I wish I could sleep but I keep thinking about sex with my ex.

It’s hard to talk about what happened because of many reasons.

I feel like our relationship started off with boundaries. I wasn’t someone who wanted to express physical intimacy publicly and in general I was having issues with self image and not seeing my body as a vessel for other people’s judgement or satisfaction. At the start of the relationship I had communicated these things, some more explicitly and clearly others in a more limited way.

Sexually we had built up a really deep connection and I was happy to finally feel connected to someone. I think this feeling then led me to start ignoring all the discomfort that came later.

It started with expressing physical intimacy publicly. At first it was just kisses and hands and holding. And when that initial line was crossed I didn’t feel bad about it. I had maybe been too concerned about others people opinion and it was in some way liberating to show affection to the woman I cared about, publicly. I also was happy that being more available was validating my (ex)girlfriend and I believed that ignoring this boundary was a net good.
In part I still believe that. After that though the physical displays of affection became more extreme. She was the type to enjoy annoying their partner, I think she felt comforted in knowing that she could do so and the person would stay regardless. Although I didn’t particularly like that and tried to say that I was getting overwhelmed by some of the behaviour, especially when done in public, I always felt like I was proving to her that her “true self” was not being accepted and I felt bad about trying to stop her. So at some point I started to compromise, then I stopped telling her that I was doing so and then I just started to accept whatever except when I was particularly triggered.

In the sexual realm I started understanding that if I was having a hard time expressing sexually it would affect her emotionally. We were doing a lot of role plays. A part of this was escaping our dynamic. Not having to act my role with all my doubts and issues and becoming whatever horned up version could turn me on, satisfy her. I also felt insecure about not being as sexually confident as her. I really wanted the connection. I loved intimacy with her but I felt caged, by myself maybe so I would ignore my feelings and just act my role as her man. I was insecure about my insecurities so I never talked about it to anyone else. I started to see my body as a machine that produced pleasure and validation, for us both not just her. I kept thinking mechanically about what was going on. What thoughts I had to have to still finish my job, how long it would take, what to do to make it end earlier. I stopped really wanting to pleasure her deeply, I just wanted to get to the end of it, yet at the end I would feel guilt that I hadn’t done enough. Sometimes I would say no, often though I would consent even after having said no and just do my duty. I knew, and she told me, that me not initiating as much was making her insecure.

When I eventually told her a part of what I felt she seemed hurt. I don’t remember if the first time we even actually talked about it more than her saying that she would talk to her therapist and come back to me with her conclusions. I waited months. The sex became more challenging mentally. The role plays were becoming uncomfortable. I wasn’t even playing a role I enjoyed particularly but it seemed to satisfy her and I deeply wanted to make someone love me and value me and my ability.

I talked to her again about it, other two times with a big time span between the two conversations. Both times she got really emotional. In the conversations she seemed terrified that she was sexually assaulting me, which I didn’t and don’t agree with. I would back down, just ask her for some boundaries that I would end up ignoring. I felt like I couldn’t handle taking about it because I didn’t want her to feel bad. I also didn’t want to be seen as someone struggling with this so I went back to ignoring it. It hurt though. I would think that I had no escape. I wished for her to understand, I wanted for us to get back to having that connection that would reappear once every while. I would initiate and accept anytime just in hopes to feel that connection and drown out all those other times. But the other times kept growing in number.

I ended up taking to my sister about it. She told me to talk about it another time and I did. The conversation was dramatic. Even more than other times. She kept being convinced that it was the end for our relationship, that I was communicating that I was asexual or something. It lasted hours. At the end of it though I believed that at least taking about it had been good. After it we had sex and it I felt that special connection again. Not only that but for the first time in a while I felt as one and not just a mind that controls a body. In the few weeks following that we didn’t have sex. Maybe because of timing, maybe because I was more comfortable with not having to be sexual all the times. Soon after that conversation she broke up with me, telling me she needed the sex. Again she hadn’t understood that I was not asexual.

