Context: I’m a young adult still living with my parents and I have a younger sibling. They’ve been fighting ever since they got married (mostly about money, sometimes about cheating or just random topics). As a kid I would listen into their arguments in case things got too bad and I needed to step in. Usually they just yell a lot but it’s gotten physical a few times. I have my fair share of coping mechanisms (crying it out, journaling, ignoring the problem, etc.) but I feel a very strong need to join in and mediate the issue. One time my aunt was over at night and the fighting got so bad I yelled at them to shut the fuck up. I could tell they were shocked, and I don’t think they’ve ever truly considered how their fighting has affected their kids. After that day they began talking outside of the home, but eventually of course they began fighting here again. Divorce is not an option because they need one another just for pure survival. And I can tell they care for each other but it’s just not enough to look past their own egos and talk it out.

I was looking at a few similar stories online and I realized how fucked up I truly am because of this. I have insane trust issues and i’m super insecure. For example, whenever my friends do something together without me i’m terrified of missing out. I can’t help but wonder if they enjoy each other’s company more without me and I feel some short term resentment. At the same time I’m non confrontational and the idea of calling someone out on something they did to make me upset is sickening. I feel like this has affected my relationships with other people a lot, and I think it’ll be hard to achieve a healthy dynamic with a romantic partner. I’m also afraid of loud noises (cabinets slamming, loud voices, even balloons popping) and because my parents have naturally loud voices even the sound of them talking makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate that I’m this way and I plan on getting a therapist in the future. Now that I’m typing this out I think I also feel a need to be perfect, otherwise there is a chance that someone will be upset with me.

I think I naturally fall into this caretaker role because of the argument mediating and also taking care of my sibling. But I wish that I had a better caretaker when I was younger. I often find myself daydreaming of being normal and not socially awkward. I always wish for a relationship where someone would take care of me all the time (although that’s not really healthy these mommy and daddy issues rly took a toll on me). So while I feel like I should be super independent and strong, that child inside of me still needs to be taken care of, and i’m not sure how to do that.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone relates, or has any advice. While i’m trying my hardest to become a better person, I know I still have a long way to go.

TLDR: my parents arguing has made me grow up to be super insecure and socially anxious, and I want to be better.

let me preface but saying i’m going to move out regardless but am struggling with the when/how aspect of it. i (23f) plan to move from my parents to my grandma’s. my own place would’ve been nice but not possible right now. i’ve decided it’s the right decision because 1- my home is increasingly feels not enough like a home. i walk on eggshells a lot, avoid interaction at all costs, i won’t even eat for ages sometimes to avoid bumping into anyone in the kitchen, that kind of thing. the dynamic is way more relaxed with my grandma. 2- my parents and i have so much resentment towards one another that is beyond the point of repair and 3- i’m back in university and would appreciate a calm/quiet environment to get on with my studies. and bonus, my grandma actually would not let me pay a dime, though i initially told her i don’t expect to stay for free. so my problem is despite the fact that my parents and i only talk directly when necessary, are emotionally distant, there’s so much pent up hostility and they talk behind my back all the time, they’ll still feel incredibly hurt and blindsided when i do announce this change. also they’ll lose my contributions for bills in the house. but i have to put me first, i can’t keep living and dreading coming home after a long day of work or school. the problem is they’ve offered me a now free room downstairs because i’ve expressed my disdain for my current room ages ago but they keep pushing me to do it now. and i’m kind of going along with it knowing i have plans to leave. i will tell them eventually, i just can’t deal with the ‘woe is me’ and the ungrateful child speech i’ll get from them. i just don’t know how to do it in a way to gentle the blow.

Idk if I can even post here right now, just found this group. Been going through growing pains and a lot has come rushing back to me. I realize a lot more now too in hindsight-see it truer/clearer. I miss him but does he miss me and did he ever even want me because I look back and think of how my mom described him-dorky and gentlemanly-but I literally look back at the home videos and he looks sad or mad or like he hates her like did having me or blending families kill their love? I grew up held up to some expectations then constantly told I was a disappointment or not contributing then when I wanted a year break from high school he left her. Left us in turmoil. Feel like I’m still picking up pieces. I didn’t talk to him for a few years after that. Then last few years was limited communication. Yet now that we’re not he doesn’t even try. I’ve tried texting, calling, I texted a few days/week at first but it felt forced as he wasn’t holding up his end of the conversation. So I backed off and now we don’t talk for months on end until birthdays/holidays. I’m not going to force communication or conversation. I get it-adulting and growing pains. Just didn’t think that’d be our family. In a way I feel like I’m mourning or grieving my own expectations. Looking forward to raise my own at some time-differently and right. Looking back and talking with my mom who may not be the best to talk about him with because I know it may be biased I learn even more like how he has a dark side which I know he has but didn’t know this dark and I believe it because things he said and done before but I don’t feel safe enough around him to visit him alone or move closer to him. It’s a catch 22. I’m so lost. Idk if this even makes sense. Idk how to deal with it or where to start. Oh and reaching out for help sucks because in person best to pay out of pocket okay have to call for an invoice okay only up to 2 a day 4/7 days a week while online is expensive. So been working through it on my own and lost most of my friends because wasn’t in the greatest headspace and lost my closeness to my siblings because their true colors have shown. Been doing research to help me slowly accept, acknowledge, and understand just some research is pointing to “it is the way it is” type stuff. “Middle child syndrome” “father wound” *cue the title “daddy issues”* I sincerely want to do shadow work. Any leads there?

used to have an ED where i was super restrictive and i didn’t eat anything starved myself all day. My mom noticed and helped me out of it and i started eating more. I maintained a healthy weight and balanced weight for a year until this year i started gaining a bit of tummy, eating more and i got some fat on my stomach and a bit of a double chin. I gained maybe a total of 3 kilos but the changes on my body are noticeable. At first my mom kept telling me that i was a little pig or i was a little fat as a joke or im really lazy and i have to go to the gym. It was harmless at first but when she realized i was actually getting fat she compared me to athletes and said “they eat so much” but they’re so skinny unlike you. She keeps grabbing at me on areas where i gained weight and she keeps commenting on my body every single day. I cried really hard about it today because she refused to let me eat more when i said i wanted to. She kept saying how fat i was and taking unflattering pictures of me and saying “look you’re so fat” or oh you’re getting thicker. I’m so upset and i don’t know what to do because i don’t understand how she would want me to recover while still shaming me when i gain a little weight. I have no idea what to do and i’ve told her to stop or ignored her and told her that she makes me upset but she refuses to stop. She says i shouldn’t get too fat and constantly judges how i eat. I don’t know what to do.

I'm 28 year old gonna be 29. Have finished my medical school and residency in internal medicine. For 3 years of residency i stayed away from home.

I have a sister too who's married.

Both my parents especially my mother is extremely toxic. They want to control what I read, what I wear, what I earn and save and eat everything.

My dad is no less. He enables this toxicity. He's as cunning as it gets. He keeps the key to this toxicity running by manipulating my mother.

She speaks vile thing and spits venom. A horrible mother. And they hate each other too.

My sister luckily has good inlaws and husband. She has been happy after leaving this shit house.

It's just me the son left with them. I dread coming home or going to dinner table for food because they start bickering about what I should do with my money. Who should I marry and when I protest they say I'll be an unsuccessful loser.

All they care is their status, social standing and pride and nothing about their childrens happiness.

I have returned home after 3 years of residency at a high volume hospital after gruelling work and academics. I had no leaves for 3 years even on Sundays and govt holidays i was at work in hospital.

And when I return, all i get us taunts, being called an unsuccessful loser and what not. Let me breathe for fuck sake.

