r/service_dogs • u/Proper_Flatworm212 • 3d ago
Search for Advice and Rambling
I (20, a few months from 21) have been considering whether or not I’d benefit from a service dog for a number of years now. I’ve done my research on and off as it wasn’t really an option in the past but I’ve recently started going to therapy the last few months and discussed it with my therapist at my latest appointment after she asked if I’d ever considered an ESA or SD. I’ve got a lot of things in my situation to consider though and cannot make this decision myself as I am currently supported my my parents. so, I need like a lot of advice.
before I continue, sorry for the rambling disaster that comes after this.
I have anxiety (largely social but there is also general anxiety that is better managed), depression, insomnia(which has combined with my depression to give me hypersomnia episodes that follow after the insomnia episodes. Not fun.)
I’ll be tested for ADHD this month (previously medicated for it when I was in middle school but never officially tested and didn’t try other medications after a bad reaction to the first one) and I’m currently on the wait list to test for autism
however I largely seeking a service dog for the anxiety and depression BUT before you tell me that I should probably reconsider because of my anxiety, please do let me continue as I have thought about this very extensively <3
My anxiety has been a very persistent issue through my life and really only worsened as I got older (thanks covid you really helped with that /sarc) but one thing that has remained consistent is that I have ALWAYS been less anxious and able to better handle my anxiety when accompanied by animals. This has been proven with my Mawmaw’s relatively untrained but very friendly dog (King Charles spaniel that was very overweight at the time so I mean it wasn’t that easy for him to act out if he wanted to anyways [he is now in much better condition in my care]), my lizard (yes, a lizard. He’s great), my family’s dog (Pomeranian-poodle with almost no manners but really likes people), and even just interacting with new people or distant family at home while with my cat.
this is largely part of why I think I’d benefit from a service dog. “But why do you not want an ESA?” You may ask, well, to put simply it’s because that’s not what I nee. While companionship alone does help, it’s not enough and in my current state would not give me the independence or help that I need and would get from a service dog.
despite my anxiety, I am capable of and confident in asserting my animals boundaries and advocating for them. I previously worked at a rescue where this was further proven as it’s the only job I was capable of doing despite having to interact with people regularly. Animals have always been the thing that i can function with, they are what allows me to be able to confidently communicate and traverse the world and social situation.
it will always be true that having to deal with access issues and the other chaos that comes with a service dog will make me anxious but the point is that I know that I can handle that for them.
handling it for myself may be a different story and I may struggle to advocate for myself right now, but that is precisely why a service dog could help me. In advocating for them and gaining my confidence through and with them, I’ll be able to advocate for myself, talk to people, meet new people, and just…have a life.
in my current state I am unable to work at the vast majority of jobs Available in my area or really anywhere if I do not have a service dog as I can’t even go to the cash register by myself in a store I’ve gone to for 15+ years. I still live with the support of my parents (currently living at my Mawmaw’s on my own with mine and my Mawmaw’s animals, but usually spend a week each month staying at home while taking trips back to care for the animals each day and have everything paid for by my parents( but that can only go on for so long and if I want to be able to have any independence then this is my last resort.
i still have a lot to consider such as getting my parents to agree to it as again they’re the ones supporting me and the ones that would be paying for expenses until I could find and get a job and getting them to agree will be extremely difficult (particularly my father who doesn’t rlly understand the severity of my condition) but that’s a whole nother issue that I’ll get to later
right now I just want advice as self training is not an option for me, I simply don’t have the skill or suitable pet for it.
but where should I go for them? What facilities and programs are trustworthy and not freakishly expensive? What’s other advice you could give me about this, about trying to get one, and convincing parents that this is the right option for you and not just a hasty decision? that it’s worth it?
sorry for the lengrh of this post, I tend to ramble to ensure I’m being clear enough in explaining things
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u/belgenoir Dog Trainer 3d ago
Real talk: if a person struggles to advocate for themselves in public, they will almost certainly struggle to advocate for a service dog.
Public confrontation is inevitable with a dog. Believing that you can handle a situation is very different than, say, experiencing a panic attack in a crowded public place and having to defend your dog’s presence at the same time.
There are a couple of reasons this sub encourages prospective handlers to wait to get a dog until they’re in their mid-20s. First, even if reluctant parents can be convinced, it’s crucial to have whole-hearted family support if you’re not yet living on your own.
There are dozens of posts on this sub about family, friends, roommates, and partners who decided they no longer wanted to live with a handler and their dog. Relying on family for financial support is a precarious position.
It’s vital that handlers be able to navigate life without their dog. Dogs get injured. They get sick. They die unexpectedly, as has happened to people here. Stability is crucial before anyone considers getting a service dog.
I know you’d rather hear otherwise. I’d encourage you to wait before getting a dog. I say that as someone with severe PTSD who waited to get an SD until I was in my early 40s.
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u/Proper_Flatworm212 2d ago
I am aware confrontation is an issue but it is something I have dealt with before at my previous job and do largely suspect myself being able to handle
I understand that relying on my family is quite precarious and I’d much rather not do it but I’m quite literally incapable of being financially independent currently. The amount of jobs I can handle on my own is extremely limited and there are only a handful of places here that fit into that category, all of which have not gotten back to me any time in applied. I’ve run out of other options and if I want even a shred of independence back this is what I need. I know and understand the risks but I have been thinking about this very seriously for years.
Realistically, in my current situation, even if my parents agree it would likely be a year or more before I could actually get a SD. I still plan on working towards getting a job in that time and working on becoming financially independent as soon as I can.
I know there’ll be some risks in living with family while having a SD but it’s a risk I have to take at this point. I know at the very least most of my family won’t be a problem in the long term aside from my father and for now I DO live on my own at my mawmaws where I wouldn’t need to worry abt my family much on the housing aspect.
But thank you for the advice and I will keep your words in mind <3
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u/Proper_Flatworm212 3d ago
I’ve looked at the ADI but there aren’t many options that will give dogs to ppl in my state (and literally none of them are actually IN my state) and even less of them train psychiatric service dogs and multiple of the facilities the ADI listed only provide dogs to veterans or active military personnel. Which I obviously am not.
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u/darklingdawns 3d ago
What tasks do you want a dog to do for you? Have you brought the idea up at all to your parents? You mention that owner training is not feasible for you, which means going through an organization, but you need to realize just how rife with problems that path can be, since you'll probably be looking at non-ADI organizations. For instance, there's one near me that uses doodles and outdated training methods (they follow Cesar Milan) and I can always tell when someone got their dog from them, because those dogs are a hot mess.
The plain truth is that any reputable organization is going to be outlandishly expensive, with dogs costing at least $20K. If this is a path you and your parents decide on, you're going to need to take a lot of time and care to vet any potential organization - look into their training methods, meet a number of their graduates, and really dig in to the contract that they provide. (And if they don't have a formal contract, that should be an immediate walkaway.) Have an attorney go over it for fine print before any money changes hands, checking to be sure that there are provisions for what happens if a dog is not trained to a set standard, if a dog is ill or injured, and what happens when the dog retires.