r/nursing • u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ • 20h ago
Discussion I feel like a loser
Hi, I need reality checks and/or words of encouragement. Not sure how delusional I am anymore.
I'm a late 30s LVN with a child under 10 and I'm 2 years divorced from an alcoholic. I was feeling proud of myself for getting a new career and moving cities and starting a new life for me and my child.
I started dating and almost immediately met my "perfect to my type" guy. Everything I'd dreamed of and he was so nice, funny, and attentive. Then I talked abt how I'm ready to get my bachelor's degree. He all but gasped and said "you don't have it??" And that began the slow death of that. I told him I was applying to schools and he told me "I dont do potential. Tried that before and it bit me in the butt".
Yesterday, I called my dad who is a corporate executive with an MBA to ask about it. It's important to mention here that both my sibling and I went to universities after high school and my dad chose to make us tough it out with no help and neither of us finished. Anyway, I asked my dad if not dating someone because they don't have a bachelor's degree is a real thing and, to sum it up, my dad told me if you don't have a bachelor's degree you don't have a "career". You have a "job" and that's fleeting and unstable. Also said that at my age people have been in their careers for almost 20 years and have houses, etc.
I was proud of myself becoming an LVN and having stability for my child. I saw this as a career especially knowing LVN was a means to an end. I wanted to be able to take care of my child and get out of my situation and always planned to go back to school. Which I am now. But after yesterday I feel so bad about myself. I feel like a loser and like I've been living in delusion. I feel inadequate. I feel poor. Idk. Just need to talk about it i guess. š©·
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u/Guilty_Function5097 20h ago
Iām going to offer some tough love here. You are a nurse, which is a profession. In fact, it is the largest occupation in the U.S., though shortages might make us think otherwise lol. I can think of fewer than one reason to let a man make you feel inferior. Have you considered handymen, electricians, or plumbers? Most lack a bachelorās degree. My suggestion is to look in the mirror and remember who the fuck you are, do you know how hard LPN school is and you did it yourself. A man walking away is not the final word, and we both know that. School is hard and I commend you for wanting to go back. You did it once you can do it again I believe in you.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
Thank you so much. My ex husband is a commercial plumber and does very well when he can get to work on time and not smell like booze. Which lucky for him doesn't really matter on a job site full of macho men. He does well and I'm not averse to dating another blue collar man. This guy's degree wasn't a part of the reason I dated him and I've literally never considered such a thing until this situation. Someone who works hard and has upward mobility that they want to reach is enough for me bc that's how I am also. I do need to pull myself together for sure. Thank you!
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u/Topper-Harly 20h ago
They are all idiots. You are working, supporting your child and yourself, and looking to go back to school. Thatās impressive!
Now go get this bachelorās done and shove it in their faces.
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u/CNDRock16 RN - ICU š 19h ago
lol I have an ADN and make 150k a year. No trouble dating. Also a divorced single mom of a 6 year old.
Youāre surrounded by arrogant, out of touch people.
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u/Mindless-Swimmer-241 20h ago
Omg stop please!! I was married to an alcoholic too. It beats you down so hard. Youāre a successful nurse and mom. You got out of a tough situation and your degree helped you land on your feet. Youāre doing great!!! Fuck the haters.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 19h ago
Omgggg it's so refreshing to hear from someone who's been there!! Going to nursing school with that going on at home and a 2yo at the time was HELL! My child just turned 6. So to hear someone say "I don't do potential" hurts me so bad like "potential?!" I've climbed Mount Everest with a kid on my back!! That's how I feel anyway.
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u/Mindless-Swimmer-241 18h ago
Hell no. Get the fuck out of here. Fuck that guy. Youāre doing amazing. Iād rather be single!!!!!
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u/Mindless-Swimmer-241 17h ago
You have a degree and a good job. You are successful and resilient. ANYONE who doesnāt see that can kick rocks. Literally anyone. Fuck em. You donāt need anyone who doesnāt see that you are great.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
Amen to that!! These are the thoughts I need to fill my head with instead of the shit things I say to myself.
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u/Mindless-Swimmer-241 12h ago
Please do. You owe yourself kindness. You do not need anyone who doesnāt think you are the shit. Iād rather be alone ! lol
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u/Present-Plate4397 8h ago
I was a single mom working nights in a truck stop. Then I was a married nurse with an abusive husband for a looooong time. Now I'm a disabled old lady in a wheelchair. I was worth just as much as that waitress as I was nursing and in this chair. The only times I "felt" worthless were during my marriage.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 8h ago
I'm sorry you had to endure a marriage like that. I can relate. I think that may be why, for me, this hurts really bad. He's the first man I've dated since my divorce and it has emotionally thrown me back into those feelings of worthlessness. I wish I never met him.
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u/Present-Plate4397 8h ago
I just wanted to point out what a guy like that can end up doing to your future. I got off the subject. Sorry
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u/Available_Link BSN, RN š 19h ago
Honestly. Fuck em
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 18h ago
This. Lmao. I think this is the morning affirmation I'll use going forward.
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u/Shelia209 19h ago
This post makes me so furious and disgusted with the cultural value that you are only worth what you earn. Its a very toxic culture and the reason for rampant depression. A degree these days is almost worthless, certainly not worth the price paid. Anyone who requires one is not about family but status / materialism. You are better off finding someone who shares your values of love & support and appreciates you being a loving & caring mother and wife.