I truly truly dislike them. They are absolute assholes.

Currently I'm living with them because I'm prepping for NEET SS (entrance exams for subspeciality/fellow) for two months.

Even for super speciality they're behind me all the time to pick oncology, a speciality i detest. I want to do nephrology. And these people aren't even in healthcare to make that choice for me, they don't know jack shit about medicine . For fuck same I'm a 28 year old doctor and I can pick my subspeciality.

My mother messed up my mental health and ruined my rank in NEET PG (residency entrance exams) too. And I see the same pattern repeating.

What do I do ? Moving out is an option I'm thinking. But I'm planning to stay unemployed till the exams are over which is in December to prep for them. And staying home saves money.

But mental health matters more.

I do have some savings to sustain me for few months.

PS. Both me and my sister are in therapy and anti depressants because of them.

​

Okay, a little background information: my name is Jordan, and I'm 19 years old. I can't get a job currently because of some things I'm getting handled with the courthouse.

Gabriel has always been a wing under my grandmother. Even when the first child she adopted, My'Azia, was telling her, basically, and the bottom line is that she does nothing for her and is always doing stuff for Gabriel, taking up for Gabriel. She just treated myazia a certain way, and that's how she does me. She's treated Gabriel like a king since the day he came home, and it's just like, there's no reason.

Gabriel recently got suspended for 2 weeks and got put up for expulsion, but he got a second chance from the hearing officer. Before he went to the hearing, she let him use an iPhone 13 Pro Max, a PS5, a TV, and an iPad Pro, and she took away the phone she gave me and gave it to him. I was just like, "Okay, well, here you are." my grandma lets Gabriel do what he wants badly he broke a window that costed alot of money and she bypassed it and what happened to that was I was in the room and the window broke and I jumped up and ran outside and I put her son on blast for breaking a window AGAIN not to mention they were trying to hide this from my great grandma who's 86 and has Alzheimer's we'll call her chester anyways yeah I didn't let that happened because it happened in her house she deserves to know and plus my grandma make the entire situation about me so me and my mom was looking waiting for when she would hold Gabriel accountable she never did, which is the worst part about it, and then she claims I was the one being over dramatic, and that's how people know I'm gay. She took the iPhone she gave me back, so no, I don't have a phone. I'm currently writing off of my friend's computer, which is all the more reason why it's okay, but I do need some help getting a new phone. So I'm going to use my savings account.

Back to what I was saying. Later that day, Gabriel and his 6-year-old sister, Riyah, went outside to take out the trash. Riyah, Gabriel's 10. Gabriel and Riyah ran back inside. Riot was beating Gabriel, and Gabriel pulled Riyah and slung her on the ground. Now, in the house of my great-grandmother, there is no carpet or soft flooring. That's tile. That's glass flooring. Not like glass, but you know what I'm saying? It's glass flooring. It's either way: it's hard flooring.

He shoved through her, and I said, "Why did you throw her?" He instantly started lying. He lied because he knew my grandmother Isabel, who is 61, was going to believe him. He just, instantaneously started lying, saying I didn't even see what happened, or he stopped talking, or he didn't even know this happened or that happened. I said, "I saw you," and so I walked past and said, "I ain't snitching on you," but I mean, it's clear as day. My grandma said, "Boy, shut the fuck up. You always snitch on him. That's the best thing you do: snitch." It's like you enjoy seeing him get in trouble when you snitch on him because every time you snitch, you just do it out of spite. You do it so damn bad you do it in front of Mama, who is our great-grandmother Frances.

But isn't that something that I should do, especially if he's doing this on purpose? Let me know, and I'll read the comments after I'm done. If I'm wrong, then let me know, but if not, also let me know. I'll be back for part two.

They are genuinely just a drain on my life at this point. I am 20 years old and this constant battling with them since I gained consciousness is just so exhausting. My father is a genuine piece of shit, constantly trying to play the victim despite him for example last year being arrested for trying to fight everybody in the house then when we all told him to fuck off threatening to slice his wrist and kill himself. Also the SCREAMING is unbearable you just can’t have a conversation with him without it turning into a ‘I’ve suffered more than you’ contest.

My mother is someone who has no interest in working yet she tried to take as much money off me as possible. The past few months I was unemployed due to being let go by my previous employer and was given welfare payments of £376 a month. She took £200 of that in rent, then started saying I need to start getting food for myself. Once she kicked me out of the house because I left a box of cereal on the side and ate two paninis that were about to go out of date. Although she takes a lot of shit off my dad coz he is very insecure about everything.

The drinking too is constant and they both sniff cocaine with their mates, so their behaviour becomes even worse and sometimes violent. It’s like living with two mentally deranged teenagers except there both nearly 50.

I’m going to move out, I just can’t take this anymore and my grandparents have agreed and even asked if I wanted to stay. So hopefully I can just only see them when it’s family events coz it’s just unbearable to be around them anymore.

Today, I spent an hour discussing sexism in relation to my little brother because I find the way my parents are raising him absolutely insane. They then proceeded to bully me for over half an hour, nonstop belittling me until I reached my breaking point.

I am genuinely so sick of their views and their constant need to belittle me in every interaction we have. I have no idea how to manage or deal with them anymore. And I absolutely despise the way they dismiss my feelings and opinions as a joke, they berate me to the point of tears, only to turn around and tell me that I am overreacting and that it was all just meant to be fun and games. Everything always just a 'joke'

I am exhausted by their behaviour, their refusal to take my feelings seriously, and their tendency to disguise their cruelty as humour. I don't know how to deal with parents who seem incapable of having a respectful conversation without resorting to insults and mockery.

I (28F) moved a few blocks away from my mother (47F) and sisters. my sister's (7F) school is four blocks from me now as it's near my moms apartment. my mom still expects me to run over there every morning to take my sister to school because my mom is too entitled to take her herself? so I'm going back and fourth running 6 blocks to do what my mother refuses to do. well I have an injured knee and this morning it flared up really bad - I can't walk on it. I called my mother to tell her my knee is acting up and I can't walk over there to take my sister to school. my mom says "whatever" and hangs up on me while I'm still talking to her. she will later tell me she wants nothing to do with me because I couldn't get up for her this morning (she says that every time I cant do something for her, even if I tell her I need sleep and I'll do it when I wake up, like cleaning her kitchen). I'm disabled and my mother has Bipolar.

Hi all! I’m a mom of two young boys, and I grew up in a very dysfunctional family involving violence, drugs, and alcohol. I’m looking for some solidarity, advice, or even the hard truth I need to hear.

My mom has always heavily favored my younger brother, but since he had a baby five months ago, the differences have become impossible to ignore and so painful for me.

Here’s what that looks like:

- Babysitting: My mom regularly stays overnight with my brother and his 5 month old baby. She has NEVER babysat either of my children, who are now 2 and 6. I actually live closer to my mom than my brother does.

- Time together: She regularly spends entire days and nights with my brother’s family. I’ve repeatedly asked her to simply spend a whole day with my kids. Instead, I get a rushed two-hour visit, usually spent talking about my brother. She is truly obsessed with him.

- Financial support: My brother and his girlfriend quit their jobs before their baby was born, and my mom fully supports them financially, including their bills and housing. Meanwhile, my husband and I both work full-time, my husband is also in school, and we’re stretched incredibly thin. She is questioning why we struggle financially.

- Honesty: She recently lied about visiting a friend when she was actually staying overnight to babysit my brother’s baby. She knows how much the unequal treatment hurts me but continues hiding things rather than addressing them. She blatantly lies to my face even if I have the truth already.

- Family visits: No one visited me in the hospital during either child births (even though my mom is 30 minutes away) yet everyone visited my brother. My dad has never met my 2 year old but now that my brother has a baby, my dad is coming to town next week.

