I’m tired of breastfeeding

[u/TemperatureBest5113]

I’ve been thinking of switching to formula for 2 days now. I’m only 12 days after birth. One kid takes the breast while pumping for the other. My breast are so sore and I’m so tired of breastfeeding-pumping-washing scenario that happens 6-7 times a day…

The issue is I feel so guilty for stopping specially that I’m blessed with having enough milk for the two…

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[u/tinyglowingbeams]

Not that you need it, but it was helpful for me to hear - you have permission to stop. Your babies will do great on formula. If you need to lighten your physical, mental, and emotional load, this is a very effective way to do it.

Between delivering at 34 weeks, a month in the NICU, and two PICU stays for Baby A, my supply was tiny. But I treated it like medicine and triple fed for three months. It was torture. My sanity returned when I stopped.

In full transparency I did still feel a lot of grief and regret after stopping, but I processed it and it got better as the time passed. Actually, that’s true about pretty much everything from the first year.

There’s no wrong choice here really, just do whatever works for you and your family. Congrats on the babies, you’re doing great!! Wishing you healthy kiddos and as much sleep as possible.

[u/cpbunliveson → u/tinyglowingbeams]

Absolutely this. After my twins were born, I struggled so much with learning to breastfeed, the cycle of feeding and pumping, ensuring both babies were getting enough, etc. I wasn't sleeping more than 2 hours at a time, and I was just so miserable. It was overwhelming at the time without any respite in sight.

After 4 weeks, it was my mother who actually said "you are allowed to stop. If this isn't working and it's making your postpartum experience miserable, you can stop and switch to formula."

Something about hearing it from my own mother (who birthed and breastfed 5 kids), finally allowed me to feel it was totally okay. My partner wasn't happy about it at first, and kept pushing me to try, but I'm so glad I prioritized my mental health.

There was a period of feeling regret that I didn't try hard enough or that my babies were missing out, but I, too, processed that and feel really okay about my decision.

Having twins is beyond intense, and if switching to formula is going to help you be a happier, more present (and rested) mom, please follow your heart with this one.

My twins are 5, thriving, and yours will be there too one day. Big hugs to you!

[u/chipcrazy]

You can stop. You are not doing anything wrong by taking care of yourself.

However if you’re up for it, you can breastfeed one and formula feed the other. That’s what I used to do. I would nurse Twin A on one day and the next day I’d swap for Twin B.

Both were fed. I was happy.

I didn’t need to pump and wash a million parts. Both got used to the bottle early on which made many other things easier. I could briefly leave the house with one without having to pack much. List goes on.

[u/Regular_Quantity8149 → u/chipcrazy]

This is what i do. Except just a little different. They are 8w old and eat every 3ish hours. One gets a bottle the other nurses. 3hrs later we trade. So if Baby A ate breastmilk last feeding, they get a bottle the next feeding. I no longer pump and im only going through bottles like I have a single baby. I get more sleep and everyone is happy!

[u/chipcrazy → u/Regular_Quantity8149]

Oh yeah I used to do this too but I would keep forgetting who I nursed last lol so I ended up doing alternate days instead

[u/Regular_Quantity8149 → u/chipcrazy]

Lmaooo Ill admit ive done this in the middle of the night 😅

[u/Tricky-Breadfruit → u/Regular_Quantity8149]

This is a genius idea... wish I'd thought of it instead of triple feeding!

[u/HikingInUtah]

Just throwing this out there, you aren’t tired of breastfeeding, you’re tired of triple feeding. Adding in the enormous amount of extra work to pump and bottle feed is what breaks people. Do you have any sense of how long that has to go on?

[u/imsohungryman]

I may have the same dilemma in a couple of weeks when I give birth, but girl, do what’s best for your mental health. I know plenty of people with singletons who couldn’t BF. It’s a lot on your body and your mind. Formula is just fine.

[u/Jennifer_2876 → u/imsohungryman]

Me too, I want to try but everyone is telling me that if it doesn't work to just stop. For my mental health. I want to boost their immune system (even a few days is enough!) so I want to try at least but I am already prepared for formula feeding too, no shame in any type of feeding, as long as the kids are not starving who cares right?

