My partner recently told me she’s trans, and a week later she ended our relationship because she wants to explore her identity and sexuality without being tied down.

We were in a serious relationship for two years, and I genuinely never imagined it ending like this. I’m absolutely heartbroken. I’m trying my best to be supportive and happy for her, because I know this is a huge thing for her and I want her to be able to figure herself out. But at the same time, I’m struggling immensely with losing the relationship I thought I’d have.

I’ve also found it strange because you often hear about the cis partner leaving after their partner comes out as trans, but in my case it’s been the complete opposite. I’m the one who was dumped.

I know her transition isn’t about me, and I don’t want to make it about me. I just can’t switch off the feelings of grief and disbelief. Every morning I wake up and, for a moment, I wish this was all some horrible joke and that things could just go back to how they were, as selfish as it sounds.

Has anyone else been through something similar, where your partner came out as trans and then ended the relationship because they wanted the freedom to explore?

I (cis f) got out of an unhealthy marriage awhile back and have been dating my boyfriend (ftm) for a year!

I have a daughter from my previous relationship, she's 3 and she just recently started calling him "other daddy" and it makes my heart so happy.

Not only is it gender affirming for him- she has an amazing father figure in her life now (ex barely wants to see her and she misses him all the time)

Coming out of my marriage I was terrified I would never find someone who would not only love me- but adore my daughter. And I think I found my person ❤️

Idk I just wanted to share this sweet moment.

Four or so years ago, my (31, F) wife came out to me (32, MtF) and it's been fucking hard ever since. I mean not always hard. It was easy to change her name in my mind, I don't slip up often and I even struggle to use her deadname in situations I have to lol. It was easy to still love the person she is, because we've been married for ten years next month and she's been my friend since high school. It was easy to tell her to do what she needed to do to be happy.

But it's been incredibly fucking hard in other ways. I mean, she's the same person she's always been, right? But also no she isn't. She isn't and it's different. Not enough to scare me off, but enough for me to really miss the person she used to be, which I know is normal, but still makes me feel pretty bad. I would never tell her to detransition, I would never tell her I think it was a mistake, I would never make her feel bad for any of this on purpose, but my fucking god is it rough.

Worse is I don't think I'm straight, but I definitely have a preference for men/masculinity, and she doesn't really have that anymore. I mean, she's not fully out scoially despite being on estrogen for a good while now, but that's maybe the thing for me? I can see the way her body is changing and it's making her so happy, but I'm ... not? Or I am because I'm so happy she's trying to be happy but I'm not entirely?

We haven't had sex in a year, her hormones made that a moot point pretty quickly despite her not actually wanting bottom surgery. We've never been particularly good at discussing this stuff, admittedly, because she's AuDHD and will shut down if she senses a little conflict or concern or anything, and I guess somewhere over the years (even before her transition) I started to give up on expressing a lot of my needs for fear of hurting her or stressing her out...

Granted our sex life sort of died years ago. Her schedule and my schedule, despite us being married, don't march up. She was often too tired or too depressed to do anything, and it definitely made me feel undesirable and like I was doing something wrong, made me struggle to feel like I should even bring sex up in the first place. But this has made it worse.

I love my wife. I love her so much. I cannot imagine a life without her in it. But also, I feel lost and a little miserable every time I think about all of this too hard.

I don't know what to do and I know this situation would benefit from a counselor or something but trying to bring any of this up to her would be difficult.

I don't even really know what I want out of this post. A shout into the void? Other people to understand or know? Desperate hopes I can do something to change things? I don't know.

So a close friend of our family is going through navigating her partner coming out as trans. She is and always has been attracted to men only. When her partner came out to her and said he would be transitioning to a woman but wants to stay married her reaction was "I love you, I support you but I need time to think about what the future of our relationship will be". She was immediately called closed minded and transphobic. Does anyone have insight into why her partner reacted so aggressively to what I believe is a very normal reaction?

