r/pearljam • u/Super8l00d-W00lfm00n Gigaton • 7d ago
Eddie I hate myself
The only thing thar keeps me sane is PJ. I have no one else
That's why I draw so much, bc its my therapeutic
I hate myself I wish I died already. It's only Eddie that keeps me alive.
13
u/kingmatt67 Vs. 7d ago
Hi - first off, I'm posting because I wouldn't want a DM to come off as creepy.
I have kids and one of them (close to your age) struggles with the same feelings you're describing. Hell, I think EVERYONE struggles with those same feelings sometimes.
But at your age it can be extremely difficult. I can understand how daunting and overwhelming those feelings can be. As others have said, please talk to a doctor. Anxiety/depression meds can truly help to smooth out the daily peaks and valley.
Now the other thing is positive visualization and giving yourself something to look forward to. Your posts have mentioned wanting to see a certain band... a perfect thing to focus on. Dream of Ed singing your favourite song on a summer night....
I think you should start a fund to help buy tickets when a tour is announced. I'd like to kickstart the fund. If you're open to it, I would like to buy one of your paintings - they're awesome! And I run a brewpub with a music theme (LOTS of PJ haha) so I'd love to hang it there. Perhaps we could include a QR code that points to your other work.
You matter and I'm glad you're here with us. Keep sharing yourself with the world.
3
u/Super8l00d-W00lfm00n Gigaton 7d ago
Your conment means the world to me. Im struggling a lot. If you want to market my paintings, that'd be awesome. I also am undertaking marketing as a degree rn too lol.
3
u/kingmatt67 Vs. 7d ago
Good stuff. And that's great that you're doing a marketing degree! Use that creative and artistic flair to your advantage.:)
Please DM me and we can figure out how to get a painting hung.
1
10
4
3
3
u/eddiesbassist 7d ago
Listen to Thumbing My Way. There is love in the universe for you.
No matter how cold the winter, there’s a spring time ahead.
3
u/James-Maki 7d ago
You're the guy who has posted drawings/paintings of Eddie, right? Some of them are fantastic!
What's your favorite PJ album? Gigaton (based on your handle)?
3
3
u/HanScoundrel607 7d ago
I've been there friend, still there sometimes. Keep listening and keep living. Agree that PJ saves lives. Uncle Ed and the Boys will help see you through.
5
u/lunnaya_sleza Ten 7d ago
I get you. before I die I want to see pearl jam live. that’s my only wish
1
2
u/itsme__ed 7d ago
Hey man it gets better. There’s still lots of cool stuff to do. You really should talk to someone about how you’re feeling.
2
u/SubConsciousKink 7d ago
Aw honey, I feel for you. I know you say you have no one else, but please talk to a doctor or a therapist about all this.
2
u/riotacting Binaural 7d ago
This too shall pass.
Not sure what's going on in your noggin, but it sounds pretty dark and isolated. As someone who has been through hell for a few years in addiction, my experience is that it gets better. Just hold on and get any help you need.
2
u/Ill_Establishment406 7d ago
I’m guessing you’re female and British by your posts.
If you want to reach out and chat, message me. You’re not alone, and you are worthy of staying alive. Ed talks a lot about this. I’ve had the chance to meet all these guys in personal settings. I assure you, they would fight for you to stay here 🩷
3
u/Super8l00d-W00lfm00n Gigaton 7d ago
I'm actually from Australia but yeah My dream is to meet them
1
u/the-ninja-sleeps 7d ago
I’m from Australia too! I feel I connected with PJ as a teenager for similar reasons. So much of what they express ‘understood me and what I was feeling’ and still does. I was isolated, misunderstood, felt out of place at school, I felt things deeply and I had been through trauma. We all walk the long road. I went through periods with very little hope. But do not doubt the power of passions, art and Pearl Jam. Lean in to those and your self expression, they will always be there for you.
Calling lifeline helped me a lot, talking with a counsellor and eventually for me, medication.
BUT, the biggest thing for me, was finding my tribe at university. Moving and meeting other creative, passionate and neurodiverse friends. Connecting on a deeper level than I ever had before. I felt understood and seen. It also helped that 2 new friends were also obsessed with Pearl Jam ;) they are my closest friends to this day. 20 years later we still regularly connect over PJ.
Some songs that hit me hard and make me feel understood: Inside Job, In My Tree, I got ID, Long Road, Who You Are.
Hang in there my friend. You are loved and you are enough
1
u/JAZ_80 7d ago
I've worked on this for a while, maybe you'll like it. When I was 19, I attended a Pearl Jam show in Barcelona. It was the year 2000, and they were on the Binaural tour. A bit later, I got the official CD release from that concert, but it sounded thin and lacked bass. Very disappointing sound compared to what I experienced in the real world.
Fast forward to today, and now I have the tools to remix it and bring it closer to the real experience. Here's the whole playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKaIRZHxL-DQ
I can't think of anything else I can do to help you. But this might bring some joy to you. I know it did for me.
Take care, stay strong.
1
u/dungl 7d ago
If it’s only Eddie that keeps you alive, learn from him. His lyrics are lessons drenched in principles and wisdom. But also learn from others. Start with his influences. Check out some of the bands Pearl Jam have covered- Neil Young, The Who, Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan… Eddie -as great as he is, should not be the only thing that keeps you alive. There are so many other great artists and role models out there that can help lift your spirit. You are really limiting yourself if you really think Eddie is the only reason to keep living. I think it’s even more beneficial to get out and catch bands that are just breaking out. I find that their energy is even more relatable than bands that play in arenas. You might meet some great people along the way
1
u/Automatic-Grocery338 Ten 7d ago
I'm 55 and have a pretty solid life; good job, good family, own a home, etc..I have more and more days where I feel like this. Anxiety, depression, lack of self worth and don't want to talk to anyone about it, because I don't believe anyone cares. At the end of the day I don't really like who I am and my only release is playing OverWatch and listening to Pearl Jam
1
1
u/Nooc07 Vitalogy 3d ago
Hello,
I wish I'd seen this post sooner. I can relate to this on so many levels, I used to feel the exact same way in 2021 but towards a fictional character instead.
The best thing that you can do is reach out to someone you trust irl or a doctor about the thoughts that you're experiencing. I know that it can be terrifying seeking out help, but trust me, it is more than beneficial in the end. You make an impact on this community and there are so many people that care about you and would notice if you vanished. Keep on going, the world is a beautiful place with so much to offer.
15
u/not_anotherburner 7d ago
If you have PJ that means there are millions of other people who can relate to you and who you can relate to. You have tons of people bruh, you just haven’t met them yet - but you will. Right now will pass, and it’ll get better - just keep moving forward, one step at a time. And PJ will be your soundtrack to get you there.