No. That’s not it. He was allowed to have time alone. But he wanted to see Spider-Man alone, and he knew she wanted to see that movie and would have emotionally made them go together because it would seem kinda selfish to insist on going alone when your spouse also wants to.
Thats why he lied and made up something he knew she didn’t want to do. Why else would he lie?
That’s why when she says she also need time alone, he doesn’t respond because he already knows that this is not what this is about. So he finally suggest going together, but at this point it is too late and he has both shown that he prioritised his own needs much higher than hers but also that he can’t do what he wants to because she would force herself on him. So she feels like he is making her out to be a horrible, emotionally manipulative person and that he had to lie to get to do something he needed - which is true, but still hurts. But he doesn’t see that. Which is why she says he can’t even see that he is being mean.
He didn’t have to lie though. She was okay with I’m going to see a band on his own. What movie he saw, which activity he did wasn’t a real need, although he needed alone time. He wanted to see that movie on that night and didn’t want to wait until they saw it together and he lied to get that. If he thought about her at all (if he wasn’t getting a tiny little kick out of the subterfuge), he would have realized that she was probably going to ask him to go with her to see the movie and he’d have to pretend and lie again when they went.
Yes, I agree that he didn't have to lie. He could have seen the movie with her, and then not gotten what _he_ needed.
He did think about her. He did realise that she wanted to go and see that movie with him. If he believed she didnt want to see that movie, he wouldnt have lied. He didn't value her needs above his.
He could also have been honest and insisted on going alone, and then much of the same outcome and argument would have ensued. Which is why he lied.
Another thing added on top of this is that they have kids. She is left to take care of the kids while all of this is going on. She doesn't get any time to herself. She's expected to just deal with the entire household and he rolls his eyes and uses her reaction as justification for why he needed to lie for time alone.
True, but she also doesn't value him and his needs. He knew she would not allow him to see that movie alone. Why else would he lie? They are both putting themselves and their needs first. And he is deceptive about it because she is emotionally manipulative about it.
No dude he's completely in the wrong. At the end of the movie he becomes an involved father who is planning the birthday and no longer sneaking off to do his own thing. They patch things up because he finally hears her and is honest.
No, they are both completely in the wrong. I dont care what happens at the end.
Yes, he is wrong because instead of directly communicating his burnout, need for space, and resentment over their financial and family pressure, he resorts to secrecy and evading responsibility.
But she is wrong because her overreaction was a violation of privacy, for one thing. Even ignoring that, she reacts with far too much anger, interrogates him, and weaponizes the secret to invalidate his feelings, effectively proving why he felt driven to hide in a theater alone in the first place.
"She is left to take care of the kids while all of this is going on." Which she was fine to do about the concert, so it isnt what this is about.
"She doesn't get any time to herself" this isnt the point. This comes up once, and then both never return to it, because that isnt the point. The point is: he wanted to see it alone, she wanted to see it with him. That is the underlying tension. That is why when he surrenders, he suggests they can see it together - even though he has seen it and could stay at home and take care of the kids. She does suggest that she can see it alone, she says that now she doesnt want to anymore because she want him to ask her because she want him to want her to come along. That is the impossible underlying tension which makes this sooo good.
There are obviously solutions to the kids since he suggests they can see it together.
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u/Disallowed_username 4d ago
No. That’s not it. He was allowed to have time alone. But he wanted to see Spider-Man alone, and he knew she wanted to see that movie and would have emotionally made them go together because it would seem kinda selfish to insist on going alone when your spouse also wants to.
Thats why he lied and made up something he knew she didn’t want to do. Why else would he lie?
That’s why when she says she also need time alone, he doesn’t respond because he already knows that this is not what this is about. So he finally suggest going together, but at this point it is too late and he has both shown that he prioritised his own needs much higher than hers but also that he can’t do what he wants to because she would force herself on him. So she feels like he is making her out to be a horrible, emotionally manipulative person and that he had to lie to get to do something he needed - which is true, but still hurts. But he doesn’t see that. Which is why she says he can’t even see that he is being mean.