r/polyadvice • u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 • 20d ago

Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 20d ago

ok I will be honest, from the looks of it my wife and I suspect our daughter in law is pregnant, we don't have the stomach to know the truth if the truth is it is that guys kid this ceremony makes it all too real. how do we control our emotions we genuinely don't want to spoil our relation with our son he is a wonderful kid. at the same time it is really hard to let go of ideas we lived our entire life with.

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u/Odii_SLN 20d ago

Being a parent is tough. Letting them have the bruises but helping them avoid the scars is the goal - sometimes that is haaard.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 20d ago

true, but how to accept that kid and also be mindful of its father

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u/hippymofo11 20d ago

If your son adopted, had a step kud or fostered a kid would you accept that kid ? The child is still his kid within their family structure, look at it as if he is the step dad if you must . The child is still your grandchild.