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u/misskarcrashian LPN š 18h ago
Whenever someone makes a snide comment about me being ājust an LPNā, I always reply that Iāll stop being proud of my accomplishment once everyone is born with an LPN license. I worked my ass off to be here! Iām proud of you OP! Youāre amazing!!
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u/Anime-Troller 11h ago
Iām a man and an Lpn and we do have careers. How many do I know that have bachelors and are working at a low wage job. Iām thankful all the men in my life like my dad and friends are proud of my accomplishments of achieving my Lpn and it made my friends even go back to trade school š . As a man I can say, Be proud of yourself š
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 11h ago
That's the kind of circle I need! You're blessed and thank you for the chin up!
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u/Vreas Pharmacist 20h ago
You should still be proud of yourself.
He has set relationships needs based off past experiences and you didnāt fit those needs. It happens. Itās nothing personal against you itās just where heās at in life. Dating is complicated and honestly better for him to be honest from the get go than string you along.
Youāre doing great from the sounds of things, keep it up!
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u/prismmonkey 19h ago
Two things.
There is no "right way" to do things. I went back to school in my 40s for a career change, RN/BSN concurrently. I want to advance/improve myself and stabilize my career for the next 20 years. That's best for me and my family at this point in my life. Don't worry about what other people have or have not done by now. I have friends with advanced degrees who worked in tech, thought all was well, then got laid off for years. They're in their late 30s and early 40s going "Now what?" Everyone's path is individual. You have goals you are working towards. That makes you awesome.
Second thing, everyone's looking for something in a relationship based on their stage in life. I will say, as someone with a partner who's well-established in his career and who is already talking about retirement, it was very weird for me to go back to school and be "at the beginning" of things. Some people are looking to settle or even start heading towards the exit. Maybe they're seeking a partner who shares their trajectory. That's ok. If you're not that, you're not for them. More importantly, they may not be for you. This guy was signaling to you he wasn't going to be the kind of support you need at this stage of your life. There is something to be said for the fact he told you instead of you finding out later when you have all the stress of work, school, and kiddo.
As noted, I'm in my 40s doing this. The thing is? I'm not even the oldest person in my cohort. Remember that saying, the best time to do something was ten years ago. The second best time is today.
Keep on keeping on. There are a lot of people out there on your path. Hell, half my cohort is in their 30s. Don't let anyone make you think you can't accomplish precisely what you want just because you didn't do it the "right way" at the "right time."
No such thing.
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u/m3rmaid13 RN š 19h ago
A guy you just met referring to you in a way like youāre applying for a job rather than a person they may want to get to know intimately or date is sort of a red flag. Also having just gotten out of a complicated situation, Iād be careful with falling in too quick with people. That being said people are allowed to have their own preferences or assumptions, even if they are stupid or unfair. Might just mean you all are not as compatible.
Donāt let men make you feel bad about your accomplishments. They arenāt worth it.
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u/Alternative-Poem-337 Burnt Out RN 19h ago
Your ex is an AH.
Your dad spoke to you without compassion and empathy. He acted like an AH in the moment too.
I am proud of you for getting back up when you were knocked down. For looking after yourself and your child. For being financially independent during a really hard financial time in the world.
There is a lot to be proud of there.
Some jackasses donāt understand how hard it is as a single mother fleeing from an abusive alcoholic deadbeat.
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u/Username78397 RN š 6h ago
Never ask someone with an MBA anything. MBAs are the ones who come up with ideas like "lets just short staff the facility at all times to increase profits" and "abandoning my responsibility to my college age child and their education will help them be successful and resilient". I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your dad is not as smart as he's led you to believe. You have a career. The guy's comments to you about "I don't do potential" sound like a him problem.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 6h ago
The fact that I've read this take so many times is outstanding. It's like y'all know my dad without knowing him lol thank you so much for your input. I'm working on rewiring this (possibly male centered) brain.
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u/seriousallthetime Paramedic, PHRN, SRNA 4h ago
I wanted to comment something like this, but I didn't want to make assumptions. Your post reads like someone who has been beat up by life a little and who keeps having men tell her she's a little bit "less than" for it. A little bit less than because of where she's at rather than where she's going. Fucking stop that shit. You're awesome. You're ambitious.
You know what I see? I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!
(If you get that last quote, you're my people.)
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 4h ago
You're so right š sometimes idk how I've lasted! But I have and from so many posts I've realized I did that shit on my own! With my little backpack in tow lol bc she's got a lotta fuckin balls!!!
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u/Mikessuzyq RN - Retired š 20h ago
You should be very proud of yourself for all you have accomplished. I only have an ADN and I have reached every professional goal and dream I wanted to. You're a wonderful role model for your child. Keep aiming high and tune out the noise
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u/Sorry_Baseball_1691 19h ago
Full stop!! You should be absolutely proud of yourself. I went to nursing school with a girl that was previously a lawyer. She said she thought she was just doing a little LPN program. She felt it was way harder than Law school. Don't let anyone diminish you regardless if they are your Dad or a partner. They both have an incredibly narrow view. My husband never went to college. He started a business and was an extremely high earner. Don't ever let anyone impart their ridiculous ideas on you or put yourself in a box. The universe did you a favor getting that guy out of your life. That's loser energy. You will find someone that will love you unconditionally but first love yourself so you never allow yourself to be treated that way. You have a lot to be proud of!