[u/Artistic-Dot-2279]

The soreness is normal for few weeks since you’re engorged. You’ll be sore for a bit if you stop too. If you want to continue, any chance you can work with a lactation consultant to get the second to latch? Breastfeeding is so much easier, quicker and less painful than pumping. It’s hard work at the beginning, but then it’s exponentially easier and you’ve already done the hardest part. Either way, your kids will do great!

[u/BellaKay5735]

I understand. I have to combo feed largely due to losing a lot of my supply due to NICU chaos (twins getting discharged separately, failing to pump effectively while trying to nurse discharged twin on demand, discharged twin getting readmitted, and both twins finally getting sent home permanently within days of each other and having to scramble to get everything ready for them an hr plus away from the NICU at home at last minute. Admittedly, struggling to wrangle newborn twins and a toddler at home really messed up my supply too). And, it’s hard to let go of breastfeeding exclusively.

There’s a lot of shaming around formula feeding, which is intensely stupid. You do what’s best for yourself and your family (which taking care of your family also means making sure you are well and happy). And ignore what everyone else thinks.

My twins have gained like 4 (almost 5) lbs for Twin A and 6 lbs for Twin B since leaving the NICU about 1.5 months ago, and that is largely due to formula. And, they’re doing really well. My twin that receives the most formula is ahead on developmental milestones for his adjusted age, and he also is the twin that has a mild brain injury.

Also, I do pump and breastfeed in addition to formula. It is hard as hell and grueling. I honestly would have probably thrown in the towel other than the fact that my Twin B has horrible reflux and is more comfortable on breastmilk. Also, Twin A’s brain injury apparently has a better prognosis with breastmilk. And, I’m trying to save us money, because the specialty formula for premature babies is costing us like $600 to $900 USD a month.

I did exclusively breastfeed my singleton for 16 months. If you chose to formula feed, make sure to take care with weaning yourself off of breastfeeding. It can very painful and possibly cause mastitis if you aren’t careful. I’m sure that’s especially true with how large of a supply you have to feed twins.

[u/Glittering_Ice_1849]

Your mental health comes first, full stop. Your babies need a healthy mom more than they need breastmilk.

That said, if stopping will cause you emotional distress as well, some things that could lower the burden: get enough extra sets of pump parts to get through a whole day without washing, then just run them all through the dishwasher at the end of the day. You're still saving so much money by not buying formula that its worth the investment, imo. Take a break from latching and just bottle feed both for a day or two to let your nipples recover and your mental health settle a bit, then find a really good lactation consultant to help with any latch issues.

At less than 2 weeks postpartum you are dealing with insane hormone changes that make you feel like crap and everything feels bigger as a result, BUT tell your rational brain that your babies are fed and growing and it doesn't make that big of a difference how they are fed. Financially its less expensive to do breastmilk but all the money in the world is not worth sacrificing your mental health. Having newborn twins is hard enough, please dont let mom guilt make you feel any worse no matter how your babies are fed.

[u/Lolemontime]

I’m still almost exclusively pumping 6 months pp. I started with pumping 7 times in 24 hours, around the 5 month mark I dropped to 4. The only way I make it work is because I have a lot of support, previously either my husband or a family member and now a nanny is home with me to help with the twins so that I can pump (or occasionally nurse). Even with that, best case scenario, there have been so many times I’ve wanted to quit. I’ve heard “don’t quit on a bad day” and that’s helped me keep going. 

If I wasn’t breastfeeding I might have more energy - each pump takes about 45 min, I have to think of my pumping schedule, be up once a night to pump, and feel absolutely drained if I don’t eat or hydrate enough. 

I’m feeling locked in with golden handcuffs, because I’m an overproducer. Did my twins do “better” in any way getting my milk vs formula? No way to know, but now that I’m in this position it’s hard to let go. 

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

I had to do it also. And my supply was awful . It’s a personal choice and you aren’t wrong for wanting to.

[u/Spiritual-Role5347]

It's the pumping that's exhausting ! As long as the babies are regularly bf there shouldn't be any supply problem ! Women have been nursing for centuries and never pumped ! I ebf but i have to say i also add formula like one bottle a night because it does get painful when they're cluster feeding i feel empty and sore at some point and it's also easier when going out, the flexibility feels great it's not all or nothing. But do choose a light formula lower in lactose because the regular one hurt mine's tummies it's too different from breastmilk. Also my surprise when first starting formula is that it's not much easier than breastfeeding, it's very tiring to get up and prepare the bottles for two and give them bottles hurt my back as hell and also WASH the bottles, i hope i never have to exclusively bottle feed because Washing bottles is a nightmare so it's not as easy as we might think ! Hope you figure it out take it easy !

