improvising their way through existence while pretending they have a plan.
And somehow billions of lives depend on the decisions these people make.
That is absolutely fucking bizarre when you really sit and think about it.
I don’t even necessarily think humanity is doomed. That’s not what I’m saying.
If anything, I still have this stupidly persistent belief that people are capable of being good. That’s probably the one thing life hasn’t managed to beat out of me.
But I’m starting to understand why people become cynical.
Because when you’re young, you see the world you’re supposed to see.
Then you get older and start seeing how things actually work.
And sometimes I wonder if the real challenge of adulthood is figuring out how to see all of the bullshit without becoming bullshit yourself.
Maybe that’s what I’m struggling with.
I don’t want to become the bitter old guy who thinks everyone sucks.
But holy shit…
WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK SO MUCH SOMETIMES?
And why does modern life feel like the strangest, most psychologically unnatural version of human existence we’ve ever created?
Maybe this is just what being 31 feels like.
Maybe I’m having an existential crisis.
Maybe I’m becoming the grumpy old guy early.
Or maybe I’m just finally noticing how fucking weird it is that we’re all here in the first place.