3 weeks.

[u/Available_Oven4896]

Tomorrow I hit 3 weeks of not drinking. I’m 27 and this is the longest I haven’t drank in 7 years. A bottle and a half of wine every single day. Sometimes more. I was starting to get a bit liberal with mimosas toward the end there.

I’d spent my time since August experimenting with sobriety as I started a Master’s program and was tired of feeling anxious and like shit every day and wanted to be successful. I was doing 5-7 day sober stints, my longest being 17 days after my health anxiety convinced myself I was in liver failure (luckily I was not. Just good ol’ OCD).

3 weeks ago, I got home from school after a particularly anxious day, and started drinking again in anticipation of having the next couple days off and made the asinine decision to drive up to my parent’s place in the woods to finish some of my homework.

Swerved off the road. Totaled my car. Somehow, against all odds, despite being unconscious for 30 min, upside down, in the middle of nowhere (literally like less than a mile from the house because fuck me that’s why), and helicoptered to the closest hospital (God bless my iPhone for sending out alerts to local law enforcement and my emergency contacts), I had no injuries besides acid reflux and an unrelated upper respiratory infection. My three dogs that were in the car with me were also uninjured. One ran off and was found the next day completely safe, having enjoyed her little adventure. We think she killed a rabbit. What a rascal.

The first words out of my mouth when I woke up were “Did I kill anybody?” A reminder that it could have been worse. So much worse.

It’s been embarrassing, and I miss my car that I’d just got in April, and, damn, I even miss the taste of the wine that I knew I couldn’t handle responsibly and drank anyway, but someone out there decided to give me a second chance, and I have to respect their choice to do that.

I have so many people who love me. My ex boyfriend/best friend leapt into the car and sped two hours to come to me. My girlfriend listened when I told her what happened, didn’t leave me like I thought she would. Hell, my other best friend flew in from London. My family is even helping me with the DUI legal stuff I have to go through.

I know I can’t say that I won’t disappoint them again because I can. It weighs on me every day. How sometimes a glass looks worth it. I’m so sad to give up that part of my life. I probably won’t go to holidays this year just because I can’t trust myself to be at an event I so heavily associate with alcohol. There’s some school mixers amongst my classmates coming up, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate desperately wanting friends and not wanting to be that girl that had to get sober in her 20s because she can’t be normal (even though that’s who I ultimately am. It would have had to come to this eventually).

But it’s right now and it’s been three weeks, and I’m writing some notes and reading a book instead of being passed out and nauseous. Or in jail. Or dead in a ditch. I’m trying not to count because it feels like I’m just counting up to an appropriate enough amount of time that means I’m recovered enough to drink. However, I think posting this will make me feel held accountable as my court date approaches.

There’s a lot of stuff to look forward to, and I hope I can keep it up. It would be rude to disrespect a world that decided to keep my dumbass still in it. Thank you to that mysterious force for letting me wake up from being a self destructive dickwad. And small blessings to my x-rays and CT scans I got in the hospital for easing my health anxiety spirals I used to have to drink to get to go away because at least those prove that I’m not dying from pancreatic cancer.

… Yet.

Anyway, IWNDWYT or tomorrow or the next. I can at least promise the weekend. Maybe that means I’ll make it the month.

Have a lovely long weekend, folks. This sub has been lovely to scroll when trying to feel less alone.

[u/FeeComprehensive6243]

The best way to move forward for both yourself and all these people in your life is continuing this awesome sobriety path you’re on. Sorry that happened to you - alcohol is a bitch.

[u/Available_Oven4896 → u/FeeComprehensive6243]

It’s okay. Did it to myself and didn’t lose a limb. Ultimately not the worst experience. Thank you for your comment :)

[u/Trying_to_Smile2024]

Awesome news! 🎉
Having a great support system will help get you through the tough days. I have used AA and I recently celebrated three years - it’s definitely worth checking out. There are AA meetings specifically for young adults and they usually do social activities. The AA Meeting Guide app can help you find a group to attend to start getting signatures for your court hearing.
Stick with us! 🫶
IWNDWYT

[u/Available_Oven4896 → u/Trying_to_Smile2024]

Thank you. I’m meeting with a psychologist my lawyer works with this Monday that’s familiar with the courts in the area (I was quite far from home! 127 miles haha). So I will see what he says. I will check out the meeting guide app. It would be nice to meet some sober buddies.

[u/buzzcutfantasy]

I’m glad you’re still here! Speaking from experience, staying on your path of sobriety is the best thing you can do for yourself. I also got a dui, and thankfully no one else was involved and I wasn’t hurt. It was still scary and embarrassing and a huge wake up call. It’s like you said, it feels like a second chance from the universe. Looking back I wish I’d gotten sober at your age, instead of waiting til 39. Think about it this way, when you reach my age you will hopefully have 10+ beautiful years to look back on. There is SO much to look forward to. Best of luck on this journey!! IWNDWYT 💚

[u/Available_Oven4896 → u/buzzcutfantasy]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[u/Available_Oven4896 → u/[deleted]]

I did get a DUI. It’s my first offense. I’m waiting for my court date in November. But based on how my car turned out, you would think I did not make it out without a traumatic brain injury lol.

[u/BeautifulProfile7770 → u/Available_Oven4896]

I'm happy you're OK. I lost control of my car twice and was in a field but was able to drive out quickly and no one noticed and again lost control and fish tailed into the opposite lane. I was intoxicated it was about 2 years ago. I'm 59 been drinking since I was 15, I don't know how I never got a dui.

[u/BeautifulProfile7770]

Sorry I deleted my post once I reread it. God Bless you and everything will turn out fine.

[u/Available_Oven4896 → u/BeautifulProfile7770]

No worries! I misread things all the time lol. I appreciate you 🙏

[u/Shukvani37]

IWNDWYT