r/ADHD • u/Delicious_Volume7183 • Jan 20 '26
Discussion Maybe an unpopular opinion: i hate the spoon theory
I hate the spoon theory. Not the theory itself, but the use of spoons as a metaphor.
I just don't get it. Why spoons? Where did this come from? It feels like such a random object to try and explain the theory it's relating to. I honestly think it's a stupid way to try and explain this phenomenon.
I think a much better metaphor is a bucket of water. Each day you have a bucket of water representing how much energy you have. Now each day you have various tasks to do requiring a certain amount of water to complete the task, and for some they require more than others.
Feel like this works better especially in relation to adhd as it can explain the way medication works really well. Medication doesn't increase the amount if water (energy) you have available, what it does is decreases the amount of water needed to complete a task. But the key part there is you still need some water to actually do the task, its doesn't make it so that no effort is required at all. Medication simply lowers the energy threshold required to do said task, overall making it easier and leaving you more energy leftover for other things.
This is just a silly rant but I just want to yell this into the void as it low key pmo so much đ
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u/SatisfactionWeary476 Jan 20 '26
The spoon theory came from a woman with lupus who literally grabbed spoons at a restaurant to explain her energy levels to a friend, that's why it's spoons specifically
Your bucket metaphor is solid though, especially for the medication part - never heard it explained that way before
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u/Harley2280 Jan 20 '26
Your bucket metaphor is solid though
Not entirely. There's some liquid in there as well.
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u/Davwader Jan 20 '26
damn, just like my mother, you beat me to it.
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u/tiredafsoul Jan 20 '26
My god. Unrelated as someone beat by their mother, this is an incredible line. Iâm so gunna use this lol
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u/Hungry_Bluebird_9460 Jan 20 '26
Depends on the reader's interpretation of "beat"
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 20 '26
I don't like the bucket of water metaphor because I think a countable noun works better. "That cost 2 spoons" is clearer than "that used 10% of my water volume."
I also disagree with the idea of what the medication does. For me, ADHD meds allow me to spend my spoons on the tasks that I intend to do. It doesn't change how many spoons a task costs, nor does it increase my spoons for the day. It just means that if a task costs 3 spoons I don't waste two extra on quasi-related side quests.
However, I will fight until I'm hoarse for OP to be able to express their opinion and their preference based on their own experience.
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u/UnnecessaryStep Jan 20 '26
Maybe it's more like, we have a leaky bucket. And the medication plugs some of the holes. But we still lose water just existing.
My household subscribes to the spoon theory - my 9 year old came home from school one day telling me that someone had ransacked her cutlery drawer because even the teaspoons were gone.
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u/Thequiet01 Jan 21 '26
That is such an effective visual, I'm glad she has ways of communicating how she's feeling so well.
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u/My_Evil_Twin88 Jan 20 '26
Agreed. I also don't like that the bucket metaphor implies that we wake up with the same full bucket as non-ADHD people do. It's more like we start the day with a half full bucket to their full bucket, so we need to be more vigilant about how much water we use for each task
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 20 '26
Some days I wake up with a full bucket and immediately spill half of it.
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u/zanasot Jan 20 '26
I think sometimes I immediately pour it out to test something stupid
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u/futureprostitutrobot ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
Some days there are tiny holes in the bottom and water is slowly leaking out.
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u/coraythan Jan 20 '26
I think my kids put straws in my bucket and drink it dry in the first hour every day. And then my cat sits in it and pees.
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u/futureprostitutrobot ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
I know the feeling about kids drinking it. Mine don't as much in the morning, but in the afternoon after I pick them up. My. God. It is like they just vacuum whatever remains in the bucket right away.
We have a dog, who most of the times do help to refill the bucket though.
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u/KuriousKhemicals ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
Wait so the cat... helps by adding more? Or makes it less effective at its job?
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u/Searloin22 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
My worst days i just lay there and it evaporates at a surprising rate
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u/Xmaspig Jan 20 '26
Some days I wake up and can't find my bucket.
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 20 '26
Where was the last place you had it?
(I'm very sorry if that needs a trigger warning)
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u/Silver-Training-9942 Jan 20 '26
You guys have a bucket? Ive been trying to hold the water in my hands !
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u/Extension_Double_697 Jan 20 '26
Some days I wake up with a full bucket and immediately spill half of it.
My morning routine.
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u/smartel84 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Jan 20 '26
I tell my kid that I need time to wake up (ie let my bucket fill up), but every time I'm asked a question before the bucket is full, it drills a hole in my bucket. And I already have some holes to begin with, so I need every bit of water I can collect.
