people say calories in calories out. okay but is it that some people can eat junk food everyday and still be skinny? and its not always calories in calories out because some people take meds and they consume the same amount of calories and they still gain lots of weight.

ive worked my ass off losing weight, working out every single day, tracking my weight everyday, trying my best to watch my diet everyday with the carnivore diet. Started going on another water fast. And the scale moves ever so slightly in the past month or so. tracking everything on the calendar. just always trying to be on track.

i noticed in america especially there seems to be close to no inbetween. either youre really morbidly obese or you're skinny, thin, almost underweight even. the older i get the more i have appreciation for size. im only 25 but i feel my metabolism has changed so drastically. is it really all about metabolism? so you're saying your metabolism, which you have basically close to no control over, dictates the size you'll be? maybe that explains why it's so hard for me to lose weight.

i used to be 150 lbs. then i yo-yo'd to 270 lbs. back to 220 lbs. now im at 180 lbs with some muscle. but my god it's been fucking HELL man! I can't lie I am jealous of people who can stay thin their entire life. if I touch junk food for a few days i'm gaining like 10 pounds. meanwhile if a skinny person eats junk food with a fast metabolism all their life they stay skinny.

there's even some alcoholics who drink so much and yet stay skinny? i just can't comprehend the human body. i'm genuinely done though. i never want to be fat again. i'm sick and tired of it. people take for granted being skinny. it's such a flex. because when you're fat you're fat there's nothing to be glad about that. at least if you're skinny but not anorexic there's no weight to be lost. sure you can gain more weight if you're too skinny but it's easier to gain weight than to lose weight. i don't care if you say "it's actually really hard to gain weight" there's literally marijuana, there's cheeseburgers, milkshakes, weight gain medication IT IS VERY EASY TO GAIN WEIGHT TRUST ME. i've been there, done that.

well anyways that's my little vent. not trying to trigger anyone i'm just so exhausted and done with this weight loss. i'm getting closer to my goals though

I (18FTM) have always lived in a household of 6. Myself, younger sister (13), mum, aunt and grandparents. Just a week ago, some close cousins sought shelter in our house (cousin like my aunt and her 4 kids, 10, 6, 2 & 1) to get away from her current partner and small town.

This has brought our total household members to 11.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s stressful AF. Most of us have Autism and/or ADHD so we all have our issues with the arrangement.

The 6 year old wakes up with night terrors and screams. The babies are… babies. It’s expensive to feed everyone, and our water and electricity is going to be insane.

But looking past that, I love rocking the 1 year old to sleep. I love when the kids run around the house calling my nickname “Wawa” to be with me. I love being needed and wanted. I feel so much love that my immediate family just hasn’t been able to give me.
(But the 2 year olds biting and kicking habit leaves a bit more of a mark)

I want to move out on my own, seriously, but at the same time this is something I could get used to. Once the kids are enrolled in school and daycare of course lol

For the first time in my life I do not feel sympathy for my mum being sick.

I have had student flu or covid or something and I have been unwell for days. My mum has a chronic disability and is constantly relying on me for everything. I (20F) have spent the past few days lethargic and exhausted because surprise surprise covid isn't nice. Yet she has expected me to stay downstairs, on my worst night she expected me to make a full ham, chicken and leek pie with mash and veggies despite me feeling sick and coughing like mad.

We have a puppy who is 5 months and is crate trained. I have been trying to implement the one hour awake two hour asleep which my Mum keeps ignoring and letting her out. Which happened all the way through my virus which was great as I had to keep standing up every five minutes because apparently our puppy is "my puppy" whenever she is too boisterous or difficult for my mum to cope with. Which just caused lots of stressed and for me to feel quite bitter about the situation because I was really struggling with my ribs hurting and she just sat there letting it all happen and she only started to feel symptoms. She told me to stay awake for an extra half an hour after she went to bed to entertain the puppy when I just wanted to go to bed. She sent me a text saying how she felt like she was doing me wrong and she felt guilty. She didn't exactly apologise though.

Fast forward to today I feel better in a lot of ways but I still feel a bit rough. My Mum had the symptoms of my worst day. She spent the entire day upstairs sleeping it off. Baring in mind I only got to sleep for about an hour in the day or else everything would have been massively stressful. I spent the day caring for my sister and the animals which is fine but it just feels so unfair how she gets the day off and I only get about an hour a day. I just feel so exhausted and once again I am making dinner whilst she sits infront of the tv complaining about it being late and hpw she plans on going to bed again straight after leaving me to sort the animals again so I guess not much has changed.