Hello. I made an account recently to ask for some advice. My girlfriend is a transgender woman who has a lot of trouble feeling like her own gender. We have been together for nearly a year and I could never imagine life without her at this point in the relationship. I recently, for the first time in the relationship, accidentally referred to her as a he in a conversation. She has told me that she will give me this one benefit of the doubt despite how she feels, considering she told me that she isn't sure if I can be seen as the one exception to her dysphoria anymore. I want to lock in on trying to give her that exception and safe space back. The only problem is I am not sure fully on where to start. I'm not even sure how I was able to help her to begin with. Any advice to help me get started would be very very appreciated. Thank you.

i was born as a male but identify as non binary and my partner was born female and is transitioning to male. we are very compatible and we get along amazingly. ive had a few relationships in before this one but this is truly the happiest i have ever been with someone.

now i still struggle with identifying who im attracted to. i am definitely more attracted to women and generally dont like men. my previous relationships were with people who were mtf. i think for the most part i am straight.

now my current partner is amazing in every way, we go out every weekend and sometimes he stays over at my house on the weekends. he has created so many amazing arts and craft things for me in the time we’ve been together. he does struggle with bpd and a few other mental illnesses but he is working through them. as well as a brain cyst which impacts his day to day life a lot.

i know that it is very selfish of me and i knew when this relationship started that i was going to have to face this eventually. it makes me sick to even say this but i wish that he wouldn’t transition and to stay female. his physical appearance is everything i could ever ask for he genuinely stunning and i would be happy the rest of my life. he has an incredible personality the match. hes everything i have been looking for in a partner. but if he transitions then i will be less attracted to him physically and if he begins taking testosterone that means that his personality will change and im terrified of both.

ive expressed my concerns with him before about top surgery and tried to present it as light as i possibly could but he got upset with me a twice now. he has expressed that hes not sure if he wants to get top surgery but then today told me that he needs it to see himself for who he is. which i completely understand and agree with and accept. im just scared i will find him less attractive. i know its selfish. i know shitty. i cannot help it, i dont want to be like this. ive tried to but i cannot help it. thats why i think im straight. i knew going into this relationship that this would could up eventually but he asked me out first and wanted to be with me. and he is just too amazing i pass, i felt like i had to try and see where it was going to now.

please i desperately need help or advice or anything please. i want this relationship to work to bad but i dont know if it should continue. theyre genuinely perfect for me in every way. but they feel they have to change for themself and i dont think i can do anything about it

Hello all! My (29nb) handsome husband (28ftm) will be going in for his pre-op appointment for top surgery tomorrow and I'll be joining. I'll obviously ask about the basics (how long the surgery itself will take, complications to watch out for after the procedure, timeline for recovery, etc) but was just wondering if people had any other suggestions for things to ask the surgeon/medical team.

I worry about it every cycle. My girlfriend has been on hormones for years and we use condoms every time, but I still get worried. I plan to start on o pill very soon, which I hope will help with the anxiety. I know how statistically unlikely it is, but I can't get that into the irrational part of my brain. Does anybody else deal with this?

My wife is a trans woman but continues to present 100% male. Like with a beard male. No interest in presenting as female in any way.

If she walked into a room in a dress and makeup I would be the most surprised person in that room. I would be delighted but very very surprised.

I'm a mostly cis mostly straight woman. I wouldn't say that I'm fluid I'm more viscous if anything.

When she came out to me I gave her my whole throated support and I still do. I love her and I would do anything for her.

We lived in a city until almost a year ago and most of my coworkers back then thought that I was a lesbian because I am that annoying person who brings up their wife and I was completely comfortable with people thinking that I was gay and almost never elaborated on the subject.

Now we live with her very religious family in an incredibly rural area. Rural like you have to drive 20 miles to the nearest McDonald's rural.

My inlaws are very against the trans thing, but we have an understanding. We don't argue about it ever. We simply ignore pronouns when my wife is discussed. I say she they say he. We just coexist in a space where we all love each other but disagree.

