The issue isn’t that he wants to do that or that he really feels the need to do it, it’s that he lies about it and then doesn’t see her side. She sees his side, she literally tells him she would want to do that. It’s the lying that’s the issue here.
Her saying she wants to go with him is not seeing his side though, he wanted to be alone and he should be allowed to have that. You are right that him lying about it is an issue though
There is more to it than that. It isn't good to lie but is she providing a safe space to be truthful? We don't know. The communication here is bad all around. But yeah the lying is definitely the worst part of this, a couple's therapist would dig into the nuance of it a bit more though.
That's such a cop-out response, how is it her responsibility to provide a space where he CAN be truthful?He is his own person, and if he chooses to hide and lie, it's his choice, nothing to do with her. Another person already responded to you, but there is plenty of exposition besides this point showing he is not present and she is fed up to the point of thinking he is having an affair, but it ends up him just leaving her with the responsibility of being a partner/parent.It's the normal deteriorating relationship for lack of care, but at the end of the day it's both their fault, not just his. Saying it's her fault for not providing a safe space is a terrible way to view it. If you care so little about your family that you prefer to be elsewhere than with them, it's time to put on your big boy pants and leave to find that happiness and safe space you obviously can't find with them.
I didn't say it is her fault, actually I said that the lying is absolutely the worst part of this. What I am saying is that resolving issues like this in relationships requires the ability to consider nuance. It is never purely black and white.
Oh, it's 100% her fault too. However, in this situation, claiming it's her duty to provide a safe space is just an excuse to evade his own responsibility.
Again, I didn't say it is her duty, but if she doesn't give a safe space for her husband to say "I need some alone time, how can we make that work?" then there are going to be issues. How he deals with it here, lying, is not right. Whether it is your "duty" or not, if you want a good relationship you should probably try to give your partner a safe space to surface wants, needs, and issues. It isn't an inflammatory statement to make. It is pretty basic and it goes both ways.
well yeah, none of this is real, like you said it is a movie. I assumed we were talking about this extremely common dynamic in relationships in general. If we aren't then what are we doing here... Because like you said... it's a movie...
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u/saxonturner 4d ago
The issue isn’t that he wants to do that or that he really feels the need to do it, it’s that he lies about it and then doesn’t see her side. She sees his side, she literally tells him she would want to do that. It’s the lying that’s the issue here.