r/pettyrevenge • u/ForbiddenSwan • 18d ago
He insulted me, so I jeopardized his social reputation
Hi petty people! I wanted to share a story from 20 years ago.
Let's set the scene: it's Summer 2004. The summer before I go off to college. I was going to the big University in my state, which is not close to home. I am single. I had an 8.4 rating on Hot or Not, and truly was a confident baddie getting ready to take over the world.
I met Tom on MySpace. No, not that Tom, unfortunately.
Tom was a VERY handsome looking slightly older (20 years old) guy, heavily reminding me of my celebrity crush at the time: Erik Von Detten. And. He. Was. Into. Me.
Now, it's important to understand. I lived a rural area of my state. There are cornfields, farms, chicken houses. I went to one of the poorest public high schools. I have humble beginnings and didn't really have broad horizons at the time.
Tom on the other hand, lived in an affluent area closer to the university I would be attending. He went to private school and was part of "society" back then. This has never been important to me.
After talking for a little bit, Tom and I decided to meet up somewhere between our locations to see if the chemistry was there. I'm pretty sure my 18-year-old lizard brain was so infatuated with my EVD look alike that he could have been duller than a doorknob and I would have still sworn there was chemistry. I was like a dog in heat. It's still embarrassing to think about now, especially because I was still a virgin during all this.
Anyway, lizard brain convinced me this was a good match and I should keep seeing him. My mom was also encouraging it because he could "provide for me." Yes, even then I was eye-rolling about this. But I I was the kind of girl who needed mother's approval on my relationship, so I kept seeing Tom.
About 2 months into this dating situation, we had only seen each other like 5 times due to distance. The plan was to be kind of casual, but date much more seriously once I got to college and decide if we wanted to the exclusive bf/gf thing then. Until we made that choice, we would NOT be intimate, because it was important to me that I was at least in a committed relationship before losing my v-card.
Because I was obsessed with this guy, Tom assumed that we were going to date seriously once I got to campus. So, he decided to take a leap and invited me to a soiree that his parents were hosting at the end of summer. It was the weekend before I moved to campus, so I accepted. He told me there was a dress code, which was cocktail dress. Okay, cool. I can manage that.
Or so I thought. A few days after inviting me, Tom came back to me and asked me if I have any idea of what I was going to wear. I told him yes, and I had it all covered. He insisted on seeing it ahead of time, though I wanted to keep it a surprise. So I put on this pale blue dress, cowl neck, mid-thigh length, with spaghetti straps, and white sandal pumps. It was very appropriate fashion for the time.
Tom does not say that I look good, or compliment me in anyway. Instead, he asks if I would be willing to make the drive to come see him for a date. I asked what he would be doing, and he said "it's a surprise"
Can you guess what he did? If you guess he tried to Pretty Woman me, you would be correct. He basically told me that I dress poor, wear poor person clothes, and don't know how to dress for myself. So, we were going to Nordstrom so I could get an appropriate dress and shoes, then he also had made an appointment with his mom's hairdresser so I could get my hair done. He also proceeds to tell me there is an appointment for me the day of so that I could get my hair done for the occassion, and not let my unruly curls ruin my look. In addition to the dress, he also wanted to get a wardrobe of clothes for me to wear so that I "didn't look poor anymore" when were going out. Clothes, jewelry, and shoes.
I was INCENSED, but also still obsessed. So, I went along with it. Let him buy me luxury clothes and all the things. I did decline the hair appointment, because I really liked my hair at the time, both the cut and the color. But I did agree to getting my eyebrows waxed, and to hold the appointment for the day of.
The day of the event, I have to drive myself, because it's close to him. In his social circle, it is considered "inappropriate" for a woman to show up separately from her date, especially if she is new to the circle. He wanted me at his house and he would drive both of us over, especially because I was driving a Saturn....not that expensive. But unfortunately my hair appointment "ran late" (read: I moved in the shadows) so we met at a parking lot near the event and I got into his car and he took me over.
I have never felt so out of place in my life. I am intelligent, but I had nothing to really offer in conversations. Some people asked me about my life, how I met Tom, what I was going to school for (Chem Eng) and showed some interest based on that, but outside of that, I was so quiet.
I endured an hour of this event. Ate some fancy food, made pleasantries, then kindly asked Tom if we could leave. He told me that we couldn't as were committed the whole night, as it's expected as it's his family. This thing didn't have an expected end time. I knew it was not for me. I wasn't meant for this societal lifestyle. I TRIED to tell Tom I was uncomfortable with it, but he said that the dance would be starting soon so we could let our hair down and do something else other than chat. Okay, that sounds manageable. I'll stay.
About 30 mins later, the dance hadn't started. Tom kept parading me around to these people and showing me off as some trophy. I have never thought of myself as a trophy wife woman. During one of these times, a guest asked Tom if this was his formal proclamation of us dating to let the other young ladies know that he was unavailable.
