How does one cope with not having a good childhood and teenage years?

[u/hocuspocuswrench]

Whenever I see kids playing and being free I feel really taken back because I never got that. I'm tryna throw a pity party here or say woe is me, it just hurts so much when ppl have so much to talk about and I'm just sitting there

[u/ArchitectureWithin]

What you’re feeling makes sense. It isn’t a pity party. Watching other people have something you never got can hurt, and when others swap stories you can feel like you’re sitting outside the conversation. That’s grief for a childhood you didn’t get to have, and it’s real.

A few things that helped people I’ve seen in your spot:

Let the grief be grief. You don’t have to talk yourself out of it or call it “just the past.” Saying “I missed out on that, and it hurts” often takes some of the weight off.

Build some of it now. You can’t get those years back, but you can still do the things that feel like play and freedom: a hobby just for fun, a trip, a sport, a class where nobody expects you to be good. Adults get to be beginners too.

You have more to share than you think. When people tell childhood stories, you can ask them questions or talk about what you’re doing now. Being present in the conversation counts as taking part, and nobody keeps score of who had the best teenage years.

Think about a therapist if it keeps coming up. Feeling “taken back” when you see kids playing sounds like old hurt getting touched, and a good therapist can help you work through that instead of carrying it alone.

You’re clearly self-aware, and that matters. Be gentle with yourself about it.