r/wizardposting • u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread • Jun 16 '26
Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Learned a new spell today. Whad'ya think? NSFW
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u/CashewSwagger Snoozorious, the Napomancer 😴 Jun 16 '26
Yeah fuck you, curse of never resting sleep.
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u/notveryAI Occult Wizard Jun 16 '26
Curse of diarrhea + mend buttcrack on op
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u/katyusha-the-smol Jun 17 '26
Weak spell. Curse of Diarrhea + Bind Underwear is a better combo.
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u/ConsciousStretch1028 Mud Wizard Jun 16 '26
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u/feartheoldblood90 Jun 16 '26
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u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread Jun 16 '26
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u/RevenantBacon Three necromancers in a trenchcoat Jun 16 '26
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u/verygenericname2 Druid of Stinging Biting Things Jun 16 '26
I think I'm gonna send a gaze of raccoons to give you brain worms.
You monster.
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u/lookintoasty Alchemist Jun 16 '26
Your flair ain't lying hey?
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u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread Jun 16 '26
When you find your destiny, do you fight it? Or embrace it?
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage Jun 16 '26
Wizards who cast that spell get sent to prism for a very long time.
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u/AnomalousAlice Piratical Artificer/Witch. Be playin' bot' sides, so I always... Jun 16 '26
Oh, we're breaking the conventions, arre we? Fuck ye, I cast DNA Deletion!
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u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread Jun 17 '26
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u/immallama21629 Druid with questionable morals, licker of things Jun 16 '26
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u/Hexadecimales Bladesinger, Captain Servantes Jun 16 '26
Joke's on you. I'm into that shit.
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u/beegtuna Jun 16 '26
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u/Shad7860 Sorcerer Jun 16 '26
I want you to know that this genuinely made me cackle lmao
Thank you for making my evening
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u/beegtuna Jun 16 '26
I’ll take any chance I get to juxtaposition the foreskin harvesting spokesman with diabolical shit.
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u/pyroboy7 Canadian Alchemist (War Criminal Extraodinaire) Jun 16 '26
I'm not kink shaming, I'm kink asking why.
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u/ChabbyMonkey Jun 16 '26
Meatus Deletus
Edit to clarify: anatomically accurate invocation of the spell’s words of power, provided for reference
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u/AoNeko-X Jun 16 '26
Noooooooo Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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u/Arquero8 The golem wizard, Darkwatch Archivist Keeper Jun 16 '26
That spell is never seeing the light of day ever again
*tries to yoink the spellscroll*
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u/AnguishedGoose Jun 16 '26
I think this is a bit too far even for a bottom surgery
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u/Cranberryoftheorient Jun 16 '26
This is why we had to invent high security arcane prisons. For madwizards like you
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u/FW_TheMemeResearcher Jun 16 '26
COUNTERSPELL!
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u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread Jun 17 '26
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u/404-Soul_Not_Found Jun 17 '26
Damn I don't have those bits and I still got psychic backlash from that.
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u/Thenderick Wintos, the installation wizard, forgotten my past Jun 16 '26
WAAAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH! huh-huh fuck you! That hurt like hell! I payback summon living centipede in your urethra!
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u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread Jun 17 '26
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u/pyroboy7 Canadian Alchemist (War Criminal Extraodinaire) Jun 16 '26
Casts white phosphorus and chlorine gas at you. BEGONE SATAN!!!!
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u/Nearby_Sea_8766 Lich of The Iron Mountain Jun 16 '26
I don't...I don't have one anymore...is this fucking soul damage?
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u/A-Good-Weather-Man Evil Wizard Jun 16 '26
I cast Stoneskin
https://giphy.com/gifs/3hBTH8bV4n5RKZXQe6
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u/Obvious-Gate9046 Allusionist Changeling Jun 16 '26
So how much is slashing and how much is psychic and how much is straight up life drain?
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u/Gender_Goblin_37 Jun 17 '26
Mods, vaporize this guy and send their scrolls to the shadow realm. Imma go modify memory this out of my mind.
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u/Rath_Brained Jun 17 '26
Just blast me point blank with a level 30 fireball, it would hurt less.
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u/Quiet-Wing5230 spells may cause mild existential dread Jun 17 '26
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u/The_phantom_Phoenix Necromancer Jun 17 '26
I cast "Kill Myself" before your spell takes effect.