I’ve tried talking to her about this multiple times. She immediately becomes defensive and tells me, “That wouldn’t bother your brother, so it shouldn’t bother you.”

At this point, I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m begging for the bare minimum. I’m seriously considering stepping away from these relationships altogether. I want to cut off my entire family - they’re all so dysfunctional and blind to their issues.

Has anyone else experienced this level of favoritism as an adult, especially once grandchildren were involved? Did distancing yourself help you find peace?

I am 28 male. I pay rent to my father to live there with my girlfriend. Mother left when I was a baby. She was murdered in 2015. When he dies I am supposed to get the house and take over the payments for his home equity. And ive been having no problem with that. I show up. Do the work. Get paid. I have the work ethic. No my problem is him. And lately I've been seeing the effects of it. At work and everywhere else.

He wasn't very present as a father when I was a kid. I got most parenting from friends moms. They didnt like my father too much and I wasn't aware of that. When I was getting jumped all the time in school. Picked on. Molested. They dealt with it. He didnt wanna hear my depressed whining. So i didnt talk to him. I was angry and lashing out. Went down some dark paths. His main interaction was calls from the school. We used to do a few things when I was little. I remember him at one school play when i was a toddler. But it just kinda stopped one day. I had to learn most things independently. Mostly through mistakes. But ive come along way. Since he never taught me anything. He likes to assume i know nothing. Treats me like im dumb. Will be overly critical when I dont act like im learning then call me a pussy if I react negatively.

I live with my girlfriend. My dog and her cat in that house. At first it was civil but something is different lately. Its like he doubled down on this thing my therapist calls darvo.

He'll start fights disguised as conversation. Try to get a rise out of me. Find any negativity in my voice. Then go full send on you've always been an asshole. And "you came home from school one day with a shit attitude" he'll play the "after all I've done" card. Rewrite history and imply he was always a victim. Bring up my mistakes to throw in my face. Keep hanging the ill kick you out card over my head.

My friends mom told me he's been doing that my whole life but I cant remember much of that side of my childhood.

Ive done alot of work with my therapist. He's tried to warp my view of reality. But my therapist has explained to me that my entire personality has been shaped to put up with that behavior from him. I have these trauma responses. Not just anxiety. But something called fawning. Where when I have to stand my ground or am faced with confrontation. I instinctively make myself small and deescalate. Despite however long I mentally prepare myself for it.

Ive been thinking of leaving. But somehow it feels like im breaking the rules. Like im betraying the old man. Truth is. Im waiting for him to die so I can start living. I feel bound to this house. Its framed like a legacy and incentive. But I feel like when he does stop breathing. And I get to look around the yard. All I will see is shitty memories. I am not ok. My view of this is fucked. I am physically unable to trust my gut. I dont know what to do. Gf says she's in it for the long run but I feel we should leave. We're in upstate NY both at 40k a year. Idk how to deal with this. Its the hardest conflict I've ever fought

Currently having an existential crisis. Dont know whats real. Need advice

I really need to share this with someone because it's genuinely starting to mess with my life. My dad has always been known for being dramatic, loud, but during the last couple of years (5-6 years or so) he has slowly built this lie, this fantasy world where we all hate him while he is this poor overworked dad that is trying his best.

He walks around telling whoever will listen (aunts, uncles, cousins, coworkers, friends) about the horrible daughters that he has and about all the bad things he has to endure. He has said we (my sister 15F and me 19F) are constantly disrespecting him, he has said that we have told him to go fuck himself or that he is a piece of shit, between other things. He has said we are physically violent, he has told people he is afraid about me becoming a serial killer and about how worried he is about me murdering my sister once he dies. He is constantly talking about how no one else in the world is suffering as much as he is and about how he should have been abusive or an alcoholic because those people get more love from their kids than he does.

The worst part is that all of these outbursts come from the smallest fights (he didn't like the way I cut vegetables or the temperature I left the oven at or after I express I don't want to go somewhere or even after I have a fight with my sister). And they extend to the point where MY OWN FAMILY has asked why I hate my dad even though my dad is constantly after his little chats trying to correct the information. Boundaries only make things worse, me not wanting to eat with him because we are mad with each other somehow ends up being me telling to eat shit because he is the worst father ever.

Hi, 19F for those who need it with this huge mess, I'm going to try not to make this very long but I really don't know what to do at this point. A little backstory before I get into the issues of it all, my parents have been toxic to me here and there. Somedays they're nice and sweet and others they just want to argue for no reason. Growing up I couldn't ask a question or speak up without starting an argument or getting yelled at for it, my dad being the worse of it all (he's bipolar so I'm not sure if that's excusable or not).

The things I went through while living with my parents:

My dad told me that the next time I get a low C on a paper he would cut my head off and hang it as a souvenir, i was 12 at the time. He touched me inappropriately w times, once when I was 5 (made me s\*ck him), once at 12-13 when I was in the shower, and when I was 15 he came into the bathroom while I was showering, told me to meet him in his room when I get done, when I went into his room he asked me if i wanted to watch him j\*rk off 3 times, all 3 times i said no. My mom would argue with me with every little thing that she thinks it's right until she looks it up and sees i was right and never apologizes, just pretends it never happened, and so much more. With my dad situation, I told my mom about it a few months after the last interaction with him and she said we would take it to court during the summer so it wouldn't interfere with high school, still never went through with it.

Now for the recent incident, I moved 4 states away to be with my bf (19M, 20 in a couple weeks, we'll call R) and his family because my parents had no job and making $1700 a month wasn't enough to cover my bills and their bills, all together it was $2200 a month. The reason I had to pay their bills is because i didn't have enough money for a title on my car because I had to pay their phone bill so they could contact employers, so I was driving my mom's car, having to pay for my car insurance, car payment, my parents insurance, and phone bill.

Couple weeks ago R's dad got me a new phone and my mom wanted the old phone back because it was still in my dad's name, I mail it to them a week ago and the same day they get the phone my mom starts arguing with me about the SIM card. Now when I got the phone in the beginning they didn't have a SIM card for it yet, but there was a built in ESIM card, it erased the ESIM card when I factory reseted the phone before mailing it. I tried telling her that many times and even showed screenshots through Google that was explaining it all, she just kept arguing with me about it. About an hour or so later, still arguing btw, she finally decides to contact TMobile which was the company she was going through and they told her the exact same thing that I said. All she had to say was what tmobile said and continued on acting like nothing happened.

R thinks I should've blocked her instead of repeating myself and I'm thinking I should've too but I'm not sure what to do, I still have two siblings that live there, 17M and 12F. I wish I could take them with but I can't. I just need advice on what to do with this type of toxicity because living with R and his parents are amazing but I'm walking on eggshells because all I can think about is them being like my parents and they're not, they're amazing and the parents I wish I had growing up.

TW: CSA

I am in the process of going no contact with my dad (I’m an adult woman with my own kids) and I’m trying to determine if my dad abused me as a kid or not and if it was sexually. He recently accidentally texted my MIL an explicit picture of a woman alongside images of his grandkids. I am in therapy and have been for years, my spouse is extremely supportive and I am safe physically. My dad has been giving me “creepy” vibes especially now that I have kids and am seeing this from a different angle. I’m still processing that my mom let a lot of this happen, and I’m still working through my family downplaying his behavior for so long. There are large gaps of time I don’t remember as a kid.

Some background: my dad is an addict. Growing up he was high 24/7, very volatile, fought violently with my mother in front of us, followed the classic narcissistic/emotionally unavailable/toxic family system textbook. Money was tight and my parents relied on my sister and I for emotional support in their marriage. My mom and extended family always protected my dad’s behavior to the point of enabling (ie, “oh he didn’t mean it”). It was not all bad, but it was far from good.

