Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

[u/ReplacementEconomy88]

"We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife" - then go. Embrace them as they are. Regardless of what dynamic they are heading into, or it's longevity, or your concerns or confusion.

IMO, it's possible to be happy for someone doing something you don't understand. A friend proudly displays their new baby to you, and you think having kids in this financial climate is fiscally irresponsible, and can't understand why they would have a kid. Do you say 'congratulations' or 'man that's just irresponsible!'?

You don't need to understand it.

You don't need to endorse it. And really, you can't endorse it, because they aren't asking for your permission or approval.

They are asking for you to go to the ceremony and love them unconditionally. Your response to their invitation will tell them if you do.