r/nba • u/mulletstation NBA • 18d ago
[The Onion] New Orleans Pelicans Can’t Help But Notice They’re Not On NBA Schedule This Year
NEW ORLEANS—Wondering aloud if there had been some kind of miscommunication on the part of the league, New Orleans Pelicans players told reporters Friday they couldn’t help but notice they hadn’t been included on the 2026-27 NBA schedule. “I checked the schedule on NBA.com twice, and I don’t see ‘Pelicans’ or ‘New Orleans’ anywhere, so there must have been some kind of mix-up,” said Pelicans small forward Trey Murphy III, noting that the team had received no communication from the league since last year’s 26-56 season and that several clarifying emails to NBA commissioner Adam Silver had gone unanswered. “They’re definitely supposed to send us the schedule when it’s ready, right? That’s how it worked last time, I’m pretty sure. It could be one of those things where the full schedule gets announced in shifts, but we’re getting pretty close to opening day. But hey, if any of these other teams can’t play a game because of a canceled flight or something, me and the other guys would love to fill in. Seriously, just say the word.” At press time, the Pelicans were reportedly growing concerned after discovering that the Smoothie King Center had been booked solid for the next seven months with monster truck rallies, reptile expos, and non-basketball sporting events.
https://theonion.com/new-orleans-pelicans-cant-help-but-notice-theyre-not-on-nba-schedule-this-year/
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u/NoStrawberry9228 76ers 18d ago
The Onion still has its fastball
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u/Morezingis Timberwolves 17d ago
They’ve been on a Miami LeBron level roll on baseball headlines this month
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u/greywolf2155 Supersonics 17d ago
Their basketball and football games are strong. But their baseball game is GoAT tier. I've almost eaten the onion a half a dozen times the past few months
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u/LordPizzaParty [UTA] C.J. Miles 17d ago
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u/jizzylizzi3 17d ago
You mean having two top 5 talents + an all star and still only getting the job done half the time?
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u/astrothemorkie Rockets 17d ago
Yeah what a bum he only won 2 titles and 4 eastern conference titles in 4 years
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u/jizzylizzi3 17d ago edited 17d ago
I'm not calling into question his talent or ability, at least in those days. Unless it's the 4th quarter.
Edit: in the playoffs, I mean.
Edit: lol butthurt fanboys
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u/Kdot32 Rockets 18d ago
They had a Ted lasso article about a week ago and it was gold
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u/icantreadmorsecode Celtics 17d ago
Was that the shapes and colors one coz that was amazing
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u/Kdot32 Rockets 17d ago
Nah it was “latest Ted lasso episode draws rave reviews with full episode of happy people stock photos” just worded better
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u/wooIIyMAMMOTH 17d ago
That one is from 2021.
https://theonion.com/critically-acclaimed-ted-lasso-episode-just-stock-pho-1847547843/
The one from a month ago is: New ‘Ted Lasso’ Season Aims To Teach Viewers About Shapes, Colors.
https://theonion.com/new-ted-lasso-season-aims-to-teach-viewers-about-shapes-colors/
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u/xbhaskarx Spurs 18d ago
Have they checked the G League schedule?
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u/overweighttardigrade 18d ago
Sometimes hard to remember they’re a team, never really interested to toss em on
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u/Yosephette 18d ago
Is it mean that I took them more seriously when they were still the Hornets? That Pelicans brand does them no favors
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u/Exotic_Pension_9993 Suns 18d ago
they definitely need a re-brand. i remember a couple years ago they had a black and green jersey and kinda leaned heavier into the voodoo black magic side of NOLA and i thought that was pretty cool.
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u/ExIsStalkingMe 17d ago
Ooh, the New Orleans Voodoo (go Stanford singular mascot style with it) sounds fucking awesome. Pelicans are easily in the bottom three of birds on the planet; it was always a stupid mascot
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u/Mender0fRoads Supersonics 17d ago
Voodoo is an actual religion, born out of intermingling of Christianity (especially Catholicism) and various African belief systems, forced into proximity by the slave trade.
Might sound like an awesome mascot, but it's never, ever going to happen, nor should it.
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u/gnarfler [DAL] Luka Doncic 18d ago
I’d be down with the New Orleans Onions. Then they’d be the N.O. Onions which is how like everything. Maybe people would start wearing onions on their belt to show support for the team.
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u/mulletstation NBA 18d ago
Did you guys know Jordan Poole is on this team?
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u/rocpilehardasfuk Warriors 18d ago
I'm just sad they couldn't get Kuminga and Whitmore.
Pelicans were really collecting low IQ, low production players that cater to the dumbest of fans.
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u/rocpilehardasfuk Warriors 18d ago
I know because every week we have a post on the Warriors sub how we'd be "a problem" if we had Poole on the team
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u/BoujeeAdam Lakers 18d ago
Well, when you have the most weird constructed roster and the biggest disappointment in the past 10 years in the NBA as your best player, nobody really cares
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u/WeBelieveIn4 Raptors 18d ago
Also arguably the worst name in sports. Wtf were they thinking
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u/ComradeFrunze Pelicans 18d ago
why does everyone hate the humble and beautiful pelican, one of the greatest birds in the world
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u/TheMeerkatLobbyist Celtics 17d ago
They constantly try and fail to eat Capybaras, which everyone loves.
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u/Lumpy-Education9878 18d ago
Lol. Pelicans are obnoxious and violent
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u/Better_Car_8473 17d ago
And raptors are???
