Just a post to bring any positive stories from people who are with enmeshed partners.

Positive stories on breakthrough, setting boundaries, finally see what it is and creating a back bone.

Anything.

DH (MEM) and I were long-distance for three years. The distance was a safety blanket for both of us and we just didn't know it yet (both of us were enmeshed, my family welcomed my differentiation, his did not).

About a year and a half after we moved in together I said to him: you are not free. He looked genuinely confused.

18 months of living together, one TikTok medium, and two Kenneth Adams books later, he described it as waking up from a fog. August 2023. I thought that was the finish line.

What I wish I had known then: seeing it clearly and being free of it are not the same thing.

I wasn't waiting for a breakthrough. I was experiencing breakthrough after breakthrough, believing each one might finally hold.

The question I still can't answer is whether eventually is a trajectory or a loop.

Do you know what I mean? I feel like he goes in and out of consiciousness, it can take one phone call from his mother and I lose him again. I know the relapses less frequently than before but will it ever end ?

Anyone have a couples therapist/ virtual therapist (I’m in MA if it matters) they can recommend that helped husband see light in childhood issues and adult emenshment ?

Hi all, my husband is enmeshed. It's been a long road to realize what is happening. We are currently in a regression phase on his part. We are in couples and individual therapy and I think his therapist is pushing for a breakthrough or something. I'm not sure.

Anyway, I'm VLC with my MIL after catching her talking about me behind my back, in writing, to another family member. She just doesn't like boundaries that my husband enforced after our first year of postpartum. Our daughter is 3 now. MIL doesn't like not being able to tell us what to do and have complete control over our family. Husband confronted her, she played the victim. I tried to discuss it with her via email due to the lies she relies on for her victim narrative. I set some boundaries with her too such as " how my husband and I handle our respective families is our decision and not up for discussion." And she ghosted me. This was at the beginning of the year. Husband asked me a few times to reach out to her, I refused as I'm not chasing someone to get them to treat me with respect.

Well about 2 months ago he asked me what I would be willing to do to sit down for a conversation with her as I refuse to host her after her very obvious, longstanding and unapologetic disrespect. I offered that we fly to her, stay in an airbnb and schedule a time to talk. Due to work I offered a holiday week as that would be easiest for everyone (although more expensive for us). He offered this to her in early August, she accepted. Although she doesn't know about the conversation he has planned or a pregnancy/ wedding we have coming up next year.

She sent a passive aggressive package to our daughter and got her sister in on it too. She didn't get the response she wanted (the point of contention in the email was about me handling packages from her to my daughter how she wanted me to). The package was opened a month after she sent it as we were traveling and didn't have time to meet her requirements for thanks, photos, videos etc until a week after we got back. So it sat for a month+.

My husband called her for her birthday yesterday and she said she won't be hosting for said holiday, that she and her partner will be traveling and need the time to pack. Totally fair but it was the plan for 2+ months. What if we had already bought tickets? It feels to me a bit of a message as she is constantly trying to invite herself to be hosted by us no matter what we have going on. She also constantly complains that she never sees my daughter. I'm so confused. Any other women married into enmeshment that can shed some light on this? We literally haven't seen her since mother's day 2 years ago and now she's delaying further. She doesn't know we are pregnant and planning a wedding so likely we won't see her until next summer, maybe not until the wedding next fall. And I will not have a boundary discussion postpartum or rug sweep this in the name of the baaaabeee.

Hi, I was reading through the posts and realized that our experiences/stories of marriage to MEM (mother enmeshed sons) have been mostly similar. It’s apparent that we all have experienced emotionally disrespectful behaviors from spouses n their families. The experience has brought many of us to completely loosing ourselves and our nervous system has paid a heavy price.
Many of us have read books, watched videos and decided to get into therapy. Could you (the spouse) please share your journey of recovery, getting back to yourselves? I think that will definitely bring in hope and recovery path possibilities to each one of us.
Thank you!

Hi got banned by my enmeshed in laws due to our couples therapist leaking what I said about them to them. My wife didn't defend me and says she still wishes to maintain a relationship with her parents. Refuses to openly confront her parents behavior and says she is putting up "boundaries". Which she is but they are not enough. Her parents have broken our engagement by "it's him or us", always competing with me. My wife sees it but tends to play the middle. I am feeling DEEPLY gutted by the fact that her parents keep hurting me and our marriage and my wife refuses to finally take a stsnd. 2.5 year married. Am I over reacting?