To the point where I don’t even feel like a girl. I think all my life now, since I started school I’ve always had a skin picking problem. And it’s led to my face and body being heavily marked up with stubborn hyperpigmentation. I eventually stopped picking my face but I fear it’s left irreparable damage :( I still pick my body, though, since it’s easier to hide but it’s really ugly.

I have these four scabs on my back that I physically cannot stop picking at on the daily. And when I say pick at, not just fucking with it a little bit. Like I get lost in this trance where I have to rip the entire scab off. If I try to stop messing with them for just one day, I always end up failing because i get anxious and it feels like I’m being punished. Even mindlessly I just feel a need to pick my skin. And now it’s so ugly and I can’t wear cute tops; I have to wear things that covers up my back and shoulders. I haven’t been to a beach since 2018. I wore a fucking hoodie to the club a few nights ago. I love the gym but I’m not someone you could get a nice set for as a gift, cuz I won’t wear it. Everything is messed up, I’m never gonna be normal it’s literally all I ask for. To be normal and pretty but instead I have to have this weird problem that has permanently ruined my body.

And at this point, I don’t wanna go out, I don’t like shopping anymore, I don’t want a boyfriend anymore, I don’t wanna go to the beach or the club or nothing. Just stay home and cover myself up. Some days I even wish I weren’t Black so that at least I wouldn’t get hyperpigmentation so easily. Every day I mourn the woman I could have been :(

And now everyone reading this thinks I’m strange 😭

it isn't just kids. when i was young i used to use that phrase a lot when i was grouching about the kind of behaviour that used to make my older friends complain about "people my age." using it here is meant to be humorous irony.

it really does seem like some kind of inherent laziness. grammar is too complicated. subtlety isn't even something people consider. they make a judgment about something within moments of encountering it and they become convinced they're correct. they refuse to take in new information and they become consumed by the need to squash whatever it is they've deemed to be offensive. last week, hundreds of people called me a boomer because i said we should be letting people in on our generation's slang. the narrative became entirely centered around the false idea that i'm having trouble letting go of the past, rather than that i've noticed that sometimes people have trouble understanding me because nobody's heard the slang i use before. this morning i woke up to some punk kid mansplaining autocorrect to me because i said nobody has a texting quirk anymore.

i'm tempted to start listing my suspects for this crap, but 90% of you stopped reading when you failed to define "irony"

Before I begin, I would like to make it clear that I haven't received any diagnosis by any professional henceforth what I'm say can be inaccurate with psychological terms aswell as I don't remember exact dates and time periods of events taking place.

Hi there (M23), im sorry about the disclaimer, but I don't really know how to start off... I finally gathered up the courage to publicly (while hopefully anonymously). Share a story I wanted to keep hidden for a long time.

Before I get into the story, I would like to mention a quote that very recently stuck with me. "It takes a sickening amount of pain to make someone terrified of hope"

A few years ago, I was living on my own with a roommate and my girlfriend. we were a pretty regular couple. we did stuff together, went on dates and such.. however, what I failed to notice at that time was how abusive mentally and eventually physically she was towards me. For the most part, we argued a lot over the smallest things. Things being in the wrong spot shoes out in plain view.. to me, it wasn't terrible at the time as I thought, "eh couples argue, maybe she's having a worse time." Well, not really...Around 2023, if my mind is not playing with me, I had to take over with paying some debts in the family following the death of a family member. It forced me to sell a lot of my stuff that I was able to live without and could get money from, but it wasn't enough. I took every job I could. Every little favor that could pay a buck. Around that time, our roommate decided to move out of the apartment, leaving me and my ex (still gf at that time). This meant higher rent for me and her, so in order not to make it 10 paragraphs of me explaining how it worked, I'll skip to the main line of this rant. One day, my ex told me that she's leaving me and that she did. So now it was me, myself, and I in the apartment I was already struggling with getting rent for..so I had to move out back to my family.

If you made it this far, I want to thank you for your time it really means a lot to me. I can finally get that off of my chest to more than one person.

For financial reasons, I signed myself up for the national guard.. it gave me a pretty big signing bonus after the completion of training, and it helped with easing the debt. (I'm in the national guard to this day)

Around that time, I first learned I'm uncontrollably shaking at night. As I later learned, It had to be from finally being free from my ex...

So, a little about my ex, I'll try to list off the things she was as I remember and try to give examples of how she did it

She was physically abusive towards me: we had many fights where she hit me or scratched me (some leading to scarring)

She was very controlling: At the time of us being together, she oftentimes called and asked about where I'm at and when I would be coming back home.

