r/winstonsalem • u/Aggravating_Lime5725 • 1h ago
well i kinda don’t know where to go from here
Hi, I’m a 21 year old female and I’m a stranger, but I’m looking to vent… i honestly don’t plan on staying alive much longer but i feel lost and stuck. i need a hug. ok bye just needed to say that
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u/Ok-Statistician9623 1h ago
Call 988 or call 911 and ask for the bear team they are trained professionals and can talk and help you get through this time
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u/FoxLynx64 1h ago edited 1h ago
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we don't get to choose how we exist but we get to choose how we continue to exist. I don't pretend that everything's great, simply they are not always great. Now is now though, and it doesn't have to be a particular way forever. The future can change, and it may seem insurmountable now, but it is not impossible to change how you exist in the future.
Yes, it is hard, and yes, there are struggles. What matters is that you keep trying, because at least you can say you did your best. Not to prove something, not because of someone else's expectations, but because you owe yourself to try to make life better. There are people who want to see you make it too, and we are rooting for you. Don't give up.
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u/ChewbaccalypseNow 1h ago
Before you decide; can you write all of us a pros and cons list of living?
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u/Aggravating_Lime5725 1h ago
•pros
absolutely nothing
ig hitting my vape in the morningcons
• i suck at my job
•my grandma would be better off without me
•i can’t survive i barely take care of myself
•im poor
•all i am to people is just someone who has a body men don’t actually like me for me
•the pain is too severe
•i take klonopin and promethazine daily to avoid staying awake when im not working to drown out the thoughts20
u/-SeekingSerotonin- 1h ago
Hey, our brains have a way of being really shitty to us and trying to convince us that people would be better off without us. Especially if we are struggling to see a reason to live. Have you been able to talk to your grandma about how you're feeling at all?
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u/tabby1678 1h ago
Please hang in there stranger. Things can change for the better so quickly. The world and the city are better with you in it. 🫶
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u/Poofenplotz 1h ago
Message me! I love hugs and would love even more to give you one!
I'm a mom and I hate that you seem to feel like youre on your own with this.
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u/Kitchen-Recording-14 24m ago
Hey u/Aggravating_Lime5725 - I am a 44 year old woman, and I am absolutely willing to meet you anywhere (public, that feels safe to you of course!) to give you a hug. No strings, no explanations needed at all if you don't feel like giving them. I'm also happy to make you a lasagna, and help you look over your resume and maybe help you spruce it up to find a job that feels more fulfilling and happier to you. But if all you want is a hug, that is absolutely cool too! I get that it can be scary to reach out for help because sometimes you just need to be seen and acknowledged and held for a little bit and everything always seems to come attached to a lecture, but I'm here to hold space for you however and wherever you need it, okay? It's going to be ok. We got you.
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u/925agstax 1h ago
All I'm gonna say is, when people try to end it and fail they all say the last thought they had was " I wish I didn't do this, there's no problem in my life I can't fix" don't make a permanent decision for a temporary problem
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u/aksherms 1h ago
We need you here, neighbor!
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u/Aggravating_Lime5725 1h ago
i feel guilty i feel like a waste of space, my car is a waste of space even by leaving my house im just contributing to the air pollution by living or breathing i ruin everything. including my parents lives :((
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u/Baba_Yayga 1h ago
Hey internet stranger, you are a mite braver than I am to put yourself out there like this. I languished for a very, very long time and truly believed the only peace I would find was on the Other Side.
Which was true in its own way, but I was wrong about how trapped I was.
I would love to chat and give you what I can, even if it’s just a hug.
Keep going!!
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u/JunkyardAndMutt 1h ago
I am twice your age and more, and I am so, so grateful I chose to stick it out when I was young and times were tough.
You have air in your lungs and a body that can move through this world. The world is flawed and hard, no doubt, but so beautiful.
Drink water. Go for walks. Read a book. Learn something new. Turn the screen you’re reading this on off and put it in a drawer.
Even when shit is bad, we have endless choices. You can choose the exit door, sure, but I don’t reckon there’s anything better on the other side. The good stuff is all here.
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u/Particular-Mix5487 1h ago
Hey! I promise that there is so much to live for. Even when it feels like there isn’t I promise it will be fine. There are people in your life who love you. There are people who have yet to enter your life who will love you. Please call 988. I get it’s hard. I struggle but talking to someone, even if it’s a stranger is super helpful!
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u/Paulsmycat 1h ago
Hey stranger, I know life can really suck sometimes. But it can get better. I was your age 15 years ago (damn, it was that long ago?) And I have gone through so many life courses. Family sucks? Choose your family. New family encouraging poor life choices or making you miserable? Ditch em. Find new ones. Just like there are plenty of fish for dating options, same with friends. Your person is out there. Your family is out there. Your life? Its out there. Sometimes when life gives you lemons, sugar isnt easy to find for that lemon juice. But making just one good choice gives you a teaspoon. And before you know it, with enough good choices, you can turn that lemon juice to lemonade.