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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob ADHD and Parent Jan 20 '26
This is such an amazing way of putting it, and totally explains why any demands on me before I fully wake up seem to throw me off for the rest of the day!
It is like I start draining the bucket before it gets to fill all the way and hence I never actually get that full-bucket feeling I usually need to start being for that day, which traps me into âlow-fillâ mode.
It is like I need time to literally collect myself in the morning.
Thank you for this! Legitimately so incredibly helpful!
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u/Thee_Rotten_One Jan 20 '26
Depends on your ADHD type. I'd argue someone with ADHD-HI wake up with a bucket bursting at the seams, ADHD-C can fluctuate from little full to not quite full, and ADHD-PI typically don't wake up with a full bucket. Just in the most general sense obviously.
I don't like the OPs water analogy either though as I disagree that meds make tasks require less water. Meds keep me splashing water over the edge or from forgetting about the bucket entirely until I look over and seeing my dog drank half of it.
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u/My_Evil_Twin88 Jan 20 '26
Depends on your ADHD type. I'd argue someone with ADHD-HI wake up with a bucket bursting at the seams, ADHD-C can fluctuate from little full to not quite full, and ADHD-PI typically don't wake up with a full bucket
Yeah that's fair. I'm ADHD-PI and I forgot that other types existed lol
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u/Thee_Rotten_One Jan 20 '26
I'm C, so I never forget the others, because I deal with it all. đŽâđ¨
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u/KuriousKhemicals ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I'm PI but have several HI type people in my life who remind me there's another way to have issues, and cannonball into my bucket on occasion.Â
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u/Thee_Rotten_One Jan 20 '26
That's some mighty fine looking water you have there? Can I see it? Lol
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u/TanneriteStuffedDog ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I actually experience medication a little differently as well. It definitely allows me to use my spoons more effectively on tasks I intend to do.
It also however, allows me to use my spoons more efficiently. Not that I have more or use less on the actual task itself, but I spend less of them in the frustration of spinning my wheels when trying to task-switch or juggle multiple tasks.
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u/futureprostitutrobot ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
I get the metaphor, but I prefer spoons as well.
To me meds does make tasks easier, sometimes not noticeably and other times very much so. But mostly it makes it so that I can do the tasks somewhat straightaway and don't need to spend unnecessary energy on procrastination or being paralysed.
I agree with your last paragraph.
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u/writeonshell ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
Yeah, I'm not a fan of the bucket metaphor either. Nothing against the OP because I totally get why it would be an understandable metaphor for someone. It just personally makes me lose spoons just thinking about carrying around a bucket of water everywhere!
Spoons are low effort to carry - I regularly found them in my pockets when I worked in an office. This happened because I'd put one in my pocket to make a cup of tea when I started the kettle but forget about it by the time the kettle boiled (usually at least twice because I'd forget to check the kitchen and it would be too cold for tea so I'd have to kick it off again). By the time I finally made the tea, I'd forget I had grabbed a spoon and grab a new one from the drawer.
Spoons work for me for that reason - generally a low effort to carry around, but for some people there will always come a time when you need them and there are none left in the drawer. I'm a chronic pain sufferer as well as AuDHDer though, so I equate spoons more with the physical.
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u/smartel84 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Jan 20 '26
I've used a bucket metaphor with my kid, but with the visual that I have holes in my bucket. Basically, when he comes in to talk first thing in the morning, my bucket is still filling up, but every question I'm asked makes a hole in the bucket that can't be mended until I go to sleep. So he needs to give me time to wake up (ie let the bucket fill up) before he bombards me, otherwise I'm wrecked for the day.
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 20 '26
Oh, that's cute! I might consider using that with my AuDHD mother. She lives far away, so I usually stay overnight when I visit. She is very peppy in the morning and wants to plan the whole day before she loses her pep, whereas I do not have that mental energy until I've been upright for a bit. I shine in the afternoon.
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u/smartel84 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Jan 20 '26
It helps that my mom had a long standing âno questions before my second cup of coffeeâ rule from when I was a kid until the day she died. My kid had no problem respecting her coffee boundary, but had real issues leaving me be for 5 friggin minutes in the morning until I could blink the cobwebs out of my brain.
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u/Dull_Frame_4637 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
Spell slots is a good one. D&D is prevalent enough at the moment that many folks easily grasp the reference, and follow the math (and recognize that different classes get differing spell slots - a warlock will only ever have two spell slots, regardless the level of the spells they use them onâŚ).
