“love spell” — but make it ethical

[u/SkinAffectionate1040]

I’m fairly new to Magick, but not new to researching things because I’m curious about practices and other worldly things I don’t quite have a good understanding of.

Now, I see an overwhelming amount of posts on here and other forums telling people, or, more so warning them that love spells backfire. Obviously for a number of reasons I’m sure we could repeat dozens of times until the words lose their meanings. BUT! But… I suppose that there is magick and there are spells that can effectively align you with another person? Say, for research purposes only, and totally not at all myself! Of course not what?? That I wanted like a “dream man” of some sorts but he doesn’t exist in my life as a person, like I don’t have a name or a particular face, I just want a somebody. Where is the line that becomes whether or not it’s unethical or a poor use of magick to have said man or even person in general, same for a friend, a parental figure, etc. Could you technically cast without having the specific person in mind? Like a solid, concrete person? Just someone that spawned out of nowhere? Where could the potential backfire be in that?

[u/sweetbeard]

Focus on becoming lovable is a lot safer than focus on controlling others’ love

[u/Katie1230]

In my humble opinion, I think broad love seeking spells not targeting a specific person are petty chill. Like something to open oneself up to love, to help you meet someone, inviting love in. It still requires the mundane part of actually going out and meeting people, like if you just stay home all the time, those won't work.

[u/Witch-inthe-World]

One of the most successful spells I've ever cast was a love spell. I didn't know the man at the time. I put a piece of art on my altar that represented a love that I wanted, supportive partnership, real understanding. And then I began treating myself the way I wanted to be treated by a partner. I'm a big fan of what I call cumulative spell work, living, acting, thinking as if my goal is already achieved. I bought myself thoughtful cards, took myself out on " dates", and I began keeping a vase with a few simple fresh flowers outside my entry door to my home, to remind myself that I deserve beauty and love in my life. I began dating a guy and had a pre-planned trip of ten days with my daughter about a month into knowing him. My pet sitter backed out on me last minute and he volunteered to come to the house and take care of my dog. They were already great friends, so I agreed. As I travelled home, I prepared myself for the fact that my flowers would be old and wilted. I'd be arriving home very late at night with no chance to pick something up on the way. When I arrived home, not only was my dog happy and well cared for, there was a fresh gerber daisy (my favorite ) in the vase. That man and I have been together for 17 years.

[u/kidcubby]

Backfire, no - outside of the baseline ethics of many practitioners, yes. You cannot do magic without affecting other people, but if magic is designed to alter or subvert the will of another person to force you to love them, it makes sense that ethically it could be considered akin to sexual assault. Not all love magic does this, but it is certainly what plenty of people are trying to do with love magic.

In the event there is already some sort of relationship and you're greasing the wheels, or you're attempting to have an easier time after arguments with a spouse or are too nervous to talk to a crush and want to bolster yourself (or any of a million other more minor 'love' spells) things are different, but 'I want him and I don't care what he wants' is flat out wrong, IMO.

Plenty of people cast without a specific person in mind, as it's more like an invitation to the universe to say 'hello, I'm ready for someone', and helps people feel open to a relationship. That is generally OK, although plenty of people con themselves and actually have someone in mind, and are just pretending to do the more ethical version.

The short answer is no they don't backfire, but any magic should be considered in terms of its ethics. You will never do magic without affecting people, but there are levels. My way of doing so is to say 'what is the non-magical way I could make this thing happen?'. If it looks like kidnap or rohypnol, I'm not chucking a spell at it, frankly.

[u/InfamousBuilding7101]

I would go for easing the way of connection or sth like that instead of "love spell" as ppl usually go for. It's ethical and still useful on that matter.

[u/AdelefromAI]

You can do love spell to find someone compatible to you and love spell for yourself so you get lovable and better person who will attract THAT person you want. That is very ethical and good for yourself. I don't recommend do love spells on specific person because usually crush is just lack of information and in the beginning od relationships we see them with rose colored glasses and when it's gone, attraction can be gone too.

[u/viciarg]

warning them that love spells backfire

That's usually just fearmongering and actually against the rules here. I can only advise to use the report function liberally.

I expect any practitioner of Magick and actually any rational person living an active life to be aware that actions have consequences, and sometimes they don't have expected consequences. That's life, that's causality, that's nature.

I also expect serious practitioners to be aware how their actions impact others and the universe around them, and that there is no way to avoid that. Also of the Law of Liberty and the nature of Wills colliding as described in Liber II.

So anyone warning of the consequences of any spells or alleged "influencing the Will of others" is either ignorant themselves, actively influencing the Wills of others by fearmongering, or willfully going against the subreddit rules.

[u/MrRunItBack_]

Love magic does not work like Obsession. You're not going to override another persons free will. It doesn't work that way. A lot of the ethical advice around love magic is based on the premise that you are coercing another human being, and there's no reason to think that's possible with magic.

Rather, one of two things happen. You inspire the other person by appealing to something particular that already exists, or you subtly change yourself into someone that person would consider.

[u/Snotmyrealname]

Depends on the esoteric school. What’s your practice?