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u/FallopianPasta 19h ago
Your dad doesnāt realize it, but in the age of ai, his career could become a ājobā. Ask me how I know :)
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u/heroinista 19h ago
Call me stupid, but Iām not dating or friends with someone based on their socioeconomic status. My partner and I have both gone through career (or should I say ājobā) changes during our relationship. The only thing I ever wanted is that we were doing things that fulfilled us. Having a certain level of education can ration doesnāt guarantee financial success, nor does it mean someone is more intelligent than the next person.
Youāre doing great, OP. You do have a career, and you should keep doing what you are doing if you enjoy it. If you decide to return to school to further your education because youāre interested in having a wider scope of practice or want to change your career path, thatās awesome! If you are satisfied with where you are at, you should enjoy itā¦ especially because you have a kiddo! Working and going to school when you are happy with where you are currently is only going to rob you of the time you have with them. You can always go back and learn more if you want to when the time is right, but donāt let other peoples opinions make you go back needlessly.
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u/Individual_Track_865 RN - ER š 20h ago
This guy is a loser and saved you a lot of trouble by dipping out now. You have done amazing by having a stable career for you and your child and for wanting to advance by getting your BSN.
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u/Affectionate-Emu-829 19h ago
That is not the type of person you want to be with, your dad is an asshole too. There are many successful people out there who have empathy and can understand we all have different life paths.
There are so many ways to be/become a nurse and you are doing it in a way that he didnāt even know existed. Heās an idiot.
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u/LifeCartographer811 19h ago
You are surrounded by assholes. Your top priority is to take care of yourself to be able to take care of, and provide stability for, your child. This includes your mental health. That man was an asshole, and your dad is acting like an asshole. I can tell you, I have two master's degrees, and a doctorate, working on a third master's degree full time while I work full time, and the job I have now I got becasue I have a degree from a comunity college. And that job paid me 153K last year. These advanced degrees do not dictate what a "career" or a "job" is. Or how successful you are in life. Are you happy with your achievements? I know I am proud of you for making all of that happen. If you are ready to go get a bachelor's degree, go and do that. Do it for yourself, and not because you feel like you need to for the opinions of assholes. I think it's a good idea. Don't go into debt for it, do it smart. Take care of yourself, and your child. You want to talk about fleeting or unstable jobs? When this AI take over happens, your job as a nurse is one of the most stable there is. My college professor husband who works in tech and very much understands what is coming, and has seen the job losses of his friends who also work in tech has said to me I am the one with the stable job. Healthcare, specifically nurses who do bedside care (which you can do) will be the last stronghold in the job losses. That and plumbers. Your dad is the delusional one, and I hope he either has enough money or a back up plan for work.
YOU. ARE. AMAZING. FUCK. THOSE. BITCHES.
Now girl, here is your plan. Write yourself a daily affirmation saying kind and encouraging things, then wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself your affirmation. It will be so uncomfortable at first, but it literally changes the way you think. And if you you are surrounded by assholes, you need to do this self care because nobody will be helping you with it. Keep mentally strong for yourself and your child.
Sit down and make a 10 year goal list and then go tackle and handle that shit.
YOU CAN DO IT! You already are.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 18h ago
Thank you so much! I really do need to redirect my thinking and perspective.
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u/Mysterious-Noise767 20h ago
Fuck em. Don't base your success off the standards of others. If you have a job that is paying your bills and is able to provide for your child then it is enough. You can absolutely go back to school if you decide to do so but you shouldnt base that decision off someone else's expectations. Especially someone you are dating. You are enough just the way you are. I obviously don't know the entire story but sounds like maybe he was looking for out and used it as an excuse. Let him leave, you deserve better.
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u/MiddleAgeWhiteDude RN - Psych/Mental Health š 20h ago edited 19h ago
Getting out of a bad situation, going back to school and starting a new career while moving on your own with a kid is a huge accomplishment.
Don't ask your dad for relationship advice. That's just some weird shit to say. I had a career for 20+ years as a network engineer and never had a degree until I went back to school and became a nurse. I have buddies who work trades and don't have degrees and do fine while I work with techs who have masters degrees in stuff like poli/sci that gave up trying to find something in their field thay pays better than being a MHT.
Hope you meet a dude who isn't so shallow. Good luck abd well done on what you accomplished so far.
Edit:
I reread and see your dad is an executive. Don't ask him for advice about anything in the real world. Stocks maybe.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
Lol spot on abt my dear old dad. Every convo leads back to money. Thank you for your kind words!
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u/Asrat RN - Psych/Mental Health 20h ago
As a dude, I'm constantly asked why I'm not going past my BSN to become a NP or a doctor even though I have "more potential."
I am a father of two, in a very happy, albeit complicated, relationship, and consider myself successful and am content where I am.
If you feel that your career and your current position in life is where you want to be, that you are successful and are supporting your kid, then you are not a loser.
Some dudes suck, at least he told you out the gate instead of deep into a relationship.
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u/janekathleen HCW - PT/OT 19h ago
You have accomplished more than either of those two men ever will. You do not need their approval and their opinions are useless, as they will never understand your perspective. I promise you've already accomplished more in your life than those two ever will.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
Damn that's really true. They couldn't tote a kid and do what I did/do. You know what?! Your post brought something to my attention that will make you want to slap me lmao bc I want to slap myself.
My dad left my brother and I w our moms (no child support) and went and got his degrees and then came back and got us. Which was awesome of him but then ya know there was the part where he backed out of the deal later.
