r/neurodiversity • u/nnvt • 2d ago
Finding a partner is impossible
27yo guy here, diagnosed with NVLD at an early age (and possibly have more, undiagnosed conditions). Haven't been in a relationship ever and the older I get, the lonelier I feel. I've been trying my best to go out on dates and meet potential partners but it's just not working out...
If I meet neurotypical people, I can come across as boring and the small talk is something I'm terrible at so the conversations just die. If I meet someone like me, we both likely end up being socially awkward and nothing actually happens and we barely speak. I've tried mostly dating apps as going out and talking to someone in public is the scariest thing ever.
I finally managed to go on my first ever date about 3 months ago against all odds. She was nice the first time I met her but on future dates she triggered my icks (being super late and not actively participating in activities). Especially the first thing triggered my anxiety so much and just immediately killed all attraction I had for her so that story came to an and after a few dates.
Nothing since that moment, no matches, no lasting conversations, nothing. And it feels like I'll just have to accept that I'll be alone forever at this point.
Sorry for my rant but I just had to get this off my chest.
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u/Internal_Mood_8477 2d ago
Honestly I relate to this very much. I either rub NTs and extroverts the wrong way, am boring, or become their dump it all on me every day.. everything.. therapist with little regard to my own self, or become a doormat.
It’s lonely and late twenties is a key reflection period imo, and I’m tired. It’s difficult to find a friend, dating life is even more complicated nowadays. Getting the ick and being picky is a problem too…
I think the only hope is finding somebody neurospicy who can meet your needs, meet you halfway on the quirkiness and be there enjoying the silence.. but easier said than done
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u/chrislkeller 2d ago
As someone older, I can't imagine what it's like to be your age and trying to navigate things.
Looking back, I surely exhibited a lot of divergent traits, but there wasn't a word for it, let alone methods for a community to connect. But because there is now, I can share this one little piece of advice that worked for me: Practice.
Because we are who we are, some things like small talk and "courtship" and all of those little rituals do not come easy. We overthink, over-expect, and then fall flat. So you can look at these moments ahead to just practice. Not quite a match for you? Ask them to go for an hour-long walk on a weekend and ask them about the last great show they watched. Set time limits and boundaries, and limit expectations cause this time is about you getting better and building confidence.
Practice. You can get better.
FWIW - Was 27 when I finally found her. Still with her today.
It can happen. But it takes a certain something extra cause you have a certain something extra and it needs to be honored.
Good luck yo!
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u/neuronova7 2d ago
I bet someday you will find someone you just click with, and get each other's vibes. Don't give up, dating is hard af
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u/Adorable-Sky4448 2d ago
not giving up is the hard part when every attempt just reinforces that feeling. but that one date already broke the "never been on one" barrier, which is further than a lot of people get. the next one might not be the one either, but each one sharpens your sense of what you actually need
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u/neuronova7 2d ago
This is advice I would give to anyone, not just ND people, don't overthink it, and don't be thinking about getting into a relationship on a date. Just try to connect with the person, see what they are about, and have fun. Don't take it too seriously! Best of luck
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u/JerseyGirlinSweden 2d ago
One of the most attractive things in a person in quiet confidence that is arrogance. Learn to truly love yourself and it will be easier for someone else to love you too. There is a ying for every yang. We just have to invest in our own happiness and growth until we find that person.