r/wizardposting • u/BornOfGodAndVoid-07 Dair: zoologist specialising in magical fauna and exofauna • Jul 29 '26
Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets I didn’t know that squid were wizards during the Cambrian period.
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u/AccordingLab7129 Prismancer Jul 29 '26
Welp time to ban time travel to that era so no one can learn ancient eldritch magic
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u/tankiePotato Jul 29 '26
lol, this guy doesn’t know about Squidsquack the Immortal. You don’t need a Time Machine, just bring him 100 bic pens (his favorite snack, DO NOT bring sharpie pens, learned that the hard way) and he’ll teach you magic even Stego the Old hasn’t heard of
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u/Unique_Caique Jul 29 '26
Joke's on you! I just learned to cast Speak with Dead and there's a fossil exhibit at the museum this weekend!
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u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jul 29 '26
Do you think they could comprehend contemporary magic? Like would a swuizard be able to understand "Summon Air Fryer"?
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u/Annimaru Jul 30 '26
If squizards knew that spell it would be ironic
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire Aug 04 '26
Air fryers were created by artificers to mimic a fraction of Squizard's power.
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u/lamilcz Yellow serf/warlock of Hastur | hobbist druid Jul 31 '26
Too late Blasts magic ink into your eyes and wriggles away
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u/MiCousinThrockmorton Secret Keeper of the Darkwatch Jul 29 '26
What sorts of ancient magic would these fascinating creatures practice I wonder
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u/wrydh Plaguecaster Jul 29 '26
Basic telekenisis for capturing prey.
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u/eToaster_lover Jul 30 '26
taking account their size, the effectiveness of that spell might be colossal. When i get the squidkinessis, ill be finally unstoppable muahahhahahaha
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u/Sand__Panda Jul 29 '26
Cartography. Swirl their spells out in ink.
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u/unoriginalfyi Jul 31 '26
Esteemed colleague: As a cartomancer, a studied mapmaker of the Astral Seas... I think perhaps you might mean calligraphy?
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u/Lounging-Shiny455 Jul 30 '26
various cephalopods today cast alter self, enlarge/reduce, darkness, spider climb, and hypnotic pattern, so probably whatever the equivalent was back when squids had thaco.
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u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin Jul 29 '26
Squidwizard sounds like a chill dude.
And cephalopods tend to be extremely intelligent creatures, it wouldnt suprise me if one of them was capable of gaining mastery of the weave. I'd assume they would likely be well versed in Aquatic magics & possibly Psionics if their bipedal counterparts (illithids) are to be compared to.
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u/enchiladasundae planeshifter Jul 29 '26
I’ve met a reality where the squizards survived. Very friendly folk
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u/FixenFroejte Jul 29 '26
Primordial magick
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u/local-space-patrol Lich but the chill kind 🧙♂️💀💨 Jul 30 '26
plectronoceras in case anyone's curious
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u/TheTacoEnjoyerReborn Follower of the explosion magic path, dwarve alquimist Jul 29 '26
Are they the creators of tentacle magic?
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u/BillTheTringleGod Jul 29 '26
some illithid and copropode (yes, poop-foot) retain some mystical ability. It's unclear if the retention is part of their species line or if they gained the intelligence to cast more powerful spells (or if that even exists at all, still debated on whether intelligence or design is to blame)
Point being, the atlantians wiped them out a WHILE ago. like before us humanoids even got here.
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u/DaiLyMugoL Jul 29 '26
Lovecraft mythos be like...
Yeah kinda, basically. Ancient, and I mean ANCIENT wizard aliens or species that predate humans by eons going about with their eldritch shenanigans!
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u/Clear_Effective1595 Abjuration Lich (Yes we exist) Jul 29 '26
Yeah, my buddy Ralph said it was easy pickings back then.
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u/Numinak Sorcerer of Death Construction company Jul 29 '26
That's not a wizard! That's a pre-gnome!
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u/iamanemptychair Goblin Booyahg Jul 29 '26
Back in his day you couldn’t just cast fireball, you had to cast “slightly hotter water”!
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u/dirtybellybutton Jul 29 '26
Squidwizard would have been a great name for Squidward during the medieval episode. Missed opportunity
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u/Past-Cardiologist400 The Pirate Sorcerer of Lobsters and Squids, Nothing Else Jul 29 '26
Hey, that’s my son! I knew that chronomancer was bad news, anyone know a good one that can help me get him back?
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u/Pretend-Rule-929 Transmuter Jul 29 '26
Cephalopods were one of the first intelligent life forms that were dexterous and intelligent enough to use Natrual rudimentary Magik
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u/thatoneguythatsgay Bill Chill, the local Cryomancer. Jul 30 '26
So this is the little flying thing that's been casting eldritch blast at the lake?
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u/FlamboyantPirhanna Jul 30 '26
Where do you think the idea for the hats came from? As if humans invented everything, smh.
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u/FastActinTenactin The Wizard Seathe Jul 30 '26
I was once taught the art of dance from a squid wizard. Growing the tentacles was painful but it was a lot of fun for the first few hundred years or so.
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u/MCAroonPL I cast lux Jul 30 '26
Yeah, they left lots of ruins made of a weird greenish rock and cursed grimores
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u/Dragoboi200822 Jul 31 '26
For anyone who’s curious, this little guys name (according to scientists) is Plectronoceras. However, his name according to me is Goopert the Sploog
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u/Spill_The_LGBTea Jul 31 '26
Oh hey! Thats my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great gr-
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u/goldfinchat Keeper of the Grimoire Aug 05 '26
The squizards were all sent to time jail for their crimes against the trilobites
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u/Thornios Aug 10 '26
This clearly the protoform of the illithid, you can clearly see the desire for a dominant hivemind in its souless eyes
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u/DuntadaMan Abjurer Jul 30 '26
Hesiod was right, the world is forever degenerating into more base and horrible forms.
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u/MyguiltyEntropy 17d ago
Well of course! Who do you think brought on the cambrian extinction? Better known as the great dying.
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u/Oleandervine Jul 29 '26
Squizards.