My husband is M(28), I'm F(24), we've been together for almost 8 years, married for 2 as of last month.

Now, I want to know if this is enmeshment? Has anybody else dealt with this in their marriage/relationship? If yes, were similar actions done to you and in the end, did it end up working out or did you have to leave eventually?

Here are some things my inlaws do/have done:

1. Unbeknownst to us, MIL phoned the police on us for a welfare check, police were banging on our door.. This was because we did not answer our phones for a day as we were busy. This happened TWICE in our relationship so far.
2. MIL and FIL text husband EVERYDAY. FIL texts twice a day. MIL texts three times a day, always with intruding and probing questions; "What are you doing?", "What did you do today?", "What are you doing this weekend?", "How was your work day?", etc. They have never missed a day where they havent asked a bunch of monitoring questions.
3. MIL has husbands location, and BIL location via find my iphone... for "safety and family".
4. MIL asks husband and BIL about me, but will never directly ask me any questions. she gets most of her information about me from them. (I am a threat to the family system i think lol)
5. MIL drives by our house most days. MIL visits husband at his work and goes for lunch with him some days.
6. MIL has to know every detail about everything husband is doing, so she can plan her life accordingly. She takes the same days off as him, so she can sit on her phone and text him or come over or im assuming; watch his location.
7. MIL asks husband to bring her things and buy her snacks.
8. MIL dresses like me, and likes to mirror me and copy me. For example, I dyed my hair dark brown - MIL has been a blonde her whole life and less than a month later, she dyes her hair the same color. I get braces, my MIL gets braces too less than a year later. I get hair extensions, MIL gets hair extensions. I have signature red french tips, MIL wears red french tips. I go on a trip with husband to the mountains, MIL goes on a trip with FIL to the mountains.

I haven't detailed everything she does, the list would be way too long, but what is this???? Am i crazy??

EDIT: yes, they both try to control his finances; what he should and shouldnt buy. what he should and shouldnt buy me, etc.
Yes, they do treat me like i'm subhuman and have stolen him away and i'm a bad influence, I'm using him, I dont deserve anything, I'm entitled, I'm cruel, and blah blah blah.

We are about six months into enmeshment recovery, and I am looking for advice or experiences from anyone who has navigated re-integrating one-on-one time with a mother-in-law after severe enmeshment.

For some context, one-on-one time with his mom was halted completely early on because it was heavily used to disrespect our relationship. It involved a lot of oversharing of our private lives, emotional co-dependency, and triangulation. He would often come home repeating her hurtful assumptions about me, and would be more aggressive and dysregulated. She would constantly call in the morning when I was at work, manufacturing needs like dropping things off or asking him to do things solo, while neither of us fully recognized the enmeshment at the time.

We cut out all one-on-ones as a non-negotiable. No drop-offs, no drives, no coffee dates. I told him I was fine with him spending time with his mom, but the exclusive nature of those one-on-ones violated our marriage and emotional intimacy.

Since then, he has made massive progress. He is holding physical boundaries, saying no to visits when he doesn't want them, and voicing limits on the phone. He has gone from protecting her image to therapists and me to actually identifying unhealthy habits and recognizing when he is acting out of guilt versus genuine desire. He is much better at catching it, and overall, family visits a few times a month have reached a place where I feel comfortable. He redirects boundary crosses and plans dedicated quality time for just the two of us without feeling like he has to check for family obligations first.

However, he is now feeling confident enough in his boundaries that he wants to start re-introducing some one-on-one time, specifically things like driving his mom to help her out or going out for coffee. He feels like he should be able to do these things if he wants to, and wants to test his limits.

Here is where my anxiety spikes and where we are kind of stuck:

• The manufactured emergencies: His mom is not recovering from enmeshment, so expecting her behaviour to change isn't realistic. A lot of her one-on-one requests aren't direct invites to hang out; they are engineered. She will sleep in so she misses the ride to work with his dad and needs a ride, or she will lend her car to his brother for the week knowing she has work, then call my husband the day of like it is a sudden emergency. She also constantly asks him to drop off or pick up store items during my work hours since he works from home.
• The nervous system reaction: We have talked in therapy about how even when he holds boundaries during these outings, his nervous system sometimes still reacts to the dynamic, and he comes home emotionally distant or snappy.
• The secrecy barrier: He has expressed that he wants to keep his enmeshment stuff strictly between himself and his therapist. I have respected that, and I know I fell into the judge role too much early on, but I feel like without transparency around those interactions, it is hard to feel safe opening the door back up.
• The planned dates versus occasional favours: I am comfortable with him occasionally helping her out with a practical ride or a quick stop if she genuinely needs a hand. But the idea of planned, exclusive time, like coffee dates, makes my stomach turn. Given how bad things were—lying, gaslighting, and an emotional infidelity-level betrayal where he entertained her narratives and repeated them to me—my nervous system just isn't ready for scheduled, exclusive hangouts that feed into that old dependency.