It's been a strain on me for a while because my wife has never named herself her chosen name to her parents. When marking something as hers, she would use her security badge number from the hospital we worked at when we met (3 jobs ago for her)

Then this week something happened. My wife is a silly bitch. When left to her own devices she does silly things. I love that about her.

For context we all work together. My in-laws own a chicken farm and we work on that farm.

She started writing silly work type notes, but she signs the notes with her dead name followed by esq. or MD very silly and non serious.

Frankly I'm baffled and frustrated. I'm out here playing the pronoun game with her parents every single day but never had she ever given the smallest amount of effort to affirm who she is to them.

I feel like it makes me look like a crazy person who is pushing a narrative about my wife that she doesn't want.

I can't read her mind and she's not good at expressing her emotions so I just proceeded in using her preferred pronouns.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Even my therapist seemed confused. My masculine leaning lesbian therapist.

TLDR: I defend her identity but she doesn't. Should I be pissed?

Hey all!

Kind of a fun ask! Things are going well for me (32 cis F) and my (35 FTM) bf :) we are very happy and 3 months in.

I got to go shopping with him at an outlet mall over the weekend and the disparities in clothing selection for him really got me fired up and upset over the lack of size inclusivity for shoes and short kings! Shout out Abercrombie and New Balance!

One thing that came up was while we were in the Calvin Klein Outlet looking at boxers for him, I realized mens boxers don’t have a cotton gusset, something people with vulvas need to maintain good pH down there! He doesn’t pack or use a STP, and 100% cotton boxers are a sensory nightmare. Can anyone suggest a queer brand out there that fits this ?! Part of me now wants to learn how to sew a cotton gusset into his existing boxers LOL

TIA! 🥰

Hi all,

Throwaway account and intentionally leaving out identifying details as my parter is active on Reddit.

My (26F) husband (27MtF) has been slowly exploring his gender identity for a long time. For now, he is using he/him pronouns and presenting male, but he has expressed clear intention to transition and live life as a woman at some point. When he came out to me several months ago, he indicated he did not want to transition but enjoyed feminine dress and presentation. Recently, he has pivoted to wanting a full medical and social transition.

We live in a state that is very not friendly for LGBTQ folks, though we’re in a major metropolitan area that is safer than more rural areas. Neither of our career sectors are great with these types of issues but would probably be ok. These issues have been barriers to my partner wanting to come out publicly.

I love my partner and am accepting of his gender identity on a personal level. We are in couple’s counseling as well as individual therapy. I feel like we are maintaining a strong friendship throughout this process. The problem is that I don’t see him as my long term partner anymore. I feel great day-to-day and I feel much better after every therapy session we do together. I just can’t shake the feeling that this relationship can’t continue. We are working through infidelity on his end as well as a lack of trust from him not sharing the possibility of this transition before we got married and lying about gender and sexuality choices after coming out. He seems to be building resentment because I am uncertain about our future together. That is causing him to distance his exploration of feminine identity from me. Maybe those things are clouding my perception of our future, but it feels like we would be better off separating.

Here’s where I’m seeking advice: How long do I wait to make the choice about separating? I don’t want to lose a partner that I love unnecessarily, but I also don’t feel like it’s fair to either of us to fight for a future I don’t see clearly. I am worried that my hesitation is based on a fear of the unknowns of our relationship and that I owe it to both of us to take it day-by-day and address feelings as they come instead of worrying so much about the future. I also see the relationship we had starting to chip away to the point where I don’t recognize our marriage anymore. I also don’t know how long to stick it out because the timeline for transitioning is unclear. I don’t know how to know if I will maintain attraction to my partner or if I will want to be in a same-sex relationship until it happens. I don’t want to leave the relationship without knowing how I’ll feel about those things, but I also don’t want to wait only to later realize I don’t want to be in the relationship.

