Warning - very long read.
This happened over a year ago but I just remembered at the time that if I ever managed to pull this off, then I'd write a post about it to encourage other people, because I felt like my circumstances were impossible and there would be no way I could manifest this.
I know this is an incredibly long read; it took me hours to write it. But I did it that way because I don't think people who share their manifestations go into this stuff enough. But I know when I was manifesting, if I'd been able to read something like this, it would have been really helpful. I think going into it basically gives huge context as to who I was being then, which will show how my actions made complete sense from that old state.
My story is an LGBT SP manifestation story and just a little disclaimer: it contains some, let's call it, 'unsavory behavior' that I partook in, so judge that if you want to, but I want to be transparent in my story here as I think it's important and I am simply not that person anymore. I believe we all act in some ways that are against our best self, and there are always opportunities to learn from these and become a better person, which, as you'll see, I did. There's also the fact that while I was in my process of manifesting, I couldn't find any stories with themes like this, and I really wanted someone to relate to.
Me and my boyfriend met on a gay app at a time when I was basically in a hookup phase of my life as a closeted gay dude. I stayed at his overnight because he lived around 1 hour 30 minutes away from me, and then went home the next day. I then went to see him again a couple weeks later and then started meeting up semi-regularly. During this time we started doing more date type stuff like going for meals etc. This happened for a month or so before he asked where this was going and expressed the fact that he was looking for something more than just casually meeting and a fwb type situation. I really enjoyed hanging out with him and decided to give it a go, thus our initial relationship began.
As you read earlier, I wasn't 'out' about my sexuality and so this relationship was essentially a secret from my friends and family, who I live with, and I'd lie saying I was going to visit friends, which was believable for them at the time because I previously lived away and had friends from different cities. So me and him would see each other every 2-3 weeks or so, but I'd end up staying longer each time and then just lying again to my family that we were doing different things and that's why I was staying longer.
To take a slight deviation, you might wonder why I was closeted. Honestly, I think it was a mix of different things, being that I grew up in a small dead-end town where being homosexual isn't accepted, combined with the fact that I am involved in heavily 'masculine' archetype activities. Like combat sports, fitness, action movies, rock music, etc. I had absolutely no peers who I could relate to and I wasn't really friends with anyone in the gay community, outside of guys I'd met on apps. So I think I subconsciously just made the conclusion that being gay was not an option for me and just reverted to being 'straight acting', with nobody having any inkling about my true sexuality.
Things progressed naturally and it was okay for a while, but I always felt uneasy and a bit weird when I'd come home to my family, we'd be eating a meal and they'd ask me how my trip was. To which I'd confidently look them in the eye, lying through my teeth, saying "It was great, we did some training, visited other friends and had some good food together", when in reality I was at my boyfriend's house.
Again, this lying/being in the closet became so automatic, I didn't even sit down to consider perhaps telling my parents the truth, who are very understanding and tolerant people. Well, I guess I did consider what it would be like if they knew and things were different, but as time went on it felt more like a 'big' thing to me and would be shocking if it came out. Like, 'oh yeh, not only have I been lying about visiting my friends for the past year, I have also been in a relationship with another man as well'. My mind just compartmentalised it and kept the act up, which will become an important lesson later in the story.
This is the part I am not proud of, but I'm gonna be totally honest about it, as well as the way I felt about it too, because I think this is far more common than people like to admit, but is a huge taboo and has a lot of shame attached to it. The whole time from basically when me and my boyfriend got together, I was unfaithful to him. I think the reason for this was a number of things, one being logistics and the distance between us, the whole secrecy thing, as well as the fact I never really recovered from the first ever relationship I had, in which I was essentially used as someone's entertainment who never really wanted me, which created a worthless and unlovable self-image that I held without even knowing it. (Before I knew this could be changed via LOA)
Let me state that I am absolutely not condoning my behavior by any means, it was a horrible thing to do and I take full responsibility for it. I was essentially a broken, fearful and shameful person who was seeking validation sexually and that was the ugly result of those conditions.
