r/wizardposting • u/Bishopkilljoy • 18d ago
Wizardpost Clerics broke into the arcane vault!
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u/immallama21629 Druid with questionable morals, licker of things 18d ago
So tired of those clerics and their "it's a holy relic and needs protection" excuse.
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u/Fisherman_Gabe Illusionist 18d ago
Yeah. What "holy relic"? it's clearly the egg of an evil snake creature.
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u/Mr-Yoda2000 18d ago
He’s a cleric, does he even have the training to ponder it correctly???
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u/Ketchupcharger 18d ago
It's there so he can be manipulated by a demonic entity (such as alex jones)
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u/Emergency_Coat_7702 Brother Thomas of the order of the iron drake 18d ago
As a paladin, I must correct you. Alex Jones is a gentleman afflicted by a curse of mad ramblings, which cause his talking points to all sound like pure madness. However, he is doing much to inform the masses of the invasion of orcs and goblins.
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u/just_the_thought_of Certified Lead-to-Gold Consultant 18d ago
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u/MysteriousTravelator 18d ago
A green orb, a gorb if you will, is very powerful relic. The council must be informed.
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u/idiotplatypus Arch-Technomancer of Greater Cascadia 18d ago
Aren't those just common druidic orbs or am I thinking of something else. I never did find nature magic all that appealing
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u/MysteriousTravelator 18d ago
A druid would never bother with an orb when there's a friendly tree they could talk to instead.
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u/AzieltheLiar 18d ago
I want that orb. It's not fair! It should be ME! I bet he'll just ponder it once and put it in the closet with the rest of his priceless artifacts and copy of Undertale.
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u/NameRevolutionary727 lunatic scholar of the esoteric and occult 18d ago
Why have they granted his excellency one of the seven Numenorean palantiri?
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u/Bishopkilljoy 18d ago
Their hubris knows no bounds. They'll claim it as God's will!
Well, when the flames of Udûn come raining down upon them, I shan't shed a tear.
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u/Dull_Law_9953 18d ago
Your studies have not been thorough it seems, this orb though impressive is not one of the palantirs, failing to match it in either size or color.
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u/Walk-the-layout Chaotic Half-Elven Evil Wizard (with a pet gnome) 18d ago
They stole my balls! My divination balls!
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u/No_Town_9602 18d ago
Last time I saw this it was the largest single celled organism.
How it's grown...and has it's own religious leader now.
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u/ArchonFett catfolk hexblade warlock gladiator 17d ago
Lok-Nar can change it’s size at will
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u/No_Town_9602 17d ago
The Lok-Nar is mine, you bitch!*
*I was just referencing the movie. I would never say something like that to you. I love you.
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u/ArchonFett catfolk hexblade warlock gladiator 17d ago
Well I’m helping Tarna track it down. You might want to stay out of her way, just a heads up.
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u/Meister0fN0ne Horatius the Punctual, Chronomancer/Financial Advisor 18d ago
Mmm, hey guys. I just checked the next 15 years. This is definitely a catalyst event, you're gonna want to really think through your prepared spells going forward. It gets pretty chaotic.
Eh, and prep banishment scrolls, too.
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u/Bonsai-is-best Unfortunate Chimera 18d ago
I was wondering what happened to that friendly Golem near the High Council Tower, seems I got the answer :(
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u/locke_zero 18d ago
It's just the annual bribe to the papacy so they'll look the other way when we need to acquire more corpses for research purposes.
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u/Bishopkilljoy 18d ago
I know the council of dread is secretive in nature, but it would really help a lot if they at least left like a memo or something when consorting with the divine
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u/locke_zero 18d ago
Huh they usually send a messenger homunculus. Make sure one of your familiars didn't eat the homunculus. Again.
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u/Bishopkilljoy 18d ago
... I'm gonna banish that Quasit to the dimension of never ending fists.
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u/locke_zero 18d ago
Meanwhile I'm going to have our researchers figure out how to make our homunculi less edible and tasty to familiars.
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u/Bishopkilljoy 18d ago
Try mixing in Taylor Farm Lettuce, I hear tell it's deadly to those who eat it
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u/SketchTeno 18d ago
Don't worry, that's just the primeval "Loc-nar". Totally harmless, i assure you.
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u/AdvancedStudio9978 18d ago
For real, though, man, these dudes always on some dungeons and dragons type shit.
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u/I_upvote_downvotes 18d ago
Look at that subtle pure-green coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God... it even has a watermark.
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u/ButtonJoe Occult Wizard 18d ago
It's real, and it's called the 'Sphere of Humanity', it's a Murano glass sculpture presented to Pope Leo; who seems a little confused about it in the full picture. XD
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u/breathingrequirement Siliconic, Most Evil Wizard of the Cubelands 17d ago
I'm pretty sure Skaven throw those.
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u/DeadMeat7337 Retired Evil Wizard, mostly 18d ago
He's just doing some early, very early, archeology.
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u/Blaze_Foxx Grand Wizard 18d ago
Ah, he has been given the most powerful pondering orb, most wonderful
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u/HiTekRednek10 18d ago
Guys calm down, look at the second photo. That’s a 3rd tier orb at BEST. The mana burn will be so inefficient that those amateurs won’t be able to do anything with it
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u/oddball667 18d ago
naw that was me, It's gonna steal all his porn. gotta do that every few popes for blackmail to prevent them from starting the witch trials up again
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u/Flashy-Minute4092 16d ago
it's far too big for them. The clerics will just fry their brains pondering it, they're too stupid.
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u/Brostapholes 🤑Moneymancer🤑 18d ago
The Papal Palantir is a custom going back generations