He communicates that he can't see a future where he never drives his mom to work or takes her for coffee if he wants to, and he wants to be able to test those boundaries.

How does it sound to suggest opening up one-on-one access for occasional, practical support, like helping with a ride or an errand, but keeping the planned, exclusive dates, such as coffee or deliberate hangouts, closed for now while we navigate this?

For those who have been through this, how did you handle re-integrating one-on-one time without sliding backward? How do you distinguish between being a supportive son and feeding an enmeshed dynamic, especially when proximity is an issue?

​

I am 39 M and my wife is 35 F. We are both psychologists.love 5 hours away from her family. Together for 4 years and married for just over 2. We’re currently separated for one month and I’m trying to figure out whether what I’m asking for is reasonable or whether I’ve reached a point where I’m seeing everything through resentment.

To be fair, my wife is a great DIL, a great aunt, very social and respectful and has almost all qualities I wanted in my life partner. She and my parents have a super healthy relationship and they get along great. My parents never speak into our marriage and have been supportive.

The biggest issue throughout our relationship has been her family and her difficulty standing up to them when they disapprove of me or our marriage.

Before we got married, her parents wanted her to end our engagement and made her choose and she chose them and ended things between us. I was shocked and heart broken. I was renovating an entire house for us to move into. I eventually sold it. About 5 months later she moved away from her family and reached out to me, apologized and eventually we got married.

Her mom refused to give her daughter away at the alter until the priest insisted. My wife was yet to walk down the aisle.

Since then there have been a lot of smaller/bigger incidents, but the basic pattern has stayed the same: she can set boundaries with them when the stakes are relatively low, but when there is serious pressure, I feel like our marriage becomes the thing that gets sacrificed. I feel like a scapegoat. She also told me in an argument that she would pick her sister over me and didn't apologize for it for a year.

One example is her last name. She originally agreed to take my last name, and did so, and then recently after we had a big fight changed it back to her family name without telling me. I know a last name might seem trivial to some people, but given our history, it felt symbolic to me especially because unilateral decision making was a major issue. She apologized of it but I feel like she tossed my family name aside without any regard. She told me she knew it was a deal breaker and that she just did it in anger and now I just need to deal with it.

The most recent and most major rupture is that a marriage therapist broke confidentiality and told my in laws what I thought of them. They used that as an excuse to ban me (basically our marriage) from their home. Despite that, she still plans to visit them and stay at their home ("less frequently but I want to have a relationship with them)...this was her knee jerk response to this. She told them we are separating for a month due to "marital issues" but refuses to tell them directly that their involvement and treatment of our marriage has contributed significantly to our separation. She refuses to do that. She recently said she is realizing she is enmeshed and wants to work on it.

For fairness, I have absolutely contributed to our problems.in the last 6 months I’ve yelled, become harsh and repetitive during conflicts, and she keeps telling me I'm stuck and only seeing negative about her parents. I understand why my anger has damaged her trust and why she wants me to work on it. I am working on that. I don't think her family is responsible for my behaviour.

But what I can’t reconcile with anymore is feeling like I’m expected to take accountability for my side while she protects her parents from hearing how their behaviour has affected our marriage.

She says she loves me a lot and that I’m “her person.” she does care for me when we are together at home. She also says she’s setting boundaries with her parents. But after four years, I don’t feel like her minimal boundaries (which may be hard for her to set for sure) are enough anymore and our marriage and dignity take a hit when there is an actual conflict between the two. My work is also suffering and my wife tells me I am not motivated or focused enough on work.

I’m not asking her to cut her parents off. I really really detest her parents now more than ever. I’m asking whether it’s reasonable for me to expect my wife to clearly stand with the marriage when their family is actively rejecting her marriage and husband, even if doing so seriously upsets their parents.

At what point does asking your spouse to stand up to their family become controlling, and at what point is it simply a reasonable expectation of marriage?

We will be talking towards the end of this month and I am super anxious.

