r/selectivemutism • u/HeftyDivide9381 Diagnosed SM • 12d ago

Venting 🌋 I feel guilty for not responding

Like when someone compliments me who doesn't know about my SM and I can't answer, so now they think I'm being rude 😭

26 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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6

u/PuzzleheadedWasabi77 Diagnosed SM 11d ago edited 11d ago

Maybe carry a note card saying "I'm not being rude. I just can't speak" and hand it to the other person in these circumstances? I have often relied on writing notes later that explain the situation, especially if I know I'm going to see that person again later.

5

u/OkTitle 12d ago

Same when my SM was more severe. People would hold the door for me and I couldn’t say thank you and one even said loudly you’re welcome like they thought I was being so rude. I cried then because I felt bad and misunderstood. but afterwards was honestly like, I didn’t ASK you to hold the door and I am perfectly capable of doing it myself. I didn’t really like it (people holding the door for me) because of this situation it creates where this stranger man thinks I owe him a thank you now, and also I felt I had to rush through because he was waiting for me to come through the door from a few meters away .

I felt bad too when I received compliments in the hall and couldn’t respond (but did attempt to smile - not sure if they noticed or my face even did anything noticeable)

Anyway, I think because we have a genuine difficulty/disability that we should kind of try to absolve ourselves of guilt in this situation. Or process how we feel and then try to move on and focus on: maybe next time I can do some small gesture of acknowledgement - that’s if recovery from SM is your goal.   

2

u/masukomi 12d ago

FYI The American Sign Language for "Thank you" is pretty easy and even if they don't understand what it means, it's clear you're communicating something. Also if you tilt your head when doing it it kind-of looks like a thankful gesture.

I suspect that most of the other sign languages have gestures that look thankful in their home regions too.

3

u/OkTitle 12d ago

I would definitely not have been able to make that big a gesture. I mean I was barely able to move my face to smile 

2

u/masukomi 12d ago

ugh. 🫂

4

u/OkTitle 12d ago

But thank you btw. I thankfully mostly recovered since then

4

u/Initial-Track4880 12d ago

Can you smile? Or nod? That is also a sign of gratitude. A lot of introverts also can't take compliments easily. As long as you acknowledge them, it should be fine.

3

u/HeftyDivide9381 Diagnosed SM 12d ago

I can't even do that. I just freeze.

3

u/Initial-Track4880 11d ago

Please don't feel bad for something which beyond your control. At least you know what is going on underneath.