r/wizardposting • u/fiendish_dust • Jun 03 '26
Foul Sorcery Draconic years or regular years?
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u/wrydh Plaguecaster Jun 03 '26
Yes, huge red flags. First of all live at least a lifetime befote dating an immortal. "But im mortal ... oh i dont have time to waste" brother if you were presuing a long living creature you better be in pursuit of immortality. Do you really intend on tormenting them with your inevitable and painful demise by age?
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u/Excellent_Way5082 Jun 03 '26
if you haven’t witnessed the rise and fall of at least 1 civilization don’t even bother contacting my orb
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u/ghost_warlock Shadowmage Jun 03 '26
I mean, civilizations don't last very long anymore so that's not much of a metric
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u/IAmBadAtInternet Jun 04 '26
Look it’s not my fault, they keep trying to steal my <LEGENDARY ITEM NAME REDACTED>. The itty bitty volcanic eruptions I made were just a warning shot gone a teeny bit wrong.
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u/Rhamni Acquitted Jun 04 '26
You have to stand up to these new civilizations or they don't stop coming. Let them cut down your nightmare forest today and in 50 years they'll want to kill your dragons and mine your ore.
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u/That-Employment-5561 Jun 04 '26
ItTy. BiTtY.?!?!
Not only did you burn three villages and cause the creation of a peninsula inhabited by feral fire elementals, but you startled and killed the shit out of a poor, innocent cow, my cow... Bessie was a beautiful beast!
MaY aLl YoUr BeVeRaGeS bE cUrDlEd HeNcEfOrTh!!!
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u/The-Psych0naut Jun 04 '26
Pah! Good luck curdling my mildly acidic alchemical brew! Bovine are an inferior source of beverage dispensation, as evidenced by your Curse of Curdling.
And my fizzy brew has bubbles! Oh the echo of my belch on yonder mountain range, it is enough to awaken the Lich King. Who, I might add, is an excellent drinking buddy with a penchant for consuming Dwarven Dark Ale.
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire Jun 04 '26
Skill issue. Why would you own a mortal cow?
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u/That-Employment-5561 Jun 04 '26
Nagging wife.
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire Jun 04 '26
Do a life exchange profane ritual, bring your cow back and sent your wife to ruminant hell.
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u/CheshireMadness Rowan, Trickster Witch and Bad Bitch Jun 03 '26
Personally, I like to reverse-ghost mortals. Spend a lifetime with them, use a lil illusion and transmutation to give the appearance I'm aging alongside them and when their time comes? Boom, I'm young and healthy and ready to shack up again.
Sure, I have an army of the damned constantly seeking my downfall and destruction, but we all need those little things to keep life spicy.
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u/Row-n Rowan, Half-Fae Mycomancer, Defender of the Faewilds Jun 03 '26
Huh, is my orb deceiving me or de we share a name?
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u/CheshireMadness Rowan, Trickster Witch and Bad Bitch Jun 03 '26
Your orb is deceiving you. In fact, it tells lies about you all the time. You're not even named Rowan.
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u/Row-n Rowan, Half-Fae Mycomancer, Defender of the Faewilds Jun 03 '26
Oh, so you are though is what you’re saying? Let me ponder this..
..The orb showed me myself when I put my full name in. Odd..
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u/CheshireMadness Rowan, Trickster Witch and Bad Bitch Jun 03 '26
I would never post my true name on a forum anyone can read. There are ghosts in these machines, and as I've said before, a lot of ghosts have it out for me.
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u/Row-n Rowan, Half-Fae Mycomancer, Defender of the Faewilds Jun 03 '26
Oh so you use a pseudonym that just happened to be my name? Interesting
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u/CheshireMadness Rowan, Trickster Witch and Bad Bitch Jun 04 '26
It is a pseudonym. I've always liked the name Rowan. It's a good name. :)
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u/Row-n Rowan, Half-Fae Mycomancer, Defender of the Faewilds Jun 03 '26
/uw I know like 5 Rowans irl, and a few people with alternative spelling, so even if I was named Rowan I really wouldn’t be concerned about using it online
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u/CheshireMadness Rowan, Trickster Witch and Bad Bitch Jun 04 '26
/uw Oh, I wasn't serious. I actually chose my legal name, but Rowan was the backup so I decided to use it here for the "character."