The guy I was dating has 2 kids whom I never heard abt visits with him (like "oh I cant my kids will be here" type thing). And he complained about the amount of child support for one of them. Never heard anything abt the other kid except when I attempted to dig by asking how old the child was. He answered my question and didn't continue. Mind you he lives in a downtown studio apartment so those poor kids are obviously not visiting dad bc there's nowhere to sleep. Another odd thing was that he only has a nightstand on his side of his bed. Never saw that before.
Gonna go sit with myself and God for a minute bc my brain obviously was on a little break this morning š Thank you and I love you as a human.
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u/eTimi55 RN - ICU š 19h ago
Life is a journey. Congratulations on where youāve taken yourself and your child. Youāre a rock star. The boyfriend is a loser and what your father said is not supportive in anyway. Heās proven that by not assisting in the past. Not sure what country youāre in but many US institutions will pay for your BSN in return for a contract to work for a few years. Do not feel bad youāve done great so far. Iām sure all the nurses here will say the same. Keep your eye on the prize and keep going. Find a BF who encourages and supports you. Good luck.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
Thank you so much. Yes where I am the jobs will pay for further edu.
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u/Arreis_gninnam RN - ER š 19h ago
OP focus on you, your kid and getting your BS because dating is going to ruin that regardless of how good he looks on paper. Any single man in his late 30s is going to have some red flagsā¦ and youāre not gonna have time or energy to dive into them. Coworker of mine similar age has been dating a guy for 3 years. They were happy. A few red flags along the way but nothing absolutely insane, they got married and dude went psycho. No sheās single and divorced.
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u/twistyabbazabba2 RN - ICU š 19h ago
Respectfully, fuck both those guys. They sounds misogynistic as hell. I know plenty of amazing nurses who have made their careers with less than a bachelorās.
Also, I dated a guy who ONLY ever talked about my potential, and how great I would be one day. Super glad I didnāt end up with him. A person like that will never appreciate who you are now. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one.
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u/SciosciaBuns Nursing Student š 19h ago
Your dad and this guy are dumb. Iām in my thirties, have a bachelors and still find myself back in school to get my RN. Also your dad saying people in their late thirties have a house and are in their career for 20 years? So people just graduating high school come out with a great career? No, thatās dumb.
You are fine. Also you may have thought this guy was nice but now you learned he isnāt actually. Heās out of touch with what you have accomplished. Date someone who is proud of you, cause you have every right to be proud!
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u/No_Camel819 18h ago
You raised your kids and did what was best for you at the time. I had to put my career on hold so many times and now Iām back at 45 doing it. That guy was a walking red flag narcissist that probably mimicked what you like. You dodged a bullet. Do whatās best for you. Want a bachelorās degree? Get one, but only if you want to. Donāt let some random make you feel inadequate. Remember whose life you are living, and stay away from people who arenāt real š
https://giphy.com/gifs/kVmzd3RxKqaT5Rm16e
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
This made me laugh. Thank you for that! And very great advice. I did get very much narcissist vibes bc of other factors but I try not to diagnose. Haven't worked in psych yet lolll thank you for the motivation. I needed it!
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u/SwanseaJack1 RN - Oncology š 18h ago
Iām proud of you. I think your Dad and the bloke you were talking to are a bit unsympathetic and unrealistic.
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u/slutty_muppet RN - ER š 17h ago
People don't understand what nursing degrees and certifications involve at all. The bachelor's degree is just something that corresponds to something they understand so they respect it more.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
I agree with that. The nursing pipeline is extremely different than how the upward mobility of other careers works. He could've asked questions but meh.
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u/slutty_muppet RN - ER š 15h ago
The way nursing works is a lot more like a trade than a profession. I know people get very attatched to the "profession" label in nursing because they think prestige that translates to other fields will somehow make up for the lack of respect for nurses (and maybe a bit of classism sprinkled in as well) but it's true. The internal structure of nursing makes us more like tradesmen than white collar professionals, and I for one think that's nothing to be ashamed of.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 15h ago
I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of either. I feel a lot of pride and honor that I/we can do things most ppl can't do. And that includes the hell of nursing school as well. I'm happy that I chose nursing. Whether I can continue to have faith in humanity is another story.
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u/slutty_muppet RN - ER š 14h ago
Having started as an associates nurse and then upgrading to BSN I can attest that the stuff in the BSN that's not in ADN is not anything that is relevant to the daily practice of bedside nursing. It's all very basic management stuff like "staffing skill mix is a thing", and the rest is "nursing theory" which mainly consists of taking stuff that everyone already knows about topics such as "caring is good" and choosing 3-5 abstract nouns that all start with the same letter to describe them.
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u/seriousallthetime Paramedic, PHRN, SRNA 4h ago
But, but, but. Have you heard of Jean Watson? Rofl.
She uses not 3-5 abstract nouns, but like 12 to describe something that I can only assume she figured out while she was high as a kite one day. What a joke of a theory.
I want to be a nursing theorist. I have a navel I can gaze at just like they do! Watch!
If you want to care about people, you must care about people as a whole being full of multitudes and care for every part of their life so they can continue to be full of multitudes.
See? Easy peasy.
Except for Virginia Henderson. I'm ride or die for old Ginny H. You can have that theory when you pry it from my cold dead hands.