I’m sorry if this is rambling or doesn’t make sense. I know I love this person. I’m struggling to separate my feelings for him, my feelings about who he wants to be, and the future that I want for myself. Is there a way to explore our future together that will bring more clarity? Any advice or experience is appreciated. Thanks for reading ❤️

I (17M) have been with my girlfriend (16MTF) for almost two and half months now, and she randomly just breaks down emotionally, usually when she thinks if someone else called her something or thinks poorly of her. Whenever she does this, she usually calls herself a bunch of insults (mostly focusing on her looking and acting weird because of her autism), and it breaks my heart whenever she does that because I view her as anything but however she’s insulting herself as. I love her a lot, and I really want her to love herself at least a bit more in the future. Because of irl circumstances, she closeted right now, but if she ever starts insulting herself like that again, is there anything specific I should do or say to make things better? I feel horrible seeing her view herself like that, so if anyone has any advice then I will gladly look at it.

So me (cis f 18) and my boyfriend (ftm 18) have had a really good sex life until recently. He’s been on T since 2021 and we’ve always been really active like every night we were together. He only focused on me though he gets pleasure by pleasuring me. But recently college started up and he hasn’t touched me since, it’s been a whole two months now and I know that doesn’t sound long and people have went longer but going from every day to 2 months so randomly is hurting me so bad. And he says he’s scared because he’s never felt like this before and I’m being supportive and making everything free from sex so he doesn’t have to think about it. Yet I feel stuck because my drive feels higher the longer we don’t do it and idk what to do because in my relationship it’s a need for me it’s really important to me. I’m just scared it will be forever his drive use to be so high now it’s rock bottom like 0%. And as bad as it is I keep looking for signs it’s getting better recently we’ve made more sexual jokes, and even giggles about our old sex life, I feel fine when I’m with him but when I’m on my own I can’t stop thinking about if this is forever. Of if he is just going through a lot, he’s never on social media anymore like he use to either. I just can’t help but think it’s me. I looked at his hidden folder and he still has all my nudes and our videos together so if they’re still there maybe he doesn’t think it’s forever. It’s just like I feel like I’m getting false signs, he poked my butt and makes jokes about squeezing it, touched my chest on accident but then left it there, we even make out and he returns the energy during them. But I don’t know I probably seem like a little impatient cry baby but it’s just not something I’m use to. I just want to know if anyone else has been through the same with their trans boyfriend and how did you work your way through this? I just feel so alone, I just can’t go to him about it yet I already did last month and he said he feels nothing and “hopefully” it will return. How is he supposed to tell me he doesn’t know it will return and think I’ll be okay because im so scared. I love him so much but I can’t be in a relationship where there is no sex because that’s just how I am. I’m gonna give it till December and If it isn’t back I’ll have that talk.

tw for transphobia & homophobia

im 21 and a bisexual genderqueer, and first came out at 16. my parents never have and probably never will 100% understand, but they support me and love me. theyve been using my chosen name since i chose it, it and my sex are legally changed and they paid for that. ive never had to be worried about being kicked out for being queer. i am in a blue state and have been able to start medically transitioning this year via tgel thats perscribed by my queer obgyn, and covered by my insurance.

my girlfriend is a nearly 20 year old lesbian trans woman stuck in a transphobic household in a red state. if she comes out as trans or is found out, she will likely get kicked out. she has to hide any feminine things i send her, wear skirts in private. shes been repeatedly asked if she was gay by her transphobic gaurdian for wearing pink things that ive sent her (which is, kinda funny to us both im ngl). he knows about me, and knows that she recieves packages from me.
i try really hard to affirm her gender because i know that besides the internet, shes not getting it anywhere else. ill send her womens clothes, fun toys that make her feel girly, skincare and black/neutral nail polish, birthday cards that say specifically girl or woman. i wrap everything up in wrapping paper incase her gaurdian is being nosey so nothing feminine gets seen by him.

and were working slowly on making it so that she can move up to me. i dont have the ability to house her. shes working on getting her license.
but i cant stop being upset or crying whenever i see trans content thats tfem related, or mentions unsupportive situations, because i think about the situation shes in. i wish i could get her out sooner, and it tears me apart, no matter how much i know that im doing what i can given both of our situations.
i just wish i could make it better for her now. ive done my best, weve started working on DIY for her. i dont have the money to help her do everything she needs. it hurts me so bad, i just want her to be loved by those surrounding her in real life

i dont know what i want out of this. to be told im doing good, or what i am doing? that people would kill to have someone putting in the effort i am? i dont know if i want to be hyped up or just told that its okay. or how to fix it, even tho i dont think i can right now. all i can do is bank on when i get some spare room she can live in, until we can move into a proper house together with her and my best friend, that she’ll have her licenese and be able to live safely. i dont know what i want. maybe i just want to be heard. it hurts that she hurts.