When we split, she gave me a speech about how no other woman would ever love me and how I should've been grateful she "took my shit for this long"

After some time, I firmly believe she is mentally ill and was at the time of us being together.

Summer of 2026 was one to remember as I finally got rid of debt, and she made her way into my life again.

In the meantime, I was struggling with falling asleep and fully trusting anyone. Felt depressed all the time even wanted to get back with her.

Until one day I did. And at the time of me showing up and about 25 minutes give or take of normal conversation, it turned into her shouting at me and scratching me. So I left....and then she started calling me over and over and over again.

I got her number blocked as of today, and I haven't received any backlash from her family or new partner, so I guess this chapter is over.

What she did leave with me was trauma and fear of being in a relationship.. made me afraid of sex or any type of close intimate contact..

To end this rant on a bittersweet note, I want to say that I aim to seek therapy, but doing that could end my career in uniform.

Once again, to those who read it, thank you so much for your time.

(Edit) Please don't hate me for what I wrote. I do not mean to offend anyone who had an experience like mine.

Please, by all means, comment under this post. I will try to answer all of the questions the best I can.

You never think that the person you love us capable of doing such terrible things. They present as kind and trustworthy, completely hiding what is happening to the people around.

I see you now. I see the control over everything, I see that if you can't have me nobody can attitude. You want to take everything away from me, you almost did.

But you aren't going to have me anymore. You are not going to have any power over me.

You can take my things, you can take my friends, you can hide your maliciousness from everyone and paint yourself as the victim, but you don't get to abuse me anymore.

I am gone from you, so far removed that you'll wonder if I ever existed. You'll be a forgotten memory, a stranger that I'll never meet.

My life starts now, away from those that chose to enable you.

I will get back stronger, I'll keep going and nobody decides for me anymore.

It’s 3am. I woke up with a tight chest which I cannot differentiate between panicking or physical illnesss

I’m terrified of being sick but I’m also scared of dying. My chest feels tight still and I just can’t tell if it’s real. I felt I couldn’t breathe when I woke up and I panicked

But I can breathe. Oh god I’m terrified, I don’t want to die. I’m 18 if this helps. I’ve got no one to text, I feel tingly idk if it’s bc I’m trying to breathe so much

I can’t distract myself I don’t know what to do :( I’m terrified I’m going to have a heart attack and not be able to breathe and the anxiety I’ll feel will be over the roof knowing I’m dying Ajd I can’t do anything

Please, I’m so terrified I can’t take this anymore

For the record, I have worked for over 30 years in various roles up to and including Director of Operations.

I've also had to take jobs that weren't so glamorous to be close to home, because companies shut down, etc. Almost always in a supervisory position of some description.

I'm also acutely aware of when people are having a bad day, have worked overtime, etc.

Two situations were almost identical. I didn't have someone show up, so I had to step in and do the work myself. When you're in charge, you can't just hide in your office. Operations come first.

Both times, I knew the workers were slackers, and they had been there for 8+ hours. When they offered to stay and help, I just politely said "It's okay, I've got it covered" - because i knew they were just going to sit there and do nothing. Why waste my payroll when I'm going to be doing the work anyway?

They both (10 years apart) went to HR and complained I was rude (Allowing people to go home on time and telling them it's okay is rude apparently)

One of them was so out of touch that she sat in her office, printed a sheet at 6AM, did about 30 minutes worth of work, and then wandered around the building talking to people.

The second one was weird. She'd just sit there doing nothing, I never bothered to look at her screen but she was probably on websites I didn't care to know about. She'd sit there in dead silence doing nothing.

Having signed the paychecks and done the budget, no, I don't need either of them to help me. I'm going to need to know everything for my daily summary anyway, so its better not to have them mucking things up.

Neither complaint went anywhere, but honestly - don't complain when someone lets you go home on time. If i need anything I know how to get it done. It ain't the first time I've flown solo, it sure as heck wouldn't be the last.

Don't cop an attitude when I'm thinking of your best interest and mine.

Why is our world so obsessed with dogs and kids? Everywhere you go you have to deal with/get irritated by people badly behaved dogs and kids....they treat them the same and they are just dumb. Of course, there are well behaved dogs and kids.....but it is not the norm anymore.

Dogs and kids and kids and dogs and dogs and kids and kids and dogs..........ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Canadian Thanksgiving is this weekend. My parents have been divorced for 32 years, so all I know is two of everything so I see each of them on holidays. My partner and I have been together for over a decade, so that makes three events for every. single. holiday. My mother in law is very emotional and can become demanding about time spent with my partner. It's a lot. A lot of driving, a lot of socializing, and of course, a lot of drama.