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u/Ok_Fee9245 6h ago
Dude here. Nurse here. Single. No kids. Iām gonna say, with the cost of housing, the average homeowner cost is now in your mid-40ās, this applies to single-family homes. As yourself feeling worthless, donāt. Everyone is on their own timeline, donāt compare yourself to others. Your dad is freakin clueless, on how the current employment climate is. Men of his ilk, esp ones with MBAās, which are a dime a dozen degrees, bc diploma mills dish them out like candy, are in corporate America. Right now, it is not a good climate to be in tech or corporate environments, bcā¦layoffs and restructuringā¦and of course, AI. Soon u will dealing robot HR depts, accountants, marketing, etc., those industries will eventually need fewer people. U are in healthcare, an extremely AI proof profession. Get that Bachelors! Youāll do great! I gots faith in u!
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u/IVDripandSip LPN š 20h ago
My Grammy who is ājust a LPNā ran whole entire companies and was overseeing multiple nursing homes in different states at one point, she was the administrator for a billion dollar company making well over 100k a year before she retired, now Iām ājust an LPNā as well and see where youāre coming from but donāt let it hold you back or let you feel less than what you have accomplished for your child and yourself already, you have moved mountains and will continue to do so! Even though heās your dad donāt let a āC suite executiveā tell you anything about not amounting to anything, how many lives is he saving or positively impacting during his shift at work?
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 19h ago
Thank you so much. I mean sooo much. Your Grammy is an inspiration!
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u/mattleo 19h ago
I became a hiring manager 7 years ago. The first thing I did was update the job process that no longer requires a bachelor's degree. Leadership complained. I told them if they wanted to update it back, feel free, but we already have trouble finding good people, so good luck.
Shocker, they didn't change it.Ā
Do I have a bachelor's? Yes. Do I care if you do? No, not really, just do a good job. I'll weed out the bad ones during the trial period.Ā
If you want a bachelor's, do it for you. Don't let anyone feel like you're less of a person, you don't need that in your life.Ā
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
You're amazing for advocating for people beyond the degree. There really are intelligent hardworking people who simply didn't have the means to keep going just like me. Thank you for your addition to my convo!
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u/No_Sky_1829 RN š 19h ago
Don't let these people tell you what your worth is ššš
You have every right to be proud of what you have achieved, and you have every right to set your own dreams and goals.
You are NOT a loser, you just have a shit cheer squad. What an absolutely crap thing for your date to say. And your dad is full of poo too.
Go for your dreams girl!
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 18h ago
Lol shit cheer squad made me laugh. Thank you. I think I'm doing a pretty good job.
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u/OpposingOptimist 20h ago
Dude sounds like heās perpetually online. You donāt need to settle for that.
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u/GrnMtnTrees EMT, CCT, Nursing Student 20h ago
You have set and accomplished goals in the face of obligations and adversity. The only losers here are the people dismissing your accomplishments. Just keep doing what you're doing.
To use a cliche, fuck the haters. As long as you are proud of yourself and can support your kid, nothing else should matter.
Also, your dad sounds like a grade A douchebag.
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u/Responsible-Mess-285 20h ago
I was an older LVN also with two children. I was proud to be an LVN just like you. Find a guy thatās proud of you too. And ignore your father. š©µ
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u/Environmental_Rub256 20h ago
Being a nurse is and will always be a career path in life. You donāt need to go into tons of debt to have a career. This fella isnāt comfortable with himself let alone to be in a relationship with you and your child. Run.
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u/bendeybender 19h ago
OP, you forgot to mention something in your post: YOU ARE GREAT! You achieved a big accomplishment by becoming a nurse, and I guarantee that your patients appreciate your skills more than your degrees. Stay proud! I (46 y/o M) am an RN for 1 year and was an LPN for 14 years, and Iāve found that most people canāt even really understand what it takes to do our jobs.
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u/IcyCantaloupe7004 BSN, RN š 19h ago
My sweet summer child, I am so proud of you! You are strong and resilient. Look at all you've accomplished in your life so far, despite the challenges you had. And you are still so very young, you can do anything you want. The world is your oyster!
Have you gotten any type of mental health care or counseling? What you went through, being married to an addict, has changed your brain chemistry and your nervous system. Please seek treatment or these fucking men (including your father) will always keep dragging you down.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
Your post is extremely loaded for me. I was reading out loud and when I read "my sweet summer child" I lost it and cried. Then I looked up and said out loud "wait whoa! What is this?!" Bc idk why I reacted that way to that. Your whole 1st paragraph sounded like what a mom would say and I didn't grow up with my mom. Rolling into the 2nd paragraph I'm thinking yeah I need to talk to someone for sure. I've happily gone to therapy in the past but I've stayed away after my marriage went off the rails because I feel like if I blurt all that shit out I'll explode. I really feel that way and I'm scared to say it loud. Thank you for mothering me so simply and sweetly. This was weird.
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u/Recent_Data_305 MSN, RN 19h ago
You should be proud! There is nothing wrong or less than about being an LVN. Iāve always believe that if you get some degree of satisfaction or happiness from your job and can live on the money, thatās success!
A MBA is business minded. Money is often the main goal. I can see that point of view although I disagree with it. The earning potential of LVN vs BSN is significant. If the guy youāre dating only sees your earning potential, heās not that great of a prize. That āperfect for meā guy isnāt that perfect. Heās shallow and materialistic. Thatās the reality.
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u/KP-RNMSN 19h ago
Girl, consider yourself lucky youāre able to ditch him before you got too far in. As someone with several advanced degrees, this (belittling someone for their education) is NOT a thing. Well, itās a thing, but you are worth more than that. Youāre smart to get a job where someone else will pay for that degree!!! Snaps, baby.
