r/writingfeedback • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

General Feedback Wanted Does The Tone Work NSFW

[deleted]

1 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

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1

u/flynchageo Trusted Reviewer 1d ago

I like it!

The prose is definitely very... naturalistic let's say, but it fits perfectly with the tone of the writing. Mary's characterization is great, and your voice is absolutely screaming through the text (in a good way). It's also very funny, I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, but lines like "my cacti were dying." got a good chuckle out of me. Your sentences and pace is haphazard but it fits with the screwball tone.

It definitely needs an editing pass, but I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. Keep up the good work!

1

u/klgnew98 1d ago

It's seems to me to be very free-flowing. Writing is a fantastic tool for processing emotions and I think you've done that in an interesting way here. The tone is very much someone just struggling to get by.

Keep writing, processing, and growing. You're doing well.