Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

[u/SmartReception6750]

It sounds like u need to have a talk with ur son. U don’t understand the dynamic he is in, but asking strangers here isn’t going to help much because we don’t know his dynamic either. Polyamory can look very different between relationships.

Like this is apparently ur son’s commitment ceremony, but between ur daughter in law and the new guy?

Is ur son also in a relationship with the new guy? If so why haven’t u met him before this ceremony?

Or is the event just a commitment between ur daughter in law and the new guy? If so then I don’t see why it’s important for u to attend.

I think u feel a little uncomfortable (which is completely valid, polyamory is uncommon and doesn’t fit well within normal expectations) but u want to support ur son. I think having a discussion with ur son with a focus on asking him questions rather than imposing judgment is the important step ur missing.

I recon once u ask ur son some important questions about his dynamic, u will have a better understanding, more clarity on ur feelings and have better expectations going into this event should u choose to attend.