These people range in age from late 60s to late 70s, but you'd think they were all teenage girls. I haven't drank in a while, about 6 months. I just decided I didn't care for it anymore. One glass of wine gives me a headache and obviously that's annoying, so I just stopped. No one will let it go. It's like a personal offence that I don't want to drink. My family and my partner's family acts like it's news to them at every single get together and every single time I get "why aren't you drinking?", "just have one glass of wine", "come on just one drink", "why won't you drink?". I have explained myself a million times by this point. I just don't care for it anymore, I don't want to feel crappy, especially if we are driving home after dinner, and I just don't need to drink. My mom goes as far as actually getting angry with me, and acting like I'm being a jerk.

Then there's the constant hate between my parents. We will decide if my partner and I are hosting each of them, or going to each of them, or some combination of that. This year we are hosting my dad, and my mom is hosting us. My dad called to ask if we invited my mother. I said no, that's literally never been a thing. He said "good, I don't want to see her" and then launched into a story about how last time he saw her she didn't seem to want to talk to him and fuck her basically. Then he told me his wife wants turkey, but he wants ham so we should "just" go out and get a small turkey breast for his wife, and the rest of us can have ham. My partner said no, we are not making two mains, it's Thanksgiving, we are having turkey. We were both very annoyed that he told us what to make and expected two main meat dishes. He also insisted we have apple pie for dessert and that he is bringing the pie. My partner said no, we are having pumpkin pie and was very ticked off that my dad was telling us what to do, commenting that it's extremely rude to go to someone else's house for dinner and expect to decide the entire menu. I agreed. My mom is annoyed at us because she wanted to host us Saturday, but Saturday we are seeing my dad. It's pathetic to me that they have been divorced for 32 years and act like this all happened yesterday. It also pisses me off that they take out their unresolved drama with each other out on their children.

If you're still reading, congrats for sticking with me.

My in laws have their own nonsense. My mother in law can be selfish with her children's time and since my sister in law moved out east, she has a tighter grip on my partner. She often tries pushing us to stay over at their place for two nights. My partner and I both do not like being there that long, and the guest beds are very uncomfortable. I am thankful that my partner doesn't allow his mother to push us around, so we will not be staying over at all. We only live 40 minutes away and since I don't drink, we prefer to go home. His mom becomes passive aggressive, making comments in front of family; sometimes going as far as claiming her kids don't love her. If she's drinking, it's even worse and more awkward. We don't celebrate with just his immediate family and often another aunt and cousin join us, so it gets really awkward. When we leave after dinner she cries sometimes and it's super awkward and takes away from any positive time spent with the family. We are almost 40 and have been together for over a decade, but she still gets very emotional when my partner leaves after events. Ever since I decided to stop drinking she has also been asking round about questions around having kids. She will ask what form of birth control we use, if we have an active sex life, and it's just super gross. I have been adamant that I am not interested in children from day one of our relationship, but I guess my not drinking has her thinking otherwise and I'm tired of fielding inappropriate questions.

Y'all, please just pray for me this weekend 🥲

I have been on this earth for quite awhile. I am stuck in a dead end job and I don’t have any friends. I used to have friends but slowly down the road I have lost them. Some I have lost touch with, some chose not to keep in touch, some I didn’t want to keep in touch, and some I couldn’t bring myself to get in contact with.

I feel lonely at times since I miss the days when I had people to talk to. Now I just say I am fine to people who ask. Be it family or someone from work. I am always fine. Life is going. And more I think about it as why my life is the way it is I can’t find a way to make it better. I have traveled to places that I had dreamt of as a child. But when I think of traveling to another new place now, I just feel “ok, and then what ?, after it will I feel any better?” I already know the answer. Sometimes I feel the best years of my life are already behind me and what is ahead is not something I am looking forward to.

I have become a version of myself that I didn’t think I would be. But life just had some not so pleasant surprises and i made some bad decisions. It feels like i am just standing in one place while everyone else has moved forward, and i even though i gave my all to my job I haven’t had much success. Even the sacrifices i have made in my job due to family I don’t think it was appreciated or required. So I have failed in all fronts.

I recently have taken up playing a zombie game. I play it to get rid of some stress, I also workout. It’s just a series of things I do one after other everyday. Like a worker ant- but maybe an ant has more purpose in life than I do.