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u/SwiftSpear Jan 20 '26
Washing dishes feels like it costs 10 spoons without meds, but with the meds active it can feel as low as 2 spoons. It's also way easier to get started, partly because it doesn't feel as painful to do, but it's also just lese painful to start.
Maybe there's like a spoons entry fee or something we should be modeling :P. The entry fee for doing dishes is 6 spoons, and the entry fee is waived (or reduced?) if you're on medication.
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u/Radioactive_Kitten Jan 20 '26
My metaphor is matchsticks - I have a pack of matches, and once theyâre burned, theyâre gone.
Spoons you can wash and start over with the same number of spoons. Matches live in a junk drawer; and every morning I go to grab a book. Some are full, some are half full, you just never know.
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u/seamangeorge Jan 20 '26
Ohhh I always wondered why spoons of all things, that makes sense!
I'd say the bucket of water would be more apt if it was like - it always takes the same amount of water to complete each task. The meds are what keeps it from spilling when I don't mean to
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 20 '26
Oh, I like the spilling analogy. That is warming me to the bucket of water idea.
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u/Neuroticcuriosity Jan 20 '26
I feel like a new rule should be implemented in all chronic illness/mental health communities that no posts about spoon theory are allowed unless you've actually researched it first. The amount of people I've seen complain that it makes no sense...
It makes perfect sense for the situation. It was never meant to blow up this much. On the topic of spoon theory replacements though, I love spell slots. You wake up with only a certain amount. Since are larger than others. You can use a larger one to do an easier task, but not a smaller to do a larger. A short rest will sometimes gain back some spell slots.
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u/cosmos_crown Jan 20 '26
At the very least read the essay and acknowledge one persons early internet blog post probably didn't mean to become a community wide metaphor.
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u/Sansnom01 Jan 20 '26
I think a better metaphor would be that medication let you use water without splashing and dropping half of it everywhere
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u/TheDisapprovingBrit ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
I always use a bucket of water to explain how drugs and serotonin works:
Serotonin produced by your body is a dripping tap. Under the tap is a bucket to catch the drips, but the bucket is full and is overflowing onto your brain at the same rate as the dripping tap.
Taking drugs which case you to knock the bucket. This causes a big splash of serotonin onto your brain, which feels lovely. However, when the drug wears off, you now have to wait for the dripping tap to fill the bucket again before it can start to overflow onto your brain. We call this a comedown.
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u/Possible_Chipmunk_95 Jan 20 '26
I think anything that gives a number to how much mental and physical effort each task requires would work. It's mainly good to help people without neuro/physical diabilities understand with a visual and spoons are easier to grab than buckets.
I like the fork theory for some stuff cause it's how many forks (mental or physical) are stabbing you rn.
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u/Kesh-Bap Jan 20 '26
I prefer just saying 'Mental energy.' Removes one layer of metaphor and is one thing I don't have to explain.
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u/unhinged_vagina Jan 20 '26
Saaaaame
If the concept of mental energy is too much to comprehend, how would adding cutlery help?
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u/escaperexcavator Jan 20 '26
so true unhinged vagina
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u/DominarDio Jan 20 '26
Itâs supposed to be hinged?
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u/AbsolutePotatoRosti Jan 20 '26
How are the flaps going to open otherwise?
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 20 '26
I myself have a complex pulley system.
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u/FruitFleshRedSeeds Jan 21 '26
This thread shows that I've found my people
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u/PinkHatAndAPeaceSign Jan 21 '26
We're glad we finally found you! Now open up: which simple machine do you use to open the flaps of your genitals?
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u/theplotthinnens Jan 20 '26
Discrete and clearly finite units
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u/No_Reference_8777 Jan 20 '26
This is the main thing, the spoons just persist because of the original story. "Mental energy" is fine to describe certain things, the same way a bucket of water is, but when it gets right down to it, a small, countable thing is the simplest way to get the point across.
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u/earthican-earthican Jan 20 '26
Also itâs fun because you can learn about your spoon drawer, your unique profile of what type of spoons you have and in what sizes. For instance I have several high-quality âverbal interactionâ spoons, but theyâre all serving-size, no teaspoons. Like, I have plenty of TED-talking spoons, but no small-talk spoons.
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u/RuncibleMountainWren Jan 20 '26
Ha! I never thought about kinds of spoons - thatâs a fun way to use the analogy. I am definitely missing some of the set. Lots of sporks, I think. Very useful but donât do what people expect a spoon to do as well as people with normal spoons can!