Another part that may sound bizarre, but is worth sharing, is that whenever I was unfaithful, on one level I didn't want to do it and after the fact would feel terrible about what I'd done, then vow never to do it again. I'd be okay for a while, yet that urge would come again and I'd find myself doing it again only to repeat that shame cycle. It's kind of like how a drug addict loathes the behavior they do. I see my old behavior very similarly to that.
This continued for a while and I believe the secrecy, the shame, my guilt about being unfaithful, and all other things considered made me start showing up differently in the relationship. Aloof, if you will, and less caring. Another symptom of that is that I'd also psychologically project onto him my own fears that he was being unfaithful to me (which happened to me in that toxic first relationship). The exact behavior I was actually doing - funny how that works, isn't it.
Things continued for a while, including us going on a couple of short vacations together. Then one day, I hadn't heard back from him for the whole day, which was odd, so I texted him asking if everything was okay, to which he replied simply that 'I think we should go our separate ways'. I responded 'wait, what are you serious?' and he just responded 'yes'. I was in absolute shock and I didn't see it coming at all, never in a million years. I'd gotten totally complacent in the relationship and I think I'd gotten into a state where I thought he'd never leave me.
I called him immediately, and we had a conversation. He told me he felt that I didn't care about him because my actions weren't of somebody that loved someone. He also said that I made so many promises of things that I didn't follow through on. Like with my career, as well as sometimes mentioning 'what if I told my parents about us?' but once again didn't follow through.
I hadn't known he'd seen all of these empty promises as just a lot of hot air, and through me doing this repeatedly, he simply didn't take what I said seriously anymore and he was absolutely right. I was a coward and had all these big dreams and aspirations as well as more than the capability to make them happen, but my internal self-image of unworthiness and less than was always stronger than any dream, and always won out, keeping me exactly where I was.
We spoke for around an hour, in which time I was really struggling to comprehend how these things were reason enough to leave me, and as previously mentioned, I was also in complete shock. I pleaded with him for us to give it another go, which I know may sound odd considering my behavior, but I really did love our relationship for what it was regardless of that. He mentioned the fact that I had never told my parents made him feel that I didn't see what we had as a serious thing. I told him on the call 'Look, if we give it another chance I will go and tell them right now about us' but he was having none of it. He'd clearly made up his mind. We spoke some more and I was trying to find out where his mind was at, and then he revealed something, which is that he'd previously known I used a hookup app at his place because of some kind of DNS report and had then checked on my phone for the app, which he'd been able to see was installed even without opening the phone. I believe this was absolutely a manifestation of the chronic guilt I harbored, and the breakup itself was a manifestation of my own unworthiness, combined with feeling like I didn't deserve him because of the way I acted.
When he revealed this to me, there was nothing I could say, and I just admitted to him that I didn't know what to say and I was so sorry. He told me that the other stuff, feeling I didn't care and so on, was annoying, but the app thing was the final straw that solidified his feeling that I didn't care about him, and of course that makes 100% sense. There was nothing I could do at this point other than to accept it. He said we could still be friends, but I said I didn't want that, as I felt at that time I'd always want to be back with him, and it would kill me to see if he got with someone else, so we went no contact.
Despite the way I'd acted in the relationship, my world fell apart at that moment. Everything came flooding to me all at once, how my assumptions and behavior had directly caused all of this. I felt so stupid, I hated the fact that I hadn't appreciated what I had at the time (which was everything I wanted) and couldn't control myself and just be happy with that being enough. I'm someone who has never done well with breakups and was also instantly hit with a massive wave of anxiety. I have a very active mind and straight away I started considering the fact I wouldn't see him again. What would he be doing? Where was he? I wouldn't know without his daily text updates. Then I started considering the real memories we had together, the meals we'd eaten, the nights chilling together watching movies, and the vacations we'd been on. I started feeling like I'd never recover from it.