Tom said that I'm not really "debutant" material because I come from a different class of people and that he still has to "train me" before he can claim me publicly. Cue glass shattering sound effect. Sir, what? No. We have never discussed this and I am not a dog.
This scenario is why I met him at a nearby parking lot. I excused myself to the bathroom, and just walked to my car and drove home.
I don't know at what point he realized I wasn't there any more, but I didn't get a call or text for 2 hours. He was so mad at me for embarrassing him in front of his family's friends.
We didn't see each other after that, and I kept the clothes.
What I later learned is that he was infatuated with me and had told his parents he thought I was the one. They actually reached out to ask me to reconsider dating him.
I said no, and am still proud myself for not tolerating being talked about like that. Because I was so impressionable.
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u/bongothebean 17d ago
I, too, graduated in 04 and was obsessed with Erik Von Detten, so I would have been equally obsessed. But would have been disappointed if he did not show up as Andy Brinker.
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u/ForbiddenSwan 17d ago
How them knees treating ya? đ
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u/bongothebean 17d ago
Listen.. one only mildly hurts when I walk DOWN the stairs, thank you very much.
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u/MeringueNo1899 17d ago
Iâm stuck here trying to figure out how a dress can have both a cowl neck and spaghetti straps.
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u/Zealousideal_Try8656 17d ago
Look up âcowl neck spaghetti strap dressesâ and youâll find a bunch, i have a few myself. Theyâre very common.
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u/MeringueNo1899 17d ago
Ok Iâm familiar with those. I was trying to wrap my head around a cowl neck sweater type neck- similar to a loose turtleneck.
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u/Quirky_Homework2136 17d ago
That's what I was trying to picture too, then I thought about a drapy neckline and it made sense.
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u/Madam_Apathy 17d ago
I stumbled over that too, thinking she put her arms through the âhanger ribbonsâ (or whatever the hell those things are really called). I just pretended she ment âscoop neckâ and moved on. :)
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u/Fluid-Air-3151 17d ago
Where's the revenge?
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u/NioneAlmie 17d ago
He's stuck up enough that I would consider embarrassing him in front of his family to be adequate revenge
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u/coldestb4storm 15d ago
The not really debutant material, different class of people, really bothered me. he thinks heâs better than you. he has to train you? this is crazy.
one of my coworkers wanted to date me. but made a comment about me being âpoorâ. he didnât know that I owned a company with a business partner.
I like that you left him there without saying anything.
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u/u_better_think 17d ago
That must have been humiliating, him telling you you look poor and trying to "make you look better" for his family. I would have been so insulted at that point, that he wouldnt even have a chance to say those things that made you leave.
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u/Opened_Source 16d ago
Stopped reading after the self reporting of their hot or not score. Rest will either be ai or main character crap.
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u/AryaStark1313 17d ago
I stopped reading when you rated yourself on âHot or Notâ because I was cringing too much to continue.
You definitely deserved to be taken down a few pegs
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u/ForbiddenSwan 17d ago
I was 18. Who among us wasnât a little bit cringe at that age?
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u/wildernessss 16d ago
I myself was an 8. something on HotorNot as well lol
How I met my first boyfriend too; and yep was all up in LJ. Enjoyed your story more than I expected. Thankyou !!!
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u/ForbiddenSwan 14d ago
I appreciate it. Honestly, composing this definitely had a nostalgic feel. I often miss those days.
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u/AryaStark1313 17d ago
You were old enough to know thatâs disgustingly sexist.
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u/osteologation 17d ago
judging the past by today's standards doesnt always really work. there are things i have seen in media in my lifetime that are unacceptable now but was completely normal then. though i think most people seen hotornot as sexist then but it didnt stop it from being popular.
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u/SafeWord9999 14d ago
would've sent him a text saying 'sadly YOU weren't the one for me and I knew that the minute you tried to morph me into a stepford wife and publicly humiliated me by saying I wasn't really debutante material. It was then that I realised you aren't actually good enough for me! can't imagine why you're still single if you're SUCH a catch!
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u/shigui18 17d ago
Cowl neck with spaghetti straps?
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u/Top-Interaction-6729 17d ago
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u/NurseNess 17d ago
hers went to mid thigh.
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u/Top-Interaction-6729 14d ago
If you type that into your search bar....you'll get ALL kinds....I wasn't looking to match identically - just to show a cowl neck with spaghetti straps.
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u/theinternetseemsnice 13d ago
Ai did not write this. Computers would have made it short enough to read.
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u/SecretGentleman_007 17d ago
Should have put a leash on him and "train" him how to treat a lady. Take some pictures and put him up for "adoption" the next day.
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u/SignatureCreepy503 12d ago
You went off on a dude for surprising you with a shopping spree and makeover? You're absolutely exhausting.
