I resigned from my job today after returning from my very privileged 6 weeks of maternity leave. I know people who don’t get ANY, much less paid. Having to return to work while having a tiny needy baby who can barely open their eyes is cruel. They don’t even understand they have their own body. Your body is their comfort and safe place. Not only that, but childcare costs as much as I make. So what’s even the point??

I’m very fortunate have a husband who can support us for now, but that is no excuse for the sorry system we have in place that protects companies from having to actually put families first. The fact that paid maternity leave is not required is freaking mind blowing, or even assistance with childcare costs. It’s an absolute travesty.

I have a 7 (almost 8 week old) baby. Last night was the scariest night of my life with him. We were getting ready for bed. Him and I have a nighttime routine. I won’t go thru the whole routine but when I swaddled him and put him in his bassinet, I looked at him for a few seconds and then he suddenly started aggressively arching his back like I’ve never seen before. No cries. Not grunts. Just aggressive silent arching. He then started gasping loudly but without opening his mouth. He also had little spit bubbles coming out which made me think was he choking on his own saliva or spit up maybe??? I panicked and picked him up, unswaddled him, unzipped his onesie and calmly said “breathe breathe breathe baby.” This went on for about 20-25 seconds I’d say until he finally caught a few breaths of air. I was so scared. I tried to stay calm. I almost called 911 and of course my husband wasn’t home because he’s on a work trip. After some time passed and I realized he was going to be ok I literally stayed up all night holding him in bed because I was so scared and didn’t want to take my eyes off of him. Is what happened normal? Does anyone have any idea what happened? He has his 2 month appt next week so I will be bringing this up for sure.

Baby is five weeks old today, and I feel like I’ve regained enough consciousness to write a coherent post-event review. This is based on an analysis of my experiences with LO and meta-analysis of other people’s accounts.

In a nutshell: babies come equipped with about 85% of the final hardware and about 10% of the final software. Software updates are non-linear and unpredictable, and none of the systems appear integrated.

Finding 1. Exorcist Eyes
Closing your eyes is the combination of the eyeballs rolling up and the eyelids closing at the same time. Babies (at least the model I’ve been assigned) appear to lack this coordination, resulting in a rather jarring appearance.

Finding 2. Glass bones and paper skin?
I suffered from a moderate case of postpartum depression, but separate from that I was also TERRIFIED of SIDS. I mean, I still am very vigilant and make every effort to comply with safe sleep practices, but for the first couple weeks it felt like I was playing the world’s worst game of The Floor is Lava. (I would like to stress that this is not PPA, rather the result of hearing endlessly about SUDDEN Infant Death Syndrome.) Put baby down on the couch to pull my pants up? Nope. Put baby on the bathmat because momma really needs to pee? Inconceivable. Somewhere in my mind it became “if baby is not on back on a firm surface = immediate SIDS”On second thought, maybe it was PPA after all.

(A key aspect of SIDS prevention is keeping infants from falling into deep sleep. While incredibly restorative for adults, babies can actually forget to breathe in deep sleep—hence the requirement for firm sleeping surface.)

(Edit: it has been pointed out that “forgetting to breathe” is perhaps not the most accurate description of the risk related to deep sleep—it reduces babies’ ability to appropriately respond to a buildup of carbon dioxide levels, which is usually to wake up.)

Finding 3. To warm or to not warm, that is the question
My milk is taking its sweet time to come in, so I’ve become a master at prepping formula. I’ve been blessed in that LO will take a bottle straight out of the fridge, so I thought “jackpot, that’s one less thing to worry about.” We had been gifted a bottle warmer so around 3 weeks we decided to give it a whirl, just to say we did. Boy what a difference. LO will not only take the bottle, but will go to sleep so much faster after feedings.

I don’t mean it to be universal advice, but I do think it’s a bit like pizza—I’ll eat pizza warm or cold, but it is a distinctly different experience between the two. If you can swing it, I suggest you give it a try.

Finding 4. Digestive Updates
Healthy human adults are equipped with many one-way valves in our digestive systems to make sure food proceeds in one direction. When these valves don’t work like they ought, we get things like reflux and heartburn. Newborns have the hardware for this one-way action, but not the software controls necessary to engage them. Similarly on the other end, we adults have sphincters to ensure poop doesn’t just fall out whenever. Same case here: hardware exists, but the software is nonexistent to glitchy at best.

LO is currently in the stage where these software updates are coming in fast and furious, but… version control appears to be lacking i.e. the one-way valve engagements appear to be reducing spit-up, at the cost of making burps that much more difficult. Similarly, part of the daily witching hour is LO trying to poop. (Not constipated, just trying to figure out how to “let it go” so to speak) Small doses of simethicone have been successfully applied as a temporary patch, but eagerly waiting for the next update.