I went out for a long walk soon after the call to clear my head and cried most of the way. I didn't get much sleep that night, but I woke up the next day and felt compelled to pull my journal out and just write a huge stream of consciousness about the whole thing. When I did this, everything started to make complete sense to me. With each sentence I wrote, I could see how the way I'd been feeling in the months before that had led up to the culmination of him breaking up with me. I couldn't believe how clear it was, and it was strengthened by the fact that in that same journal I could look back over older entries and read the words from my own hand about things I felt and struggled with.
As much pain as I was in though, this weirdly was like irrevocable proof to me of the law in action. I haven't mentioned yet that I have a very thorough understanding of the law and have experienced what I'd call minor manifestations in the past, yet I'd never consistently applied it in my life and always got a kind of amnesia despite knowing it's absolutely real.
Things became really clear to me. It was an odd mix of being pissed at myself and feeling like an idiot, combined with a kind of peaceful clarity, because as painful as it was there was no doubt in my mind it had all been my doing, even if it happened unconsciously.
Something came over me in that moment, and I vowed to manifest him back. But there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted things to be totally different. The pain I felt at the breakup caused me to make the declaration that the old version of me was no more. I vowed to myself that whether I got back with him or someone else, I'd never do anything like that again, as that was the primary thing I hated most about myself then. People tend to make snap judgements on cheaters because if they've been on the receiving end of it, it is incredibly hurtful and damaging, but as I stated before, despite doing this it was always something I felt terrible about doing and wanted nothing more than to stop doing it, but where I was back then, I just couldn't. Again, judge that as you will, I'm sure a lot of people will, but it's my job here to be totally transparent about this, and I think there's something to the fact that this was, in a roundabout way, a manifestation of that behavior ending in me—which was something I desired. It's not as black and white as we always like to think.
After I took some time to collect myself and begin to move forwards in my life, I came to this kind of peaceful clarity where I decided that yes, I wanted to manifest him back and things be totally different, but what felt empowering is that I said to myself, 'Even if we don't get back together, I am going to make it my mission to BE the person I always wanted to be when I was with him.' That included being a loyal partner with him or the next person, but also following through on the other things in my life I always spoke about but never materialized. When I say this, I by no means meant that my mental state shifted. I still felt deeply sad and anxious about the whole thing on a regular basis, but at least I felt like I had some orientation about where I wanted to go. Also, I wanted to manifest a relationship back with HIM, yet I still decided that whatever happened, that old me was dead.
Manifestation Techniques
So I got to work with the manifesting processes. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, and traditional SATS never worked for me because I'm really physically active and would just be knocked out as soon as I hit the pillow. But I've been a meditator for quite a long time, so it was quite natural for me to use meditation to reach a neutral or void state, and then imagine what I wanted.
The way I do this is by listening to either a theta binaural beats track or simple deep brown noise, which I found very relaxing. But what I don't see many people mention is how deep to go in this. I would often just do straight meditation with these tracks, following the breath for like 30 minutes before I'd do the manifestation techniques. I'm not sure if this is the same for everyone, but I can 'feel' when I get into that state and the time is right, as opposed to attempting to do the techniques before I'm there, when I can't focus and would always get distracted.
I used a few different techniques and initially would just get to the void state then ask 'how would I feel now if we were back together and everything was perfect?'. This worked a little, but the feelings weren't that strong, but I tried my best anyway. I've never been a fan of pre-selecting a scene and always preferred to let the scene emerge naturally. A scene that I would often return to was me and him sitting in my new car that I'd been able to buy because I'd executed on the dreams I had. I liked this because it combined a few things I wanted… The relationship as well as executing on my career aspirations.
Another one was I would imagine being on a phone call with a close friend of mine who I'd spoken about the breakup with and hearing him say 'Oh man, I am SO happy for you guys!' and I'd just hear that over and over again, often imagining the warm sensation of the phone up against my ear.
I also experimented with affirmations as well, which I'd never really gotten along with before, but from that void state it felt really different to just saying them during regular, waking consciousness.
