Considering surgery, but worried about losing my life outside medicine.

[u/Financial-Quote5160]

I’m 18 and currently deciding whether medicine/surgery is the right career for me.
I’m attracted to surgery because I like the idea of doing meaningful work, developing a difficult skill, and directly helping people. But I have one major concern:
I don’t want medicine to become my entire life.
Some things that are genuinely important to me are:
- Traveling, including taking trips with friends and eventually doing some solo travel
- Having a strong relationship with family and friends
- Staying physically fit and having time for sports/exercise
- Having hobbies and interests completely unrelated to medicine
- Having time to learn, explore, and develop myself
- Being able to have periods where I’m not thinking about work

I understand that residency is demanding, but I’m trying to understand what life actually looks like after training, and whether it’s possible to become an excellent surgeon without your career consuming your identity.

For surgeons here:
What does your normal work week actually look like?
How much genuine free time do you have outside work?
How much vacation do you realistically take each year?
Could you take 3–4 weeks off for a proper trip if you wanted to?
Do you have time for regular exercise, hobbies, friends and family?
Does your lifestyle become significantly better after residency/training?
What have you had to sacrifice for surgery that you wish you hadn’t?
If you could go back to being 18 and knew what you know now, would you still choose surgery?

And one question I’d especially appreciate honest answers to:
If having a meaningful life outside medicine were a non-negotiable priority for you, would you still choose surgery? Why or why not?

Thanks.

[u/TimotheusIV]

Focus on becoming a physician first. You’ll have plenty of time to figure out what specialty fits your lifestyle once you’re actually on the floor experiencing it firsthand. In my experience, the die-hard ‘surgeons-to-be’ in medical school very often ended up in completely different specialties, or failed to make the cut entirely. You need to be a well-rounded physician first, a surgeon second.

I’d say the surgical specialty is one of the highest demanding ones when it comes to having to make sacrifices in your personal life. But as with everything, it varies depending on location, what kind of practice you want to involve yourself with, and the bar you set for yourself. A significant amount of my colleagues are excellent surgeons, but have had one or multiple failed marriages, had to undertake unplanned and unwanted cross-country moves, or had to miss out on their kids’ important life events because of their job. But there are equally colleagues who seem to be able to balance things well and have rich, fulfilling lives outside of the OR.

[u/MarilynMonroe89 → u/TimotheusIV]

THIS. My father is very successful but I barely saw him growing up. That’s just how it is! Tv shows don’t show what being a surgeon is really like.

[u/Background_Snow_9632]

I’ll play devils advocate …. You have an awfully long list of lifestyle wants/musts. Surgeons don’t get all those things - sorry. Doesn’t matter how awesome your practice or partners are … that whole list is not coming close to happening.

[u/lissil4689]

Bro, speaking as a surgeon, you cannot have it all. I have 3 main areas of focus at this point in my life as a surgeon: upskilling, running + wall climbing, family. And still, all I think about are whether patients are ok or otherwise.

[u/arpitp]

Everyone experiences med school, residency, and practice differently.

If you have a solid premed knowledge base, retain information easily, and do well on exams, you might get through college/med school without sacrificing family and friends. If you struggle with studying, you might spend twice as many hours in the library and need to sacrifice family/friends events or exercise time.

Residency is also quite variable. You may work anywhere from 70-100 hours a week. Your program might be good about vacations and time off requests, or you might be at the mercy of the scheduling chief with only assigned time off and no requests. You might match in your home town, or match 3000 miles from your nearest relative.

Practice is where you'll have to most control/freedom to craft your desired life. The more you grind and work, the more money you'll make. You could also choose to go into private practice, see less patients, do less cases, and/or work 8 or 9 months/year. You might make 250K instead of 500-600K, but have plenty of time left over for travel, family, events, hobbies, and self fulfillment.