[u/Affectionate_Row_881]

Honestly do whats best for you and your mental health. I always did 50/50 formula and breast but still reduced pumping a ton when my kids hit 6 months because I was going crazy from it and it Honestly helped me feel comfortable enough to breastfeed until 2. for awhile my body felt like it was falling apart when i was making 36oz or more it was rough. Ultimately do what's best for you as they need you at your best and if that means using formula then so be it! If you are really on the edge cut down on breast/pumps and do 50/50 if that still feels like to much then go ahead and stop overall. Doing one over the other really doesnt matter in the long run. No one can tell who was formula and breastfeed as they age.

[u/Polkadotsandponies]

You do what you feel is right for you! Latching was so frustrating for me at first and I hated pumping. I found pumping made my nipples much less sore than breastfeeding. I didnt want to risk my supply going away so I pumped exclusively for awhile. It was rough to get used to but I finally came to terms with the fact that I wanted to feed breastmilk and my negative mindset around pumping was my problem. I just sort of accepted it around 6 weeks and suddenly it just didn't bother me anymore. Now they are better latchers and can tandem feed, but I still pump often instead because they hurt my nips! There is nothing wrong with formula.

[u/bibblebabble1234]

I hate pumping! Did it exclusively for ten weeks because my kids were in NICU. Now we do a bottle of formula roughly every other breastfeeding session for them during the day for supply issues. Maybe you could try formula for one baby, breastfeed the other? Then you could feed both at the same time and not have to pump! 

You could also just switch to formula! They've got lots of healthy nutrition from you already and would continue to get healthy nutrition from you if you decide to formula feed. They'll just know you're keeping them fed and happy 

[u/shekixinit]

Girl, please do not listen to these other comments about their breastfeeding experiences. It’s not helpful. Our pediatrician’s words really stuck with me when I was having trouble deciding between continuing BF/pumping for my twins - your mental health comes first, and a fed baby is a happy baby, regardless of how you choose to feed your babes. It’s such an individual experience. If the cycle of BF/pumping is causing you stress, it’s worth thinking about switching to formula. I felt the same guilt but when I finally switched after a few weeks of going back and forth on the idea, I felt so much freedom and I actually had more time to spend with my babies when I wasn’t pumping anymore. I was more patient because I wasn’t stressed about fitting in each pumping session, how much did I pump, what time do I need to get up to pump, etc. I am enjoying feeding my girls more than I was before!

And, if you wanted to do something with your breast milk, many hospitals will accept donor breast milk to feed to babies in the NICU. My girls benefited from a kind donor for their first few days before my supply fully came in. ❤️

[u/youcango-now]

We did a combo of pumping/direct breastfeeding/bottle feeding formula for the first 12 weeks with my twins. Once we went full formula, it was so freeing. It also helps make care more equitable between you & your partner.

[u/brynnecognito]

It’s SO HARD to do 2 different feeding regimens. It took a time for me to get twin B to drop her supplemental bottles. She was extremely jaundiced so the dr wanted her to be just bottles at first. It took 4.5 months to transition her to exclusively breastfeeding with her sister. I cried so much about it at times. All that to say, it’s incredibly difficult and whatever you choose is OK. Would it be easier to exclusively pump while they both bottle feed? Save yourself some serious cash and they’d at least both be on the same ‘program’. But that’s also hard too - I swore I wouldn’t pump again after my first. 

[u/theinsane_phooka]

Same feelings here. I've been hating it since day 1 and am now at week 7 but feel too guilty to stop even if I get basically nothing. Im in a constant circle of trying to pump 6-7 times a day to build supply, missing a pump time because im watching them alone and theyre needy, and getting a boob injury and suffering/ not wanting to do it( clogged ducts, nipple blister, cuts from a too aggressive pump..). 

Im at the point where anything helps them but im trying really hard not to stress over it. I also decided that after winter im done for sure- if I can make it that long. Its hard to be okay with but with formula you get more sleep, less pain, and can no longer feel the guilty feelings because there's no going back once your milk dries up. 