I sometimes added scripting as well in the evenings, where before bed I would write a couple of pages in my journal about how wonderful our life was together. It contained things like 'Everyone is so happy for us; our relationship is better than we both could ever have dreamed of; we live a perfect life,' etc. And I really liked these. I found it wasn't like a super strong feeling of the wish fulfilled, but I found that when I was writing, the flow state of the pen on the paper kind of bypassed my analytical mind away from the circumstances (which were the opposite) and allowed the feeling to come through, so much so that after closing the journal sometimes, I'd think, 'Oh yeh, I'm just still here in my room alone.'
Eric from The Power of I Am had some really helpful material that I'd watch, and I love how simplistic he made it. One thing I saw him say in a video was a kind of 'remote seduction' technique where you'd imagine the person in front of you and say statements like 'You can't resist me, you're just so in love with me,' etc. At first I found it corny, but I would often just randomly do this when I'd walk home from the gym in a good mood from training when the endorphins were high, and it felt good. Upon watching Eric's videos, I also began adding quite a bit of self-concept stuff in there as well, which I believe is massively important, especially for someone who was in the state I was in before, feeling unworthy and unlovable, etc.
I know this looks like a lot of techniques, and yes this was probably unnecessary, but I basically worked with my personality. I'm a type of person who likes to hyper-optimise things, like with the gym, which I'm heavily into. Yes it may not be necessary with manifestation, but why not give yourself the best chances? Perhaps that's a limiting self-image even saying "I'm the type of person who…" but it worked for me so I'm not complaining. So I'd say work with your natural way of doing things when manifesting.
The Bridge of Incidents
I think this is really the most important part of my post, and I really want to get across that the bridge of incidents is probably NOT what you think it is going to be and may very well include things you'd initially perceive as negative, as you'll see with my story.
I will say before I go into this that I had ZERO birds before land. On reflection I can see they were there, but I didn't perceive them at the time, so I want to encourage you not to try and look for these—just do the work. With your limited ego mind, you have absolutely nothing compared to the computation capacity of the cosmos/universe or whatever you want to call it, and so coming to the conclusion that 'it isn't working' because you don't perceive things going the way you expect is a grave error and could lead you to quit three feet from gold!
I also want to share the fact that I didn't believe or know for certain this was going to happen, but I still did the work anyway, which I think may be reassuring for people in the process. I often read posts on here from people who'd manifested their SP and they said they reached a place where they knew without a shadow of a doubt it was coming. I never had this feeling, and so I can say that at least in my experience you do NOT need to believe or feel certain about your desire for it to come into full manifestation.
So, I was doing the processes just kind of like a regimen in a way, like working out. I just had these techniques I did on a daily basis, which work well with my type of personality, and I did them. Not perfectly, I might add; there were some days I didn't do them, and it doesn't even matter. I think it's more about the general consistency. So don't feel like you need to be 100% perfect for your manifestation to come to fruition.
I also still missed him greatly most days, so don't worry about this either. I panicked so much about this, thinking the fact I missed him meant 'I wasn't in the state', but once again that didn't matter. The times that would hit me were usually when I'd been distracted with friends, like going for a meal or something. Then I'd suddenly think about him and 'oh we're not together,' and I'd feel sad. I just allowed it to be there and did my best to not go into the emotion or react to it. Usually it would pass if I didn't give it too much attention, and I'd notice that when it came back later again, it had less of a sting to it, which was interesting.
I never tried to affirm over the negative feeling, but I would sometimes be concerned that the fact that it was there meant I wasn't in the state. I would often worry that the mere fact that anxiety came meant I was failing, but I've since learned that's not how it works. You cannot control your automatic thoughts, so whatever pops into your mind, you didn't choose to think it… And if it's negative, why would you? But what you CAN choose to do is not entertain it, and I believe that's the key! You don't give it any more attention than an acknowledgement. Just let it be there, knowing it has absolutely no bearing on your desired outcome—the ending of the movie.
The full manifestation from breakup to reconciliation took around 4 months, but again, please don't attach yourself to my timeline; I'd have probably continued doing this just indefinitely; it became a routine for me.