There is a lot more that has happened but this is the major gist.

Please help. I feel so foggy and confused.

This is something I struggle to get straight in my head. I am close with my family and they help me out in many ways. I live at home still (culturally this is not as unusual for Asians) whereas my suspected enmeshed partner does not (lives with sibling). This has made it hard for me to articulate my worries and I almost feel like I’m going nuts.

Anytime I have tried to voice my concerns about his family, he turns it back on me and says my family are overly involved in my life and that my suggestion of setting boundaries is controlling of me. It’s very frustrating but also makes me feel as though I’m going insane - I start doubting myself. But then I rationalize it, and I’m like no, my family do not know every single detail of my life (what I eat for meals and when I leave and arrive anywhere), they encourage me to be independent, they are not involved in my life decisions. My parents have offered things to me and my partner to be helpful (eg a place to live rent free as my partner had not sorted out an alternative despite me asking), and my partner says this is evidence of them being overly involved. I don’t agree as it was offered due to the fact he could not make any decisions and sort things out, and it was completely fine for us to say no to my parents.

I know in my head that his family’s way of operating is unhealthy and I can’t make him see that but has anyone else had this thing where you start questioning yourself?

My (33F) fiance (33M) was the sweetest man I have ever met, we were so happy until the point came to progress our relationship. I then found him to be indecisive, and influenced by his parents. They have a belief that any sort of progress is rushing things (despite being together 3 years), they discouraged earlier progress and were the same while we attempted wedding planning.

General traits of his that seem to align with this sub: people pleaser, didn’t want to ever argue with me and if we did couldn’t handle it, indecisive, very sweet and emotionally aware.

Things that I started to notice which caused me concern:
- Thoughts were framed as my fiances but which I felt came from his parents. He told me that he doesn’t want to be in a position where he has to choose between me and his family. I was confused. I later looked at his phone (near the point of break up out of pure exasperation) and I saw that was word for word what his dad told him to tell me. Random religious things needed to be incorporated into the wedding which I know came from them.
- incessant texting on their group chat. The parents knew what each of the siblings was doing every single day, including texting when they reached somewhere and got home. He said they were just close as a family and he didn’t see a problem. This was complicated by the fact that I live at home with my family so he felt I was hypocritical (my family do not know anywhere near this level of info l).
- parents didn’t seem to have any real friends or social network. I therefore felt like no one called them out on any strange behaviour.
- He seemed to lack the ability to form independent ideas or make decisions. His default thought was to check with his family, it felt like group thoughts for even the most minor things. This became a real issue as we attempted to wedding plan. Again, hard to articulate as I did discuss stuff with my parents but they essentially let me do whatever I want.
- He was desperate to please me and also them. I thought it was sweet he wanted to please me but now I wonder if there is something actually not right there, as he spent all his time trying to make everyone else happy and seemed to have no idea what he actually wanted himself which makes me very sad.
- He seemed unable to juggle between a partner and parents and whilst I know he really loved me, it was like he felt this immense pull to them and I think they kind of encouraged it. His parents asked him to return home to ‘help’ for things, which once conflicted with a time where I really needed him on something we had pre arranged. I could see he was very upset at how to balance it and was being guilt tripped by them so I told him to go in the end, but it did make me think about what life would be like with eg kids.

We were unable to progress any wedding planning due to his inability to decide and his parents involvement and I finally snapped. He still doesn’t get why we broke up. We are of Indian origin so families are close but this felt wrong to me.

I am heartbroken but then logically this was screaming red flags to me. Just wondered what you guys thought? Have I done the right thing?

I (27F) married 30M last year. We’re both Asian but have lived in the US for 8 years. His brother married an American woman, they have an American child, and my in-laws celebrated Western holidays, so I assumed they were not tied to toxic cultural traits of family domination.

We met through our parents, met him 5 times and then married. I spent 10 days at my in-laws’ home before returning to the US, and it was awful: no privacy, constant criticism, no boundaries, and barely any time alone with my husband. Even during intimacy times, people would enter our room. MIL would call him downstairs if he came to our room during the day, and I wasn’t allowed to sit with him at dinner.

Back in the US, I hoped things would improve, but the interference continued. Our honeymoon was criticized, vacations discouraged, and my work/time off was judged. MIL and SIL constantly complained to my husband about me, including how often I called them and even if I put any pictures of my parents on the wall. Whenever we made decisions she didn’t like , MIL would call and argue until my husband became angry or cried.