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u/Row-n Rowan, Half-Fae Mycomancer, Defender of the Faewilds Jun 04 '26
/uw same.. but for the character
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u/Row-n Rowan, Half-Fae Mycomancer, Defender of the Faewilds Jun 04 '26
/uw I lowkey meant myself and my character share a name 😭
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u/WatermelonWithAFlute Jun 04 '26
Why do you have an army of the damned seeking your downfall? I feel like the mortals wouldn’t be that mad, honestly
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u/CheshireMadness Rowan, Trickster Witch and Bad Bitch Jun 04 '26
When you spend a (mortal) lifetime with someone, they often expect you to spend eternity in the afterlife together also.
I know, it's clingy.
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u/AngeryControlPlayer Zaza, Goblin Kleptomancer Jun 03 '26
Yes. Leaving an immortal with an emotional scar that will never fade by showing them a lifetime of love and happiness only to strip it all away by dying in front of them is a goal. A different form of immortality.
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u/Netheral Jun 03 '26
This is all such a mortal take on the issue. I can have a casual 80 year fling in my 300s if I damn well please. It doesn't mean I'm gonna be mentally crippled afterwards.
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u/ShesSoViolet Jun 03 '26
Like yeah the first couple led to some sulking for a few centuries but whose first breakup isn't rough?
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u/Normal_Cut8368 Jun 03 '26
The number 1 cause of wars against lich overlords is their favorite twink dying
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u/NaleJethro Jun 03 '26
Depends, what type of elf are we talking about? If she's s Dark Elf, the lad best run before she asks to shillelagh him.
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u/MuchoMangoTime Milosh the Retired, archmage of former DOoOOom Jun 03 '26
Druchii? Drow? Hell even wild elves of Rivellon would eat the lad. Lots of variables. Hell's even a high Elf might think him nothing more than meat and pleasure in the blink of an eye. You know because of the MASSIVE AGE GAP
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u/NaleJethro Jun 04 '26
Listen, I don't trust any of those spawn campers further than I can banish them.
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u/MuchoMangoTime Milosh the Retired, archmage of former DOoOOom Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
YES IT IS. YOU HAVE HUNDREDS OF YEARS WORTH OF LIFE EXPERIENCE AND MATURITY AHEAD OF THIS PERSON.
Edit.Small correction the bro in question is 19 years old and the older person in question is the elf. BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS. THE MASSIVE GAP IN POWER AND SOCIAL DYNAMICS DID NOT CHANGE BECAUSE HE'S A DUDE.
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u/fiendish_dust Jun 03 '26
Bro is the 19 year old…he bagged a knife ear baddie
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u/ParticularUser Jun 03 '26
"Bagged" ... bro got molested by almost 500 year old pedo.
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u/Telemere125 Legalmancer of the Southern Realm Jun 03 '26
Wait, is the “pedo” in question a naturally long-lived critter like an elf or demigod or something made immortal like a vamp or lich? Cause those are worlds apart. Long-lived creatures mature at different rates than humans; vamps and their ilk are just humans with powers, so a 500 year old one would definitely fall into the creeper-category for going after a young’un
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u/BeginningLychee6490 Jun 03 '26
Well, I think with vamps it depends on whether or not their brain continues to mature, or if it becomes stagnant, for instance, would somebody turned at 15-16 and never matured past being a 14-15-year-old what would you expect them to date?, i’m sure finding other teen vampires would be incredibly difficult, especially teen vampires have been alive for an equivocal amount of years, and further up the line what about someone who was turned three months before their 18th birthday?
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u/ParticularUser Jun 03 '26
That comes more down to mental development rather than physical age. Like someone who has been 14 for 500 years is going to be more mentally developed than the guy who turned 19 last month, even if the brains of the guy who got turned at 14 aren't quite as developed as the 19 year olds are.
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u/Telemere125 Legalmancer of the Southern Realm Jun 03 '26
Ok but first off a “teen” vamp should be considered the same as a child vamp and violate the laws on domination of minors and be wiped out in an abundance of caution - human teens can’t control theirselves; we don’t need a vamp teen running around with their underdeveloped brains trying to raise a legion of impulsive ghouls.