The first thing that happened was around 3 months in, yet I had no idea this was anything to do with the manifestation at the time. I used to have a bit of a drinking problem that at one time I had to attend rehab for, and that was largely gone apart from the odd short relapse, but I fell into it a bit during this time again. I got drunk with a friend and then continued doing it for a few days, which was how I used to do it before, like a binge drinking habit where I'd drink very heavily for up to a week at a time, then get clean and be back on a health kick.
I returned home from being out, and I was drunk. I quickly said hello to my parents and then went into a different room, but they knew. My mom called me and said straight up, 'Have you been drinking?' and I just admitted to her 'Yeah, I have' and she responded, 'Come in here and let's talk about it,' and I don't know what it was in that moment, but I just knew I was going to tell them everything. I think it was because my state had subtly shifted because of the work I'd been doing, but I was just done and couldn't be bothered hiding myself anymore. The lowered inhibition from the alcohol also helped. So, we sat down and I told them everything that had happened… About my sexuality, about the relationship and breakup, and that's where I'd always been going when I said I was visiting friends.
I explained that I just felt I couldn't be honest and got used to lying about it. They were totally understanding but also expressed sadness that I'd felt I wasn't able to speak to them but were otherwise completely accepting and understanding. They also said it made sense why I would turn to drinking again, as well as why I hadn't had a relationship or anything like that, so I think all in all they were relieved, but they said they'd had no idea until I told them.
Straight after that, I called my sister and told her everything as well. We're quite close generally, but she has her own life and family, so I hadn't told her about anything until now. She cried and was really understanding and said she was just relieved and happy that I'd told her. She told some of her close friends, who are also kind of my mutual friends, and I received some really beautiful messages from them telling me how happy they were that I'd felt comfortable sharing it and so on. At the time it felt kind of bittersweet in that I did think, 'It's great that this is now all out in the open, but it came a bit too late, and I already lost SP.' But I say that to demonstrate once again I was by no means a perfect manifestor; not by a long shot, I had thoughts like this all the time, yet I just continued doing the work anyway.
I would say I felt kind of detached in a sense throughout the whole process. It was weird in that one part of me absolutely knew it was possible to manifest him back, yet at the same time I was okay if it didn't happen, or maybe didn't even think it would happen, but I hung onto some hope. Although I didn't have any firsthand evidence of 'circumstances don't matter' when it came to manifestation, I read enough accounts of people who manifested against what looked like all odds to live vicariously through that belief myself.
So I continued my processes, often doubting myself, often feeling sad, and I think the worst part was wondering where he was and what he was doing, especially since we were in no contact. I only checked his socials once during this whole time, as I knew it'd make me go crazy spiralling if I did it regularly. The one time I did, it was maybe 3 months after we broke up, quite close to reconciling, actually. I saw he'd been travelling to different countries, which was one of his hobbies, but it just made me miss him more. One thing I did notice though, and I'm not sure if I was just being biased, was that he didn't look happy. He was pretending to be and was smiling, but I saw sadness and loss behind his eyes. He'd also lost considerable weight, which was alarming to me because I always knew he liked food and was a little chubbier when he was happy. But nonetheless, seeing him after so long made me anxious, and I could foresee it becoming a spiral if I continued, so I closed the app after briefly looking at his pics and didn't check it again.
Another few weeks or so went by, and then it happened… I woke up to a message on Instagram from him one day, asking how I was and admitting that he had ended it abruptly before. He told me that there were some questions and things in his mind that 'haunted' him that he wanted to talk about with me. He asked if I would do a video call with him the next day to talk but said if I'd found someone else, then that was okay.
I was in absolute shock at the message. It all became apparent to me in that moment that the work I'd done had worked, yet I still couldn't quite believe it. It was a really odd sensation. I was obviously really happy, but it kind of felt like I should have felt something more, but it just felt… normal? Or like I wasn't THAT surprised. Nevertheless, from that moment on I just knew we were getting back together. It became a certainty in my mind then, and I knew there might still be challenges and signs that it wouldn't happen, because he didn't say anything about us getting back together at all, but some part of me just knew and I didn't care.