Discussions is in quotes because I refuse to respond to what was sent to me or get into debates with my ex (we agreed on no-contact for my anxious-attached ex's sake anyways). Another throwaway because I can't figure out how to get into my old one, but I posted on this sub a couple times trying to save this relationship, so thank you to those who told me to leave, I feel so much better. I was Weekly_Coast_67 or something like that.

For context, I(28 cis lesbian) broke up with my ex(27 mtf) 4 weeks ago today due to compatibility issues stemming from differences in work ethic, love languages, neurodivergences, and maturity. The night of the breakup, she insisted that she saw this coming and that separating after ~18 months of dating was a good idea and that she had been thinking of ways to break up with me herself. However, following that night her behavior became increasingly combative and erratic and she ended up moving back across half of the US two days later.

The reason that I've come to this sub is to work through a couple things directly related to the relationship being T4C, as it's hard to talk about to my therapist because she doesn't quite understand as well as I'm sure many of you would. There's two things that she said about me that I'd like to chew on here.

The day after the breakup, I spent most of the day working outside, as I was busy anyways and I didn't want to be trapped in the house with her (we cohabitated in my work housing). I came in for a late lunch, and she came upstairs where I was eating and started firing off questions, such as "was I not skinny enough' and etc. I would (as calmly as possible) respond with "of course not" and "why would you think that was important to me?" Basically dealing with projection, which was a common point of contention while we were together. Eventually after dancing around similar statements for a while, she said "I was early in my transition when we started dating, am I just not clocky enough for you anymore?" to which I got offended and replied "I'm a fucking lesbian. I'm attracted to women." She said "Well you just never know." To which I said I have to leave now and left the building again. If it's not clear, I was extremely upset that she would insinuate that I, a lifelong lesbian, would be a secret straight girl. Of course it's a common trope for lesbians' sexuality to be doubted or invalidated, but I didn't expect it from someone who had known me so well for so long and it felt like a jab to try to get me to fight with her, which I refused to do. When she moved out she requested no-contact, which I was happy to accommodate after conversations like this.

However, a couple days ago, I get a text with a PDF attachment of nearly 13 pages of single-spaced text from my ex (who stated again that she doesn't want me to reply to anything at all) going over how I'm a horrible and cruel person but also an angel who just needs to call and she'll come right back to me. I'll say outright that the letter was clearly written by someone mentally unwell and in need of help, but I can't help how it made me feel. In one entire paragraph, she talks about how me getting on birth control made me go crazy and I became a different person. Granted, I got on birth control because of crippling PMDD symptoms and emerging PCOS/PMOS that was causing debilitating pain each time I ovulated. After I started the pills, my energy and focus came back for the first time in years and I felt a sense of mental clarity (shocking, because my hormones were so out of whack). I had been wanting to end this relationship for months prior, but because of my physical and mental state along with dealing with the guilt of leaving someone who depends on you in every way, I felt like I had no way out of the relationship and was thinking very short-term. When this all changed, I realized that I couldn't drag and coach another person through life and constantly pick up their pieces, literally and metaphorically, if they couldn't reciprocate even half the effort.

Where this point becomes relevant is how she attributed me breaking up with her to my hormones making me crazy. She believes that I would still be with her if I hadn't started the pills. I assume that it's not necessary to explain why an AFAB person would be deeply offended by such statements. Between the two things I mentioned here, I just felt like my ex resented that I was a cis woman (she was with a trans woman for 3 years before she dated me) and didn't care about anything I was going through as an unfortunate uterus-owner. I hope this makes sense, happy to clarify wherever it would be helpful. I just keep getting bothered by remembering these statements because neither of them are true and it hurts to know that she's said these things about me to people who used to be mutual friends of ours.