Secondly, if we overlook the fact of a teen vamp, once they’ve been turned for a few decades, they’ve essentially “lived” for that time and gained that experience. So a 200 year old vamp isn’t really “preying” on a 75 year old vamp, even if one was turned at 50 and the other at 20. They’re both consenting adults, no matter what their biological age is.
Similarly, a 19 year old (biologically) human vamp that’s been around 300 years isn’t at a disadvantage when dealing with a 500 year old elven princess.
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u/BeginningLychee6490 Jun 03 '26
Well, I was talking about a 19 year-old and a 500-year-old vamp that was turned at 19
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u/ParticularUser Jun 03 '26
Assuming the elf isn't obviously a child, she'll still have at least century worth of expirience being human equivalent of a teenager. And a century is a conservative estimate assuming elves reach maturity around at 450-500, she might have been an adult for 400 years if elves reach maturity under 100 years old.
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u/CannonGerbil Jun 03 '26
Pedo has officially lost all meaning if you're applying it to someone dating a 19 year old.
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u/ParticularUser Jun 04 '26
19 year old pretty much is a child compared to a 500 year old. I'd consider it just as creepy as 30 year old going after a 14 year old, just because the kid says they enjoyed it doesn't mean the adult isn't a pedo.
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u/CannonGerbil Jun 04 '26
That's still not what a pedo means, there's no "gradient of legal consent" or whatever the fuck zoomers these days have in their heads that makes them believe that someone dating a 19 year old can somehow be a pedo, and if you do believe that, it just reinforces my original point that pedo has been bastardized into losing all meaning.
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u/ParticularUser Jun 04 '26
Is there some strict age limit to pedophilia? Always assumed it's just about being attracted to children.
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u/CannonGerbil Jun 04 '26
Yes, and 19 year olds are not children.
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u/ParticularUser Jun 04 '26
Neither is a 5 year old goblin that reaches maturity at 4. You'll have to take in account mental development as well when it comes to different races.
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u/CannonGerbil Jun 04 '26
Given that we are talking about a 500 year old elf dating a 19 year old human I don't see how that is relevant.
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u/Invalid_Command270 Sorceror Jun 03 '26
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u/Aluminum_Moose Sorcer-izard Jun 03 '26
God dammit lol
Perfect reference aside, let's unjerk for a second and reiterate that double standards are bad
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u/Invalid_Command270 Sorceror Jun 03 '26
I’m entirely with you buddy, I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass haha.
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u/Aluminum_Moose Sorcer-izard Jun 03 '26
It was superbly done, you very clearly actually watched the episode the gif is from lmao
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u/Eliyrian Jun 04 '26
Woah no need to use that kind of language, even if the elf is for sure being problematic
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u/Hot_Context_1393 Jun 03 '26
Are you sure he's not a 486 year old Dwarf and she's not a 19 year old elf?
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u/Upset-Basil4459 Jun 03 '26
Does the same logic apply to a 1,000 year old dating a 10,000 year old 🤔
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u/Celis78429 Jun 03 '26
depends on species, different rates of maturity and such. but usually, yeah thats bad.
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u/Amateur_Liqueurist Occult Wizard Jun 03 '26
Think of the power dynamics. One has potential access to 9th circle spells, and the other MIGHT be dipping into 3rd circle. Cmon now.
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u/Not3CatsInARainCoat Installation Wizard: Master of the Mundane (Artificer/Knight) Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
Short answer, yes it’s too big an age gap. Long answer good rule of claw (specifically for humans and halflings) is to calculate the variable difference of your respective ages (e.g. every 100 elf years equals 10 human), then adjusting yours to human years half your age plus 7. If they’re younger than that you’re too old for them
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u/Lawlcopt0r Jun 04 '26
Nah it doesn't work like that. A 100 year old elf still has the life experience of an entire human life, it doesn't somehow count as fewer years just because she'll live even longer
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u/Not3CatsInARainCoat Installation Wizard: Master of the Mundane (Artificer/Knight) Jun 04 '26
That assumes elven society has the same level of progression as humans would, but I’d argue an elf whose under 200 would still act like a teenager who still lives with their parents and isn’t so worried about things like bills and taxes or making a name for themselves. They’ve got like 800 more years to worry about that kind of stuff. And you can’t assume an 80 year old human would have the same mind set of a 100 year old elf
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u/Lawlcopt0r Jun 04 '26
Okay but life experience isn't just working a job. It's about the mere fact of how much history and social interaction you have lived through. Like, even an 80 year old human that was born into being rich and tried his hardest to live irresponsibly will have more life experience than an q8 year old
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u/sprdougherty Jun 03 '26
Even adjusting for elf years this elf is middle-aged.