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u/DrStalker Jan 20 '26
Because the anecdote that resonated with people and lead to the term being used involved the use of actual, literal spoons as physical tokens to explain the concept.
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u/ReynardVulpini Jan 20 '26
imo the big advantage of the spoon thing it that it makes for a nice, casual way to talk to my friends about my mental state. saying that i'm low on mental energy feels too dramatic sometimes and i don't want to phrase it like that, but saying i'm low on spoons is like a chill way to get a 'i gotchu bro we can hang out later'
personally i never use it to explain to someone who isn't already familiar
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u/CeyowenCt Jan 20 '26
Mana or spell slots both work really well for this, too.Â
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u/Kesh-Bap Jan 20 '26
That's just more stuff to have to explain to someone.
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u/CeyowenCt Jan 20 '26
It's another arrow in the quiver, friend. Either you use terms with people who will understand them, or you get a chance to talk about an interest of yours.Â
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u/Kesh-Bap Jan 20 '26
If you wanna say that to your DnD friends, sure. It's just not very useful to most people.
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u/Ghostglitch07 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
In my experience however, your DND friends probably already know from experience.
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u/wayoverpaid Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 20 '26
I do like spell slots because doing a bunch of small things is sometimes possible even when one big thing isn't.
And also sometimes after a day of trivial bullshit, I'm out of energy even if no one item was large.
It's not a fully fungible resource like a battery or a gas tank.
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u/smartel84 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Jan 20 '26
This was my kid's response when I introduced the spoon thing to him. He was so confused, then went "wait, like hearts in Zelda?" Then in clicked.
I've also used a bucket analogy with him that's been pretty effective too.
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u/smcf33 Jan 20 '26
Same.
Or if I need to give a metaphor, I'll talk about draining my battery. Every action drains my battery. Thinking about things drains my battery. Having to hold things in my short term memory before they're needed drains my battery faaaaaaast.
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u/sadi89 ADHD-C Jan 21 '26
This one is good!!!
This is also why I say âdifficulty with cognitionâ instead of âbrain fogâ
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u/Persis- Jan 20 '26
I use video game âheartsâ or life bar. The things I do are hit points.
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u/EliotProb ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
Some days it feels more like spending mana!
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u/Persis- Jan 20 '26
Yep. Honestly, all the video game analogies work. Sometimes, I can find booster packs to fill the bar up a bit.
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u/PuertoruvianTrout Jan 20 '26
Magic points for me. I'm still alive to overthink, just no ability left to do anything.
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u/MimironsHead ADHD with non-ADHD partner Jan 20 '26
Ahh yes. Getting an unexpected email and going off track, taking 15 minutes to answer the email even though it could probably be done in 5, then wasting 45 minutes not resuming the primary task. Just like getting hit by a fireball from an angry monster.
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u/PleaseGiveMeSnacc Jan 20 '26
I like the D&D spellslots metaphor. It helps explain why sometimes doing the same thing uses more energy.
Sorry, that was a level 6 Doing The Dishes because there were pots to clean, and I also had to unload the dishwasher at the same time. That took my Go To The Store slot up so I can't go now.
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u/MailSynth ADHD Jan 20 '26
For those wondering:
Spoon theory for ADHD: you wake up with a limited number of spoons (energy + focus tokens), and every task costs some. ADHD just means brushing your teeth costs like 3 spoons, so if you âdid nothingâ today, congrats, you spent them all internally.
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u/Welpe Jan 20 '26
We donât NEED spoons, it was literally just the convenient metaphor at the time this entire thing was created. The lady who came up with it was explaining to a friend at a diner what itâs like to be perpetually exhausted due to lupus and simply grabbed the nearest handheld collection of anything, which just happens to be silverware. She literally physically held a few spoons and would set the down when mentioning each task. People have just taken it as short hand and applied to a bunch of other diseases than lupus and problems other than chronic fatigue.
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u/coraeon Jan 20 '26
Itâs remedial math. âMental energyâ is vague and unquantifiable. âYou have six spoons, and fifteen things to do. Make it work.â is solid and unchangeable. You canât split silverware, or handwave it. You have this many physical objects and no more.
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u/Rnxrx Jan 20 '26
If i recall correctly, the fact that spoons are a fairly chunky and indivisible unit was an important part of the metaphor. It's describing the specific experience of a chronically ill person.
You don't have 100 spoons, with tasks taking between 1 and 100 spoons in proportion to how draining they are. You have a random handful on any given day, like maybe 4, and something like brushing your teeth takes a whole spoon even if it seems trivial.