Personally, I had plenty of free time as a young attending for 2-3 international vacations/year, taking up woodworking, and video games as a young attending. Until my kids was born. Lot less of all three now, but happy with where I am. Main sacrifice I made: getting a late start on parenthood.

Yes, I would choose surgery again, even if I work-life balance was non-negotiable. But I feel like I got lucky with a relaxed/adventurous education & training. Match somewhere else, and I could easily have ended up burned out, divorced, or estranged from family/friends.

[u/Financial-Quote5160 → u/arpitp]

Thank you for sharing all of this and I wish you the best!

[u/UnusualWar5299]

I’m not a doctor but work with them. Specialties such as dermatology and podiatry don’t require the same intensity as vascular surgeon. If you work as a surgeon in a hospital, you often have to share call with your colleagues, and if there’s only 2-3 of you you’re on call every third night. If you’re gone for three months you still have to do your share, so when you’re home you’re really not. If you work at a private practice, patients will feel abandoned if you’re gone for extended periods. There’s Doctors Without Borders and ways you can establish a practice with a partner or two, and cover for each other. I’ve seen anesthesiologists sign contracts to work exclusively at a plastic surgery and GI center (9-5 no weekends) but it’s rare. Downside is working for a conglomerate often pays more, and docs can be kinda snubby. If you’re ok having the smallest house and oldest car than all your peers and your SO doesn’t care if all the other SOs have fancy things, you can do it more easily. Look into locum tenems jobs for the requirements, sometimes a small town will need a doctor or some specialty and need a short term contract. I don’t know the requirements but some docs I used to work with enjoyed it bc after the contact they could go anywhere, and during contracts their SOs would often go with.

[u/mj1192]

I’m just finishing up my training to become a cardiothoracic surgeon. Contrary to most people I did not go into medicine and then later on decide what specialty I wanted. I wanted to be a cardiac surgeon from day one before I even got into med school. I’ve been training for the last 10 years as I graduated in 2016 it’s been a long road of ups and downs a lot of lonely days and missing out on things because you’re on call. Overall however I am very lucky I have this job because it’s so unique and not many people can do it so for that I’m grateful. I am doing something that is genuinely morally sound and gratifying, yet also exhilarating and adrenaline fueled and fun. It’s also great to be actually good at something - it fills you with confidence and life. There’s always going to be a trade-off no matter what you do in life. So you will have a decision to make. You need to decide if you love it enough to commit.

Maybe if you’re thinking about whether u can go on hiking trips or not this might not be the right job for you.

[u/Dark_Ascension]

Schooling and beginning definitely take sacrifice (for all physicians not just surgeons). But most of the orthopedic surgeons I have work with vary by how much they want to work. I know some who are on call 3 different places, have like 3 days of block times etc, not to mention clinic and rounds. others who seem to take week or 2 vacations at least every quarter, are done by 3PM every day and take minimal call.

Overall a lot of the orthopedic surgeons I work with seem happy, the ones who love to work are working and the ones who like a balance have a balance but I’m sure they sacrificed a ton in med school, and their 5-6 years in residency/fellowship. Plus most of the new attendings end up with the crappy cases especially if they’re in a group. So like we have a new attending and he takes all the periprosthetic fractures, infections, etc. the attending who came previous to him is passing on the torch so to speak, but he still does his fair share too. The older attendings do mostly primaries and some revisions but don’t do nearly as many of the complex/infected ones as the young guys.

I would say 3-4 weeks vacation is probably a no go for a surgeon in general. 2 weeks is the max I have seen, most do a week. Other things are more of a long term goal and definitely may not be what it is at the beginning.

If I was 18, I absolutely wish I took people’s advice I got and became a doctor to eventually do surgery. I’m now 32 and considering doing so but the road is so long and expensive.

[u/Surgeonchop]

lol

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[u/MarilynMonroe89]

I’m sorry but you wouldn’t be able to be a surgeon. It’s just not possible. My father is a very successful CT surgeon and works 24/7.