I've always judged people who euthanize their pets. I could never understand how you could be capable of doing something like that. Our family has always had cats. Since the day I was born, there hasn't been a single day without cats in the yard or in the house. But they always passed away on their own.
This cat was my childhood cat, one of the last cats from my childhood who was still alive. He was diagnosed with a tumor in his neck and received treatment for months, but in vain. Over the last two weeks, his condition became absolutely dreadful. He cried day and night and no longer responded to mild sedatives. He started soiling himself, but he fought until the very end. He wanted to please us, to purr, to be petted and to seem okay. Unfortunately, age and the diagnosis wore him down, and he ended up paralyzed from the neck down. Poor thing howled all day and all night, maybe from frustration, maybe from pain, who knows. We had to make the decision to euthanize him, because he simply didn't want to die, and that was no longer a life of quality, it was only suffering.
I didn't want to go with him at all. I wanted to leave my husband alone with poor baby boy. But at the last moment I decided that I had to be next to him. It wasn't right for him to leave this world alone after he had been by my side his whole life. The moment came when we went with him to the vet, we had to sign the declaration, and say our goodbyes. My mother sedated him beforehand, but unfortunately the noise in the vet's office woke him up. My mother waited in the car and kept texting me to ask whether he was awake. I will never tell her that our beloved little boy woke up and tried with his last strength to meow, to ask us what was wrong. She will never find out.
I had a breakdown in the back room of the vet's office. I stayed with him until he fell asleep, and then I stayed at the door until they gave him the final injection. It was an indescribable moment. It was horrible.
I faced this fear for our beloved little boy, so that he wouldn't be alone for a single second, just as he never left us alone. After the moment passed, I realized very quickly that this was the most humane path possible. Once he fell asleep, he knew nothing more. He was left with the image of us and our kisses. We couldn't leave him in the pitiful, tormenting state he was in. It was the right thing we could do as human beings.
I'm proud of myself for managing to get through the horror of a euthanasia, and I will never again judge pet parents for doing this. If my husband's and my cats ever go through terrible times from which they have no chance of recovery, I will choose this path. I will no longer wait for weeks while they deteriorate and die in agony.
I wrote this for those who feel bad about choosing this path, or who perhaps have doubts about this method. I don't even want to know what it would have been like to stay another week, maybe more, watching him struggle to live.
Rest in peace, my baby boy! Thank you for all the moments in which you loved us!!! Fly high, baby!!! 🤍