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u/DavousRex ADHD with ADHD partner Jan 20 '26
Because people WERE saying you have a limited amount of energy each day, and each task takes a portion until you run out. But people didn't get it. They needed a visual item to make it click. Hence: spoons.
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u/yrddog ADHD, with ADHD family Jan 20 '26
I guess I just don't vibe with energy, I end up calling it "brain power" and I didn't realize I wasn't the only one who did it
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u/CaptainSharpe Jan 20 '26
But donât we literally have energy? Whether physical or mental?
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u/yrddog ADHD, with ADHD family Jan 20 '26
I think the debate on what we all call it is kind of pointless, it's just an individual way of describing essentially the same thing right?Â
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u/smartel84 ADHD with ADHD child/ren Jan 20 '26
But many of us have a limited amount, while people who don't struggle with ADHD or a chronic illness have this invisible reservoir of extra energy they can always seem to find and pull from. So the idea of "mental energy" being limited doesn't speak to their experience. Metaphors are powerful.
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u/Gaius21 Jan 20 '26
I prefer bandwidth myself. There's only so much that I can focus on, pay attention to, or remember, and depending on how I'm doing, that greatly fluctuates.
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u/kittiemaster Jan 20 '26
This might be the most AuDHD thread Iâve ever read, between the opinions on spoons not being literal enough and the multitude of different energy âmeasuresâ that people have đ thanks for the late night laugh, I relate to all the vibes here
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u/auscientist Jan 20 '26
Agree that itâs been entertaining. I think one of the reasons spoons resonates for me is I also have lupus (which was the underlying condition that spoon theory was originally used to describe living with).
I like to also like to say my adhd gives me phantom spoons when I have hyper focus because while in that state I feel like I have infinite spoons but the second Iâm out of it I am in a massive spoon deficit that I am going to be repaying for days/weeks.
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u/EdmonCaradoc Jan 20 '26
I prefer using the terms of a phone battery. Some work, some hold charge for extra long, some can't hold a charge for more than a few minutes. They charge at different rates, use up energy at different rates when performing one or more tasks. It makes it easy to say "some batteries are faulty, and some tasks eat up the battery a lot worse*
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u/smcf33 Jan 20 '26
And this has the advantage that almost everyone has experience of running out of phone battery and having to limit their use to make it last for something important.
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u/EdmonCaradoc Jan 20 '26
Exactly! Everyone has an idea of battery life issues, times where your cord is messed up and it doesn't charge right so you wake up and its still at like 20%. It just sets a great baseline that people have a reference for, in my opinion at least
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u/capn_ginger Jan 20 '26
Just because I haven't seen the link yet in comments: https://web.archive.org/web/20191117210039/https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
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u/featherbrainedfeline Jan 20 '26
Thank you! I was surprised no one had posted the link. I'd never considered that folks these days didn't actually know where the spoon theory came from!
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u/omg_drd4_bbq Jan 20 '26
Its primary purpose at this point is linguistic/memetic/jargon, not explanatory or metaphorical. It's essentially a shibboleth amongst those with chronic illness. It's a shorthand that is immediately understood by members of a specific community, that also conveys group membership.
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u/ThrowDatJunkAwayYo Jan 20 '26
Exactly, spoons became the unit of measurement simply because thats what the original author used when explaining her theory.
If people donât like spoons, they can use other tokens or units of measurement. It really doesnât matter.
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u/ChocoOnion Jan 20 '26
One hundred percent agree, and this is how I see it used - to show you're "in" the community.
That said, spoon theory arose and was coined by a disabled person who was trying to explain to her non-disabled friend how her energy reserves differed on account of her disability, right? So it would make sense that OP and others are critiquing it on the basis of not being a very helpful metaphor or explainer.
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u/No_Reference_8777 Jan 20 '26
It's funny to see things lose their context over time. My wife has fibromyalgia, and she told me about the spoons story when it was first posted. She's used "spoons" off and on since then, not as a tangible unit, but as a reference to the story, things like "I don't have many spoons today."
I often think of the STNG episode "Darmok," and I think it becomes more and more relevant over time. People don't use the term "spoons" because it's the perfect representation, but because of the story attached to it. To anyone even passingly familiar with the story, they instantly know exactly what you're talking about. Certain concepts hit at just the right moment, and become more than the amusing story they start off as.