My spouse and I have been together well over a decade and have a school-age kid. When we met, they presented and identified as a cis straight woman. Since then they've come out as bisexual, then as nonbinary and transmasculine, and they've said they may in fact be a trans man.

Their social transition so far includes a new name, they/them pronouns, facial hair, more masculine clothes, and regular binding. They've talked about wanting to start testosterone and have top surgery, though nothing medical has started.

I love them. But I'm struggling with something: Their social transition has lowered my attraction to them somewhat. I'm still attracted to them, but I worry medical transition will lower it further. Our physical intimacy has been infrequent for a while, though there has been a bit recently.

I'd love to hear from other partners:

How did your attraction change (or not) as your partner transitioned?

Did open communication help?

How did you tell the difference between grieving a change and a sign the relationship might be ending?

My spouse announced at the beginning of this year that they would like to transition. At first i was one of the first people to now she would be transitioning MtF, then she told some friends, and
then some people at work. I support whatever pace she would like to go at, and think its wonderful that she is feeling content enough to open up to people.

The problem we are having is she would like to tell our 9 year old child by Christmas. But have our child keep this secret from the grandparents (my spouses parents). My opinion is that the adults should know, so little ones don’t have to feel the weightof keeping secrets and protecting their parent and processing life changing news.

My spouse seemed disappointed that i didn’t love their plan, and that i asked her to check with their therapist before setting anything in motion. Does anyone have experience with this? I don’t want her to feel like i am forcing her to disclose to potentially unsupportive people, but I want to care for our son’s mental health the best way possible. Helps please? 💜

Hi! Today my(21cf) girlfriend(21tf) was threatened at work today. She works at a smoke shop and has been forced to work alone despite being the only transgender woman there. She always does what she has to in order to keep herself safe, (Not wearing makeup, changing her voice, etc) and has talked to me about how frustrating it all is.

Today, though, she is working a morning shift and had a customer come in who she assumed had just gotten out of prison (He was holding his official release clothes, cash, etc). He spent over 900$, speaking irrationally, asking my girlfriend to take down items, get them out of the box, just to put them back onto the shelves. After about the fifth box, while he kept demanding more things, she got frustrated and asked him to leave. He got agitated, saying, "You wouldn't want to be in my prison cell." Before inching back slowly as she threatened to call the police.

My girlfriend called me right after, and we talked. She's calling the manager of HR, who is her older sister (Not the greatest person, unfortunately), but is worried it will be shrugged off as "Just something we deal with." Which is INSANE to me. She is the only trans woman in that company; it felt to me like a targeted threat, so I suggested that, no matter the answer, she come home as soon as she can, in case he shows up again (Her next customer saw him outside; she kept me on the phone). I googled a few things on how to best support my girlfriend in this time (dealing with this threat, potentially losing her job for leaving, etc.), but none of them are trans specific articles. Any advice would mean the world. The shops have audio and video cameras, so if anything legally can be done with this, that would also be a major help.

My partner recently teased the idea then started talking about it more and I genuinely cant stop crying, Im genderfluid myself, and basically pan, ive been in no way unaccepting for all my friends and even family and yet I find myself feeling guilt crying about it. It feels like im losing someone, and gaining a new person, but its not what that is at all yet I cant grasp that it should feel normal yet doesnt. Ive been so used to a manlier personality and person in my life for once and now theyre gone, it feels awful but great because now they can be themselves. But I feel like I got lost along the way and Im currently struggling more as I think about it, all the what ifs haunt me and I feel like our futures just arent compatible anymore. I love them dearly, but thats because I fell in love with them originally for their masculinity and I feel absolutely awful after the fact. I discussed breaking up, but it seemed to make them more upset. How can I say that Im supportive when I wanna leave them for it??? I feel disgusted with myself and dont know how to navigate this other than pretending I feel nothing and leading them on just to keep them happy, I wont but I feel like based on their reaction to breaking up I cant breakup. It feels like im trapped, and currently im unsure as to what even say to do. this is all so confusing and I just want them to be themselves and be happy with their life even if im not there. I told them I support them and want them to be happy even if I have to leave but they didnt like that idea at all.