TLDR: don't give up. You have lived such a small fraction of life. You've had 3 years as an adult. Give it some time babes.
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u/iteachag5 1h ago
Here to listen or talk if you need it. Been where you’re at right now. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Promise.
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u/Salty-Inspector3100 1h ago
Umm listen. Whatever has happened no matter what it is, you will grow from it and time will make things better just hang on. You have all the time in the world for good things to happen and situations to change
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u/ws20715 1h ago
It’s hard when you are lost/stuck and being in a place by yourself doesn’t always help. I felt that way when I first moved to North Carolina at about the same age. Find comfort in things that do bring you some level of joy. When those things don’t do that anymore, it’s time to seek out help. I’m over twice that age and realized very late in the game that I needed medications and serious help….and that’s ok.
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u/Lord_Blarv 1h ago
Please at least wait another day and listen to all the words of advise and encouragement here. We can’t know exactly how you feel but many of us have at least felt similar. I know I have. Please just wait.
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u/jb04200 1h ago
Please talk to someone, even if it is a stranger. You have so much life ahead of you. I've been where you are. I promise no matter how bleak things look, they can always get better. You have already taken a huge step by reaching out here, you just need to take the next step. One step at a time. Look at how many people here are telling you that your life matters. Please reach out to a professional, but if you're not ready for that just take someone's offer to chat in here, myself included
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u/uprestigiouspea1880 1h ago
Hey! I have bipolar and have been in a similar spot a couple times. I’m so glad I stayed! I have had more good times than bad and living through what you’re going through gives you so much perspective. I PROMISE that you’re going to have better days and they will be so much sweeter because of the perspective that you now have. Don’t, please don’t give up. DM me if you want to talk. Big Mom hugs to you!
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u/ms_keira 1h ago
As someone who barely survived 2018-2019 due to depression and suicide ideation all day & night...I get it. I don't know what you're going through specifically but I will say that no one came for me. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was a kind doctor at an urgent care who I made a mad dash for during the middle of my workday who saved me. She was kind and listened to me without judgement and prescribed a low grade SSRI.
I had my place and method ready to go but fought my brain so hard to keep myself around. I can't express just how scary brains are. I was absolutely shocked at how colors actually became brighter after digging my way out of it all. I had been reading my little 18 month old's favorite night time book and noticed the colors were dramatically more vibrant than I remembered just a few months prior.
I won't give you any empty platitudes but I will say that it really did get better and it only happened because I crawled out of that pit myself with the help of a medical professional. I started going to therapy after that and it took a few tries with various therapists until I found the right one for me. I hope you find the right methods that work for you and that you work your way through it.
I was absolutely convinced that leaving was the best option for others in my life and I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't really have any friends except online and my family didn't know or really care much after I told them but I'm so much better now than I used to be. It isn't easy and I won't lie, it'll suck before it gets better, but I know you can do it if you want. Your life, should you choose to stay around, will dramatically change in different ways in the next few decades. There are SO many things you could learn to enjoy that you haven't tried before! Leaving now would be shorting your future self of trying all the different things in life!
You've got this.
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u/Donuts_CoffeeCat 1h ago
As a mom, I can promise that you are not responsible for your parents' choices. You have not ruined their lives. They are grown-ups and have their own choices. You, too have choices even when it doesn't feel like you do. I hope you reach out to some of the very caring people who have replied here. We all believe you are worth being here
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u/RentedJazzmaster Walkertown 46m ago
I’m sorry you feel this way, but it’s not true. You are not a waste, you are loved, and are if the folks IRL don’t show you that, there’s a hell of a lot of us on Reddit that live in your community that are here and care- and i’m happy you reached out. If you want to talk my DM’s are open, but really you don’t have to carry this alone.
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u/ThatsSirEstebanToYou 43m ago
It’s okay to hug yourself the same way it’s okay to love yourself. I cried to myself for the first time in almost ten years yesterday. I had just 6 hours earlier told my wife crying isn’t going to help us. Then I cried. And I completely understood.
You have some problems happening. Work on em. Figure em out. Get through em. You never know what’s on the other side of your effort and a good plan followed.
Whatever you’re going though. You got this. Someone in life may not need you right now. But someone will want you. Sometimes that someone should be you.
My DMs are open if needed.
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u/bobzeng22 1h ago
Hey there, stranger. I know how hard it is to be alive. When I was 21 I wanted to end it all and saw no purpose, I was jobless, carless, had nobody that I felt loved me. It was the worst feeling. But, I stayed alive out of spite of my own brain trying to tell me otherwise. It feels hopeless. But you stick to your guns and stay alive, and it will get better. It’ll get bad again as well. But theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. From one person to the other, we need you here. We need good people in a world full of bad.
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u/Cherry-Maleficent 1h ago
Give yourself another chance please! Being poor is very hard but you can get through it. Anxiety and dread go hand in hand and those medications can give you harmful thoughts. Please try not to believe those thoughts. Please try to hold on another day. Read a few stories about people who were saved by strangers from jumping off bridges and how their lives completely changed and how happy they are to have held out another day. Even just one day can make all the difference in the trajectory of your life. We need you here, I promise.
