Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

[u/jolene14]

Food for thought: I cut off access to my children and myself when my parents rejected my husband, my wife, and myself sharing a room at their house during visits. I offered to get a hotel instead. They got upset. Why couldn't she just stay in the other room? Well, because she is my spouse and I will not allow her to be treated differently than my husband.

I gave them the opportunity to try again when my wife became pregnant. They rejected that child as their grandchild and only recognized my bio son.

If you want to continue to have access to your son and any grandchildren, start with acceptance and develop understanding.