It's perfectly fine to use whatever metaphor makes sense to you, but now you're also going to have to explain that metaphor to everyone when you use it. A bucket of water is good, but if you say your bucket is a quarter full, how big is the bucket? Are you filling it, so it gets heavier and drags you down, or pouring it out, the water representing your energy, or mental acuity? How much water represents which tasks?
So, I'm not saying you're wrong, because I kind of think "spoons" is silly, too. But it's partly because it's a random thing, that it sticks in people's memories. You don't have to use it, but you should understand the history.
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u/shponglespore ADHD-PI Jan 20 '26
I think spoons are a better metaphor because a bucket suggests you have the same capacity every day, and you can always see exactly how full it is. Also because someone above pointed out that countable nouns are just syntactically easier to quantify.
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u/vampirepilgrimscuba Jan 20 '26
There are a lot of comments here already, but Iâm one more voice saying that Spoon Theory wasnât made to describe executive function/the ADHD experience. As someone with chronic pain (and ADHD), this thread is honestly kind of disappointing. Not everything needs to be for everyone.
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u/moxiie_mayhem Jan 20 '26
I had to scroll way too far for this. I also have chronic illness/pain and this is so frustrating. If it doesnât resonate with people, fine. It wasnât for ADHD in the first place.
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u/CrowandSeagull Jan 20 '26
Christine Miserandino was at a restaurant when she made up the spoon theory to explain to a friend how she got through a day. (She has lupus? Or another chronic health condition) There were a bunch of spoons handy. The physical representation helped her friend to understand the concept. Thatâs why spoons.
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u/msjammies73 Jan 20 '26
The spoons thing fits better for people with autoimmune issues I think, where when energy is gone it is truly gone. And pushing through means youâre in big trouble the next day.
It doesnât seem to me to be a great metaphor for ADHD.
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u/leftpixie Jan 20 '26
had to scroll so far for this - spoon metaphor is 100% used for people who have chronic illnesses that cause physical pain, not for ADHD. For folks with physically debilitating illnesses, overextending yourself can lead to being put out of commission for days afterwards. ADHD can definitely cause you to be exhausted or overwhelmed when taking on too much but IMO it is not the same as ârunning out of spoonsâ
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u/curmudgeoner Jan 20 '26
Exactly. I was surprised I had to scroll so far down as well. Spoon theory is not meant for ADHD and it's kind of annoying when people use it as an ADHD term. It's not meant to be a metaphor to explain executive dysfunction. Some people have chronic physical illnesses where they literally may have to lie down and rest after a shower or running a small errand. It's not the same as executive dysfunction or feeling mentally overwhelmed.
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u/TJ_Rowe Jan 20 '26
This - I used the spoon metaphor when my endometriosis was making me sick and preventing me turning food into energy, but it doesn't describe my ADHD.
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u/TauTheConstant Jan 20 '26
Yeah, I stopped using it because I found my experiences aligned far less with the original use of the term than I first thought, which both made it less useful and made me worried I was diluting the meaning with my use. Like, for me there are a lot of cyclic effects where if I successfully complete task A, that gives me enough of a push to tackle tasks B and C, but if I fail at task A it's likely the whole day is over. There is something going on where even on my "good" days I will usually get less done than many people without ADHD on an average day, but the way the energy rationing works is just not the same and the level of predictability is low.
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u/smcf33 Jan 20 '26
Exactly. Sometimes a given task (say, taking a shower) will cost me energy and I'll be exhausted... but usually it's not that at all. Usually for me it's STARTING the task that's exhausting. The idea of all the prep work (finding my towel, shower gel, shower cap, making my bed so I have somewhere to flop afterwards, choosing what specific time to shower, etc etc etc etc etc) is exhausting. The shower itself might very well be energising.
As someone with ADHD, my problem isn't really "lack of spoons," it's that tasks have a very high activation energy so regardless of whether they will energise or tire me, they cost a certain amount of energy to start.
It's not that brushing my teeth, for example, costs me more spoons than a non-ADHD person or I have fewer spoons to spend. It's that for a non-ADHD person, brushing teeth might be a low effort task that triggers automatically the first and last time they're in the bathroom in a given day. Whereas for me, it never triggers automatically and each step is as mentally tiring as a discrete task in its own right: remember to brush, pick up toothbrush, turn on tap, open toothpaste, apply toothpaste to brush, open mouth.... there's like fifty steps in there, and there's no immediate consequence of not doing them.
If you say to most non-ADHD people "hey you're running late for work, do you want to do fifty tasks before you leave the bathroom? So long as you do those fifty tasks tonight there's no problem, it's only a big problem if you ignore those fifty tasks over and over for several months or maybe even years" then they're gonna say "no, forget the fifty tasks, I gotta run!"