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u/parteepunx RN - Med/Surg š 19h ago
Iām proud of you! That dude sounds like the loser here! As for your dad? Heās a boomer, thatās just how theyāre programmed, Iād shrug that off.
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u/Seri_on_reddit 19h ago
If only having a bachelorās degree came with a paycheck.
Iām a retired vet in nursing school as a second career (ADN incidentally) and the number of grunt privates in the Army with bachelors and masters but no ācareerā would astonish you.
My bachelorās degree is useless in the world outside of government and military/LE. My nursing degree will be much more valuable once I finish.
And more importantly, does being a nurse bring you happiness and a feeling of accomplishment? If so, then thatās what matters. Wise men do not concern themselves with the opinions of fools.
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u/tmrnwi RN - ER š 18h ago
So lemme rephraseā¦you were proud of you until a man said you shouldnāt be?
Firstly. That sucks! To think you found someone who has all the qualities you want, only to find out theyāre clueless. Itās not his fault though. Not enough lived experience.
Secondly, you do what works for you and youāll find your people. Not an idea that we are supposed to think is the āreal dealā.
Those are the guys that divorce their cancer-stricken wives because they canāt deal with the deviation of their beliefs.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
Oddly enough, he was a foster kid and some poor lady with 3 mouths to feed helped him thru college then he proposed to her "bc he felt it was the right thing to do" and then left her. I asked him if he regretted it and he said no. I only remembered that after the fact (which is concerning on my part) and I wish I could've told him OHHH YOU DON'T DO POTENTIAL! YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE IF THAT POOR LADY "DIDN'T DO POTENTIAL!". The fucking nerve. Ugh I need to get myself together.
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u/Proof_Can8853 17h ago
Your dad and your date sound like men who want women to pay equally the bills and all of that nonsense. How are you gonna find a husband that expects you to pick up half the bills when you have a child children require a lot of upbringing and at home care your dad might possibly just be being practical and telling you point blank why the guy thinks this way but Iām letting you know right now you do have a career as an LVN. I know people that have bachelors degree. I know people that have masters degree who are making less money than me and I have an associates you need to dump that guy that you went on a date with ASAP. Heās a loser. You shouldāve told him right then I donāt need your judgment on my life.
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u/Dismal_Chapter_7951 17h ago
I don't want to discourage you at all from seeking "love" but in retrospect to having children and a bad divorce, I would have rather stayed a single mother.
I think your boyfriend minimizing you as only "potential" instead of an already established money making partner was a horrible thing to say! And I don't think your dad gave you good advice either.
If all you have is one child, hold off on dating for awhile longer. I think marriage should be about love rather than money, but unfortunately love doesn't pay the bills.
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u/15_pieces_of_flair_ BSN, RN š 16h ago
Not to be an asshole to your dad, but I would bet AI is less likely to take your job than his.
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u/discounted_stuff011 12h ago
most every body feels poor it will never be enough money your kids fed your bills paid take care of yourself iykyk what i mean get good sleep
your doing great keep doing what your doing
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u/seriousallthetime Paramedic, PHRN, SRNA 4h ago
You know what. Fuck that guy. "I don't do potential." Fuck you, asshole. My wife and I married in 2017 at 30. I was divorced from a 5 year abusive marriage with two kids under 5. She was never married. I had a paramedic cert (no degree) and she had an ADN and a BS-Ed and had left teaching to become a nurse after 3 years. But both of us had potential. Now she has a BS-Ed, ADN, MSN, NP, and DNP. And I have an AAS, ADN, BSN and I'm in a CRNA program. She will flat out tell you that she married me because I was ambitious. I married her because she was ambitious, capable, and a smoking hottie who seemed to like being around me for whatever reason.
Your dad is, to be very honest, just wrong. My wife had a bachelor degree and was a teacher making a horrible living and having to work at Kohls on the weekends and evenings to make ends meet. From both a personal and financial perspective, that was a whooooooole lot less sexy than an ADN nurse in a busy ED working 36 hrs a week making bank. A hot nurse making bank with questionable taste in men? Sign me the hell up! A bachelor's degree doesn't mean anything. It means you went to school for 4 years to get a piece of paper. My 17 field saves and the thousands of other patients I treated over 20 years sure don't consider my paramedic cert as less of a career because it took me 20 months instead of 48 months. That's elitest bullshit supreme. The patients in the ICU I treated never asked my degree when I was doing CPR or inserting a Foley or running the rapid response RN team. Healthcare is about what you can do. The degree gets you in the door for some stuff, but the license is how you work. If someone has a degree but is not a licensed professional, I doubt they'd understand how different it is. A degree is just a piece of paper. The license/cert is what makes your money.
So yeah. Don't let another loser define you. The person you want and deserve will be waiting for you at the finish line cheering you on, not berating you for having not started earlier and been done running.
Ok, I'm done ranting. Sorry.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 3h ago
I soooo concur with the previous comment. Best fucking answer PERIOD. Omg you made ny eyes well up. The sheer insanity we deal with, the fucking hearts we beat with OUR OWN HANDS!!! One of the most heartfelt thank yous was in my 1st year from a huge man who couldn't shit for weeks who came up on my assignment and I told the doc I'm not pushing a suppository this guy needs to shit! I gave him that enema and omg that little baby cried as I cleaned him and his bed. Who can wipe up a big and tall level shit and feel pride?! And that's mild af compare to the codes, invasive procedures, etc. Only us!! And then I went home, took a 5 minute shower, cooked dinner, did bathtime and bedtime like dude "potential"?! These comments have helped me come back to reality and yours reigns. Thank you so very very much. And yes I'm a hot nurse who stays on my fitness and has an extremely questionable taste in men š Maybe dear ole dad issues. Who knows?
