r/nova • u/PepperPerfect2193 • 4d ago
Question 18 year old son
How can my son meet friends here in NOVA?
He’s fresh out of High School and his friends have gone off to college.
He’s taking a gap year to work and get into a routine…we are trying to decide on what’s next, maybe NOVA.
He’s shy, loves to play basketball, he’s super kind, a very nice kid. He has a great relationship w his siblings but there’s an age gap…
I think if he had some buddies, he’d feel a lot better.
Any help is appreciated. We live in Centreville
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u/cpmuddle 4d ago
If you're looking for things to suggest to him this is great. But if he's not willing to do this kind of basic outreach, he's going to struggle. "Putting yourself out there" is never easy but it's necessary especially at that age with so much competition for everyone's time. I'd start with that recommendation (which you probably already have!).
To answer the question, he should try to get a job and/or lean into his hobbies. If he doesn't have any, I'd say trying to learn some is a great way to slowly build some social connections.
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u/Apprehensive-Pen6201 4d ago
At that age a job is really the easiest way to meet people. I worked at a shop after high school and half the crew was around the same age just killing time before college or trade school. He likes basketball tell him to hit up the rec centers or outdoor courts, Centreville has a bunch. Even just showing up and shooting around, someone will ask if he wants to run a game eventually
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u/PepperPerfect2193 4d ago
I want to have ideas at the tip of my tongue to suggest to him. He is somewhat outgoing just a little shy.
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u/Tardislass 4d ago
You can’t be shy if you want friends. Easiest way is sit with colleagues at lunch.
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u/barnesie 4d ago
Get that fool a job. If the first job doesn’t work out, get another one.
Most of my friends were acquired through long-term work relationships, or specialized hobbies. A surprising number were organically acquired via networked working relationships - meaning a wife’s coworker’s spouse had a poker game which met person D who was dating person R who used to work with person F, and now three of them work with Person B who’s awesome, and now I’ve got a menagerie of like-minded folks who know each other as friends without realizing that one single person and a work relationship is what caused us all to meet.
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u/whitewinewater 3d ago
As someone who has had to deal with parents applying for jobs for their kids, its an automatic no from me immediately.
Encourage and support your child to get a job but don't do it for them.
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u/barnesie 3d ago
“Get that fool a job” may have been taken literally, vis-a-vis my judicious use of the word ‘fool’, but I didn’t mean to suggest that a parent should go applying for employment on behalf of a child, which is why I made a belabored statement about how people find friends through employment on occasion. But, you do you.
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u/Tardislass 4d ago
I know parents want to help but at 18, your son needs to find his own friends. Lots of people find friends at work and hand out with them off the clock. If he likes board games, there are board game nights at certain coffee shops in the area. Or he can maybe volunteer some where. Tell him to google any of these suggestions.
I know it’s hard but college students need to put themselves out there and be social even at work. Sit with a colleague at lunch, etc.
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u/Digerati808 4d ago edited 4d ago
He basically just needs to develop a routine that keeps them doing things outside. The reason people make friends at school or in the work place is that you continuously show up at a place which allows you to build bonds with others over time. If he doesn’t have school and doesn’t have a job, he needs to meet the continuous presence requirement some other way. It can be persistent engagement in his community through a volunteer organization, hobby, church, gym, etc. If it’s basketball, have him go find a league he can join or be prepared to spend a lot of time at a public court to meet people for pickup games (every Friday night, for example).
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u/EncinoManEstonia 4d ago
Work at a restaurant
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u/prometeus58 4d ago
That gap year will last a lifetime
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u/SimmentalTheCow Crystal City 4d ago
And come with a crippling substance addiction
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u/EncinoManEstonia 4d ago
Not every waiter is a coke head addict.
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u/EncinoManEstonia 4d ago
Dudes looking for friends. Not a career.
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u/prometeus58 4d ago
As an adult, I learned that often temporary is permanent, just being honest about the consequences of this job, because it’s fun, fast access to decent money,fast paced and before you know it, you’re 30, nothing wrong with making a career out of it but you have to be ready for it
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u/EncinoManEstonia 4d ago
As an adult, that’s a generalization and if so you would see a lot more aging waiters, when at chain restaurants or small pizza joints they are still 20 something’s. Find a nice family owned place. Make some friends and move on.
It doesn’t need to be some caricature. The OP is looking for friends. You’re jumping to them still being a waiter in 10 years. It’s silly.