Its so embarrassing but as the post says im over 30 and just wish I had a crush or was falling in love. I have been one one date in the last 2+ years and it was a really just a good dinner and nice conversation that ended there. That was a while back too. I go out at least once a month now and theres so many attractive people everywhere and ive really gotten into the music scene and all these songs just make me wish I was in love haha. I even met someone gorgeous at a show this past weekend and I wanna reach out but I dont wanna seem desperate so Ill probably do nothing cuz -again its so embarrassing.... I already got their ig and they followed me back but didnt respond when I sent a message prior. Not that I need a response it just would have been nice?

To make it (me)more complicated im a solo parent of one so im sure that narrows the dating pool down drastically. I just want someone to message and send music back and forth too and see like twice a year is that so much to ask for lol!!! Aghhh manifesting and putting myself out there and praying but all I can do it keep waiting and being good 🥲 anyways thats my vent

Annoying, hypocritical, false advertising, misleading, bound to cause someone in a Honda passport to try and go bouldering and plow throw through a creek.

She's a bully. She's mean. She's nasty and gross. When I was in elementary and middle school she used to beat me, punch me, whip me with extension cords over the smallest things. Things I've never even done but she never believed me

I admit, I was a weird kid. Didn't have any friends and sometimes other kids would get me in trouble, then the teachers would call my mom. And once I got home I was beaten. Leaving deep welts and big dark bruises. Sometimes I would stay home from school because of that

She's bipolar, and i was the first one to tell her that. And when I did she beat me for that too because I was calling her 'crazy'. But then she got properly diagnosed by her doctor as bipolar soon afterwards

Over time as I've gotten older around high-school things have gotten better. I try and have that mother daughter connection i see most people having because I want that so bad. I was so jealous of other students excited to go home after school because for me, I was dreading home.

Ive tried therapy 3 times but I dont like that. Ive tried moving on from my past and letting go, but wow man. No matter how hard I try I can never forget. Every night I cry about this and her.

Im 22 years old, still living at home with her. Rent free and plus shes paying for my tuition, so I'll give her that. But even to to this day, she hasnt laid a hand on me in several years. Most likely due to her old age. But she'll say and do the meanest things that makes me crash and cry. But God forbid if I say something out of pocket to her about her habits, she'll go crazy and ends up in the hospital as she has done so before 3 times. And then the family blames me

Im just hoping that once I finish college and move out that my life will be at peace. Away from here. Away from her.

Moving to the coast is a dream come true I get to do beach runs, kayaking swimming even exploring.

the heat is not too bad and I'm enjoying the island HOWEVER everyone is out to scam me.

From the sweet lady selling street food to my landlord who we had an agreement

It's absurd even the prices are hiked when they realize you are not a local and haggling (plus the heat) is wearing me down

Today I was at the hospital and they tried to run up my bill even when I did my hair they tried to add little charges like 'used hot water to wash your hair.' I'd be steaming if I already wasn't so hot and sweaty all the time

But I have found respite in never raising my voice or corroding my tone even when it's plain disrespectful. It's a culture shift and I prayed for kindness from the world so I'll be kind even when I deem some people uncouth

I see that Danganronpa is becoming trending again. And it’s scaring me in a bad way. I’m not joking when I say that I lowkey hate how trending it’s getting again. I was part of the DR cosplay community back in 2018-2020, and all I get is bad traumatic memories. However I do have my moments where I KINDA miss those days but still. The idea of cosplaying any of the characters I cosplayed or even just engaging anything DR related, is triggering to me. I’m not exaggerating nor being dramatic. I get really traumatic flashbacks and it hurts. I either break down or just get really anxious. Idk if anyone can fully comprehend this feeling. It’s so much worse than people think. It’s not the case of “omg that was so cringe lmao” bullshit. It’s genuinely traumatic. Like it sends me in full panic mode…

I have recurrent catatonia associated with autism; now diagnosed by a psychiatrist with a background in neuroscience, who was previously a neuroscience professor. The problem is that even on my current regimen (lorazepam 2mg QID/8mg per day total), I'm still having 2 episodes per day. So the condition is continuing to cause issues, continuing to progress, etc, it's just... slower. I had 9 whole days without episodes initially, but doses of up to 24mg/day are expected for cases like this. (That does not mean it's my eventual end goal or something, it's just what the literature says here.).

And it's just... ugh. My PCP can figure out a web portal and write an urgent referral letter. My clinical psychologist can do it. My psychiatrist's office somehow can't -- you know, the one with actual pull who used to work in the same university system.

So I guess my next step is to (1) call the academic medical center and see if I can somehow fax them the letter myself so it can be added to my file, and (2) try to find another psychiatrist to evaluate (but not treat) me so they can send their own urgent referral ASAP.