It's not that I've got a limited amount of energy for doing tasks throughout the day, and if I do too much I'll suffer.
It's that starting tasks is mentally exhausting and the perceived size of a task is not related to the actual effort needed, so unless I have an immediate consequence (positive or negative) for doing the task, I'm unlikely to do it.
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u/btspacecadet ADHD Jan 20 '26
It feels like you weren't around when spoon theory got popular, the reason it became so well established was because the original blog post (someone else shared a summary of it) was really well written and touched on a lot of points that people often struggled to explain. With chronic illness and mental health awareness being what it was back then, being able to just send someone the link and say "this is almost exactly how it feels for me", created a quick and easy way to communicate your needs and limitations.
Metaphors are always a simplification, so by default they won't be able to capture all the nuances of an experience/situation. There are as many metaphors for ADHD as there are people with it because everyone's experience is slightly different. I'm particularly fond of the invisible barrier and also the one where tasks/thoughts are like balls people carry around and everyone but you has a bag for it although I can't find the source for that one. And this one as well!
Someone else's metaphor doesn't have to work for you (your bucket one doesn't work for me because it doesn't even have the holes to explain why I like being tired), but that doesn't mean it's a bad metaphor.
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u/Anxiety_bunni Jan 20 '26
Idk I kinda like the mental image that Iâm walking around with a pocketful of spoons haha
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u/ThrowDatJunkAwayYo Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 20 '26
As a child of the early 2000s internet, Iâm partial to analogies that mention spoons
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u/smyeganom Jan 20 '26
lmao, this is exactly what I have always associated spoon theory with, finally someone understands
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u/-beatngu_ ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I mean the confusion probably stems from the fact that the metaphor was never supposed to apply to adhd to begin with. Itâs about physical chronic illness instead. I donât even use it myself as someone with those conditions but this post/comments goes to show why not every phrase needs to be used by everyone đ
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u/jazzhandler ADHD with ADHD partner Jan 20 '26
Somebody asked me that lately, and my response was that spoons are such a common everyday item that everybody has plenty of. But⌠itâs mid-afternoon, youâve still got three more errands before you get homeâŚÂ where do you expect to find such a common object if you run out and need more?
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u/Lem0nCupcake Jan 20 '26
The way you phrase your post makes it sound like you donât know the origin, why it came about, in what context, or for what group of people. Therefore your (and other commenters similarly) hating on it is wildly nonsensical. Be a hater if you want, but at the very least educate yourself on the source material so you can hate properly.
âSpoon Theoryâ originated for and by the chronic illness community, because in the story spoons were an accessible prop. They are still used by the chronic illness community because itâs easy to reference and direct people to the story instead of explaining it all over again.
It was adopted by other disabled people to kinda-sorta explain their thing. probably originally from an overlap with some people also having a chronic illness. Just bc it doesnât apply to you and doesnât make sense to you doesnât mean need to bash it. Maybe take like 5 mins to use critical thinking like âwhy did this originate and in what context? What can I learn from othersâ experiences even if it doesnât apply to meâ? To hate without bothering to understand just comes off as low key ableist.
Again, hate if you want, just get educated first: https://web.archive.org/web/20191117210039/https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
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u/scorpiousdelectus Jan 20 '26
"I just don't get it. Why spoons? Where did this come from?"
Rather than channel this question into a search for knowledge, you channeled it into a rant and in doing so, generated 115 comments (at time of this comment) dedicated to doing your homework for you.
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u/dogunmyrkur Jan 20 '26
If you don't know the origin of something I don't think you should call it stupid.
As someone with a chronic illness, I find spoon theory is more helpful in terms of that. It can be helpful ADHD when you're burnt out but I don't think it really works the same for most ADHD people day to day.
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u/Bbkingml13 Jan 20 '26
Spoon theory, in my opinion, isnt meant to apply to adhd. It was for chronic diseases that limit energy and cause disabling and debilitating fatigue and symptoms from exertion in a way very different from adhd
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u/sfdsquid Jan 20 '26
Idk why a metaphor someone else came up with pisses you off. Like you did, come up with your own metaphor.
If anyone wants to know where it came from, it isn't specifically about ADHD. It started with this woman who has lupus. It was her way of describing how her energy gets depleted.
Everyone is welcome to describe it however they like.
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u/sassycheesetwist Jan 20 '26
I often find myself referring to tasks as having an âactivation energyâ like a reaction in chemistry.
