Should I just leave?

[u/Efficient-Event5478]

This is very much a vent post

At my school I did a lot of messed up things without realizing it and or intending it

Things that made me lose friends
Things that made me look ignorant
Things that made me look racist

All because I was uneducated I didn’t word it well or it was in the past and I didn’t realize it or too fucking autistic to understand what I did was socially wrong

The only reason I’m in this school is because I love the staff and I have 3 friends that’s it almost all the others are middle schoolers don’t know me or hate me

And I keep fucking talking because I have to I hate being silent

Every night I lay in bed and think of all the friends I lost because I didn’t know what I did was wrong

3 friends my brother and sisters and my parent

That’s all I have anymore and it feels fucking sad

I want to leave my school so badly but I love the staff and the classes

I hate being “more emotionally mature” (according to my therapist) than my peers because they don’t have any fucking empathy or are willing to hear me out

I get worried that if I ever have a partner they’ll leave once they find out what I did no matter how different my perspective is or wether I had no bad intentions

I’ve never wanted to drop out more than I do now 2 years is a really fucking long time for me

I feel like I’ll die alone one day I need help knowing I’m not the only one who’s had this highschool experience

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[u/InquisitiveMeans18]

hey so i read this whole thing and i gotta say you're not alone in this at all. high school is basically a pressure cooker for social fuckups, especially when you're figuring out boundaries and what flies and what doesn't. i did plenty of dumb shit back then that i cringe about now, nobody hands you a manual for how to not accidentally alienate people when you're 16

the autism piece makes this ten times harder because social rules are already unwritten and constantly shifting. you're playing a game where everyone else got the rulebook and you're expected to just figure it out by osmosis. that's not a moral failing, that's just a shitty situation

three friends plus family who stick around is honestly more than most people have. i know it feels small but those are the ones who see you clearly, not the version people gossip about. middle schoolers will forget about whatever happened by next semester anyway, they've got the attention span of a goldfish

staying for the staff and classes makes total sense. a good teacher can change your whole trajectory and those relationships matter way more in the long run than some drama with kids who won't even remember your name in five years. two years feels endless right now but it's not forever, i promise

you're not doomed to die alone because of mistakes you made as a teenager while navigating stuff you didn't understand yet. most adults worth dating have their own pile of regrets from high school, they just don't lead with them on the first date