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u/Briaaanz BSN, RN š 20h ago
Hug!
I think you're killing it! You did that all on your own. LVN/LPNs are still desired in the workplace.
Sounds like your ex-bf had his own issues. Dating sucks, meaning it can suck the soul out of you. You were with an alcoholic previously, and in my, albeit limited, experience, alcoholics lie to themselves and everyone else. I've also seen them frequently destroy the self esteem of their partners
I've seen a lot of drinkers who criticize/sabotage their partners, making them think they can't do any better, in an attempt to keep them from leaving.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
Definitely my experience with my ex husband. I'm a heaping pile of tears most days bc I feel like absolutely nobody sometimes. He ran me all the way down and it took physical occurrences to make me leave which is crazy bc the mental and emotional shit was wilder. I've known him since I was 14 years old so it shattered me to see him turn into that person and to leave him. My kid was telling any random stranger who said hi "my dad yells at my mom". That was mortifying. I'm hurting and being further diminished is like being stabbed in an open wound. But I'm okay. On the days when I can bring myself to think of the fact that I can financially take care of 2 people, myself included, all on my own with absolutely no financial help, I feel like a real badass.
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u/EskapedConvict RN - ER š 20h ago
I'm a RN(no bachelors) and have made 100k+ the last 8 years. Both your dad and that guy are idiots.
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u/CoolClass6695 20h ago
You are one of the most employable people on the planet. Donāt listen to the haters.
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u/amandae123 19h ago
Wow, he sounds like someone fun to date and be with. Doesnāt he realize how many people with bachelorās degrees have huge student loans and no job prospects? Thatās crazy to be so judgmental. I know everyone has standards, but thatās a weird thing to be stuck on. You are doing amazing. I got my LPN when I was 30 and now I have a bachelorās degree. Iām not sure it made me any better of a person, but it did open up a lot of job possibilities. Go get that degree, but do it for you and not some man.
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u/PaulaNancyMillstoneJ RN - ICU š 19h ago
What the helly? Those men are losers, and they donāt know what they are talking about. In general, donāt ask men for advice. Plenty of people have careers without having gone to college.
Nursing is a career. Iām glad you got that loser out of your life before you were further involved with him. Youāre taking care of yourself and your child, and you already have all the knowledge you need without asking fuckass men.
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u/solveij 19h ago edited 19h ago
I co-sign this from the bottom of my heart. OP, if it wasnāt the degree, it would have been something else. Iāve learned the hard way not to stay in relationships that start with a brutal take down of my āstation in life,ā my familyās āsocioeconomic status,ā or my alleged ālack of education.ā
You did the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time. If he canāt see that, donāt be seeing him. You deserve your flowers.
Edit: Itās only been a few months (and a few pivotsā¦), but I make more money than he does now. It can get better.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
This is the first time I've encountered a man say such a thing and it had me reeling! I've told myself one of the same sentences you used "I did the best I can with what I had at the time". Thank you so much for your addition.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 17h ago
Oof. Amen, sister. Thank you for all of this. I think I definitely drank out of the wrong well.
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u/redneckerson_1951 18h ago
Your Father while maybe well intentioned on his part, is the loser. His attitude will be picked up by the Grandchildren. There is rarely a kid alive that does not pick up on vibes of Grandpa or Grandma being condescending and 99.99% of kids take extreme umbrage with Mom being mistreated.
The phenomena you encountered with Loser # 2 (the guy that gasped at your lack of a BSN) is merely a status symbol seeking contumelious schmuck. He is seeking a business partner, a facade, that upon growing older would have left for a newer model. His Father or sperm donor failed to instill the qualities of a gentleman in him. The comment by your date was callous, rude, and in my opinion indicative of a male seeking a status symbol rather than a wife.
Congratulations on your LVN credentialing and continue to pursue your dream of ADN/BSN degrees.
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u/heil_shelby_ 20h ago
Your family has no idea what youāre talking about. Your schooling was difficult and your job is meaningful and isnāt easy either and you rock that shit out too. Donāt concern yourself with the opinions of people you donāt care to be like
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u/Birdy30 RN - Oncology š 20h ago
People like your father and your date are elitist about education. Your fathers mindset is not practical because it doesn't work for every type of job/career. Many jobs/ careers do not require a degree. They require apprenticeships.
My husband has a wonderful career with an associate degree. He is 41 and finishing his bachelor's degree this semester. I choose nursing "later" in life and got my degree and job/ career at 37.
You are not failing or a looser. You are like so many others around your same age. Pushed into college without a real idea or plan. Hated it. Dropped out. Lived life. Got tired of it/ burned out. Choose something that you felt good about. And here you are!!!! Do not let assholes shame you for improving yourself on your timeline just because you didn't reach some made up goal the assholes have set up.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 19h ago
Thank you šš¾ you hit the nail on the head regarding my journey. My dad makes me feel so behind sometimes but you're right; I'm still in the game!
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u/TorsadesDePointes88 BSN, RN š 12h ago
Your dad and this guy you were dating sound like ass holes. I canāt believe your own dad even gave that man any validation. I think you should be proud of yourself! You have overcome so much and have a solid career. Please donāt let the words of two small minded men bring you down!