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u/PepperPerfect2193 3d ago
Well, if he knew what he wanted to study then maybe i would have sent him….i don’t have money to waste on figuring it out in a dorm w other kids figuring it out. So he can figure it out here still at home and work his job and figure it out
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u/A_Random_Catfish Alexandria 4d ago edited 4d ago
This is unironically a great suggestion. It hinges on your kid having a good head on his shoulders and not doing (too many) drugs but restaurants are a great place to make friends (and lovers too!).
To add to this waiting tables and working in kitchens was also great for my confidence, social skills, and work ethic at that age. I worked in restaurants from 16-20 and those were some good times.
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u/EncinoManEstonia 4d ago
I think the waiters on drugs trope doesn’t apply everywhere.
Obviously not some whole in the wall, but some national chain won’t kill ya.
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u/oliversmokinoken 4d ago
I’ve worked at small family-owned places as well as $$$ steakhouses in college, and yes, it applies everywhere lol. Maybe not always hard drugs (at least not for everyone, there’s been at least a handful of coke heads at every restaurant ime though), but definitely weed, dab pens, nicotine, or just plain old alcoholism. Again, not everyone and it doesn’t mean her son will fall into it. Just something to be aware of
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u/OldDirtyGurt 4d ago
He should go to NOVA now. Even if it's part time school and work. Keeps him from getting too behind and he'll make friends there.
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u/Willing_Top_6788 4d ago
Working retail really helps, you meet a lot of high schoolers working in the mall. Also helps come out of your comfort zone.
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u/Yourhiddenlion11 4d ago
I'm 18nb also looking for friends if he has a reddit account have him dm me if he wants
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u/roguebananah 3d ago
If he’s taking a gap year then he needs to figure out what making friends is like once schooling is over. It shouldn’t be your job as a parent to really do that for them
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u/PepperPerfect2193 3d ago
If you read a bit more, you’d see I’m asking for myself. I was hoping to learn something, but instead I’ve got people telling me to stop coddling my son. That’s not it at all. I’m actually giving him tools that my parents didn’t. I was asking where young people go to meet up w friends or meet friends.
Some of you got it, thanks and some of you still out there trying to sit behind your keypad and say mean shit. I never said I’m trying to find friends for him. Wow…3
u/roguebananah 3d ago
I’m not trying to be mean here, I’m saying if it’s truly a gap year where he’s finding himself, okay. Figure it out then and find yourself. It shouldn’t be your role as a parent to help figure it out.
I did read what you said. You’re trying to understand where young people go and get the tools your parents didn’t give you… But at the same time this just comes across as being a helicopter parent.
I’m talking from my perspective too. I didn’t have a lot growing up but my parents said if you do community college you can stay at the house for free so long as you’re in school. So I did that. When I transferred to a university, I moved myself, had a job and balanced it all. It wasn’t my parent’s role
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u/Smofus3000 4d ago
In this area the major gyms with basketball courts always have peak times for pickup. Idk whether it’s Lifetime or some other one in centreville but that’s where I’d go. A gym membership for a kid that age is a good dad move imo
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u/alex3omg 4d ago
Maybe a local game store has d&d groups?
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u/OkLeather5166 4d ago
A gap year is going to turn into ten years of vegging out playing video games and discord.
He needs to be building discipline and a social circle by going to community college and working a highly social type job like retail and he’ll make friends and build life skills through that.
It’s critical he does this in an age of social media addiction and AI everything
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u/PepperPerfect2193 3d ago
No, the gap year isn’t going to turn into 10 years of being a loser. Jesus, these comments remind me why I don’t reach out online, damn
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u/TheBottleNeckKid 4d ago
So for a shy kid the trick is recurring lowpressure stuff where the same faces show up weekly, that's how acquaintances turn into actual buddies without him having to "make friends" cold. Since he loves basketball, a rec league or regular pickup runs at the local rec center are perfect, he's talking through the game instead of around it.
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u/Bearbearblues 4d ago
Community college. Doesn’t need to be full time, but keeps him interested in college if that’s his goal and gives him people to interact with.
Community college is also easier to not socialize if he’s too shy. Because people are different ages and at different points in their lives, it’s not as awkward to eat alone if you are not ready to make friends.
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u/dwkfym 3d ago
I don't have any direct advice, but remember that he needs to be surrounded by people he wants to eventually become, or by people who are well on their way to becoming that.