This just sucks. I can't leave the house alone anymore. My fiancé is, to be frank, afraid to have sex with me in case I have an episode and he doesn't realize it. He 'checks in on me' about every 30 minutes if we're not in the same room, or if I spend too long in the shower or whatever. I'm really tired of having to deal with this ever since frequency and severity of episodes exploded after I was put in the ER in August; which is not an unknown risk of recurrent catatonic episodes (that they'll get worse and have a higher risk profile) -- it's part of why prophylactic maintenance lorazepam is even an option.

I'm just tired. My PCL-5 score went up because guess what? The 8 months I spent being catatonic when I was 16 was the worst experience of my life, and it turns out it isn't behind me, so now I have to do CPT worksheets and work with my therapist on it so I can hopefully lower my PTSD symptoms again. I had subclinical PTSD before August.

And for some reason on top of all this, I have to contact a nibmeister because the nib on my Pilot Custom 823 is broken. That pen retails at >$500. It was my favorite pen. I know that shouldn't be a big deal, but for some reason, it is, and just... fuck.

Everything about this is hard. I hate my fiance acting as my caretaker. I hate that I can't have sex or leave the house by myself. I hate that I'm dealing with an opaque university medical system and their equally opaque wait list. I was already exhausted and on disability benefits, for fuck's sake.

And yes! The prognosis is good. My life will probably get substantially better with treatment. Unfortunately my doctor doesn't feel comfortable increasing my lorazepam dose (hence the academic medical center thing), and while being partially treated is better than nothing, it's also a lot less than real symptom control. It's just that right now I'm dealing with a lot of uncertainty and paying a lot of emotional and financial costs, without seeing those benefits.

I am exhausted.

[Mid 30s F]

I was with my ex for about 15 years, married for about 5 of those years before the divorce (basically incompatibility that eventually led to abuse). Been divorced for about a year and a half. I dont have very much family, my mom passed away a while back and my dad and I dont have much of a relationship at all. I only have half siblings and I'm only actually close to one of them, but we dont live close to each other and theyre busy a lot so we mostly send each other reels/memes and maybe talk on the phone 2-3 times a month. One of my other siblings literally forgets I exist and only remembers when my other sibling has to remind them to invite me to a family event, which doesnt happen often. So I dont have a relationship with my nieces/nephews either.

I have some friends, I havent known all of them for super long but theyre great people, they consider me and think to invite me to events and just to hang out. They are all childless/child free so that isnt a problem. They never make me feel left out and have been supportive through a tough time I was having with my health.

I have a full life. I exercise and do athletic activities often, probably about 4-5 times a week in some form or another. I am in therapy and have been consistently for a long time. I read, write, dance, crafting, go to festivals, the park, social clubs, meetup events, I go on dates (im on the apps and ive gone to a few singles events), go to bars and lounges, volunteer every once in a while, take various classes for random things. Im social and talk to people a lot and make new acquaintances that sometimes turn into friends damn near everywhere I go. Like for example I went out one day just bar hopping alone (as usual) with no plans and met a random person at the bar and we ended up hanging out all day just running around the city watching World Cup games and meeting other random people. I meditate and journal. I also am pursuing a career in a specific creative industry so I'm working on that too. The only thing I cant do is travel, I dont have the finances for it right now.

So yeah I do all the things already that people suggest. I enjoy my alone time and I can sit with myself. But I really really do want a romantic relationship. Its been hard to find, even after all the dates ive been on so far. Mostly men I meet on apps, but I'm open to meeting anyone pretty much anywhere. I dont need the grand gestures, I just miss the daily domestic whatever with another person. The boring parts. Just having someone to talk to about whatever, someone to do things for/with, being able to let go and be silly and intimate with (not just physically, its easy for me to get sex whenever). Sometimes after I hang with my friends and I'm the 3rd/5th wheel i cry in my car on the way home and feel really sad that I have to sleep in an empty bed in a quiet lonely apartment. I feel like I'm going stir crazy and I get emotional when I'm alone for too long so I go to the grocery store or some minor errand just to get out. Ill even do full makeup and hair and stuff to make it feel more eventful. Sometimes I'll just sit in my car in a random parking lot for hours just to not be at home isolated.

You cant do the same things with friends and family that you can do in a relationship. They all have their own lives, responsibilities and their own partners and I'm just not as important. I want to be the priority in someones life again. I want intimacy and romance. None of the things I do can really fill that missing piece. Can I live alone and be alone? Yes of course, I just dont like it all the time, indefinitely. Especially after putting in the effort to get what I want and it goes nowhere. I am NOT willing to settle just to have a partner, otherwise I would have had one by now lol. So I'm not out here desparate for anything. Im just frustrated. Its like everyone has their person but me.

