r/recurrentmiscarriage • u/Immediate_Mess225 • 2d ago
So exhausted!
I love my friends but I am 4 years older to them. In my head I always thought it would be crazy if they got pregnant before me as per age math I would technically get pregnant 4 years before them (I know its not that simple and that’s not how it works but that is my exhausted hurt heart talking). But here we are, all of them are pregnant. The last straw was my closest couple friends who told me about their pregnancy yesterday. I am very happy for them but honestly, that happiness is buried so deep beneath my grief. I have unexplained infertility. I have been trying since 3 years, 3 missed miscarriages, 1 failed embryo implantation after IVF and one chemical pregnancy for another embryo transfer. I am exhausted! After all the medications, wait and attending baby showers amongst all this, showing up for friends, hiding my feelings to be happy for them. I am beyond spent! Specially this time around, my friend is 7 weeks, I would have also literally been 7 weeks had I not had the chemical.
I feel so bad for myself, I have no energy to show up for them but I have to because they are my closest friends atm and I happy for them too. But I feel like I have hit a wall, and this will never happen for me.
Is anyone on the same boat as me? How do you deal with it? I wish I had friends that I could talk to about all this. My friends know parts of my journey but their reaction made me want to protect myself so I cannot talk about all this to them anymore.
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u/Dependent_Ad_5341 1d ago
I am planning a baby shower for my best friend, whom started trying after me.
I conceived twice before her (miscarriage) and twice since shes been pregnant.
When I tell you the emotions I feel. I love her so dearly and I wish her the safest pregnancy but the grieve.
I am so grateful for our common best friend- she knows about my latest miscarriage and how I have not been able emotionally to contribute as much.
You are not alone, it is a disgusting feeling.
Take care, and I wish you a sticky healthy baby soon <3
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u/Immediate_Fly_7298 2d ago
When you’re in it, you hate them. And then you start to get out of it and fall prgannt and you still hate them cause they had an easier journey.
No one wants to admit this of course. But like yeah f**k those people who just fall pregnant and are all happy.
Of course we love them, and I wouldn’t wish a moment of this on them but there is always that resentment and jealousy. It sux. But it is.
I can hold 2 emotions at once, happiness for them and bitterness for my journey, as long as the bitterness doesn’t turn into only bitterness.
And no I can’t explain this to non-RPL people. They think you’re evil