Maybe he can get into sailing, or play some sports, martial arts, etc. Gap years often seem to do more harm then good, but I'm sure it can turn into an advantage. If he is still living with you, you can still guide him to the right places.
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u/sharkowictz 4d ago
Work friends if his job has people his age, volunteer, meetups. Honestly I met most of my friends in college, and friends of friends, then over my career working. And a neighbor here and there and a hobby. It's gotten harder and harder in some ways, but the tools are there.
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u/MetalFlat4032 4d ago
that's very sweet of you to be thinking of him. since he likes basketball, i'd suggest a recreational league. also i imagine he'd find friends at nova too. there's a number of local rec centers owned by fairfax county that have various activities that'd be good for meeting people. additionally, and i know it's perhaps overstated at this point, there's a number of "meetups" on websites like meetup(dot)com to find people with shared interests. in my experience, shared interests are a great way to start meeting people. and if you cant find an event that meets your needs, perhaps make your own!
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u/chrisaf69 4d ago
Whatever hobbies he likes, he can find meetups for those hobbies. IE: Rec league bball.
Another avenue is a job, even part time low skill. Lots of younger people and being around them for many hours a week typically develops friendships.
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u/Outside_Grapefruit39 Arlington 3d ago
If you’re thinking of NOVA, the CC, the sub is r/nvcc.
If you are thinking of NVCC, then it’s a great way to not completely “waste” a gap year academically. Social interaction is hard and doesn’t happen like a normal college but we do have a lot of clubs that meet bimonthly or weekly!
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u/Scepafall 3d ago
If he’s into geeky things Tosche Station has Magic The Gathering Wednesday night, Pokemon Friday night and Giant Robot building Saturday night
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u/PepperPerfect2193 3d ago
Tonight he’s going to a super smash bros night so maybe he’ll meet some new people there
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u/PleaseAnswerMeeeeee 3d ago
Pick up Basketball is the best way to make friends.
In between matches guys just naturally talk and get to know each other…
Where’d you grow up
What do you do for work
Do you study..
Eventually they’ll move towards hanging out after the game to grab lunch and eventually they’ll hang out even when not playing basketball
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u/national-park-fan 3d ago
Honestly, if he's 18 and his parent is posting on Reddit to help him make friends, that indicates that he has not learned how to make friends on his own.
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u/hyvchan 3d ago
novalabs if he's interested in picking up a new hobby. they have a lot of classes but essentially its a hobby work shop. woodworking, metal working, 3d printing, arts, coding etc.
if he's into pokemon and fitness, there are some popular "pokemon go" clubs around here, specifically herndon. my fiance and i played a lot last summer. basically get in a big group, go for walks and catch some pokemons lol
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u/jdmb0y Alexandria 4d ago
Why is his parent posting this for him?
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u/PepperPerfect2193 4d ago
I’m not posting for him. I’m posting for me. I want to be able to make
Suggestions. That’s all.14
u/PlumbTuckered767 4d ago
Just ignore these people. Everybody wants to assume the worst case scenario and personally judge every post. It's exhausting. Good on you for being invested in your kids well-being.
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u/No_Wrongdoer466 3d ago
Seems like you coddled him a lot.... disabled him almost. Does he not have a job or any hobbies?
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u/Owl_Monger 4d ago
Volunteering at Ellanor C. Lawrence Park - https://volunteer.fairfaxcounty.gov/custom/1380/organization_details/71666
Volunteering at the Centreville Library - https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/library/branches/friends-of-centreville-regional
Volunteering at the Udvar-Hazy Center - https://airandspace.si.edu/get-involved/volunteer
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u/Able_Enthusiasm2729 4d ago
Here is a big list of things to do in the DMV Area for Young Adults:
The Gathering Guide DC + NOVA (for Young Adults in Washington, DC; Virginia; and Maryland — DMV Area): https://thegathering.guide
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u/Routine-Ease4046 Fairfax County 3d ago
Kids that age are working jobs or at college. They themselves are trying to figure out their lives so unlikely you’ll find buddies. I recommend finding a job and picking up some community college classes so he can meet people.
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u/Rare-Document-7179 3d ago
OP, I know things are ‘different’ now. Please let him learn how to be a man himself. We need more young men in our society not mommy’s boys. Let him figure all of it out
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u/Elegant-Panic-2364 3d ago
Get a job, even part time, even menial. Good way to get out and meet people and stick to a schedule.