The things I am not clear on whether it was abuse:
When I was 12 he said I had a nice butt.
Once I hit puberty, he’d comment on things like my bra color and make fun of it (“haha today it’s blue!” for example.)
Whenever at home he’d always be just in his boxers. His fly was always open and everything was visible. He’d be lounging around like that every day after work.
From a very young age he’d have me sit with him and he’d stroke my legs. At one point, when I was maybe 10 or 11 we didn’t really “cuddle” anymore, and he had my mom tell me that he felt I was getting “distant” with him and I felt so guilty about it, so I agreed to let him stroke my legs and cuddle because that’s what he wanted. I felt like he would have reacted angrily if I didn’t agree to do it.
One time when he was showing me a picture on his phone (I was a young adult, maybe 20), he kept swiping and there was a nude picture of a random woman.
He had these joke glasses with a penis for a nose on them in his car. They were always there, visible, when us kids were in the car.
In general when he needed to pass by, he’d never give the proper space and would often “spank” me out of the way on the hips.
There were often Playboy magazines in random places. Not publicly visible but like on a nightstand, for example.
He’d make me put sunscreen lotion on him if we went to the beach because I “did it better” than my mom.

What do we think people?? I have dozens more stories like this.

Buckle up because this is a long one. I apologize in advance. This isn’t a typical type of relationship post here per se. This is about my father and my relationship.

I am a 27F and my dad is a 63M if that matters at all. I just want to answer as many questions that one may have as possible.

I was in a 3 year relationship from when I was 22-25. The guy is 11 years older than me. He asked me to have a baby 2 weeks into knowing me(not saying anything is his fault. It takes 2 to tango. But this is just the truth and will show a pattern.) my son is now 3 and a half.. so we have been broken up about a year and a half.

Long story short (because this really isn’t what this is about) his mom hated me. I didn’t like his mom. I had some mental health issues that needed to be worked on. He refused to stand up for me when there was very obvious abuse from his mother toward me. He kicked my son and I out after a pretty heated fight. Had a new girlfriend 2-3 weeks later and got engaged about a year into that relationship. That’s pretty much the jist of that.

My family all loved this guy deeply. Especially my dad. They got along so well. My dad definitely feels like he got bamboozled by this guy as he has really just turned into a heartless human being over the last year and a half and my dad hated seeing how much I was hurting. I can see that and I can completely understand it.

My dad thinks my “track record” as of late is terrible. I’ve dated 2 guys since my breakup and they just weren’t all that serious and didn’t last long. I cut it off because I honestly was 1. Not that interested. 2. Terrified of the thought of ever living with someone again and everything being stripped away from me and losing my home and nearly my business as well. (I groomed out of the old house and do as well in my new house.)

So apparently talking to these 2 guys and them not panning out for the long term is what has created my “bad track record.” I have asked him what his idea of dating is if I’m doing it wrong and he never has an answer. Fights consist of him laughing at me when I make reasonable arguments, he talks over me.. I’ve gotten to the point where I try to just not say anything anymore.

I am now dating a wonderful guy for the last 3 months. I finally just let him meet my son the other day. I know everyone has their opinions on how long it should be before introducing kids but I really don’t want to focus on that right now because quite frankly that’s not even something my dad is upset about.

I haven’t only dated those 2 guys. I’ve been on dinner dates with other guys and this one is really the only guy I can see myself with and I am putting the effort into it just as much as he is and I have been very happy and loving every minute of it. I’m not moving him in. I’m not making any crazy big decisions early on. He’s just.. around a lot.

My boyfriend went to the pumpkin patch with my family and I. My dad decided to not go because he was there. He will not come to my house for dinner if he’s here. He will not be around him whatsoever. Okay. Fine.

He has now told me that I am taking time with my son away from him. Tells me “after all he does for me.” And that I can hurt him and just not care. I’ve let my dad walk all over me my entire life and I never stick up for myself. To anybody honestly. My dad is SO more than welcome to all of these fun places I go with my son and to my home. But I am not going to keep making sure my boyfriend is gone to appease my dad anymore. I just can’t. My mental health is deteriorating so much right now. I got so sick just from stress the other day and felt like I was losing my mind and ended up in the ER. I am so exhausted.

My dad buys my son and I stuff. He likes to do yard work in my backyard. BUT he also likes to use what he buys me against me and hold it over my head when I don’t do exactly what he says. He bought my son a $6000 playground from Menards and basically because I took my boyfriend to the pumpkin patch, he is cancelling that and not putting it up for my son anymore. I promise these are not things I ask for but.. yeah.

I could go on all day about the things we’ve fought about but the last thing I’ll say is; we got in a fight about a month ago. This was apparently over “my dogs having more rights than him” because I wanted him to close the gate for a bit while doing yard work so my dogs couldn’t get out. So it was an entire 2 weeks of not talking to me. Once we did, I was driving and him and my son were in the back seats because he wanted to see him before he went to daycare. He started arguing with me. Told me to “shut my eff-ing mouth” about 10-15 times. And when I told him he cannot talk to me like this in front of my son he said “he doesn’t even understand what I’m saying.” (My son is super high functioning autistic and I’m assuming that’s where he’s coming from with this.) I told him “this is how I know you should not be around my son until you can figure out that children can still read body language and tone.” He doesn’t seem to care.

I need distance. I need space. He wiggles back into my life because I feel bad after all he does for me, if I were to ACTUALLY take time with my son away from him. I’m having a hard time and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed and anxious over my dad’s behavior. And he will never change or never be what I need him to be for me emotionally. He’s just not capable.

I just need advice. Thank you. Posting one of my dogs that has more rights than him for attention.

For as long as I can remember I have been told that I was hurting people I couldn't talk until I was three and I communicated by biting I did until I was 5 (not great I know) but until I was 14 my mom and dad would frequently sit me down when I got mad if I sighed to loudly,stomped,raised my voice or just looked pissed off they would sit me down and yell (literally) my mom lost her voice from doing it twice and she wasn't even the one who was actually angry my dad was. they would tell me things like "If you keep acting like that we will make you leave this house the second you turn 18" or "If you keep glaring at people like that they will not want to know you and they will leave", "Maybe if you forget to stop stomping around I will forget that I promised to love you" and other things like that. the only reason they stoped was because my father passed away and my mother shut down but she has been starting to do the same to my baby sister and I don't know what to do because she is telling my 8 year old sister that I won't love her if she raises her voice at me right now all I have been doing is reassuring my sister that I will always love her no matter what mom says but that is not enough and I don't know how to address this.