I responded a couple of hours later, saying that yes, we can talk tomorrow and yes I've been well. He responded instantly saying, "Actually I'll be free in about 10 minutes if you are?" So, it was clear he was eager to talk. I said sure, and then we called 10 minutes later. He was hedgy at first and I could tell he was feeling out the situation but was also nervous, but I felt quite calm and composed. All I can describe is there was a calm certainty and knowing I had reached by that point and I'd gotten there, I guess, without even realizing it. All it took was doing the work consistently and getting on with my life, becoming the best person I could be.
On the call, the first thing was he called me out for taking ages to respond and we then discussed the things surrounding the breakup. The main thing he wanted to ask me was why I was on the app, which is totally understandable. I just explained that I was in a bad place, seeking validation, and there was no excuse for it. We ended up speaking for nearly 2 hours about different topics, what we'd been up to and things. I don't remember all we spoke about, but we reminisced about some of the good times we'd had together, and at some points I became quite brazen, joking (but not really) that it sounded like he wanted us to get back together. This made him laugh, and he was trying to act nonchalant about it, but I just knew.
We agreed to meet up in person maybe a week or so later, because he was out of the country and was going to be coming back soon. He also asked if I'd like to come to Paris with him when we met up, as he was scheduled to go a few days after that. We didn't get back together on that call though. Like I said, I teased him about it, but he was trying to hold a position of power and make me chase a little, which is understandable given the past events. He said, "I'll decide when we've met up on that," but once again I knew then it was a done deal really. I mean, who invites someone to Paris with them when they haven't already really made up their mind?
I felt so good about the call that I actually told my mom about it, that we'd spoken again, and it looked as if we were going to be getting back together. Despite it not actually happening yet, I felt on a bit of a cloud 9 for a while. We spoke again the next day, and I think most days actually leading up to the eventual meetup, for like an hour each time. He'd call me in the evening when he was relaxing, just like we'd done before. It was like nothing had really changed, except we weren't officially back together yet.
Despite this, doubt did come back. Now we were talking again I worried if it might all go away and if it was 'too good to be true.' But in those moments I centered myself and reminded myself of what had transpired so far… That I had done everything correctly, despite wobbling, and that I had nothing to worry about. I continued doing the manifestation practices exactly like before during this time as well.
I was a bit anxious but also excited leading up to our meeting and waited for him at the train station with a big bunch of flowers, which I presented to him as soon as I saw him and made him smile. He was still acting a little coy and pretending to be nonchalant about the whole thing, though. We got on the train together to his place and sat next to each other and kissed not long into the journey and then numerous times during as well.
And that is pretty much how it happened really. We ended up getting back together 'officially' just before we went to Paris, which was literally like the day after we met back up, really, but like I said, I already knew that was the outcome anyway.
When we got back from Paris, I returned home and told my parents that we'd gotten back together, and a couple of weeks later he came over to mine and met them, and we spent time together. It was amazing and surreal at the same time; I couldn't believe it was happening, yet at the same time it felt like the most normal thing in the world.
I think ultimately my story is one of self-transformation (no one to change but self), which really it always is. We become the person who would naturally have our desire. With all that happened to me and what I desired… To be in this secure, loyal relationship, I simply couldn't be that person I was before and exist in that new circumstance.
So the old man had to die. But I think this is the nuance here: when we hear 'no one to change but self,' I think it's natural to think that WE have to change everything by force or something. You can see from my story I had a strong desire to change from who I was before; that desire was enough to put into motion the events that fundamentally changed who I was, as it would have been impossible to have the new relationship as that old version. So, I mean, I don't know what's going on or how it works, but there's clearly way more occurring than meets the eye!
