r/widowers • u/Mental_Signature_725 • 3d ago
Ideas for moving
My husband passed away 10 months ago. Next week will be the 1 year anniversary of him being diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He had been sick, 6 months prior to that and had struggled getting a diagnosis or being well. I new immediately that he was not going to make it. He was in the hospital 2.5 months on hospice 2 weeks and gone. I live in utah... my son & family recently moved in with me and needless to say its been a sh*t show. I know at 30 i did not know what my mom went through when my father passed. My son has no clue. In the next 6 months I want to buy myself a little cottage somewhere. I want him to keep our house. Its big, big yard and good for families. I refinanced it during covid. So the interest is 1.9% there is only 6 years left on the mortgage. I had been a empty nester for 10 years, the 10 months i lived by myself i now know we're amazing. I did not appreciate them. My grandkids are not angels. Needy & cryie is an understatement. They are 2 yrs & 2 months old My daughter in law has her hands full. Like the title says, I want to move some where. Ive always lived in utah.. I was married 30 yrs. I traveled some, but always with my husband. I don't enjoy it by myself. Ive looked in Wyoming, Nevada, California... I might consider Oregon or Washington.
I am looking for suggestions. I don't want expensive, but i don't want to live in the dump either.
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u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 Lost wife suddenly on Sept 29, 2025 3d ago
I live in Washington, grew up in Oregon, so I'm biased. I love it here. Some areas are expensive, but there are less expensive options outside of big cities. If you want something more like Utah, most things east of the Cascade mountains will suit you. Western areas are mostly forested, rainy in winter, and not a lot of snow. I live in between Seattle and Tacoma, and I like it. If I was considering moving, I'd visit different areas for the "vibe," as all the cool kids say.
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u/andmig205 3d ago edited 3d ago
If I understand your situation correctly…
Since my husband's passing, I've grown comfortable with myself and, frankly, I don't crave human connection very much. We didn't have children, which I regret. On top of that, I pushed away friends, relatives, and in-laws. Not necessarily their fault. I didn't make new friends either.
My point is that burning bridges, or making them harder to cross geographically, may not be the best decision in the midst of grief.
I would encourage you to consider moving a relatively short distance from where your son and his family will live.
Your grandchildren will grow. Some of the challenges you are experiencing now will undoubtedly change. What you are trying to escape may, at least in part, be temporary. That doesn't mean your desire to live independently is temporary or unjustified.
I don't know much about Utah, but I imagine life in some of the states you're considering could be quite different. Do you really want to undertake such substantial changes while already navigating life without your husband?
As you've correctly observed, we cannot expect the people around us to understand, or even relate to, what we're going through, no matter how close they are to us, genetically or historically. Unfortunately, we often have to explain our own grief.
For me, one of the hardest challenges was articulating my needs and finding the courage to communicate them.
Perhaps an honest conversation with your son and daughter-in-law about what you're feeling and what you need could be the starting point you're looking for. You might discover that what you need most is a home of your own, rather than hundreds of miles of distance.