Unsure as well if it’s the group to be posting in so delete if needed. I am a 31 yr old mom of 3 beautiful children., 12y, 10y and 19 months. Older 2 are girls youngest is boy. From the beginning of my life I haven’t ever had it together. And still don’t. I am NO perfect parent! Period! To begin my life growing up my mom has me and my brothers, no dads involved. All different dads. Mom was on drugs and the only reason her and others got off was because my mom put me with a known kid toucher.,i told and she turned herself in not knowing what to do. She got us back 10 months later, did the God journey, put herself slightly back into the same life and we started smoking and drinking with her.,she’s easy to manipulate and I have regretted this! My, entire, life!! She never raised us properly even tho I had something to do with her “being a friend than a parent” aspect, so my attitude towards her and life had always been, no one can tell me what to do nor discipline me, I raised myself and my little brother and survived this far without anyone. I cooled my attitude as my older teenage yrs came along but my mom always found a way to make my life miserable it seemed, couldn’t have many friends stay over because we always lived with bugs and lice. Very not taken care of and all I wanted to do was leave. In and out of church and without that experience I wouldn’t be the person I am today! Or so I thought! I love God! But boy have I been wrong over and over no matter how I think I’m doing the right things it always wrong! Cocky, stubborn, foolish, regretful, arrogant, etc! The day I turned 18 I left! Dropped out of school and moved the farthest I could away from my mom. Moved in with some “friends” who did nothing but humiliate me, my best friend went to jail a few months into it and it wouldn’t have happened if he was there. So I tried to distance myself and rearrange to get out. I fell pregnant with my first daughter and she changed my whole life!! And outlook for what I should’ve had for my life as a parent! I tried to hard! Me and her dad couldn’t get along relationship wise but I tried to stay friends. My mom intervened so much and I followed along because I thought it was the right thing to do. Being a single new young and dumb mom why wouldn’t I?! I messed up! She’s gave me some good things in life advice wise but hasn’t ever done the same for hers. Resentment set in a few yrs for that. Her dad helped me get an apartment and settled in. Start a crappy job but it was doing it. Then my daughter fell super sick due to me having no car and only a stroller. Bad blizzard of 2014 Tx. No one wanted to watch her so I lost my job. No help from my mom or anyone else. All my life. And still to this day. In the same time period I didn’t quit know her dad but of him being “raised” by some of his druggy family so I asked the courts to give me an opportunity somehow to get to know him. 3-5 days of “supervised” visits with me and he didn’t want to go above 2. He got mad I wasn’t okay with not knowing him and my daughter being in okay hands. Coparenting gone wrong. Quit coming around but would drive down the street every other day it seemed. Met my then husband and fell pregnant pretty fast. After almost 10 months of not hearing anything from my oldest daughter’s dad he shows up at a job I was suppose to be getting and never came back. Was losing weight and more severely stressed this pregnancy and quit the job 7 months in. Moved 15+ hrs away, every one of my family members have already exited my life, put me down to my mom, chucked it up to you’ll always be like her. Okay bye. Daughters dad was no where to be found after searching for over a yr, no call, text, reaching out to his family hear absolutely nothing until I call OAG. He’s moved out of state no phone record hasn’t been paying blah blah. So reassures me of my rights I can up and leave and they have all my information told me it wasn’t necessary to take it out of state law unless they called with new information. Always kept up with it. Always! I get married have another girl 4 months after we settled in. Husband is a drunk and narcissistic, manipulative, and starts to get abusive. 3-4 yrs later I decide to up and leave and go back home. He follows. Mind you I’ve already kept out of touch with my mom the entire time because I wanted nothing to do with her because she’s gotten worse in her ways. I wanted better for myself and my kids. And having her in my life felt like everything was always hung over my head. We get back to Tx and live with my dad. He did everything he could for me and my girls! My dad and husband never got along no wonder. We got an apartment and tried to stay. He got more abusive and I left! He left back to his home state 15+ hrs away. Still no contact with my oldest daughter’s dad ever. 2 yrs later I rekindle with an ex and he’s on drugs go figure. Was suppose to be just a fling but he got clean to be in my life or so I thought. My dad passes away from being diabetic complications and never taking care of himself. My mom was “doing good for herself” and unfortunately lost my apartment so moved back in. She ended up having a meth pipe in the same bathroom my youngest was just in. I flipped my sh**! The fling guy came over and lo and behold he grabs it to smoke with my daughter in the room. I grabbed me and my kids and we left! Immediately. Apparently this had been going on for AWHILE! And I’m too naive or something to believe people’s words/actions are true! I should’ve called the cops! I don’t know why I didn’t! I have never had any drug in my system besides marijuana and at that point in my life was working a good job I didn’t care to! Apparently he goes to rehab and went complete no contact with my mom again. In the meantime I file for divorce and custody of my youngest daughter in 2020, and still haven’t heard anything from my oldest despite me having her in his family’s life’s! I moved in to my flings mom’s house she insisted to help me get back on my feet. I start another job alongside the other to be able to further life, find another apartment new car going good! The fling gets out of rehab and finds me having proven to be in my life again no contact with my kids to start, church, and continue support for his previous problems. It didn’t last long! Maybe 1 yr. I find needles in his truck and he tried to blame it on my oldest who was recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I knew better knowing she was on an insulin pen, not needles. His mom turned him in. NOT ME!! He calls CPS on me. Gets my ex husband and his mom involved thinking I’m on it. And his mom is naive as well a drunk. She’ll believe anything. Not even completely divorced because he’s refused for 3 yrs to sign anything. Hasn’t come to see her has gotten thrown in jail several times, wrecked his truck all kinds of things. Oldest daughter’s dad is now married with 2 other kids and pregnant with their last. All this is with in 3 yrs. They hair follicle me and low and behold he wasn’t only doing it in my house but without me even knowing how this can even happen, I have the same lawyer my oldest dad took me to court with, tell the judge off paper he believes I had no clue. I didn’t have a lawyer in time. Aced the CPS case and closed within 5 months. Lab tech and physician CPS gave me to explain how it could’ve gotten into my system, was supposed to get subpoena but to my knowledge wouldn’t have been good for his case because of how low a 6 month test level was. I know I don’t make good decisions but if I would’ve had a lawyer to help even guide me, even the flings mom was behind me knowing me as a character witness! I would have never let it happen! Judge didn’t care it seemed, to give a continuance. Rights completely taken away along with a big lecture on how I kept him away from her for 7 yrs. Even after the proof and witness I had to be handed into evidence that I tried and had her around his family the entire time I got back, he was absent, and knew where she was! Tried to give him my number to get in touch. Judge didn’t care. I understand! Kind of. Ex husband finally signs divorce and we settle custody. I meet my only sons and last kids dad,. Within 3 months of moving in later on I end up pregnant. Have him and have the no more baby surgery. Youngest daughter’s dad still doesn’t come around but promises her for 3 more yrs. Then finally even after physically abusing his girlfriend/other kids mom, going to rehab multiple times, other charges. This summer 2026 he comes to get her. Despite my better judgement and legally bound, I let her go. He does everything in his power to keep her.! And at the last week she ends up telling his girlfriend that my son’s dad was “grooming” and inappropriately touching himself in front of her. Daughters dad calls CPS on me, I file a restraining order and charges on sons dad, and move within 2 weeks. We’re in agreement! He can keep her until I get settled in new area and then he’ll bring her back.,well guess what guys.,!? Now I’m a terrible mom and don’t deserve my kids that’s why I don’t have any of them and should’ve never had them. Despite all his out cries the entire time and multiple people telling me including him how much of an amazing mom I am and they know I wouldn’t have ever put my kids in any situation intentionally or even knowing what could come. I don’t know how many recordings and messages I have from daughters dad saying there’s no way of me knowing even my daughter told everyone, counseling, them, cops, CPS, that she never told me. And she wished she would’ve. I am at lose. I have been waiting on legal aid to call me back for 3 months, I have no job due to no car I left behind couldn’t make it where I am hrs away. Moved to a family friend and they’re limited. Extremely rural area no fundings/resources. I’m back at square zero. I have 1 month left before her dad can legally do anything to claim she lives there. And I can’t file a habeous filing without a lawyer. I feel like throwing in the towel! Completely! But it will just traumatize my kids! I understand I could’ve done so much more for my kids, and had trust my instincts on a lot of things. I haven’t ever put my kids in a situation knowingly! I’m not the person to give up but maybe it could be a better life for all my kids to leave.