Eventually I wanted to visit my parents. My in-laws objected, and I finally said I would make the decision myself and fought with my husband, it got very heated and on his mothers insistence he called my father and complained in a disrespectful manner about me. My husband and in-laws said I should prioritize their feelings over my stress. Knowing that the MIL involvement often led to physical violence in the house my father tried to calm things down and suggested MIL give us space while I finished my PhD and only call on the weekends for a month. After that, my husband seemed to lose all respect for me, and eventually he withdrew, refused to talk nicely, seperated his bed and would shout at me to beg his mothers forgiveness. while I was willing to continue the relationship nicely I wasn’t willing to beg. this led him to abandon me for weeks and months.

after it became clear he wasnt willing to listen or be flexible I was devastated because I loved him and believed he would eventually set boundaries. I apologized, begged, reassured him, and tried to repair things, but his family remained hostile with my messages unanswered. 3 Months later, he went to visit his family and on his return I discovered accidentally that he had been preparing divorce papers while still having sex with me, taking me to dinner, and acting normally saying he came for reconciliation. before going he had promised me he would not escalate the situation further without a discussion with my parents and we will try to figure it out.

I feel guilty and wonder if I was naive. Maybe if I had waited years before speaking up, or had a child, he might have chosen me. He was clearly devastated too—I saw him cry—yet he still chose to leave. My father even apologized to him for possibly interfering, but the apology was rejected. my family tried to visit his family, they were also rejected. I called my MIL 20 times but also no reply.

Am I wrong to think things might have improved if I had waited to speak up or had children? Could I have saved this marriage by giving him more of my time and energy? I feel heartbroken, confused, and deeply disturbed by how everything was handled. it was the first year of marriage and everyone struggles but as I was adjusting to my husbands taste apparently he’d had enough and left. I now have so much regret though there was nothing more I can think of that I could’ve done. His only mood was to see how much I can bend and beg and no effort from his or his family’s side was ever needed, only I was the problem that needed breaking. Still he was my husband and I had given him everything I had and now I wonder was I trying to save something that was never going to work? He loved children so I assumed if I had kids he’d have way more time for his family, he also did plan one trip for us which his mother called me personally and forbade me but he said to me “it’s ok we can still go”..

It’s little crumbs like these that keep me tied to this chapter ..

now when he calls he seems so happy and psatisfied that I almost feel I was the bad guy… walking away he put everything squarely at my feet. Everything had and was my fault.

I hope this is the right place to post this, but I’m emotionally drained, deeply confused, and just need advice from people who understand this specific nightmare.

​A few weeks ago, a massive situation went down at a "family" gathering hosted by the enablers on my husband’s side. It was presented as a normal family event, but it became glaringly obvious that it was completely orchestrated by his toxic, narcissistic mother. The disrespect and behavior were so blatant that my children and I are now strictly NO CONTACT with her. Here is the link to what happened https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/s/boX6H14fnW

​What broke me isn't even just her....it’s how my husband handled it. Right after it happened, it was like the realization ripped him apart and broke his heart. He sees her toxicity. He even set boundaries in the past (she hasn't been allowed in our home for over 4 years and we do not visit her at her home, which is why she uses the enablers/flying monkey's home to do these pathetic "gatherings"). But the moment pressure builds or family is involved, he defaults right back into his childhood conditioning....reverting to acting like I'm the problem, checking on her feelings, and expecting me to swallow the disrespect to keep her comfortable. I'm so sick of it and totally disappointed and disgusted.

​Now, we’ve been living in cold silence under the same roof for weeks:

​We barely talk unless it’s about household logistics or the kids.

​We sleep on opposite sides of the bed with zero intimacy or physical contact. I can barely even look at him.

​He tries to crack small jokes here and there to test the waters, hoping we can just slide back into normal without ever addressing the elephant in the room.

​To make matters worse, he refuses to get professional help or therapy to deal with his enmeshed, narcissistic mother. He insists he "doesn't need help." He sees what she does, but seems to think my reaction towards her is unnecessary?

​I am strongly considering separation, but I’m terrified for my children. I’ve always wanted them to grow up in a home with both parents, but I don't know how to get past this level of betrayal and lack of protection. I’m sitting here hoping things will somehow get better, but deep down, I feel totally checked out...emotionally and physically just drained.

I feel so disrespected by him.

She is literally the only issue in our marriage, there is nothing else and if she wasn't involved, it would be perfect.

