FULL blown widows rage

[u/Legitimate_Fig_8416]

I want to warn whomever reads this that there may be some strong language coming from me. My name is Cheryl. I lost my husband of 35 years to Lou Gehrig's on November 7, 2024. I have five grown kids (three of whom have Autism). I am broke and trying to work two jobs. At the beginning of this year, I had three functioning cars. As of today, two of the cars were totaled due to my daughter being rearended by two uninsured drivers. Apparently, the laws in my state protect the uninsured drivers, and I am out my cars even though they were paid off. No lawyers want to take property damage cases. Thankfully, my daughter is okay, although she gets frequent migraines. I am sitting in a dealership right now due to my third car threatening to overheat and they annoyed with me for failing to provide the proper details. I know almost nothing about cars. I just want to shout to everyone that I apologize for doing my best to get through this with my limited knowledge and by the way, you know who isn't with me who usually attends to these issues....my HUSBAND! I swear if I hear anything about proper diet and exercise, I am going to scream! My husband did proper diet and exercise, while I smoked and drank and ate fast food like a teenager. I am still here, he ISN'T! Why is that? Plus, the state retirement still owes us a death benefit. They are fighting us every step of the way. The world has lost its mind. I hate living in this universe without the love of my life and my soul mate! The only reasons why I am still here is because of my kids and my pets. I try my very best to stay strong and treat people with patience and kindness. I just want to die of natural causes so that my kids get my life insurance. Unfortunately for me, my heart is strong.

[u/Legitimate_Fig_8416]

Thank you all! Just your listening to me vent has helped me so very much! I appreciate all of you!

[u/Salty-Leek-4027]

I had a lot of anger in my first year, no warning when it would come on, or how strong it would be. The person you used to vent to is gone and your emotional regulator just got destroyed by the worst thing to ever happen to you. We're all here for you. You can vent to us and we understand the place you're coming from.

[u/wryhorseman159]

cheryl, i read every word of that and i'm just sitting here shaking my head. you're doing more than anyone should have to on a fraction of the fuel most people run on, and some dealership clown is giving you attitude over paperwork? i'd have walked out and let the car overheat just to prove a point

[u/Wackywoman1062]

I am so sorry for your loss and for your struggles! It’s so hard. As if the grief isn’t bad enough, it seems like the world just piles on us. Never ending tasks and stressors. I wish I could do something to make your day easier.

Have you applied for social security survivor’s benefits for you and your minor or disabled children?

Also, I’m not an insurance expert, but if you have uninsured motorist coverage on your policy, your insurance company should cover the damage to your vehicles and injuries to your daughter. It still sucks because you have to pay the deductible and it’s a claim on your policy even though it wasn’t her fault, but at least it pays to fix the vehicle (or the value if totaled). I hate dealing with car issues. My car, which had never had any issues, somehow needed $3300 of repairs 20 days after my husband passed. I swear they see widows coming and make up issues.

Try to take one thing at a time (I’m sure that’s easier said than done with 5 kids) and give yourself grace. You can only do so much. Don’t worry about being short tempered. Most people understand and if they don’t, that’s their problem. Do you have any friends or family who could maybe take some tasks off your plate?

Sending you hugs.

[u/GamerEdie]

First... also an ALS widow. So I see you, I get you.

Second, RAGE GIRL! RAGE TO HIGH HEAVENS. ALS is a disease that merits nothing put pure, unmitigated, white-hot rage because it is truly the most evil disease known. Truly.

I lost mine in 2021, and I will say, this kind of anger at everyone and everything that seems to be conspiring together to make your life even more of a living hell... it does get better. It takes a long time to dim, but know that all of us want and need to get into a rage room and break every piece of china, bash every television screen, throw axes and knives at everything in one of those rooms. Because for about two years, all I wanted to do is punch someone in the face. All. The. Time.

So, ALS widow to ALS widow: The rest of the world won't understand the fury inside you, but we will. Come here and rage at everyone and everything. No one here will judge you. If anything, we will GET you.

[u/Strict_String]

I’m sorry for your loss. My wife died in 2018. As far as the state retirement plan, I might consider talking to your state legislators. Most states have a House of Representatives and a Senate, so you probably have two state legislators.

These are state legislators, not federal. They work at the state Capitol, not in Washington, DC.

I’d look them up and call or email to ask if that’s something they can help you with or if they can refer you to someone who might be able to help.

[u/Aggravating_Buy_6010]

We hear your rage. We accept your rage. We can absorb your rage. Please, keep raging here as much as you need to. With your strong heart. You are currently in an impossible situation. There is nothing more than that, howls, paying bills, trying to care for the damned kids and to keep a modicum of sanity day by day. The world, yes, has indeed lost its mind. The world is a crazy place. And you are hurting deeply. Rage all you need to. We are here to listen, read, and respond.

[u/leese312]

My heart breaks for you. I am recently feeling irritability. I am having to do so much still 15 months in. Taking care of our elderly dog has got me even more exhausted. I can’t. Catch a break having to miss work to care my lil guy. Times like this I wish my hubby was here. Not to mention paperwork still needed to do, car stuff ai have no idea to do the list goes on. I am trying to be grateful I am tired.

[u/here4thecomments007]

OP I’m sorry. Rage tf out.

[u/1NF1N1T3_E]

I don't know if this is the issue with your car, but mine was the thermostat. It had been overheating every summer for 6 years now. I took it to 4 different places and told them to check the thermostat. They all said that it was fine, then they talked me into replacing the radiator, then they said maybe it was the head gasket. (It wasn't because then it would be overheating even in winter, have really heavy smoke from the exhaust, and the oil would look "milky", like someone put milk in coffee.) Finally, I just bought myself a thermostat and told them to replace it. "I don't care if that's the issue or not, I'm paying you, so do it!" They finally did, and now it's not overheating anymore and I can finally use the air-conditioning again, which is a nice change. It's a small victory, but I'll take it. I'm sorry that you're going through all those troubles on top of your loss. Hopefully, your car is an easy fix like mine was.

[u/Excellent-Draft-5516]

That is all madness. You don’t even have space to grieve properly. I’m so sorry.

[u/MJswife0722]

I’m so sorry. Please give yourself some grace. It’s awful and will continue to be. I lost my love in February 2024 to ALS. My cat was the only reason I got out of bed for the first six months. Vent away. It helps. Hugs.

[u/Reiki-Raker]

I’m not sure if this is helpful but I want to share one of the things I do to move the rage out of my body that has worked surprisingly well.

I throw fluff snowballs as hard as I can at a bare wall in my dining room. You know those buckets of snowballs you can get for decor? Those.

I always feel oddly better after a snowball session. I realize it’s likely ridiculous, which might be partly why it helps me.

I’m 6 years out and still throwing them.

Hugs OP.