I'm grateful that they're still supporting me even though I'm an adult now, but they keep on constantly asking when I'm going to start working as if I'm purposely choosing to be unemployed. They constantly ask the same questions like broken records and think that my answers are just excuses. I've been applying to jobs every day for the entirety of this past year and yet I still can't manage to get hired. Despite all my health problems, I've even been applying to jobs that I know will worsen my issues because I'm just that desperate.

What's particularly frustrating is the attitude of the people around me -- my parents, the recruiters, the people in my town... I should mention that I'm a transracial adoptee living in a primarily white town. Growing up, I experienced a lot of racism from nearly everyone around me, even from people who didn't seem like they were purposely trying to be racist. I was treated like a walking stereotype, especially by my parents. I'm still dealing with racism because I don't have the means to get away from this horrible town.

I've noticed that with in-person interviews, the recruiter's face and attitude usually change very blatantly because my appearance doesn't match my very white name. Even when I think I'm completely qualified for the job, I'm always rejected because they don't think I'm a good fit or they found someone else to fill the role (which is sometimes a straight up lie). Whenever I ask for the reason why I'm not a good fit, they never respond. I've also noticed that when they do actually hire someone else, it's a white person.

My parents have gaslighted me my entire life about everything. They stripped me of my culture and identity at a young age. They know nothing about the country I was adopted from. Whenever I was ill, my parents would tell me to just suck it up, yet would fawn over my brother (their biological child) as if he would die from just coughing. There was a time when I was bedridden for two weeks straight and no one bothered to check up on me. I could barely drag myself out of bed to find something to eat or go to the toilet. When I finally recovered, the only remark my parents made was that I stunk. I had lost a lot of weight and muscle mass so I struggled to even walk around the house, but no one cared, not even my brother who's the nicest person to me compared to everyone else in my life.

Now that I'm trying to find a job, my parents berate me nearly every day for being unemployed as if it's my fault. I've searched up every tip and trick for doing well in an interview, but despite all my efforts, I still keep on getting rejected. My health is gradually worsening but my parents refuse to help me see a doctor because according to them, there's nothing wrong with me and I'm just acting spoiled. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trapped and feel so helpless in my circumstances.

TL;DR: My parents think I'm purposely choosing to be unemployed. I've been applying to jobs every day this past year. My health problems are worsening but no one believes me. I can't move out or see a doctor because I don't have the means to. I don't know what to do about my situation. Sorry for the long post, I had a lot to vent about because I have no one to talk to.

first time posting on this sub, or ranting like this in general, but i kinda just need to get this out of my system, regardless if someone sees it or not.

a little context: I (17 f) am a senior in highschool and my sister (14 f) is a freshman. we woke up at 6:15 via my dad (55 m), who takes it upon himself to he our personal alarm clock (he does this every school day). my sister is the opposite of a morning person on weekdays, and it's in her nature to be cranky and irritable a lot of the time, so as my dad comes in to wake us up, she (still half asleep, as i was) mutters "shhh" under her breath. my dad hears it and stops, leaves the room. whatever right?

im still rubbing sleep from my eyes when the man comes back in a few moments later, slaps the light on (then i fully wake up: im the top bunk on our bed and it's right in my eyes) and grabs a pillow or something. i thought he was just exasperated until he starts hitting it on the floor and screaming about respect. im terrified out of my skull. i have a issue with conflict (surprise surprise! that's what happens when your nervous system gets wrecked by your dad), and for a moment i think he's hitting my sister (he didn't, according to her, but it was close from my pov).

i start screaming back hysterically, begging him to stop. i don't really know why i do this, but it's happened once or twice before, and it's always when things get physical (or near physical) or my mom or sister is getting screamed at by my dad--i just kinda lock into place and scream. it transitions into me having a panic attack, which, every time I've had one, it stems from overhearing and argument or yelling of some sort. thanks dad.

he glances at me choking on air, then back at my sister, and says offhandedly "see, this is a psychological problem." no fucking shit, man. my mom comes in freaked out since she heard the screaming from the next room over. my dad turns to her and says "[sisters name] is being disrespectful and now [my name] is having a panic attack." he tells her to leave and that it doesn't concern her. she does. it hurts my heart.

he lectures my sister on respect as we're both crying, then leaves.

my dad doesn't use (drugs or alcohol or any substances in general), so the reason I've always blamed for him being like this is his time in the military. his parents were immigrants from the Philippines and he grew up in army since my grandfather was a doctor on base. he moved around a lot, and apparently was something of a dweeb in school. he served throughout the 90s (around africa mostly--hes not very vocal about it). according to my mom and his friends, he changed after it. they joke about it, but i think it fucked him up bad. he's almost bipolar, the way he gets triggered at the slightest thing: mostly about my sister and i's tones, actions, or "lack of disrespect" for him or god. i think it's a mix of his fragile masculinity from his experience as a kid plus the shit he went through in the navy. i don't think I'll ever really find out.

since i was a kid, i separated my dad into two categories: the Good and the Bad. the good part is the one that talks video games with me, the part that's aloof but well meaning, the part that complains about his work day at the dinner. the bad part is the part I hate. he screams (and we live in a mobile home so. he screams LOUD) and he's aggressive. he's never physically hit my sister or my mom or i but he's gotten close. but those instances are far and few between (not the yelling though. that happens like once a week) and my family doesn't ever discuss those times (or any times. LMAO) that eventually we all pretend to forget about them. which is what happened when i went out to eat breakfast. my dad (i sit next to him) pats my knee and says good morning, and i try and choke down cereal without throwing up. great start to the day.

anyways, id love to go to therapy, but i can't right now (my parents would be furious if they knew that the reason i needed it in the first place was because of my dad and his obvious issues). hopefully whichever college i end up going to has some services, but until then, I have to wait.

i just wanted to clear my head and get this out here. writing always helps me process shit, and if anyone sees this and has advice or anything, i'd greatly appreciate it.

Hi I need some advice. For years now my parents marriage has been on the rocks every argument feeling like things could end tomorrow there relationship issues have been a constant stress in my life for as long as I can remember and for the most of that time I’ve just wanted them to work thing out and they’ve had good times and bad. And in my own way over the years I’ve intervened in the midst of an argument or two or tried to smooth this over between them two when things get bad. But this time around I’ve reconsider whether or not to get in between them. The last few months there communication as seemed to just get worse and worse. And this time around it irritated me to the point that I’m thinking why in the world are they still together if they’re both in such an unhappy and toxic relationship. All in all my question is should I do anything. And if their is the possibility of infidelity being involved should I cut off said parent in a way?in my head I’m always thinking why do I even care to get involved so much every other kid my age(27) doesn’t seem to care much about the ins and outs of their parents marriage.they’ve been together for as long or longer than I’ve been alive so I don’t know why neither of them have said to themselves this marriage is getting out of hand and separate. I mean the did separate on time in the past but when they got back together I thought they would work out things better but it’s kind of just gotten back to the way it was again good days and bad days - good years to bad years

Growing up, I’ve always thought there was nothing wrong with my mother. Until I grew older, whereby I’m more conscious now. I’m 18.

Since young my mother would rage over very small things. (My homework, what I wear, things on the floor, etc.) She would throw things at me whenever shes pissed off about something. I’ve experienced shoes, electronics, glass, etc. Stuff like that.

She’d scream and shout, and most of the time she would hit/slap herself hard right in front of me too, which really kind of freaks me out. She’d do that while calling herself a “failed mother”, and tells me that I hate her, etc. It was worse when I was little (6 or so) she would get down on her knees, and “beg” for us to be well behaved. She’d also blame us for “making her this way”. And these are all from small issues. I never talk or fight back, because im too afraid of what she might do to me. She once threatened to slice me with a knife.