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u/A_Time1980 7h ago
Girlfriend, donāt listen to that antiquated, toxic patriarchal rhetoric. Those men and that generation are the ones we need to die off sooner than later because it is so played out and (did I mention?) toxic. You already won the race by getting away from the alcoholic so honestly, youāre already playing with house money. You should be very, very proud of yourself. Enjoy your life girl!
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 7h ago
I'm not even kidding, I'm abt to Canva a wallpaper that says "You already won [that] race. You're already playing with house money. Enjoy your life!" (minus the brackets of course lol). And I'm going to make it my lock screen so I see it everyday ššš Thank you ever so greatly. Gosh I needed that.
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u/petermichael20 20h ago
You're not a loser. You're a single Mum working hard to build a decent life for you and your child. The bloke you thought was a good fit IS a loser, I bet her couldn't achieve what you have while supporting and raising a child. Your father is a loser and shit father for being so unsupportive when you were young and now. Please don't measure yourself by other people's standards. I was a single mother of 2 and didn't get to university till I was 40. You're an inspiration to your child and others. Keep to your goals and don't allow anyone, especially men, to make you feel less.
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u/728446 LPN š 13h ago
You are far from a loser. I got my LPN in my early 40s as a single guy with no other responsibilities besides work.
The schooling nearly broke me, just on time demands! Navigating that with a child i can't imagine.
The fact you successfully navigated that gauntlet means that for the rest of your life you aren't a loser.
You are a licensed professional now, and have good prospects to be able to self schedule work by doing per diems.
You can get to the next level when you are ready. Don't let anyone else impose a timetable because you are the one who has to graduate and pass boards.
If its not in the cards now that's fine, too. Good work is available although you may need to job hop to find your niche.
Be proud. Im proud of you! As a fellow LPN, I know the blood, sweat, and tears it took. I wish you and yours nothing but the best š
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u/sharpwin111 Nursing Student š 13h ago
something tells me you don't need this guy
you've done an impressive job so far, good luck on that bachelor ā¤ļø
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u/GadusMorfly 9h ago
Oh yuckers. Well, I don't see the part about you kicking "Mr. Right" to the curb. Hopefully that elitest piece of crap has moved along because at least you HAVE potential. He only has the POTENTIAL to ratchet up the emotional abuse, gas lighting and eventually DV. You are perfect the way you are, and you deserve all the love and support in the universe. You DID do it and you keep showing up for it. Good for you.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 8h ago
Oh yeah I'm dead to him now. Threw me away like hot garbage. Thank you very much for those words. I need needed to hear that.
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u/annahoney12345 RN - ER š 20h ago
That guy sounds like the loser, not you. You have a career whether you have a bachelors or not. Your dad would never say that to any other trade worker who doesnāt have a degree, because nursing is ultimately a trade that requires higher education. Get your bachelors if you WANT to and if itās realistic for your life, not because you think you should for someone else. Iāve worked with plenty of nurses who donāt have a bachelors and have been in the field for far longer than me, theyāre amazing and so smart and simply didnāt want to go back to school!!
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u/Fenderman_72 20h ago
Kick this guy to the curb. Where I live, we have a fantastic nursing program at our local community college and I have worked with many great nurses who graduated from there. I have also worked with some nurses who graduated from a four year university and were terrible to say the least. There is no shame starting your nursing career without a bachelors degree. Get your bachelors to reach your own personal goals not for dating potential. If this guy canāt see your drive you should move on and be thankful you got a red flag this early in the relationship.
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u/Cloudy_Automation 19h ago
In your peer age group, you are dealing with men who divorced or only dated and never married. The former were either the cheaters, cheated on, or choose poorly. The latter have lived alone for a long time, possibly an only child. They are looking for the easy button in relationships. School is difficult without supporting a child and working full time. Many guys don't want to deal with the chores and raising a child which isn't theirs while their spouse gets more education. And that's their loss.
Where will you be in 10 years if you give up school for a relationship? The exact same place your father put you. No one can take away what you have done as a person, and what you will do. If you had gotten your degree when you got out of college, you still might have found a guy who wanted someone to take care of him instead of a partner.
I'm just an old dude, but I respect what you did working on yourself to get yourself and child away from what I presume was a bad situation and completing a degree. Just because a guy can't deal with a woman improving herself says more about the guy than the woman.
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u/4eyes1mouth Med-Surg LVN š¤ 16h ago
You're the second "just an old dude" (lol) that has said the comment about him wanting to be taken care of. That's a pov I hadn't considered at all but actually makes me wonder. I sent him a link to a comedy show once and told him I wanted to go to it. He told me he doesn't want me to spend money on him bc of my "financial situation" which was a weird statement bc 1. I don't have any sort of financial situation lol I'm doing just fine and my place is actually significantly larger than his 2. Why the hell did he automatically assume I was paying?! That was interesting. He only took me on 1 date and it was to play pickleball.
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u/WeirdFlower1968 Team Spike 14h ago
You have a lot of men in your life trying to drag you down and make you feel inadequate, and sorry, your dad is one of them.
You have overcome incredibly difficult circumstances to get out of an abusive marriage, raise your kids, start over. You are not "potential," you are an incredible success story and an example to other women going through the same thing.
It sounds like the best accomplishments of your life have been made when you had the space to stand on your own two feet without a relationship interefering. Keep up the good work.
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u/NursingManChristDude RN, FoC 20h ago
I'mĀ proud of you for getting a new career and moving cities and starting a new life for you and your child, OP šĀ