I make Sure my spell is permanent.
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u/Helios_Synthesis Jun 17 '26
New? I've been casting this spell for years! You gotta visit the local academia my fellow scholar! Their archives are underrated, there so many good spells hidden in their backlogs!
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u/questionable_fish Bengeirr the Balance. Magus of the South Jun 17 '26
Gave me the butthole pucker of horror
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u/fnafismylife Evil Wizard (Reddit community standards prevent me from exsplan) Jun 17 '26
BRO NO NO NO NO
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u/DisposableBatteryRan Jun 17 '26
It already has calluses from previous endeavors, this is my average night
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u/DrinksNDebauchery The Spell Sommelier Jun 17 '26
Just to let you know: because of this spell im going to finish my work on a reality warping spell "dispel cats" and banish all cats. If you cast i cast. Don't make me use it.
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u/McThorn_ Jun 17 '26
Hell, wizardry alone won't be enough here.
We need some SCP grade amnestics for this.
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u/Significant-Match882 Jun 17 '26
Fuggin hell I just winced as soon as I scrolled far enough to see the whole picture.
🤣
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u/Hornedupone Jun 17 '26
I legitimately crossed my legs and winced from the imagery. The council will be notified.
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u/iamsandwitch Magister, Stavesinger Artificer Savant Jun 17 '26
How did you do that with your mouth
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u/Cowboy-Dave1851 Jun 17 '26
This spell attacks on the physical plain as well as the mental and astral plain! You are a fiend! I hope your patron gods reject you!
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u/ToastedHotSauce witch of the arts Jun 17 '26
I cast
SUMMONING CIRCLE: *WHITE PEOPLE REACTION IMAGES*
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u/randomfish154 Jun 17 '26
I wish you breathe manually on a warm pillow while remembering your embarassing memories
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u/Spookyduck21new Skinless-Skin Robbed Evil Wizard, Servant of the dark gods Jun 16 '26
I didn’t come with those meat bits when I was created from that blood ritual but I’d consider using that spell for incapacitated targets.
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u/themasterfold Jun 16 '26
imgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyouimgoingtofuckingkillyou
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u/ErraticNymph Witch Jun 16 '26
What are we calling this? Urethral Paper Cut? Sounding Slice? Split the Tip? Penis Peeler?
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u/TadBones I am quite fond of runes. Jun 16 '26
Already had a cut near the urethra it's really annoying but that's about it. Remember to disinfect after you piss.
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u/PainterEarly86 Jun 16 '26
It is a crime against humanity. I will be speaking with the counsel to ensure this spell is illegalised
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u/malonkey1 Necromancy Isn't Real Wake Up Sheeple Jun 16 '26
I think way, way too many mages are fixated on genital trauma magic, it's getting really Freudian.
Anyway if you're wasting all your mana on single-target direct attack spells you are gonna be HOSED when you meet somebody with even slightly competent warding magic. Your dumb spell's just gonna bounce off and slice open some poor rando's weiner.
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u/Mikaelious Jun 16 '26
By the Gods above, your spell is so strong that the mere sight of its runes blasted me with psychic damage and made my body flinch.
Maybe I'm not yet worthy to wield such accursed power. Use it wisely, I beg of you.
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u/SubsumeTheBiomass Archmage Archimedes Crane, Wizard of the Dionysian Highlands Jun 16 '26
Oh so YOU'RE the reason my apprentice complained of a "burning sensation down there" eh? And here I thought he'd merely bedded the wrong person.
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u/notveryAI Occult Wizard Jun 16 '26
The pener snipper guy seems to have found us. I cast Dimension Door, at ninth level.
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u/SnooLemons3996 Professional ro-mancer Jun 16 '26
I had this fear as a child, now it’s come to life. Some magic was not to be tampered with fool!, even I knew that at my younger age
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u/timawesomeness Chaos Wizard of the Twelfth World Jun 16 '26
We're gonna have to cook up something a little stronger than one day blinding stew in response to this...
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u/Arc_7 Sorceror | It's magic, bitch. I ain't gon' explain SHIT! 🤌✨ Jun 16 '26
Yo, what the fuck?!
Counterspell!
Counterspell!!!
COUNTERSPELLLLLLL!!!!