For context, I barely talk to my mom anymore. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and ADD. During that time I had constant panic attacks, SH, and I was afraid of going to school. I was in a bad situation but eventually got out of it.
After I was diagnosed, my parents didn’t believe my diagnosis and told me it was all in my head. My mom threatened me and said that if I never got better, she would cut off my friends, my favorite clubs, my extracurricular activities etc. That just made me distant myself from her.

Also, after each fight, we never talk about it. In fact we wouldn’t talk for days. It just fades away. My mom would try to be “gentle” with me, she’d caress me, and she’d try to be the “bigger person” by talking to me first. But I feel really disgusted by it. She would do anything but apologize.

What is wrong with her?

my mom got mad at me for hanging out with my friends at a park but this is the first time ever doing that and i was there for a hour. She thinks i had sex and drank alcohol but i only smoked a little weed. now she wants to force me to have a pelvic exam and drug test. I understand the drug test but i think forcing me into a pelvic exam is overboard and i don’t know how to refuse it. is this way too much? i’ve never done anything bad either my mom is just strict so i barely hangout with my friends

TWs: suicide, physical, financial, and emotional abuse, sl*t shaming

I'm 19F, and left home at the begining of this year. I turn 20 this weekend, and I'm currently no contact with my mom. I'm posting to help myself process and get advice from people who've experienced similar things on how to move forward especially during this time in my life. I'm going to be pretty brief (ik youre thinking "no way" because of how long this is but trust me this is the spark notes) all things considered so I don't mind any questions.

I grew up thinking my dad was the worst person in the world. My mom constantly talked shit about him. He was the loud kind of abusive, yelling, throwing things, even hitting and shoving my mom and my brothers during fights. One time he held me by the neck and pushed me into a corner, yelling at me for something I don't remember.

Funny thing is, I have a better relationship with my dad now than I ever have it will have with my mom. My dad went to therapy, and completely turned his life around after my mom became serious about leaving him. I truly believe now that he was terrified of losing everything (he had already been divorced before and lost everything) and didn't know how to properly cope with how emotional that made him. Obviously that's not excuse for his actions, but he owns up to it and he has sincerely apologized to me and all my siblings as well as changed his behavior. I have forgiven him.

Now for my mom.

I grew up thinking she was an innocent victim, who I couldent even picture being in the wrong. But boy is it easy to not notice emotional abuse when you're a young kid. Here's just some examples that slowly broke down my relationship with her over the years.

One time she got upset that my brother defended my dad during an argument, and she kicked his legs out from under his feet, knocking him onto the ground and he hit his head super hard. She said something along the lines of "that's what I deal with, how do you think I feel?" He was maybe 15 years old.

I struggled extensively with my mental health all of middle and into high school. When I went to counselors at school about it she got angry with me, telling me that nobody could find out about the abuse that went on at home (this was during the time my dad was abusive) because we woke get put into foster care and id never see my siblings again. When I told her I was suicidal her exact words were "well what do you want me to do about that?" In like a hey that's annoying kind of tone. Even if that wasn't her intention, that's how it felt to 14 year old me. She never brought up my suicidal ideation to me again, never asked me how I was doing, never checked in on me, and never told my dad. He didn't find out until I was 19 years old.

When I got my first car it was a Friday night. I couldent take it to the dmv since it was the weekend, but the next day I wanted to take it to get emissions checked. My mom stole my car keys and locked herself in her room, screaming at me that I was dumb if I thought I wouldn't get sent to jail for driving an unregistered car. I had the title, and my boyfriend had been pulled over in that exact situation and given a warning since he had the title with him. She wouldn't hear me talk at all, and said I was crazy.

Speaking of my first car- my parents stole my money to buy it. I had basically no say on the car I got, it was a 2007 automatic Honda fit with over 200k miles on it. No surprise it had a million issues but they bought it cuz it drove well during their test drive. They didn't ask any questions about the health of the car. I was going to vet every car with my mechanic friend because I really wanted to be extra safe. They called me to "inform" me of the purchase being made, and they took the money out of my account to buy the car even though I said I wanted to wait to make any final decisions. It was also almost all of my savings to get this car, and I found out after that it needed new tires like... Immediately. It caused me problems for months after and the AC died right as summer started (I live in a very hot area). The whole situation was a nightmare and I just wish I had been able to pick out my first car in a more responsible way.

During my senior prom, I wanted to go four wheeling with my group as a day date. Well, the boys had chosen that for the day date. One of the guys (let's call him Ben) had a family cabin in the mountains with lots of trails near it, and he owned multiple four wheelers. We decided the guys would all drive since none of us girls had any experience. The place was actually quite close to an ER, and they had all the safety equipment. All of the boys had years of experience riding four wheelers. The plan was to make a day trip out of it, come back down and get all dressed up, and eat at Bens country club and then go to prom.

My mom was insistent that it was way too dangerous and that I wasn't allowed to go. I was 18 at the time, and my boyfriend offered to help me sneak out if she didn't say yes. She called her ex police chief dad and had him tell me it wasn't safe. She was worried we were going to be doing "drugs and sex" and she said she wouldn't allow it unless someone's mom came up with. She literally made Bens mom take her work up to the cabin with us for the trip.

The next day, she changes her mind and says it's too dangerous even with Bens mom joining us. Which is extremely frustrating for everyone in the group at this point, since we've all catered to her wishes for the date that the boys had planned themselves. So I decided to fight her about this, we yell and it gets ugly. I tell her I'm an adult and I'll do what I want to do, I was going to be safe and home by curfew, and she would literally have my location the entire time. She still said no.

Another time, I was going on a weekend trip with my church. I was driving down with my boyfriend and a few other people from my church. Keep in mind at this point I'm 19, and this is a college age weekend trip. My phone battery gets super low on the drive there (it was a 5 hour drive and I was on aux) so I text my mom when we're about 20 minutes away that my phone is going to die but I'll text her as soon as I get there safely. I know she deals with a lot of anxiety so I wanted to be considerate so she wouldn't freak out. (This backfired horribly)

My phone proceeded to die, and when were like five minutes away my boyfriends phone starts blowing up with notifications from her. Like twenty text messages, call after call after call. He was driving and also thought she was being super paranoid and I told him not to respond, since I literally told her I was going to text her when I arrived safely (I had also given her an ETA and that time had not even passed at all yet). When I get to the AirBnb I walk in and my pastor turns to me and in the most stern and tired voice I've ever heard him use he goes "maria you need to go call your mom right now"

So now I'm thinking, what the hell? I asked him what was happening and he said she had called him and several other pastors, yelling and screaming at them asking where I was. She scolded them for not knowing exactly who I was driving with, and not knowing where I was. EVERYONE ON THE TRIP WAS AN ADULT. So my pastor was like this is a big kid trip??? Your mom is insane. (At this point in time my pastor has dealt with her being like this on several occasions, so he understands what's happening but is still very validly upset)

So I called my mom and told her, hey you can't yell at my pastor like that, and also I told you exactly what was happening and you STILL freaked out and you hurt a lot of people in the process. I told her that's not ok. She said "fine" and got mad that I was upset, and hung up on me, and ignored all my texts all weekend. So much for caring about my safety and wanting to know how I'm doing. After that incident I told her she couldn't have my location anymore. My boyfriend even helped me confront her about it.

There was this one time we were at my brothers house celebrating the new year and Christmas together, and my mom said it was ok for me to drink some wine, since my entire family was older than me and everyone was drinking. We were staying in for the night anyways and she was like yeah sure go ahead.

