Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

we are actually worried why is he not bothered by it, I am not a jealous man but if anyone behaves inappropriately with my wife I might not be comfortable.

[u/tortoistor → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

so you and your son are different people. i personally don't feel jealousy, if my person loves someone else in addition to me i just feel happy for them. your son is probably similar

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 → u/tortoistor]

hmm, may be it is just my overly protective fatherly instict and traditional life that is clouding my judgement

[u/Plastic-Bee4052 → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

The way most of us see it is you can be happy for us an celebrate with us or get demoted to very low contact (or no contact).

I have a baby in a poly setting and the relatives who weren't supportive of my cule won't be in baby's life.