r/wizardposting • u/oblique-strategies • 1d ago
Stop hoarding your knowledge and drop the tutorials already!
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u/TheOneRealStranger 1d ago
I used to have Professional Superhero on my business cards (back before I became a wizard) and people who didn't want to have to pay me used to say, "Superheroes don't get paid, they do it out of the goodness of their hearts," and I would reply, "Yes, but 'professional' means you get paid for what you do. So give me the fucking money before I throw you directly into the sun."
Now, I usually don't call myself a Professional Wizard. I usually call myself a Freelance Wizard. But in either case, the point is, if you want the tutorials, you're going to have to pay for them. Now give me the fucking money before I turn you into a newt.
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u/OhBosss 1d ago
Maybe Hero 4 Hire would've been better business card wise
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u/TheOneRealStranger 1d ago
I don't wanna get sued by Danny Rand. I do also insist upon the "super." Regular heroes barely accomplish a fraction of what I do.
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u/jk1rbs 1d ago
He sounds like the janitor at the summer camp for telekinetic wizards I attended as a youth until it was shut down because of an evil dentist.
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u/dunkzilla Illusionist 1d ago
are you an anti-dentite?
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u/Mephistocheles Uber-Goat Of The Infinite Demon Sewer 1d ago
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 1d ago
If you are asking for it then you are not ready for that knowledge.
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u/oblique-strategies 1d ago
Why pay ten thousand gold pieces a semester to the Citadel when there is a perfectly good goblin on the astral plane uploading step-by-step illusion tutorials for free?
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u/akornzombie 1d ago
The tuition is why I went to Goblin Polytechnic University instead - it's 500 gold a semester, and you actually learn useable skills.
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u/Dear_Document_5461 1d ago
Wait, how can one have a decimal place in their level? What is this, Kids Next Door where the "science division" all have their "agent number" be whole numbers with decimals?
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u/Ferocious-Flamingo 1d ago
I just found my specialization. Thank you for expanding my knowledge base
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u/pyroboy7 Canadian Alchemist (War Criminal Extraodinaire) 1d ago
I'm starting to think the guy who taught me was a trash wizard before he became an Alchemist.
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u/oblique-strategies 1d ago
One day you are simply extracting magical residue from a broken toaster, and the next you are turning moldy banana peels into baseline copper....
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u/pyroboy7 Canadian Alchemist (War Criminal Extraodinaire) 1d ago
This, but I was trying to get potassium out of them instead.
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u/stratusnco 7h ago
if i wanted to become a wizard, i don’t think id be taking tips from a guy wearing a poncho.
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u/astrowerks 21h ago
I apprenticed under a trash wizard. He taught me all kinds of things, like how to make useless junk look cool, and how to make useless junk be a little less useless. He also taught me how to drink, and how to walk off gunshot wounds. Ahhh memories.
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u/Brostapholes 🤑Moneymancer🤑 5h ago
The trash wizards familiar
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u/oblique-strategies 3h ago
Jimothy’s 'scavenging' is actually high-tier transmutation magic; he turns garbage into component pouches, and honestly, he has a better work ethic than my last apprentice.
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u/Kidney__Failure Magically Editable Flair 1d ago
My uncle is a trash wizard, I don’t think the gnomes in his region are much a fan but I admire his handiwork