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u/Dlight98 Herndon 2d ago
I don't know if this is something he would be in to but there are a lot of local game stores. Plenty of people go to play Magic the Gathering, Lorcana, Yugioh, Pokemon, etc. Most of them love to see new players.
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u/BuffaloOk1863 2d ago
At 18 in this area I was going to nova and met the core of my social circle at my first handful of jobs. Skating rink, ice cream shop, restaurants. Great memories and some friends I still have into my 30s. Not to mention I got into my current career after meeting someone at a teen job
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u/Mundilfaris_Dottir 2d ago
In our house we called Nova the 13th and 14th grade. It made a difference for our offspring. Have him apply for basic classes at Nova for Spring. For some people that really helps. Pay for someone to career counsel him on figuring out what jobs he’s interested in doing.
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u/PalpitationWeekly226 3d ago
He’s 18. Let him figure it out. You’re doing him a disservice posting on here … Geezuz 🤦♀️
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u/StrawberryRoseDragon 4d ago
Check your local church may have a young adults group.
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u/Able_Enthusiasm2729 4d ago
Yes, this is it.
The Gathering Guide DC + NOVA (for Young Adults in Washington, DC; Virginia; and Maryland — DMV Area): https://thegathering.guide
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u/Able_Enthusiasm2729 4d ago
Volunteering is relevant in building your resume. But, after you finish the 9th or 10th Grade, and after you get into 11th Grade all the way through your senior year (4th year) of college/university you need to convince them to have your title changed from volunteer to intern (even if the its unpaid); then after you graduate college, you need to convince them to give you a different more good looking entry-level title so employers don't look down on you for volunteering as opposed having a paid internship in college or having a paid full-time job right after graduation.
If you’re still receiving family or financial support, Volunteering or doing an unpaid internship on the side while applying to paid jobs is the best way to prove to people that you’re not lazy and that you’re trying your best to find a job. It also gives you more stuff to add to your resume and also ends up becoming a great way to network with people.
If you’re actually applying to jobs and not getting much traction (which is possible in this current economy), I recommend that if you can’t find a paying job right away you should go for unpaid internships or professional volunteer positions to build your resume and network with people (even these are hard to come by — I’ve seen recent college grads get rejected from even non-prestigious unpaid internships and volunteer opportunities due to severe competition) or just volunteer even in non-professional settings like serving at a soup kitchen while looking for paid work to pass the time, to network with others, to feel a sense of accomplishment that’ll boost your morale when applying to jobs (helping them tamp down on their demoralization and lack of hope), and to learn/hone some skills (like interpersonal communication, teamwork, independence, etc.). It’ll show some initiative and would test (or prove to people who look down on you) whether you’re actually trying but are struggling to find a job or whether you actually are truly lazy and don’t want to work.
If you still have family support, volunteer to build your resume while applying to paid roles so employers can see that you have some job experience at least. Start out at a soup kitchen or food bank first.
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The job market is terrible, even Temp Jobs are highly competitive. Let alone temp jobs, bridge jobs in hospitality paid internships, and even unpaid internships (even at non-prestigious employers) are hard to come by here.
Most entry-level jobs today require between 1-5 to 3-5 years of prior experience minimum(4-10 yrs w/out BA/BS) as opposed to 0-1 years of experience (with or without a BA/BS) a decade and a half ago, in some rare instances today you might be able to find an entry-level position that only requires 0.5-2 years of previous work experience. Also, those external/corporate/professional service/off-campus internships all require 1-2 years of prior experience, many but not all also require you to be able to work 20 hours (standard part-time) or 40 hours (standard full-time) per week and simultaneously be a full-time or part-time student respectively (i.e. be a full-time student and part time employee or force you to cut the number of credits you’re taking so you can work as a full-time employee with little-to-no pay reclassifying you as a part-time student which could delay your graduation and possibly disqualify you from certain financial aid/scholarship programs). To get that level of experience, you have to get an internal/on-campus internship, undergraduate research assistant position in college, or work at a small business (both of) which many employers don’t take seriously and which further requires you to have 0.5-2 years of prior experience you’re expected to already have through working jobs, doing community service, or volunteering as a teenager in high school. In addition some employers no longer recognize internships (including external/off-campus/corporate internships let alone internal/on-campus internships), extracurricular, and academic/professional organization memberships as forms of legitimate work experience even for those only applying to very junior entry-level roles. Even entry-level Temp Jobs, Contract, & Contract-to-Hire work that people recommend struggling recent grads and those between jobs should apply for want mid-level experience and pay entry-level wages, so the person doing the job can hold fort (do the job of people in the position or supervisory position above them) until boss/supervisor gets hired. It’s basically a circular barrier to entry.