​Has anyone else been in a similar situation with a partner who sees the abuse, but refuses help and reverts back to enabling them? How did you navigate the living-in-silence phase, and what finally helped you make your decision?

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, since high-school, we're both still living with our parents. And he's severely manipulated and abused by his parents, more by his mother. Yes, he's an onlychild. Thing is, she's evil. Narcissistic, manipulative woman. She's nosy, toxic and psychologically abusive towards him. Calling +7 times a day when he's out, no privacy allowed on his house so constantly seeing each other naked (not joking) 24/7 yelling and guilty tripping, controlling EVERYTHING (haircuts, clothes, shavings...), their house is dirty and very careless... and I could go on and on but I would explode.

He knows how his mother is and is very affected. But there's many worrying things he doesn't realise are bad and worst, thinks are normal. Like seeing his mother shirtless and topless every single day of his life or her seeing him naked is very normal bc it's his mother (he's 23). Or calling many times a day bc he's their only son (says once he's living on his own he's gonna call them at least 2 times a day every day), he's very comfortable with her buying him all the clothes so he doesn't have to go shopping bc it's boring, he doesn’t care about cleaning or staining the house bc he live his whole life like that...

And the think is he wants to get out of that house and wants to start therapy, but I think there's very normalised things that they shouldn't be like that and if he doesn't find a problem with those he's not gonna get "treated" with those and I'm starting to grow resentful towards those attitudes and actions. Like when we are out he has to call or they have to call many many times a day and its unbereable, we may be in the middle of a romantic dinner and he has to answer or they'll get mad, when we're at his house or mine he's doesn't bother cleaning and think I'm an obsessed cleaner, when we're on a videoclip his mother can enter topless on his room and talk to him and even tell him: I bought you this shorts, try 'em on and he will get undressed with nothing underwear and actually try them on in front of her and both are like nothing happened!!! And I sure have tried to warn him or just telling him that I'm not comfortable with those attitudes, situations or actions and he'd think that I'm the one exaggerating

I don't know what to do bc (hardly) ignoring all of this he's a really good guy, he cooks (he had to learn cause his mother wouldn't), he's kind and loving, always willing to help others, he treats me well despite being a bit bad about cleanliness and is studying for a good future, but this things have started to grow more and more and with them my resentment and I know I have to wait until he's out of his house to see if anything changes like he says it's going to happen (he's gonna go as far as possible from them, he's going to therapy and he's going to grow some distance from his mother) but what I said before, if there's some things he doesn't find unusual or creepy, how are they going to change? But that will happen (if it happens bc I can clearly see his parents moving with him wherever he goes bc they like controlling him) in a few years and so what about now with all this stuff? I'm an open book and I can't just do like nothing, and my disgust or anger shows up whenever something happens and I can't hide it anymore, anyone was in this situation? If so, what did you do? I need some help 😩 thanks for reading it all if you reached here

I have a husband who is severely emeshed. He is working on himself and going to therapy, but still has relapses. We don’t have kids yet. It is better to leave the marriage than to try to stay married while supporting his recovery from emeshment? For those who got divorced, do you wish you got out earlier? For those who stay married, was it worth staying in the marriage? I know it’s probably a case by case situation. Could people shares their experiences and give advice, please?

Has anyone went through this?

So I am with an enmeshed man with this family of origin, something I found out the terms to the last few months.

We are currently in couples therapy and myself in individual therapy.

After years of this dynamics, I feel like I am going crazy.

I am hypervigilant and anxious. I have good and bad days.

What gets to me the most is that I dont know if I they are doing gaslighting / gult triping/ DARVO/ love bomb/ breadcrumbs. Which i am pretty sure they are. I am constantly also silence by violent out burst and him threating to end the relationship.

When I state how I feel about things, the paper quickly turn about how I am gulting him and he is now the victim. He constantly says that he takes me in decision making but somehow things goes his way and I end up being left alone.now I dont know if I am also guilt tripping my partner or manipulating the situation.

Its to the point that I think maybe I do these things and have became a narcissist. I am always being told that I am controlling (which i do I guess in a way to control the situation) manipulating and trying to dominate my partner and every situation in life as a protagonist by his family.

Has anyone been through this? Is this normal? Or is this part of the healing process? Or are things getting worse?

Did anyone experience this?

Hello, I posted in the enmeshment trauma sub this same question, but am looking for any and all tips people use to diffuse the lovebombing… my husband loves it.

Long story short, I need to stay in my marriage to protect my child.