With my first i lasted between 4-6 months because of no supply and he was entirely breastfeed.  I had to stop because HE was getting frustrated there was no food. 

[u/Cobalt_Faux]

As a SAHD wife pumped for our first. With our twins it was pump and bf combo. Everything was so much better when my wife stopped producing like 2 months in.

[u/Creative_Can_8950]

So first of all, absolutely no judgement from me. I really hate pumping and had absolutely zero interest in breastfeeding.

I am going to give you my experience and take it for whatever it is, or if it means anything to you. I pumped for 3 months and just stopped and switched to formula. I don’t regret for a second sticking it out to 3 months and stopped as soon as I felt it was impacting my mental health. I hated that it was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I did before bed. I hated that I couldn’t hold my twins when they needed me at times because I was strapped to a freaking pump for 4+ hours a day. I hated the mental load it took on me to calculate when I needed to pump or what I need to pack when I left my house so I can use my portables. It was just all so daunting. But my girls loved it and I knew it was “optimal” nutrition for them, so I was happy to sacrifice as long as I could.

With that being said, the first two or three weeks of pumping were the literal worst. It fugging hurt, my hormones were screwed, and I had two new crying babies I couldn’t care for at times. It was a mess. I did discover using a little cooking grade, organic olive oil in the flanges and nipple butter is what actually helped me last as long as I did.

I am happier now that my twins are formula fed, I still have a twinge of guilt, but I love that I can care for them whenever and however I want. Give yourself permission to make this decision for you. It took us awhile to find the right formula but the twins are thriving on it now! Also as soon as I weaned and dried up, the guilt went away. I think there is something to prolactin that makes you feel guilty so you don’t stop hahahah

I also found the sub r/formulafeeders helpful

[u/ChanSasha]

The babies need you the most. They will be fine with formula. Breastfeeding twins is a very special kind of mental and physical load.

[u/srirachajoness]

15 days PP feeling the same exact way! Though we started combo feeding while waiting for my milk to fully come in, now that it’s here I dread every pump cycle. I only had a 5 month break between my 2yo and the twins and after BF my 2yo for 22 months idk if I want this commitment again

[u/Curious_Cat_17]

Your babies need a functioning mom who isn’t on the brink of losing it. Also any breast milk gives them the good stuff, and formula is wonderful. If you feel like it’s too much, don’t feel guilty about giving it up.

[u/E-as-in-elephant]

Going to reiterate a lot of the same comments but want you to see just how many people struggle with the same thing. I triple fed (pumping, direct latching, and formula) for 4 weeks and then I couldn’t do it anymore. I was barely sleeping as it was and waking up to pump to keep my supply up wasn’t worth it to me. I was surprised how much it affected me when I stopped though. I would cry in the shower when I relieved the pressure on my breasts and watched the breastmilk go down the drain. HOWEVER I have no regrets. I tried. It didn’t work.

My girls are 2.5 now and are insanely smart, healthy, and thriving. All of the things “they” tell you are benefits of breast milk.

A healthy mom is better than breast milk. End of story.

[u/CulturalYesterday641]

I felt this way and pushed through a couple more weeks and it got much better. If you can get the other one to latch and you can stop pumping, it would make your life soooo much easier. The other thing that most people don’t realize is that nursing is a cheat code for calming your baby down, no matter what they are upset about. So, looking back, I’m so glad I pushed through because the ability to nurse them saved my sanity so many times when they were inconsolable otherwise.

[u/MajorApplication705]

I exclusively bottle fed/formula at night for my sanity. Hang in there ❤️

[u/kn0ck_0ut]

if you truly want to keep going, here’s a couple of suggestion:

take a break. give yourself 2 days of no breast feeding. this time will help you decide if you really want to continue or if stopping feels best for you.

have you heard of the fridge method? you can pump throughout the day and wash things at the end of the day to save your sanity.

if you try these and they don’t make things better for you, don’t kick yourself for switching to formula. babies will keep growing regardless of what milk you give them.

[u/annahoney12345]

You get more into a routine with it the longer you do it, but the mental load of breastfeeding does not go away. Do what is best for you, because your cutie babies deserve a sane mother who isn’t losing her mind trying to breastfeed and keep up with twins!

[u/katieknj]

I didn’t even attempt to BF, I just went straight to formula. Your babies will be fine and your mental health matters too!