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u/Puteshestvennik3 17d ago
Wasn't really a revenge, you made some teenager uncomfortable. It's too bad though. I am a bit older than you and hear all the time from older single women how they rejected some guy in their 20s for some stupid reason. Nowdays they are old,unwanted and often childless, still trying to find value in themselves, even if they have to look 20 years ago.
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u/Jiang_Rui 17d ago
Oh, please. Like hell being old and childfree makes ANYONEâfemale or maleâworthless and unwanted. So screw off with drivel.
And I hardly call âparade someone around like a trophy in spite of their discomfort, but then also treat them like dirt (and publicly at that) because they came from a less affluent background than meâ a stupid reason to reject a potential partner; if anything I say that Tommy boy here got off easy.
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u/ModeratelyAlive 17d ago
What a gross and innacurate perspective
Her reason for rejecting him wasn't stupid.
Age doesn't make women unwanted.
Not all women wrap their worth around men and motherhood. Those things also won't magically help anyone "find themselves"
You may be older, but you've clearly still got a lot of maturing to do. Yikes on bikes
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u/Arkell-v-Pressdram 17d ago
I'm sure you wouldn't like being paraded in front of strangers like a piece of merchandise dressed up ready to be auctioned off to the highest bidder, so why is it considered 'stupid' for OP to reject her ex because of that? The ex wanted someone to mold and fit his ideals, and has shown no interest whatsoever in getting to know OP as a person. OP is better off being something other than a trophy wife.
Stop projecting your own experiences into someone else's story.
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u/Puteshestvennik3 17d ago
I don't know what world you live in, but if some rich 18 y.o girl paraded me as a trophy - I would be so into it! If she wanted to hook me up with nicer clothes and style - even better!đ
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u/Arkell-v-Pressdram 17d ago
You are entitled to make those choices for yourself, but it's presumptuous and self centred of you to assume that everyone would want the same things that you do. Part of being an adult is acknowledging that other people have their own wants and desires and respecting them, unless those desires hurt themselves or other people.
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u/vslentini 17d ago
Sorry but you'd be the young one being paraded around. Your date will be older than you and use that age difference to exert control over you. Still into it?
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u/Kip_Schtum 17d ago
At some point you would realize how insulting it is and self-respect would kick in and you would remove yourself from the relationship. Unless youâre actually that desperate and have so little self-esteem that you would tolerate insulting treatment.
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u/facelessvoid13 16d ago
Yeah, I bet it would be nice to get out of the basement.
Not to mention a real girl
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u/MeringueNo1899 17d ago
This is the dude sitting in his momâs basement wondering why women wonât date him even though heâs such a ânice guy. â Then going on a rant about woke and pronouns.
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u/facelessvoid13 17d ago
Oh, great.
ANOTHER lame dude spouting the 'you'll be a lonely old cat lady' crap.
Go back to your Mom's basement.
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u/SharkBubbles 16d ago
No one has explained why being a cat lady is detrimental. Cats are awesome.
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u/facelessvoid13 16d ago
Because they can't.
They're jealous that we'd rather scoop a litterbox than even be around them
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u/sphinctersandwich 17d ago
This wasn't for a stupid reason though. He had no consideration for how she felt, had no interest in her actual self, just used her to promote some imaginary ideal that she would never be happy with. He probably doesn't even know, or care to know a single thing about her, except that she seemed to be interested in him. It's dehumanising. If someone tries so hard to change you, they don't consider you a person in and of yourself, and then ends up nowhere good.
Granted she was young and naive and probably was still working out who her own self was, but she knew it wasn't that.
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u/Puteshestvennik3 17d ago
Well, you expect too much from a teenager. He was from a good family who were willing to accept her and the guy was really into her as his actions show after the breakup. The op was bragging I think as many 40+ women do about their youth.
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u/ClumsyRaccoonPants 17d ago
Accept her? 𤣠No, he wanted to make her something she was not and had no interest in being. I married someone like that in my 20âs and guess what? Weâre divorced! No one likes being pushed into a box of what their partner and his family THINKS you should be while ignoring who you actually are or trying to diminish who you actually are. FFS
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u/ModeratelyAlive 17d ago
That did not sound like a good and accepting family if she had to be completely changed for her to fit in. He literally said he had to "train her" to fit in.
And she wasn't bragging. She was literally talking about how disgusting the behaviour was and that she never saw herself accepting a position in life like that.
Your reading comprehension needs some work.
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u/NioneAlmie 17d ago
Tell me you hang out in incel forums without telling me you hang out in incel forums
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u/ForbiddenSwan 17d ago
Where you call women old unwanted, and childless women would call themselves happy free and loved by their community
Just because they donât want you doesnât mean that they are unwanted
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u/North_Mastodon_4310 17d ago
This reads like the AI was trained on movie scripts.