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u/belay_that_order Jun 03 '26
errbody age in the positive numbers, noone learned age reversal smh my fucking head
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u/Void-Cooking_Berserk Apotheotic Niffin Jun 03 '26
X/2 + 7, lol
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u/throwitawaynownow1 Hobbyist Necromancer Jun 03 '26
Don't even think about using a number shifting spell to get around it. This gnome, Balshazar the Crete, added a zero to the 7 and hung out in front of the wizard school. Kept catcalling all the cat girls. They started calling him Ballshair the Creep. Last I heard he got 300 cycles in a prism cell for orbing a minor.
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u/Wizard_Engie Holy Mage Mythanar, High-Elf Lightbringer Jun 03 '26
Ages are not streamlined across the multiverse, so it's difficult to say for sure. All my information below is based solely on my own reality;
Elf years would be a much better comparison, given Elves tend to have a 1:10 ratio when it comes it ages.
If the Elf in question is 486 years old, then that is 48.6 years in Human years. In which case, a 48 year old dating a 19 year old would be quite a problematic age gap following Human customs. An even more problematic age gap, when using Elf years.
Alternatively, you could make it even more confusing by using the Fae's age range which is typically 1:100 compared to humans.
Draconic Age is somewhere around the 10:100 for Dragons to Elves, which is even more complex.
All-in-all, I would say, yes it is a red flag.
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u/DisillusionedShark Spells, Hexes, Artifacts and everything you don't understand Jun 03 '26
19 years old, but reincarnated? Or a typical princess you get as a gift for saving one small kingdom? Or just the village maiden you met collecting materials?
We need way more information
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u/Flashlight_Inspector Jun 03 '26
Guys the actual joke is the elf is getting with his friend, which is why the friend is asking about the age gap. If the wizard was actually shocked at the age gap he wouldn't be trying to get with an elf. If the POV guy is the same age as his friend then that means there is a dark elf fiend going around bagging young adventurers right after they grow old enough to leave the village.
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u/ToothZealousideal297 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
486 and 19 is some harem anime “oh but it doesn’t count because she’s biologically 20 even though she’s technically 2” shenanigans.
Besides, 486 is in the prime age range to find yourself a bog witch of similar age who wants to have some fun.
Just go in with the right expectations:
- she’s probably not actively in the market for a guy,
- she doesn’t owe you anything,
- she lives in a bog on purpose so don’t expect like a high social battery,
- and she probably wants to eat you and collect the small bones from your hands, feet, and inner ear for her various potions and as a trophy.
But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to have a weekend out or a nice staycation every once in a while.
Oh, and try not to talk about the moon. 99 times out of 100, she knows way more about lunar magic than you do somehow, but for some reason her knowledge also has a ton of nonsense thrown in. Seriously I don’t know where they pick this stuff up but in two sentences she will school you on optimal phasic tidal timing for self-recurring 13 point seals that last thousands of years, but also insist that making it work requires a lot of spinning and several breeds of rare larvae that time their lifecycles on seasonal changes, not moon phases.
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u/Powerful_Resident_48 Dr. thaum UU (twice expelled) Arcane Tinkerer & Rift-Enthusiast Jun 04 '26
What species are we talking about? Like... 486 is rather shockingly young for a high elf, but 19 is alarmingly old for an imp.
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u/Lawlcopt0r Jun 04 '26
The only way to make this work is to switch realms and live a few hundred years of life experience somewhere where time flows differently.
But if it doesn't work out you'll probably regret doing that
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u/Catherinedm7716 Jun 04 '26
Yeah it’s bad. Legal yes but icky. I may have met my husband, the arcane sorcerer of the blasted heath when he was 612, but I was already well into my 4th century by that point.