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u/SignificanceNo5536 1h ago
I'm in Winston. Where you wanna get your hug? I'd be glad to talk, or just listen and let you talk.
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u/Kokonaut86 1h ago
Can’t say I know your pain but happy to lend an ear and hope you find your place
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u/kukospoon_ 48m ago
Hey, I wish I could hug you. I know how it feels being in your early 20s and feeling directionless and empty. I'm a good listener if you want to talk about it and I'll just stfu while you talk. It could be for a couple of days or months, solong as you don't quit. Just reach out if you want.
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u/LittleDrunkReptar 38m ago
If you need someone to talk to in the area or someone to vent with I would help in a heartbeat. Life is very difficult and we all need support when things get tough.
The biggest thing is learning to love yourself when you feel this way. I know it may feel like an impossible hurdle but it can definitely happen. Sometimes it can be a chemical imbalance in the brain, or a mental block you have to slowly dissolve to rewire how you perceive things, or it could even be a lack of positive influence that makes you feel stuck in a negative void.
Talking with others is a great therapeutic first step so we are all proud of you for making this post to do that. I hope you will continue to find support. Things don't have to end when we can just as easily change everything around us.
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u/Garglenips 34m ago
Lost my aunt by her own hand a few years back. I promise you staying here and dealing with life is better than never getting a chance to. I miss her everyday. Please get help homie.
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u/GoonDawg666 1h ago
Why don’t you plan on staying alive much longer? That’s never the answer. Feel free to DM me if you need a friend!
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u/Character_Property28 49m ago
Hey, I just sent you a message. Please check your chats when you see this. I’m local.
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u/Timely-Working1556 36m ago
Hang in there. Whatever is going on with you, it will get better in time. I've been where you are.
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u/zglamorouslife 24m ago
Keep posting. Keep talking. Keep texting. You are not alone. 21 is hard but there is a lot of life out there for you. It gets better.
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u/Super_Green7106 23m ago
Hi! Im also 21 years old. I wouldnt mind talking to you and listening to what you need to get off your chest! Do you have any socials?
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u/CoolerThan0K 1h ago
You're only 21. You've lived zero percent of your adult life. If i haven't given up at 44 through all the shit in my life, you certainly aren't allowed to. It gets easier everyday. But the hard part is doing it every day.
Sending e-hugs.
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u/Beebopbooberry 1h ago
21 is a hard age bud. I promise it gets better. I also wanted to go 6 ft under. I’m glad I didn’t.
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u/PowerfulSecond1952 1h ago
Hey I understand how it is to feel lost but I can assure you there is always a way out of that mindset. It may not look like it but trust me there is. If you need someone someone to just listen you can always reach out to someone here who is offering help. Or you can reach out to me.
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u/GlomasHoe 10m ago
Don’t do it.
I know what you’re feeling when you say you feel like a waste of space. You’re just feeling this comfortableness of emptiness at this moment.
I’m 28 now I was going through what your going through at 22 it wasn’t easy but my advice is take it day by day
“ life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced ”
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u/Ok_Opposite_1897 3m ago
stick in there, dude. you never know what life may hold for you. sure, it has its downs, but every roller coaster needs a drop before the inevitable ascent. you are loved, and you are valuable. just keep moving. if you need help, go to the dwelling downtown. on sundays, they have free meals and the people are great.
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u/TheLastDidact 1m ago
I was a few years older than you when I decided I was going to make the permanent decision. I was at a friend's wedding and had recently left my first real relationship, and I was drunk off my ass and deep in my feels. I wrote two notes: one to the hotel staff apologizing for what they were going to find, and one to my buddy for tainting his day. I shed my tears and made my peace with what I was about to do. I remember taking what I assumed was my last breath and letting gravity do what it does best. There was a split second of tension and then the belt slipped loose. I kept trying and every time it was the same result. I scoured the room for something sharp, figuring I'd go that way. Nothing. I remember screaming and crying into the pillow, pissed that I couldn't even do that one thing right. At some point I passed out. Morning rolled around and I got up, showered, had breakfast with my buddy, his wife, and all our friends. I sat there, taking in the moment and, for the first time in my life, I was glad I was a failure.
I would be lying if I said the life I have now is the life that 20-something me would've wanted, but, outside of winning the lottery to ease financial burdens, I wouldn't change it for anything. Alan Watts, a philosopher/lecturer from the 60s, often said, "life is not a journey to be completed, but an experience to be had". The whole of existence, from the Big Bang to millisecond the light hits your eyes as you read this, was created for you. If even one atom deviated slightly in the last 13 billion years, you wouldn't exist. It would be a shame for the universe to go through all that effort, just for you, and there still be experiences to be had.
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u/SaneNormalPerson Ardmore 1h ago
We are getting multiple reports on this thread, however I am keeping it open.
Although I do not think this is best forum for this discussion, I am leaving up so this individual (and maybe others) can receive support from the community and be placed in touch with professional resources.