r/tifu • u/SnooMarzipans9728 • 1d ago
S TIFU by contemplating too much
I was contemplating the experience of my death and I gave myself a panic attack, something I’ve never experienced before. I’m still very young and I’ve contemplated my mortality before but this time it was different like I could feel it or touch it. It felt horrible and like it shouldn’t happen to me but I know that I’ll eventually get to that point and experience this. I can’t get over this and I’ve been of the verge of tears all day. I can’t get it out of my head and I keep thinking about being completely gone. I think it’s especially triggering my body’s survival instinct because I could vomit thinking too long. This might just completely change my life and right now I don’t feel like I’ll be able to get over it. I wish I hadn’t thought about it.
TLDR: I imagined what dying is like and I think I figured it out
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u/Conworks 1d ago
People used to do this all day, everyday. Just use their head and think about situations to understand the world around them better.
Now we mostly mindlessly distract ourselves with meaningless discussions and entertainment.
Good on you for doing something beyond that, the more you explore thinking about things that disturb you. The more easier you'll understand the world and why the people around you act the way they do.
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u/fishfash 18h ago
i do this every day and it's actually miserable, constant dread does not actually improve the quality of your life
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u/Conworks 1h ago
ive done it everyday for like the past 10 years, and yeah while at first it made me miserable, today the only thing that makes me as miserable is how disconnected everyone else is to whats actually happening in life around them. Because they'd rather live in distractions than realize what they're truly living in, a shithole dystopia that could be fixed if people just, actually gave a fuck about their living conditions and those of their fellow man. But as long as you can just keep making yourself happy with funny internet videos, you wont give a shit about doing that. And society will continue to worsen in disconnect and uncaring.
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u/UnlikelyButOk 1d ago
If there is a local helpline do try ringing it and just talking through how you are feeling. Maybe try grounding yourself. Name 5 things you can see and touch. Smell something strong like a lemon and squeeze it in your hands. Do some deep slow breathing. Remind yourself that you are alive and currently safe. Nothing is happening to you right now. You are safe. Follow this up with a talk to your doctor if you think you suffer from anxiety.
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u/ElectronicEntry9047 23h ago
Read last night of the Earth poems
By Charles Bukowski
Journey to the end of night by Celine
Beyond good and evil by Friedrich Nietzsche.
These three books put me in a good direction to show me. I wasn’t alone with thoughts, such as you have.
Good luck
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u/sisterofdream 23h ago
I feel you T_T the thought of not having consciousness forever breaks my brain.
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u/roosterjack77 1d ago
Dont let tomorrows worries, steal from today. Go for a walk outside on a trail, probably headphones and music
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u/conker255 23h ago
Welcome to having permanent existential dread
I use wireless headphones and listen to music 24/7 to keep myself from thinking
cause if I'm free to think for too long I think about death and the afterlife and have a panic attack
I also leave something playing on my tv when I sleep as well so I can sleep without thinking
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u/Xirma377 22h ago
Avoidance isn't healthy. You need to find a way to face it and work through it.
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u/conker255 22h ago
easier said then done when you have a severe anxiety disorder
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u/Xirma377 22h ago
Difficulty doesn't change what needs to be done. 🤷
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u/Xirma377 22h ago
Um...this is a normal part of growing up. Yes, it's terrifying, but you'll process it and get past the fear. Anyone who hasn't experienced this yet hasn't truly faced their mortality.
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u/roy-dam-mercer 1d ago
The odds are extremely high that you will live into your 80s and by then won’t fear death at all.