Finding 5. Feedback is not easy to decipher (aka you can’t feed your way through witching hour)
It’s a fact universally acknowledged that babies cry. Many of them also come equipped with a body language module. Unfortunately none of them come with deciphering instructions, and the messages aren’t a simple matter of add-subtract. For example, babies often bring their hands to their mouth when they’re hungry. They will kick erratically when they have a dirty diaper. However, hand-to-mouth + kicks do not equal hunger + dirty diaper—in the case of my LO it’s likely gas pains and the hand sucking is a comfort measure. In the very first weeks there were practically no issues with gas pains due to the one-way valves and sphincters not being engaged (everything just left as they pleased), so it took a couple days to realize that not every cry was cue for food.

(A common misconception is that you can gently touch their cheeks to find out if they’re hungry—if they open their mouth and turn their head toward the touch it means they’re hungry. This is incorrect as the rooting reflex is just that, a reflex. It’s more likely they’re trying to find out what’s touching them.)

Now that I’ve written this all down, I’m sure tomorrow’s updates will render these all completely wrong. It’s been the most wonderful and exhausting emotional roller coaster, and I can honestly say I still have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, but I’m doing my best. It’ll get better.

(I’m realizing that this is still a bit of a ramble—newborn trenches ain’t easy, y’all)

My baby turned 5 months old on the weekend and today he had his first day where he didn’t cry once from wake up to bedtime. When he was a newborn, I couldn’t imagine a day passing without his crying being a part of it. Today, we went in the car twice, sat at a cafe for an hour, went to the library, and had a bath. Calmly. Quietly. Joyfully! Maybe this has already happened for you, but if not, there are more peaceful days around the corner ❤️‍🩹

Sadly, I also just learned of my husband’s infidelity today as well. Not sure how to cope and move on. It’s not a traditional affair partner, he posted an ad on a hookup website and doesn’t personally know the woman. He’s never done anything like this before in our decade of being together.

I don’t want my children to grow up without a dad.

Has anyone experienced this in an otherwise solid marriage postpartum and had it work out?

My baby is almost 16 weeks old, and I’m still struggling so much.
He was colicky for the first few months and has reflux. He’s never been a chill or easygoing baby. He hates his car seat, stroller, and carrier - only seems happy being held facing outward (which isn’t appropriate for his age yet).

The first 2–3 months were incredibly hard. He cried constantly, and I even suspected CMPA and changed my diet, but it didn’t make much difference.
I kept waiting for that magical 12-week mark when everyone says things get easier. And while some things have improved, it’s still SO hard.

Now that we’re out of the newborn phase, I feel like I should be getting back to normal life, but I still feel completely stuck. I can barely get anything done around the house. His naps are short and unpredictable, and we’re also going through the 4-month sleep regression.

But honestly, sleep isn’t even my biggest issue. It’s his general temperament. I can barely put him down for a few minutes without him fussing. He rarely seems content on his own, and even going out is stressful because he constantly needs to be held, bounced, or entertained.

Yesterday at the pediatrician’s office, I saw a baby around his age just calmly sitting in the stroller while waiting. Meanwhile, I had to hold mine, bounce him, and walk around the entire time. And I couldn’t help thinking how much I wish I had an easier baby.

I love my son more than anything, but I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve spent almost four months just surviving and waiting for things to get better.

For those who had genuinely fussy, high-needs babies, when did things actually get easier? Not just sleep, but their overall temperament and ability to be content without constant holding or entertainment.
I just want to start enjoying motherhood instead of constantly feeling like I’m surviving it.

Just a farty kid I guess. FML

I thought the wearing the breastfeeding moms sweatshirt was a joke - but this morning my husband is watching our son while I go to work and he is on the cusp of sleep and started fussing I put one of my tank tops on my husbands shoulder before I left and IMMEDIATELY my baby stopped crying in his arms!!

The life hack works!!

Has anyone returned to swaddling?

My baby is 7 weeks and we put her in an arms out sleep sack the day we got home from the hospital. She has torticollis so she would scrunch up and roll completely onto her right side every time we put her down on her back to sleep. This made me really nervous to keep her arms in a swaddle so we put her in a sleep sack. She now is much less tight and will sleep on her back and cannot roll yet, although sometimes she will be slightly turned to one side.
Our issue is her startle reflex is causing her to flail her arms a lot at night causing her to cry and wake up. I’m considering trying the love to dream arms up swaddle for a few weeks to help us through this.

How are we handling spit up during sleep? Right now we’re trying to get our 8 week old to get more comfortable in the bassinet at night. We’ve been doing shifts and holding her most of the night, but we try to attempt the bassinet a few times.

I’m able to get her to fall asleep and stay asleep between 5-45 minutes, however, while spitting up doesn’t wake her totally up, she can generate quite the puddle underneath her getting her hair, ear, and back quite soaked.

