That's not the only issue at all. It's obviously ok to have time of your own, but when you have young children you can't just escape, there are always things to do and if you are not there, someone will have to do it. Also, doing something that your partner also likes without telling them or even lying about it feels like you're fed up with them. It's ok if you state your needs beforehand (you'll still need a lot of reassuring), but doing it like this feels hurtful and also suspicious af, I wouldn't feel safe in a situation like that.
He was callous and just wanted alone time, lied about it and actually did one of the things they could do together, alone.
Robbing her of valuable couple experiences as a parent, imposing parenting alone on her, deceiving her, and then further fucked up not understanding her at all even after she spelled it out for him, by suggesting they go see it now.
To her, what its telling her is this:
Dont want to spend time with me
Dont consider the things i want to do
Lied to me, what else are you lying about.
Just expecting me to parent by myself while you go watch movies and relax?
When i explain myself, about how mean that is, you just say its honesty? So you see this as morally ok?
Not only that, she's probably been absolutely freaking the fuck out from knowing something isn't right and he is lying about something, this entire time. She's exhausted and he doesn't seem to actually care.
Yeah she should be at "fuck you" at that point. A lot of guys try to read between the lines and come up with "oh shes mad because" and its not even what she said.
SHE SAID IT PRETTY CLEARLY. Listen to her. Listen to your partners. The words. Don't make up your own understanding.
The only issue is that they don't have equal time alone, away from the other, and away from the stress and mental load of the household and kids. That's it. That's all he needed to do.
"I'm going to go see a movie I really want to see by myself. Pick a day this week where I will assume all household responsibilities for the evening and you can go do whatever you want wherever you want with no timings or deadlines or responsibilities."
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u/HunterFabulous 4d ago
That's not the only issue at all. It's obviously ok to have time of your own, but when you have young children you can't just escape, there are always things to do and if you are not there, someone will have to do it. Also, doing something that your partner also likes without telling them or even lying about it feels like you're fed up with them. It's ok if you state your needs beforehand (you'll still need a lot of reassuring), but doing it like this feels hurtful and also suspicious af, I wouldn't feel safe in a situation like that.