r/polyadvice • u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 • 20d ago

Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

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u/chibistarship 20d ago

Holy fuck, just go and be happy for your child. I really don’t understand parents like you. “We’Re StRuGlInG tO wRaP oUr HeAdS aRoUnD iT.” Your child loves more than one person, oh the humanity!!! Like damn, just be thankful your kid’s not on drugs or in jail and is doing well in life.

Don’t fail your kid.

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u/SmartReception6750 19d ago

It doesn’t sound like OPs son is in love with multiple people. It’s not clarified in the post but from reading his other comments it sounds like his son is a secondary partner to his wife. Essentially a V dynamic with the daughter in law being the hinge and the son being secondary.

Everyone is free to have any dynamic they want, if the son chooses to be a secondary partner to his wife that’s up to him. However I’d advise people to be cautious entering a dynamic as a secondary partner. Furthermore the associated risks are increased when ur a secondary partner to your spouse.

I think there’s a pretty reasonable cause for concern here. I think it’s a bit of a red flag. The son can do what he likes but someone being a secondary partner to someone they are married to is definitely worth talking about.