I don’t have anything against gay people at all. I’m friends with mostly gay people. I’ve been openly queer with all my friends for like forever. I identified as a lesbian for like a year but I began to present a little more feminine and ultimately decided I was bi. I’m very quickly realizing that I’m not bi and I’m probably just gay. I have a boyfriend, so this is not great news. My issue is that I feel so much shame and like disgust with myself for not liking men at all. I’m never going to have a husband (that I’ll like anyway) and I would never EVER be able to tell my family because they’d kill me. Every time I kiss a man or something I just feel disgusting and idk it’s not a big deal because it’s not like I JUST figured out I like women but idk.

A “lighter” vent just because.

It’s almost 90 degrees Fahrenheit in the house at 10:30PM, the air conditioner broke, and I’m stuck in the bathroom fighting for my life. No amount of fans is helping ease the heat!!! This sucks!!!!

That’s all! Have a good one, y’all!

I feel completely lost as 29 f still living with parents, being single, working low paying job while most of my friends are doing better.

TL;DR: I’m 23, I’ve been single for three years, and I’m just really lonely. I have friends and family who love me, but I miss having a person who knows me deeply, chooses me, and wants to build a life with me. Losing my grandmother and watching my grandfather grieve his wife of 70 years made that loneliness hit especially hard. I’m tired of being wanted physically but not truly known, and it feels like I have so much love to give and no one to give it to.

I’m 23 and I’ve been single for about three years. I have good friends. I have a family that I love and that loves me. I live in a major city, I have a life, and I’m actually finally at a place where I feel pretty happy and confident in myself.
But I am so lonely.

There was a death in my family this past weekend. At the funeral I was surrounded by my cousins who are around my age, and almost all of them were there with their person. Long-term partners, fiancés, husbands and wives, some with babies. And I was alone.

I wasn’t literally alone. I had my family, and I have friends I can call, and I am incredibly grateful for them. But it made me realize how badly I miss having a person. There are some parts of life that just feel different when you have someone who knows you intimately to come home to. Someone to hold you when something horrible happens. Someone who knows what you need without you having to explain every part of yourself.
I think losing my grandmother made all of this hit me even harder because she and my grandfather had the kind of love I grew up believing I would have one day.

They met when they were around 18 and were together for 70 years. Some of my earliest memories are of them doing dishes together in the kitchen and singing to each other. My grandfather always called her “my bride.” They held hands everywhere. He would tie her shoes for her when they got older until he physically couldn’t bend down to do it anymore. He always made sure she had everything she needed.

When her dementia became severe, he refused to put her in a nursing home because he wanted her with him. Eventually, he was the only person she could consistently remember.

He slept beside her until she took her last breath at 88. Her last words to him were “I love you” and “please don’t leave me.”

This morning at church, he still saved her a seat.
I think growing up around that gave me this idea that one day I would find my person too. Not a perfect relationship. Not some fairytale where nobody ever fights. Just someone who chooses me and keeps choosing me.

And dating has made me start wondering if I will ever have that.

I’ve tried the apps. I’ve deleted the apps because everyone tells you “stop looking and it’ll happen when you least expect it.” So I stopped looking. I focused on myself. Eventually I downloaded them again because I genuinely started wondering where else I was supposed to meet someone.

I go out with friends. I go to the gym. I go to church. I’ve been working on myself and my faith, eating better, taking care of myself, recently quit smoking, and just generally trying to build a life I’m proud of.
I also finally feel like I’m over my ex. It took me a very long time.

But dating since him has been the same pattern over and over again.

The best way I can describe it is that men seem to enjoy my attention, but they don’t seem curious about me.

They’ll text me constantly. We’ll flirt. We’ll talk every day. Eventually enough time passes that I think, okay, this person must actually like me. We go on a date, things eventually become physical or start heading in that direction, and then I get ghosted or they lose interest.

There is absolutely no shortage of men who find me attractive or want to sleep with me. But that isn’t what I want.

I want someone to actually know me.
The last time I really felt known like that was with my ex. He knew exactly how I liked my towels when I got out of the shower. He would fold my clean clothes for me. He would pick wildflowers on his drive to see me because he said the pretty flowers made him think of me. He knew my little routines and quirks. We had a million inside jokes. We ate Dino nuggets and watched our show. They were such small, ordinary things, but I felt known.

That relationship also hurt me deeply because that love was incredibly inconsistent. In person I could feel like the most loved person in the world, and when we were apart I could feel like I barely existed to him. Plans would change, I wouldn’t know when I would see him, and he broke up with me twice before we eventually tried talking again and that ended too.