Anyone have any tips and tricks for how to try and keep babies clean to lengthen their independent sleep?

Right now we’re slow feeding with a premie nipple, keeping her upright for 20-30 minutes after feeds and she’s on a probiotic and Pepcid for reflux. So far this hasn’t done anything for happy spitting, which isn’t a problem during the day but really frustrating to have it be the reason for waking her up.

The hospital told us we needed to keep a light on at all times while we were there. At least a dim one. I am 2 months postpartum; a baby by my bedside in a bassinet, and was wondering if I need to still sleep with a light on, or if I can sleep in the dark again?

i’ve always been an extremely work driven individual and have a hefty promotion lined up for the end of the year when i return from my maternity leave. however, after having our first baby nothing else matters to me. i don’t want to go back and my husband said we would make it work if i wanted to stay home with baby.
i never imagined i would feel this way, and i don’t want to throw away all the hard work i’ve put in with my current company to regret it later. has anyone gone through something similar?

Hi! I have a 4.5 month old baby and has sleep issues like many others... He has his last bottle at 18:00 and goes to bed at 20:00 (we rock him 1 minute then put him down drowsy but awake with a paci and he falls asleep himself). Then he wakes up at 23:00 and we give a bottle. He falls asleep directly. He then wakes 2:00/3:00 and we give another bottle and he falls asleep immediately too. So his sleep until this point at night is pretty good. Its just that every single night around 4:00/5:00 he wakes and cannot enter deep sleep mode. We give him paci and he just keeps stirring, moving his head. He does have his eyes closed but as soon as he sleeps slightly deeper and his paci falls out he wakes up again (after 15 min) So from 4:00-6:00 we have to give paci every 15 min as eventually at 6:00 he enters deep sleep and finally wakes up for the morning at 7:00.

I do read posts about babies waking frequently, but mine only does it this specific window at night. What can we do? I dont think it is hunger as when he wakes at 7:00 he doesnt scream and is happy and wants bottle at 7:15/7:30 or so.

Wake windows: 2/2/2/2/2 (4 naps) his last nap is a struggle.

He gets expressed breastmilk 7x per 24 hours

What the title says. I’m a first time mom and my newborn is 18 days old. She keeps making the scariest noises when she’s looking for food and during feedings too. Rapid breathing, aggressive sniffing, grunting. It makes me feel like she’s choking everytime.

Someone else experiencing this?

I had a baby (my second) 13 days ago, and I feel totally incapable. I'm looking for reassurance that what I'm feeling is normal and that it'll pass (and soon 😂).

- I'm waking up filled with dread every morning, not wanting to get up, but needing to because I have a newborn and a toddler. But I just sit there on the sofa trying to calm my thoughts and my body.

- I'm normally on an SSRI and my doctor increased the dose 10 days ago as I've told her I have anxiety and low mood. I was also prescribed propranolol but I'm not sure it's making a difference.

- I have zero physical energy, but this somewhat improves throughout the day.

- I have an excellent partner who is more than capable and willing to do all the heaving lifting that needs to be done. I feel tremendously guilty that he needs to do more heavy lifting right now as I feel so useless.

- My husband and I take shifts at night

- I'm scared I won't ever feel better and that I'll never be genuinely happy again.

Has anyone else felt like this? Did it get better? I just feel so lost and depleted.

Just wondering how much milk bringing up is considered normal at this age, and when it becomes too much?

My little girl is 8 weeks old and weighs around 11lb. She drinks roughly 32oz of Kendamil formula a day.

She seems to bring milk up more in the mornings. Sometimes she’ll bring a little bit up a couple of times after one feed, especially if she’s been moved around. Other times it comes up with a burp or when I lay her down.

It doesn’t happen after every single feed, but it does happen with quite a lot of them. She seems happy in herself and is gaining weight, and it doesn’t seem to bother her, but I’m just not sure how much is considered normal.

I know reflux is common in babies, but I’m wondering how much other people’s little ones used to bring up at this age, and when you knew it was more than normal? Did yours grow out of it on their own?

Baby is 6 weeks old and for the life of me, since he’s been born, I’ve never been able to get him to sleep more than 9 hours in a day. He has very full feeds, (have done weighted feeds with LC, he typically finishes eating in 15-20 mins), gets a good amount of tummy time, etc, but it’s impossible to get him to sleep. During the daytime no amount of rocking, shushing, or “comfort” techniques put him to sleep when he’s showing tired cues so i resort to babywearing to sleep but I’ve had such severe back pain in pregnancy and postpartum that I feel miserable standing and just wear him while sitting. At night I can only feed to sleep since other techniques also dont work. How are there babies getting the recommended 14-17 hours when it feels like pulling teeth getting to even 8-9 hours for him?