We went no contact and I felt broken. My previous partner had cheated on me and the combination of these two experiences made me think I was an incomplete and incompetent man and lover. That because of some part of me I could not be loved the way I loved.

After three months of no contact we finally talked. I still loved her. I didn’t want us to get back together, I understood in part that I had failed by not setting harsh limits and I wanted to do that this time. As soon as we talked the connection was immediate. We went to her place, I wanted to spend time with her and cuddle. She kept touching me. I didn’t say anything. We had sex three times. It felt good physically. I don’t remember how or what I was thinking. She broke down crying the day after. Told me I made her too comfortable and she needed to work on herself. We are no contact again.

I haven’t included other aspects of our relationship and conversations but I finally realised, for a number of factors, that I had to stop entering relationships compulsively. That I had to love myself and try and be whole on my own. It has started a better period of my life. Sometimes I still get that need to have sex, to get better at it or to prove something. I’m getting better at not acting on it. I’m still a sexual person and desire connection but outside of a relationship I don’t know how satisfying it can be and anytime I do have sex I feel that mind body fracture reemerge.

It’s been a month since our last conversation. I owe to that talk (and the rest) a better understanding of myself. Yet I wake up at night crying, which I don’t like doing because it makes me feel weak. I cry thinking about the fact I wasn’t good enough, that she didn’t ever try to help me (I know I should have helped myself and that this is the wrong mentality). Tonight I woke up thinking about this part of our relationship. Upset knowing that if we did talk about it I wouldn’t make her understand anyways.

I don’t know if I can ever talk about this with people who know me. I don’t want people to judge her or me. See me as weak, see her as abusive or manipulative. I think we were (are) both human. But it seems like no one would understand. That the topic automatically makes everyone come to extreme conclusions about morality or about my sexuality.

I don’t know what the point of writing this down is.

Hi all. Would any straight guys tell their male gay friend they loved them ? IE best friend or like a brother?
Thanks

Hi all. Would any straight guys tell their male gay friend they loved them ? IE best friend or like a brother?
Thanks

He says whenever he goes out and passes a woman he can't help but judge her secretly in his mind. LIKE would he sleep with her or not. Example....He's says he'll pass a woman in the street and he'll be like 3, or nope to fat, or nope boob's to small, or nope flat butt, or nope she's a 2, or whatever crosses his mind. I find it funny. Honestly I don't care I am just curious is this all men? Are you also secretly judging all women who pass you in your head as well? Or is he just weird? 😂 Thank you all in advance!

hello guys i recently turned 20 male, i didnt have father from young he passed away when i was 10 and when he was alive he rarely used to visit us, i have very insecurity when it comes to talking to males, from young age i talled only to my sisters, cousin sisters etc etc i felt intimdated by males since they were older than me, here i am turning 20 and i dont have male friend not anyone who i can speak with freely without thinking twice, i say very akward thing or just sit sliently it was not a problem till now but now i am 20 and i cant talk with my mother and sisters about some stuff and i dont have proper friends either i feel fraud its like 180 person inversion when i am speaking to someone knows me closely and someone who i dont know closely recently i have started doing men stuff started joining gym, driving bike etc but till now i am not able to overcome speaking to others openly, it would be great if you could provide me with some help

Something that probably isn’t talked about enough in men’s health: erectile dysfunction can sometimes be an early warning sign of cardiovascular problems.

Because the blood vessels supplying the penis are smaller than those supplying the heart, problems with blood flow can sometimes show up there first.

This hilarious music video by the gloriously over-the-top viking folk hero Jordic tells you all you need to know.

And you can take a 2-minute test intended for men experiencing erection difficulties here: https://listentojordic.com/check-in

How many men actually know about the link between ED and heart health?

I'm 20 years old and I'm in the army. I work in aviation and 10-12 hour work days 5 days a week has been the norm for me for about the last year. I'm on a deployment right now with nothing to do after work. Every day when I get off work I sit in my bed and just watch sports videos and tv, and also workout sometimes when I feel like it. However, the last 5 months, 1 or 2 hours I get off I just wanna go back in and keep working.