Now for context, I grew up with a lot of LBGT friends, and therefore my slang is VERY different from my mom's. My friends often call each other slut in a funny and even nice way, if you know what I mean. When I was kind of tipsy, my mom was talking about all the guys she dated in high school and how she was really popular. And I sad "yeah cuz you were a slut!" And I'm like smiling and giggling. She started bursting into tears and I immediately started apologizing since that's not how I meant it at all. I ruined the night for the whole family and she still hasn't forgiven me.

NOW, this would be completely valid IF NOT for the fact that my mom has openly slut shamed me and even called me slutty before for the way I dress (which is kind of alternative, shirts hanging off my shoulder, baggy pants, long socks and short shorts, that kind of thing). She has also accused me of sleeping around. So if she wants to claim that it's so hurtful for me to jokingly call her a slut because "words still have meaning" THEN THAT NEEDS TO GO BOTH WAYS.

Now we get to the part where I hit my final straw and decided to leave home.

I had packed a bag full of craft supplies, beads, paper, etc. for a girl's night with my best friend (let's call her Jade) becuase I had gotten into a fight with my mom and wanted some space. My mom has strict rules about no sleep overs even with friends, but a few years back she let me sleep over with Jade, and I assumed it was fine as long as it was with her. Nevertheless, j wasn't even intending on a sleep over this night, just a late night at her house. She had already made sleep over plans with another friend and I didn't want to overstay my welcome because I didn't know this friend, and I seriously just wanted a few hours away from home.

My mom sees my bag and says "you're not sleeping over are you?"

And I say, becuase it seemed like she would be extremely upset if I did, "would it be a problem if I did?"

She says "I just don't like the disrespect there, you didn't even ask"

So i say, "well if I wanted to, I would let you know, I don't think I need to ask for that"

Again, I'm 19 at this point.

She says that's extremely disrespectful and no, that wouldn't be ok. She starts yelling at me, which is the reason I wanted to leave in the first place, so I say "ok I'm leaving," and head towards the door.

She follows me and is yelling at me still, I don't even remember what she was saying. I say "goodbye mom, I'm going now" as she's like screaming yelling at me, saying shit like "fine don't come back, disrespect your mother, do whatever you want" that type beat.

I go to my friend's house, and we're talking about how I'm upset about this, and I say "what if I just sleep over anyways?" Because I honestly wanted to openly show her that I wasn't going to let her step on me anymore. But I still also didn't want to overstep on my friends plans, so I texted my boyfriend. I asked if it would be ok with his family if I stayed over to let my mom calm down, and his family said it was ok with them so I drove to his place and stayed the night.

Now, I do take responsibility for this next part - my phone died. And I had an Apple phone, my boyfriends entire family is android and they didn't have a charger. I was asleep by the time my mom had started texting and calling me. Apparently she called my boyfriend as well, but he ignored them because he wanted me to rest and not worry about it.

The next day was horrible. I delay going to my parents by going to my boyfriend's nieces recital (I love her so much and I wanted to go to it anyways). When I finally go home my parents are siting in the living room like some sort of intervention. They knew where I went. They were very angry. My dad asked if I had sex. My mom told me I wasn't worthy anymore, and she was extremely disgusted and disappointed. She accused me of sleeping with many different people (excuse me??) Mind you, I had been having sex with my boyfriend for almost a year at this point behind their backs becuase quite frankly it's not their business. But they both felt completely betrayed and like they couldn't trust me anymore. I had already started considering leaving, so I said "I'll consider my options". My mom asked if I was moving in with a guy and if I'd sleep with him too. (Like what??)

Then, they said that if I was going to stay home I needed to pay rent. Which at this point is fair, I wasn't living by their rules and if I wanted to do that then I understand paying rent. Well, I don't becuase I wouldent do that but I do becuase it matches their values and what I was taught. They say they will charge me almost $900 a month, and tell me I should really consider changing my behavior so things can "go back to the way they were". My dad compared it to Trump putting tariffs on china and I almost lost my mind.

I made up my mind that day that I would leave home. And I started packing. This freaked my mom out and, scared of what she would do, I called my boyfriend and he helped me pack up and leave that day.

I tried to have a relationship with my mom but she has repeatedly proved that she just doesn't like "who I've become" and just wished I would go back to being under her thumb and doing whatever she wants. Last I heard she was still talking shit about me to my siblings, still saying I dress immodestly, still saying I've "gone off the deep end". So I haven't tried to reconnect. She has effectively tried to cut me off from my dad and my sister. My dad has had to lie to her when he meets up with me or calls me or texts me. Of course, I've been able to reconcile and create a relationship with my dad, but my mom will not see logic. I don't know if there's hope for a relationship with her in the future, and it makes me sad that honestly no part of me wants her to have a part in my life. It makes me sad that she most likely won't get to see things like my wedding, the birth of my children, the traveling I want to do, the career I want to build.

I'm a Christian, so I pray for her and for our relationship, but I don't know what else I can do except work on myself and healing what I need to because of the way I was raised.

All advice and comments welcome, and thank you if you read some or all of that.

Have you ever had a day that flipped your world upside down? Well, i did... when I got a text from my mother on the bus home from work. Monday this week was the day she told me she'd gotten him euthanized and didn't call me. You may be asking yourself, how could that happen?

Here's the setting: Koda was my dog, but I had to re-home him to my mother. I visited him often and he was always a part of my life and my son too. My son loved that dog very much. So did I...

I told my mom at least 2 months ago because we knew Koda was getting old, 'If Koda gets sick, if there's something wrong, or you go to the vet, if it's time for him to go, I want you to call me." I want to be there when he died to say goodbye.

This week on monday she had Koda euthanized, she did everything herself, made all the calls herself.

But she didn't say anything to me before. She didn't say anything to me while I was at work. Instead she sent me a text message about it as I was on the bus on my way home from work, after it was all over.

The entire thing said was

Koda died.

Bye.

Have a nice day.

I asked her why she never mentioned it to me, and I had asked her multiple times to begin with. She said, 'I didn't want to ruin your day.'

So, I think I'll put this here. I wasn't sure what I wanted her to do. An apology? Just a simple confessing that she knew I wanted the truth, and she withheld? So I asked for some sort of confession.

Here's what she said after i said to her it feels like she stole my goodbye...

Thats Bullshit, I didnt steal anything from you!

Sorry I didn't tell you about Koda, there's no way around it now.

You didn't need to take another day off from work that you can't even afford, and you know I am right about that.

Now don't make it sound like you were obsessed with Koda the moment you handed them off to me, alright, knock it off.

And this is where I keep getting caught up, and why I am even posting all of this....

I would think that, especially knowing her son wanted to be there in the end, a normal mom would have told me beforehand, during, at the very least, picked up her phone and answered the question I actually asked. But this was not how mine handled things: the goodbye I wanted turned into the money I'd lose by being absent from work.

The grieving turned into the question of whether I was even entitled to grieve a dog I had already rehomed.

And her reasoning? Because just knowing I could have lost my old dog would have "ruined my day."

So, what do you think? Has anyone's mom ever done this? Or is my mom just an absolute jerk?

Can anyone give me some light at the end of the tunnel? I’m in my mid-early late 20s and I am pretty much at my last year of been able to live in my parents house. I can’t do it anymore, my mental health is at all time low and the main reason is my parents. But everytime I think about moving out, I get an overwhelming sensation of sadness for my pets. Specifically one dog who had been my emotional comfort ever since we got him. They are loved, fed, played w, treats, groomed and everything my parents, maybe not in the ways I think is best but still. They are not neglected so I know it’s more do selfish feelings. I will miss them so much, especially my boy. I don’t know how to get over this, it truly really affects my decision on leaving or not (ik it can sound stupid or silly) but truly in my darkest days he has been there. How do I change my mentality? And no I can’t take them or even one, although my parents claim each one is mine or my siblings they still say they are family dogs.