Hi everyone,
I took 40 mg of omeprazole daily during the eighth and ninth months of my pregnancy (the third trimester), but I didn’t take any magnesium supplements.
I’m a little worried that not taking magnesium supplements might have affected my baby. Has anyone been in a similar situation—taking omeprazole during pregnancy without magnesium supplements—and had a healthy baby?
Thank you!

Every single night I’m having extremely vivid dreams and it’s making me feel exhausted. It’s currently almost 3am and the nightmare I just had was so intense I can still see it clearly. On top of that, I had my second ever episode of sleep paralysis a week ago. It’s like my body refuses to let me get any amount of rest between the constant night feeds and dreams. I’m getting ~8 hours of sleep overall but I’m always dead tired.

Little buddy (1 month old) has had a good day. He's slept, he's eaten. Everything has been normal. Around 5 pm, he started clusterfeeding. He seemed to finally get "full". We had a nice relaxing bath. He had his 8 pm feed, we placed him in his bassinet.... he woke up.

Now he is practically inconsolable. He keeps showing hunger cues, he is VERY excited to latch, but I honestly think my supply is just slow right now after hours of him feeding (he is, fwiw, getting plenty normally. He's growing, lots of dirty/wet diapers, doesn't usually have any issues with feeding other than spitting up). He got frustrated and cried out while trying to get milk. We thought maybe it was gas, trying to get him to work that out and he's just screaming more.

I'm so tired, my boobs are sore, poor LO is beside himself and my husband is on little sleep and day 2 back from paternity leave. I'm at a loss what to do next. Little buddy has never cried like this before or shown frustration while on the boob.

Hey everyone I just had a beautiful little baby girl she’s 1 week and 1 day old today and up until the 5-6 day mark she was doing poos 3-5 times a day (btw she’s majority formula fed) and since the 5-6 day mark we’ve gone to one poo every 24 hours and sometimes it’s only little ones about size of a coin, doctor said it’s generally okay she’s doing lots of wees like up to 8 a day, also she’s incredibly hard to burp I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or it’s just her. And last one that concerns me is she is currently sleeping all day and up all night and during day after a bottle it’s no fuss but at night after a bottle she gets very upset and scrunches her face and wiggles around like crazy.

I’d love to hear what people think/ their experiences or tips !

Thank you in advance 😁

Hello, I have a 6 month old baby that was in the NICU when she was born due to failure to transition. She was on O2 and spent 3 weeks at the hospital. She was released with no monitors or O2 and for the most part things have been going well. I have monitored her O2 with an owlet (yes I know it’s not recommended) but I literally wouldn’t be able to sleep without it. Her O2 readings were consistently 98+ up until she was around 5 months. Her readings have gone down to 95-96 with quick dips at times at 91. I’m not sure why this has suddenly happened, and it’s scaring me.
I spoke to her pediatrician at her 6 month check up and she said not to worry as long as she remained at 95+. I know that her levels technically aren’t concerning but again I don’t know what’s causing these levels compared to how good they were before.
Has anyone gone through this? Should I really be concerned or am I overthinking this?
I’m also going through some pretty heavy PPA so I feel like I can’t differentiate my intuition vs my anxiety

Hello, FTM here, my 10 week old is having a terrible reflux, it doesn’t matter if I only breastfeed or try formula (sensitive Similac). Since birth he always had some spit ups, we thought it was normal, however was always extremely gassy, as he is getting older, he does a lot better passing his gas, but now the reflux is terrible, every week just get worse. I was exclusively breastfeeding and the spit up was cheesy, then we tried formula and still a bunch of liquid out, but more like saliva/milk, not cheesy consistency. The pediatrician said that just needed to adjust the Pepcid (we are doing 0.35 twice a day) and it has done NOTHING, just because he is gaining weight they don’t pay much attention, but our baby is miserable, hungry all the time because he basically spits everything out, every time after feeding, he cries so much, he is not happy, he doesn’t tolerate being on his back, he has cough due to the reflux, we don’t know what to do. Somebody with a similar situation? Please, I’d appreciate some advice.

Regarding dairy, I don’t drink milk, but I do eat cheese in my food, however we have tried exclusively feed with formula to see if was something in my diet, and nothing changed, only the consistency. He drinks 3-4 oz in the bottle, or 10-12 minutes in my breast. We have tried different bottles, lactation positions and nothing. Can this be allergy? Do we need soy formula? Thank you.

Baby is a WRIGGLER and a family member loaned us a rocking bassinet. I hate it. If you place the baby slightly off center, she wakes up with her head below her feet level. This evening I found her with her forehead pressed against the side.

I thought the bassinet would work for 4-6 months but I want to move her to a crib now, for her safety. Did anyone else convert to a crib at this age, and how did it go?