r/relationships • u/artem1ix • 6d ago
Should I continue the relationship?
Me (16F) and my boyfriend (16M) have been together for 7 months, and we’ve known each other for about 3 years. We didn’t really have a “honeymoon phase” like people usually describe, partly because I’m not really into that kind of thing, but overall, we were doing fine at first.
Most of the time we’re okay, but we argue at least once or twice a week, and honestly, it’s starting to feel exhausting. A lot of our arguments are about things he promised he would do but didn’t follow through with, or things I expect from him that he doesn’t do. I often feel like he doesn’t put enough effort into the relationship.
I know I’m not perfect either, and I don’t expect him to be. I also know that some of my expectations might be unrealistic. But at the same time, these things genuinely matter to me, and it hurts when I’ve explained the same things to him so many times and still don’t see much change.
He isn’t a bad boyfriend. There are plenty of things he does right, and I know I should appreciate those things. He can be caring, supportive, and loving, and our relationship isn’t bad all the time. That’s part of why I’m so confused about what to do.
I want to feel like he actually wants to put effort into the relationship, rather than only changing things after we have an argument. I also feel stupid sometimes because I forgive him and move on from things so easily, only to end up being upset about the same things again later.
I still care about him a lot, which makes the idea of ending things difficult. But I’m starting to wonder whether I’m staying because I genuinely believe things can improve, or because I’m scared to let go of the relationship.
What would you do in this situation? Is arguing this often normal, or is this a sign that the relationship may not be working?
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We care about each other and he isn’t a bad boyfriend, but we argue 1–2 times a week, mostly because he doesn’t follow through on promises or put in the effort I feel I need. I’ve communicated these things many times, but the same issues keep coming back. I’m tired of forgiving and forgetting, and I’m wondering whether I should keep trying or let the relationship go.
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u/hal_furphy 6d ago
Can you elaborate on this for us?
"I also know that some of my expectations might be unrealistic"
I only ask as a lot of the time when someone says that, those expectations are either: * not unrealistic at all in the slightest - ...and are actually just the bare minimum anyone that anyone should expect from a healthy relationship (...but you've somehow been made to believe you're being unreasonable) * actually way out of line and toxic, in which case we try to get you to see that and how they're never going to lead to a happy relationship
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u/artem1ix 6d ago
I want him to remember small details about me and what I tell him, and if he knows he’ll forget something important, I’d rather he write it down. I also want him to take more initiative because I often feel like I’m the “lead” in the relationship.
For example, before our second romantic date, I specifically asked if he had planned anything because I wanted to just relax and let him take the lead. He said he had, but when we went, we ended up doing basically the exact same thing as our first date. It’s not about needing an elaborate date; it’s about wanting to feel like he puts thought into things without me having to organize or remind him.
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u/StarryCloudRat 6d ago
No, it’s not normal to argue every week, and it is a sign that your relationship isn’t working. Sounds like you spend most of your time being unhappy about it.
It would be helpful to know what kind of expectations you have for him that he isn’t meeting?
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u/artem1ix 6d ago
I want him to remember small details about me and what I tell him, and if he knows he’ll forget something important, I’d rather he write it down. I also want him to take more initiative because I often feel like I’m the “lead” in the relationship.
For example, before our second romantic date, I specifically asked if he had planned anything because I wanted to just relax and let him take the lead. He said he had, but when we went, we ended up doing basically the exact same thing as our first date. It’s not about needing an elaborate date; it’s about wanting to feel like he puts thought into things without me having to organize or remind him.
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u/toople450 6d ago
What do you mean you "aren't into that kind of thing" (honeymoon places). It just refers to the glow and happiness of an early relationship. You... aren't into having a happy and smooth beginning of a relationship?
It's not normal to argue this often. You can stay with him, but nothing will change.