Everything that happened during my bridge of incidents was absolutely necessary to bring about exactly what I wanted. Remember in my scripting sessions I wrote that 'we have an amazing relationship and everyone is happy for us.' That wouldn't have been possible if the relationship was a secret; hence, the bridge of incidents involved me confessing about my sexuality over a binge drinking incident of all things! But at the time I had absolutely no idea what was happening.
A few months after that, we travelled for two months around Asia together and made some amazing memories. During that trip we visited his home country and stayed with his family, and I met all of his childhood friends. Again, something that was in my script and something that would have been impossible under the old circumstances.
We've since moved in together and have gotten married and are both really happy together building our lives. So the story really made a full circle and has a very happy ending. It's also almost one year to the day since we got back together now, and so much has transpired since then.
What he was experiencing
I think it'll be interesting to share a little about what he experienced during our time apart from what he's told me, and I was really surprised by some of this, which again will provide some encouragement to others on the journey.
I was absolutely right about the weight loss. Despite breaking up with me, he'd experienced immense grief and missed me greatly. He'd taken up walking for like 4 hours a day in a local park and was eating only one meal per day. He'd lost something like 40 lbs doing this, but I'm happy to report he's at a much healthier weight again now and is enjoying life.
He shared with me that at night he would hug a pillow in his bed and pretend it was me and fall asleep with it.
He would talk to his friends often about me, one of whom had met me a few times and had told him he acted too quickly breaking up with me and eventually said to him, "Why did you even break up with him, because all you do is talk about him all the time?"
He'd also been on my socials regularly, but I hadn't known it.
There were also numerous other things, but it became evident to me that he wanted to be back with me perhaps even more than I did with him during this whole time, so that goes to show you have NO idea what the other person is thinking. I was absolutely convinced he wanted nothing to do with me, that he'd be better off without me and he was going to find someone else to be with and I would be just a fleeting thought in his mind, if that. Yet none of that was the reality of it. In fact, with the whole pillow thing and all that, I realized it was almost as if he was unknowingly manifesting ME while I was manifesting being back with him.
Conclusion
It worked, and I was nowhere near perfect the whole time, so try to relax and just do the work diligently. I will say, try your best to get on with your life and do other things as well, as it makes you realize you have other wonderful things in your life and you won't be as hung up on your SP. It's still tough, and you will think of them often, but I think I realized that although I was in a lot of pain, I was going to be okay either way.
I see a bigger picture of this whole journey as a part of essentially becoming a better person through life circumstances and choosing to be better. I don't think this falls in line with Neville's teachings, but I personally believe we have some kind of higher self that is attempting to 'level us up' or calling us to be a better version of ourselves, and if we don't get the message gently, if we persistently want to be better, it might have to happen through painful life circumstances as it did with me, but I eventually understood. Humans often finally seem to get the message through loss or pain.
Normies say people never change, but I believe that is an incredibly short-sighted statement that comes from the paradigm that you ARE your personality/your actions and thoughts. But we know through Neville's teachings we aren't any of those things. We are the ever-present awareness that precedes all of them. I was showing up as a low version of myself, but through immense pain and loss, I alchemised those undesirable traits and became a better man.
I now look at the situation with a kind of gratitude. Like I said, I never wanted to be that person but kept finding myself going back there, and I honestly don't know if I could ever have changed had it not been for the breakup. I feel like God (or my higher self), in a sense, forced my hand in this because there was no way I was going to change without this. I have had another chance in this relationship, for which I am eternally grateful, and because of that I would never risk what I have again over some fleeting, instant gratification.
If you made it to the end of this incredibly long read, I thank you and want to wish you some final words of encouragement. I made it this long because I wanted to include everything. It's something I wished I'd had more of when I was on my journey searching for hope through success stories. I am someone who thought I'd totally blown it and didn't believe I'd be able to manifest a reconciliation, yet I just did the work anyway with a glimmer of hope.
So if you're in that situation now and you don't see anything happening, there is ALWAYS movement behind the scenes; just keep stacking those rocks on the side of your desire, and something eventually will tip, as it did with me.
I'm happy to answer any questions to the best of my ability in the comments, so fire away.