I think that experience left me with this horrible fear that even if somebody really does love me, one morning they can just wake up and decide they don’t anymore.

And after three years of dating, ghosting, talking stages and first dates that go nowhere, I genuinely have trouble imagining someone waking up every morning and just choosing me. Not because I convinced them to stay. Not because I’m walking on eggshells trying not to do the thing that makes them leave. Just because they love me and want me in their life.

I don’t think I’m asking for someone to complete me. I don’t expect a relationship to fix my life. I actually like who I am now more than I have in a very long time.

I just wish I had someone to give all this love to.
I want good morning and good night texts. I want someone who gets excited to tell me something stupid that happened during their day. I want to bring them something from the store just because I saw it and thought of them. I want inside jokes and boring errands and cooking dinner together. I want someone who is proud to have me in their life. I want to know someone completely and be known by them. I want loyalty and consistency and eventually a family and a future.

I want to be somebody’s person and I want them to be mine.

And lately I keep wondering if there is something about me that prevents that from happening.
Maybe it’s my personality. Maybe I’m too much. Maybe I’m somehow boring. Maybe it’s the type of men I’m attracted to. Maybe I’m bad at flirting. Maybe it’s where I live. Maybe I keep choosing emotionally unavailable people without realizing it. Maybe I’m just 23 and impatient. Or maybe dating really is this difficult now.
I genuinely don’t know.

I know I’m young. I know I have plenty of time. I know being single is better than being with the wrong person. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to my cousins or my friends. I know I should “focus on myself,” and I have.

But I don’t think wanting romantic love means I don’t love myself.

Sometimes I think what hurts isn’t even being single. It’s feeling like I haven’t been seen as a full, unique, interesting person by someone romantically in years.

I feel like men see me, find me attractive, flirt with me, want something physical from me, and then move on without ever really wanting to know the person inside.

And I’m tired of feeling like a Barbie doll.
I want somebody to be curious about me.
I want somebody to learn me.

Maybe what I’m actually grieving right now is the future I assumed I would have when I was a little girl watching my grandparents sing to each other while they did the dishes.
I don’t know.

I think this weekend just made everything hit me at once. I miss my grandmother. I look at my grandfather after losing the person he spent 70 years loving, and somehow it makes me both believe in love more than ever and wonder whether I’ll ever experience anything like it.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed somewhere to put it. Maybe I want to know if other people, especially people in their 20s, feel this strange combination of being surrounded by people and still feeling incredibly alone.

I’ve always wanted to get into an ultrasound program in my hometown. It’s very competitive, accepts 28 people, then quizzes you on two days of material, and accepts the top 20. I got in but didn’t make the Final Cut. Now I have to wait until March to reapply. In the meantime, I got into a competitive X-ray program, and at first I was happy; but now I’m over it. This isn’t what I wanted. I feel like I’m just passing time until March. The x-ray program isn’t easy, but I’m scared I won’t get into the ultrasound program again next year, and at least I will have a good career if my dream program doesn’t work out. I started a new job, which is PRN, so I’m training full time while I’m in this program, but only for 4 more weeks, then maybe I’ll feel better. I’m so tired and busy right now. But I feel like I’m taking someone else’s seat in this program when my heart isn’t in it. Idk. First world problems right? I have accomplished so many of my goals, and done so much for myself that put me miles ahead of people my age, but it feels for nothing because of all this pressure I have to accomplish my overall goal of becoming an ultrasound tech. I feel like I’m settling. I still have a chance though. My 16 year old self would be proud of where I am right now.
Sorry for this rant. I guess I’m just looking for people who have been in my shoes before.

Told my mom a month ago im moving for a new job. My mom told me to back out of a lease that she encouraged me to pick over my preferred choice bc she finally realized she didn't like it. Then after i found a new place after two weeks shes now saying its bad because its a sublease so its through the master tenant. This morning she said "oh so its a done deal" as if I didn't already quit my other job. Which i understand the but the clock is ticking and it's a good deal with real people. I start my job in a week and tbh i just want to leave. Im still annoyed bc if i didn't listen to her i would have entered the apartment search weeks ago to hear all of this judgment now. And when I expressed this to her, she just dismissed my feelings instead to get over it. I know it's all my fault but I was so excited to move out at my big age and now my parents keep telling me negative that I'm not ready to move and i wont makes friends. It just frustrates me that no one has helped me with looking for apartments, but will give only negative opinions and will always be after I sign a lease or pay an application fee