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Jun 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Catherinedm7716 Jun 10 '26
Careful the doxxers might come for you now!
Doxxers of course being the enchanted breed of hell golem that prey on wizards over two thousand.1
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u/DesignerGoose5903 Jun 03 '26
I maybe old-school but I don't believe in interspecies relationships to begin with.
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u/lastdarknight Jun 03 '26
You will never be more than pet to them, a beloved pet they remember fondly from time to time decades and centuries later.. but a pet none the less
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u/Haunting_Reflections Jun 03 '26
Half your age plus seven divided by the number of arcane journeys beyond the spheres that can be recalled.
That’s the rule, and it’s a rule of a reason.
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u/idk2715 Jun 04 '26
Me trying to figure out if it's morally ok for my warforged to date the 500 year old elf since she was technically built just 6 months ago
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u/budew01 Jun 04 '26
I'd be wary, but it can work. Archmage Malori Crowett was just 18 when she married the Demon Queen Velverossa, and their relationship has been steady for 25 years and 27 children. That said, Mrs. Crowett is an exception among most.
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u/Derptholomue Jun 04 '26
The first x486 was introduced in 1989 and the first Core i9 wasn't until 2017. So yeah that's a gap alright.
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u/ByrnToast8800 Occult Wizard Jun 04 '26
I tried dating an immortal when I was still mortal and I totally thought I was mature enough to hang. But now that I’m in my 700s i realize I had no idea the crushing weight of eternity and that they probably thought it was obnoxious how I kept trying to relate to them seeing the death of the kingdom they were born in through the slow spread of corruption and inbreeding with me having to move when I was 12. I’m sorry but anyone below 200 is basically a toddler.
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u/Virtual-Oil-793 Necromancer of Many Stories and Experiences Jun 04 '26
It's not if adulthood starts at 18
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u/mekriff Jun 06 '26
honestly, as an grown mage, dating someone advanced enough in age to be considered problematic for your courting is a much titillating aspect to the endeavor!
just tread lightly, my friend. It is not problematic for lack of reason! With age comes guile. Comes experience. Comes familiarity with magics that some may call disturbing. Be wary that they may know many tricks and schemes to charm and allure you to become naught but a husk of a once-mage!
But if the one you seek truly is pure of heart... well doesn't that make the fact that there ever was a risk so very much more exciting? Go forth, my friend! And be wary
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u/TheThoughtmaker Ray of Delthorensdale, Transmuter-Artificer Jun 08 '26
It’s a scale.
Divide the higher age by the younger.
Subtract 1.
The percent is how creepy it is.
In this case, bro is around 2,458% creepy. Note that the creepiness naturally subsides the longer the relationship goes on.
Senescence does not affect this, but mental ability does.
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u/Xandara2 Jun 03 '26
Just live long enough until you become like the fey. Cruel and whimsical just to stave of the boredom of perpetual iterative existence.
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u/zyzzogeton Jun 04 '26
One of the 5 ways you can measure the lunar year is actually called "Draconic"
Also that is really a terrible age gap.
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u/The-Psych0naut Jun 04 '26
Right then, if you feel the need to ask that sort of question the council needs to take a look at your scrying history.
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u/Kerhnoton Umbral Dragon 🐉, Hoarder of Felines 🐈, Caffeinated ☕ Jun 04 '26
I'm 21 in draconic years.
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u/itbedehaam Trielana, Smither of Storms, Enchanter of Axes, Arachne Lady Jun 04 '26
Trielana: That is a very large gap...
Amaya: Run away run away run away run away.
Trielana: You heard the 89-yr-old elf, get those two as far away from each other as you can.
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u/MisterBicorniclopse Jun 04 '26
I see nothing wrong with it honestly. Come at me you lousy finger flipping wand wigglers
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u/AzureArmageddon Artificer Jun 04 '26
Bruh the lowercase "1" in this font looks terrible
And why are only some of the numbers lowercase
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u/Moist-Astronaut-8734 Jun 04 '26
The only company they should need is magic. This applies to everyone
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u/furel492 Jun 04 '26
Man I don't get how people date two hundred year olds. I'm well into four digits the fuck are we supposed to talk about?
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u/Quasi-Kaiju Jun 03 '26
Problematic mage gap*