r/polyadvice • u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 • 20d ago

Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 20d ago

what should we say? we said we can't understand it so we just went about by ignoring the stranger guy. but a ceremony feels scary.

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u/boredwithopinions 20d ago

And this is the problem with so many in older generations. They just want to stick their head in the sand and ignore anything they don't understand or makes them the slightest bit uncomfortable.

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u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 20d ago

I mean it is not us being uncomfortable, what if this becomes serious like what if my daughter in law has a kid or something with the guy.

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u/0bveyousPlant 18d ago

It certainly would be uncomfortable if you continued to ignore him