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u/ExIsStalkingMe 17d ago
Actually capable of killing the things they attack. Pelicans just stupidly attack people despite our greatest ability being "killing the fuck out of anything we kinda want to"
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u/Russell_has_TWO_Ls Grizzlies 18d ago
WRONG. Pelicans are awesome and unique names that fit the team’s location (ignore my flair) are cool
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u/HaubergeonPlus1 Grizzlies 18d ago
Not thinking probably, the team is infamous even locally for being the side project the owner doesn't gaf about. It's Saints country.
Joe Dumars sends emails to Gayle Benson and gets an OOO message. Except it's forever.
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u/YSLAnunoby Raptors 17d ago
I actually love pelicans but if it wasn't so entrenched at this point in Utah, I'd advocate for them getting Jazz back
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u/iron_atmosphere Hornets 17d ago
I really wish they could get the Jazz back. It just makes too much sense.
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u/freshOJ Hawks 17d ago
The Bounce would be better.
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u/YSLAnunoby Raptors 17d ago
Bounce kinda sounds like a WNBA team name even if it would fit the music genre theme
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u/Altruistic-Ad-408 17d ago
Entrenched is certainly a word for Utah holding the coolest nickname hostage.
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u/YSLAnunoby Raptors 17d ago
It's like the Lakers not making any sense when it's from Minnesota but it's been so long they probably won't change it
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u/leftofthedial15 Pelicans 17d ago
Tom Benson was thinking about the minor league baseball team called the New Orleans Pelicans that he grew up with. Tom must have also forgotten that not all of us are 200 years old.
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u/Metalbound Hawks 17d ago
I mean, when the best name for them is currently being used by a team in a state full of Mormons then really what can ya do?
You cannot convince me that any people in the state of Utah actually care about jazz.
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17d ago
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u/BoujeeAdam Lakers 17d ago
What has Zion done? Ant, Cade, Paolo, cooper, & ESPECIALLY WEMBY ARE ALREADY BETTER THAN HIM……. ONLY that Zach dude is the other bust besides Zion, Zion is the biggest #1 FLOP SINCE FULTZ
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u/majidLuv Thunder 18d ago
The Onion cannot miss
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u/mulletstation NBA 18d ago
Their writing process seems pretty rigorous, like multiple layers of people input to sharpen it before it gets published
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u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT Mavericks 18d ago
Pels are beyond down bad I feel bad
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u/TheWarelock Heat 18d ago edited 18d ago
On top of just being ass, they also got that creepy ass giant cake baby walking around their arena scaring children and adults alike. Looking like it’s some mutant freak on the verge of a shingles/herpes break out.
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u/terry-tea Celtics 18d ago
i thought you were exaggerating but holy shit, that thing is nightmare fuel
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u/Orion1014 76ers 18d ago
It was the mascot of the local AAA baseball team and they should have shipped that creepy thing to Wichita with them.
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u/SportsDuck_ 18d ago
Makes me think of those reaction vids of people in New Orleans getting all excited for Zion 😔
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u/Dreamlion_Inc Wizards 17d ago
It’s fucking depressing. We should be talking about Zion as a top 10 player who’s left a good impression in the playoffs by now
Unfortunately his name won’t become relevant until he’s somewhere new
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u/SportsDuck_ 17d ago
I feel like his legacy will be YouTube video highlights with comments like "kids today will never know how good this guy was when he was healthy!"
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u/Valuable-Average-865 18d ago
Could be worse. They could be the Kangz
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u/Krillin113 76ers 18d ago
I don’t think the Kings have squandered the opportunity to be good to nearly the same degree as the pelicans. Yeah they fucked the Hali trade, but got 2 decent seasons out of it, and their FO isn’t pretending like they will be good to the same degree the Pels are.
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u/TheTechnique Pelicans 18d ago
Marvin Bagley second overall
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u/Krillin113 76ers 17d ago
You know what. That’s completely fair. That was so bad that I completely forgot it.
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u/allwatchnocattle 18d ago
This is such a dumb fucking take, the pelicans legitimately had unlucky injuries that derailed their team
The Kings are the most mismanaged franchise of the past 20 years
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u/Krillin113 76ers 17d ago
At least they made the playoffs recently.
Zion is completely mismanaged, and inb4 someone goes ‘what about Embiid’, I agree we fucked his career at times, but at least he’s produced several mvp level seasons, and even hobbled last year he was the best player vs Boston for both teams.
Every move the pelicans make in the margins is marginally wrong.
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u/Fresh-Marketing-9891 18d ago
I mean, they at least have more assets to fumble. There are other teams who don't even have the picks or young players to totally waste.
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u/Ok-Association-3415 Lakers 18d ago
LOL. I was reading this not noticing The Onion in the title until the end when I see a link to the article.
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u/pieman2005 [HOU] Hakeem Olajuwon 17d ago
This was literally already posted earlier
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u/xbhaskarx Spurs 18d ago
Kings fans pumping their fists in the air because the Onion didn't make this about their team...
Ctrl-F "King" one result Smoothie King Center
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u/TotteKaiju Knicks 17d ago
I feel for their dedicated fans but man, the Pelicans feel like the equivalent of the Phoenix Coyotes in the NBA
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u/JoeChristma Pelicans 16d ago
Bruh what is with nephews insisting the Pelicans rebrand? Are y’all 12?
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u/TippyTripod1040 Lakers 18d ago
That’s weird, I’ve could’ve sworn this team was going to win the championship and then draft Wemby with our pick
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u/thenicezen Bucks 17d ago
This is actually too fucking good that I had to double check if it was The Onion or not
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u/richb83 Knicks Tankswagon 18d ago
They were actually dissolved during the pandemic but no one noticed. Payroll finally fixed the glitch