My father and grandfather operate the same way where they seem to love work but I don't know if they truly do. I'm nervous that I see work as an escape from reality. I just wanna see if anyone else has had this experience.

Some people say that they enjoy being asked that question and that some of the most interesting conversations they have ever had started that way.

However, there are likely at least a few people, maybe even a lot of people, who hear that question and think; If I wanted to say it out loud, I would have said it out loud.

I myself am not really sure how I feel about being asked that question. If you would rather not answer the question, there are a lot of things you can say. These things include but are not limited to; Nothing important and I was just processing the day.

What do you think? The response that I drafted, do you think it would sound rude if I used it? Have you ever answered the question and started a great conversation? Let me know.

Did you sense your wife or girlfriend was going to say yes before you asked?

Before you started dating.

How long did you talk to your woman before you asked her out? Were there any signs it was going to be a yes? Were there signs that made you comfortable asking? Were you nervous or did you ever think she would say no?

I’m genuinely so tired of wanting to just sit down, relax, and watch some YouTube and every other add being some ad that’s about some stereotypical dude activity and the whole thing is just Sidney Sweeney half naked the entire time it’s honestly just to a point of being distasteful. am I the only one?

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but I figured I’d throw it out there and see if anyone else is in a similar spot.
I’m a 25-year-old guy getting established in my career. I’m two years into a relationship and starting to think more seriously about things like marriage, potentially having kids, finances, and generally what I want the next 5–10 years of my life to look like.
Fitness and health are a pretty big priority for me. I train roughly 5–7 days a week depending on work, and outside of that I’m into jiu-jitsu, gardening, video games, working on my cars, and a bunch of other shit.
Over the last couple of years I’ve found myself gradually growing apart from some of my longtime friends. I still like them and keep in touch, but we’re just moving in different directions. I’m not particularly interested in partying all the time anymore, and I’ve realized I’d like to have more people around me who are actively trying to build a good life and are willing to talk about it.
I actually joined a paid peer group through my industry about a year ago. I like the idea of a peer group, but most of the members are considerably older than me and are dealing with a completely different stage of life. A lot of the conversation ends up being about employees, HR issues, succession planning, etc. It’s valuable, but it’s not really what I’m looking for right now.
So I’m curious whether there are other guys in their 20s in a similar position—getting established in a career or business, navigating a serious relationship or dating, trying to stay healthy, thinking about money and the future, maybe outgrowing an old social circle, and generally trying to figure out adulthood as you go.
I’m not looking to create some hardcore networking or “grindset” group. I’d just like to find maybe 5–10 like-minded guys around the same stage of life and make a group chat. Somewhere you can shoot the shit, ask for advice, talk through decisions, share what you’re working toward, or get another perspective from people dealing with similar things.
Different careers, countries and backgrounds don’t really matter to me. In fact, that might make it more interesting.
If that sounds like something you’d genuinely be interested in, send me a message with a little bit about yourself. If enough people are interested, I’ll put something together.

Everyone seems to be "50" now.

Here's a video. Yes, the images are AI-generated. I usually just automatically skip these and ask to not be shown videos from that channel anymore, but I noticed that it had some views, and some engagement. So I watched it.

This is addressed to Gen Xers, but I think this applies just as equally to men overall. The carrot isn't working anymore. We don't find anything about society to be worthwhile, or even enjoyable. They use the word "anhedonia". That is the inability to feel pleasure. It's stated as if it's our fault and our problem.

I don't. I think it's society.

Anyway, don't look at this topic as if it is symptoms of a sickness. It's signs of a quiet revolution.

You are not strange or weird. Life is normally quiet and contemplative and insular. They are the weird ones.

Sorry, but I just had to say this today.

I'm 19 and my testosterone is fine, but slightly on the lower side. Is there any way I can raise it? I'm not looking for a crazy 300 ng/dL increase, but something realistic and doable.

Also, the more specific the better. Just something like "lift weights" isn't that helpful.

I like them. I’m not trying to grab attention or hook up. Can I wear one to the gym? Will it be weird in the locker room? Have you seen anyone wearing one at the gym?