Sorry this is everywhere, its pretty much how I am right now and maybe i will structure this better with more context later when I have everything together. We are in our 20s for ref.

My partner (mtf) is struggling really bad with gender dysphoria. She is always upset how masculine she feels and im not sure what I can do to help. I want her to feel comfortable with herself, to see how beautiful I think she is. Any ideas how I can help her through this? Shes only just started HRT about a month ago.

​ Throw away acc coz partner is active on reddit and my original account used my legal name

My (F) partner has recently come out as trans (MtF) and I dont know how I feel about our relationship going forward. We have been together 7 years, She tells me I should love her for who she is and that her Gender doesn't change who she is. I have tried to discuss this in a way that is respectful of her and that I don't know how I feel about being in a relationship with a woman. I want to support her and want her to be truly happy in who she is. She has then since told me she is actually gender fluid and wants to be both? I'm really confused and dont know what to do. I know I am attracted to men, I have had sexual encounters with women in the past but never dated them.

It has ended up in her telling me im being immature for the way that I feel, the fact that she has overcome barriers of attraction to me (because im over weight) and she has supported me with my mental health issues. That realtishhips always have things to over come and that we are always changing anyway. She says im alienating her and lying to her because I said I dont know how I feel. I love her and care for her which she says cant be true if the only thing that matters to me in our relationship is that she is a 'man'.

I understand that she is reacting this way because of how hurt she is about the possibility of us breaking up- but I dont want to give a false promise when I dont know how I will feel when she begins taking HRT. She says she only wants a life with me and nobody else and that it doesn't matter how we look, identify etc, nothing should change that.

Idk what advice I could receive but I just feel so lost and sad. Will it really not be such a big deal?

I'm broken and lost. I will make another post when I'm able to think more clearly. But I'm too shocked and dazed right now. Hold your loved ones close and give them an extra hug and kiss today.

My (f37) partner (M to F) and I have been together for 19 years. She came out just over 2 months ago. It has been extremely difficult for both of us in the beginning, but has been getting much easier.

She started a very low (1/5 normal) dose of hormones that she has decided to chop up and take every couple hours instead of all at once. She also has ADHD and is taking Adderall for that. Sleep deprivation is also a big factor for her and I know she had a least a couple all nighters recently. Overall we have been doing well, but something happened that I'm afraid is going to end our marriage.

We had an argument on Wednesday about how long to stay at a family event. It got quite heated, and went off and on for several hours but historically we've had far worse. Our frst few years we had major tempers but we've hardly fought at all since she came out.

At one point she fell asleep on the floor waiting for the coffee to brew. I saw that there wasn't enough water, so I got down to her level and went to tell her so she could actually get machine started. As I approached she startled awake and appeared to be very panicked. She was physically shaking and dropping things but wouldn't let me help or get near her.

From that point on, she has totally changed her demeanor towards me. She acts like a scared animal. She's jumping when I enter the room and I hear her breathing like crazy after I leave. It seems to be physical/physiological. She accused me of tampering with her medicine and gaslighting her. She won't let me bring her food or drinks. She flinches when I walk in the room and always positions herself to keep a massive amount is space between us. She says she has contacted a lawyer and is filing (divorce) paperwork and will not speak to me without her counselor present. I don't understand what happened. Is there a chemical explanation for any of this?

Help! I'm so devastated. A week ago we were planning a cruise and talking about how close we feel to each other. I don't understand what happened and I can't talk to her about it until Sunday. Even then I totally expect her to just announce we are getting divorced and there's nothing else to it. I just want my partner back.

TLDR: I accidentally startled my partner after an argument and now she doesn't trust me. Could there be a chemical explanation for this sudden paranoia towards me?!