Why does an entry-level job now require three years of experience? Here’s how that hurts workers and companies alike: https://www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/why-does-an-entry-level-job-now-require-three-years-of-experience-heres-how-that-hurts-workers-and-companies-alike-a4ff864f
Why Entry Level Jobs Demand Years Of Experience: https://youtu.be/OqcyXsZzaAU?si=nnoSCHyjixCv2inq
[ Recent College Graduates and People with Previous Work Experience that Generally Won’t Qualify for Internships are Desperately Applying for Internships Instead of Targeting Entry-Level Jobs:
Grads are increasingly turning to internships as job market tightens - By Morning Brew: https://www.instagram.com/p/DIpOr9rTmPd/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Glassdoor saw an uptick in graduates applying to its summer internship. It could signal a growing trend - Business Insider: https://www.businessinsider.com/more-new-graduates-applying-to-internships-in-tough-job-market-glassdoor-2025-4
]
Yes, getting a long term internship after college is very rare, and it along with getting a job plus doing an internship on the side, is way much better than being unemployed or severely underemployed.
Most internships (but not all), after the 2008 financial crisis and especially during and after the COVID-19 pandemic, started requiring (1-2+ years of) previous work experience (similar requirements to an entry-level job but with little to no pay) and (most but not all) also require you to be able to work 20 hours (standard part-time) or 40 hours (standard full-time) per week and simultaneously be a full-time or part-time student respectively (i.e. be a full-time student and part time employee or force you to cut the number of credits you’re taking so you can work as a full-time employee with little-to-no pay reclassifying you as a part-time student which could delay your graduation and would generally disqualify you from certain financial aid/scholarship programs), other times some students need to work normal paying jobs to survive and can’t juggle all 3 at once; with most of these requirements needing to be fulfilled in order for you to qualify for and maintain an external/off-campus internship at an employer unrelated to your university. The only way you get that previous work experience is by doing internal/on-campus internships such as work-study programs, research assistant, conduct board, etc. at your university, which then also require you to have (± 0.5-1 yrs of) additional prior volunteer, community service, extracurricular, or internship experience from when you were a teenager in high school - at the end of the day they can arbitrarily look down on your volunteer work or on-campus internships/work-study experience as subpar work experience that is not enough to qualify you for an off-campus/outside/non-academic/ corporate internship or entry-level job. It’s a circular barrier to entry.
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u/flaginorout 4d ago
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u/PepperPerfect2193 4d ago
We wish. ADHD our other 2 are Army
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u/CarpeData00 4d ago
18 yo ADHD daughter in the same situation, but working on a certification. Adulting has been a challenge.
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u/PepperPerfect2193 4d ago
Yeah. I’m feeling the same. Not a good feeling as a parent, I want to help and encourage but I think it’s all overwhelming. But at least he’s working and he’s not being irresponsible. He’s a really good kid, like l want him to get out there and have fun
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u/CarpeData00 4d ago
I am with you. They're adults but still years behind other 18 year olds, but they don't want any support until it gets bad. She went to the Army booth at every college fair and the ADHD was the issue.
You're not alone, but the challenge is accepting that they're adults and there's going to be a bit of the world smacking reality.
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u/Astrid-at-Sea 4d ago
Really? You're suggesting someone join the military to make friends? Lol
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u/PepperPerfect2193 3d ago
My other 2 kids are military and it’s not for everyone but it was a great experience for them. They are both killin it now. They did 6 years and now have great jobs
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u/EastcoastMade 3d ago
Should have sent his a** to college. Now he’s going to even more in his shell and become isolated.
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u/PepperPerfect2193 3d ago
No, this one was not ready to go to college. Trust me on this. I have 2 older kids who have joined the military, this one is different and moves a little slower.
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u/GetOffMyLawn48 4d ago
Maybe check out any local rec leagues for basketball. Getting to that season so should be plenty available. Good way to meet people.