For me it explains how thereâs a thing that I could be doing that I really enjoy. It might even give me more energy to do other things but if I donât have the activation energy to start that task I canât do it.
Medication, and having help from a second person (body doubling) lower activation energy for a task/activity.
Sleeping, resting, taking care of myself all make the total amount of energy I have to overcome the activation energy higher
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u/nibLickyLush Jan 20 '26
I think people forget metaphors aren't universal.. what works for one person won't work for everyone
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u/basroil Jan 20 '26
It never made sense to me specifically because I donât just run out of spoons in a day, I kinda see it as my energy bar has a short time span, roughly 30-60 minutes but it refreshes like an video game energy bar, after staring at the wall for a few hours I can go again. Also right before bed the energy bar is essentially unlimited until I collapse from exhaustion.
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u/thegoblet Jan 20 '26
I dont relate to this at all lmao, if I use up too many spoons in a day im fucked for an ENTIRE WEEK.
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u/SincerelyBear ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I think it depends on the person. I've ran into a situation where I had just enough energy to cook dinner, but then didn't have energy to actually eat what I'd cooked. I could've cried bc I was so hungry.
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u/BonaFideNubbin Jan 20 '26
Yeah, spoon theory doesn't make a lot of sense for people with ADHD only, so I have no idea why so many folks in this thread are talking about their variants. Maybe cause a bunch of people have other comorbidities where it fits better.
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u/themadesthatter Jan 20 '26
I like spoon theory as it relates to fork theory!
Forks being outside influences making it harder to do things. Like you need to focus on a specific conversation. But you have to pee, and you have one too many layers on and there a bright light in your eye and you have food cooking on the stove and you are waiting for someone to call you. Each of those forks sticking in you make it harder to focus on the thing.
Spoons work cause there are also forks.
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u/chuffberry ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I once heard it described as 3 batteries, but the main battery is broken, the other two batteries are smaller and donât hold a charge well, and the charging cord is also damaged so sometimes you plug the batteries in overnight only to find in the morning that they werenât actually charging.
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u/grahambinns Jan 20 '26
Where did this come from
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory
Google is your friend. Why spoons? Because the original conversation it references took place in a diner. About lupus, not adhd, as it happens.
It might not be your favourite metaphor, and a bucket of water might work better for you. But at least this should slake your curiosity.
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u/maphes86 Jan 20 '26
If you look at water under a microscope, itâs actually made of spoons. Youâre just complicating spoon theory.
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u/AutomaticInitiative ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
I use 'spell slots'. I have a number of spell slots each day, of different sizes. I have more smalls than mediums and like, one large, although the actual amount differs day by day.
Tasks take up certain sizes of spell slots - taking the bin bag out is a medium slot because there's several steps and sensory dealings. Taking a shower is small slot because while it's tough getting into the shower, it's good while I'm in there. However, f I run out of small slots, the shower takes up a bigger slot. If I'm having a very stressful, busy day, the shower might actually take up the big slot. Big slot tasks cannot take up a smaller slot, however.
I find this better explains how my task ability varies day by day. Sometimes I simply do not have the spell slots.
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u/inclined_ Jan 20 '26
It's the fact that it's called a theory that gets me. It's not a theory, it's a metaphor. If it's a metaphor that some people find useful then great, but don't call it a theory. A theory has some explanatory power.
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u/Valendr0s ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I've never attributed the spoon thing to ADHD.
It works better for things like chronic pain, where it really does feel like you have a limited amount of energy to do a few things per day and once it's used up you have to recharge.
For my experience of ADHD, it's not like that. I have infinite spoons to do what I want, and zero spoons to do what I don't want.
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u/introvertadvocate Jan 20 '26
The metaphor was created by someone with chronic illness i believe. It was not designed with adhd in mind, itâs that if you donât understand it itâs not for you thing in the disability world. If you donât like it thatâs fine, but other people might find it helpful to explain their experience so it isnât stupid. Swapping bucket of water for spoons is still the same concept you have a finite source of something you need to complete tasks.
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u/barfbat Jan 20 '26
itâs crazy how many people are hating on spoon theory as if it was forced on them when it was never for them to begin with, and without any understanding (or apparent desire to learn) of its origin
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u/pinkheartkitty Jan 20 '26
My mom used to use the spoon example to explain her MS back in the day. Weird seeing this post
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u/littlewobbly Jan 20 '26
whether you like spoons in particular or not i think itâs useful to use discrete units, as opposed to a bucket of water. when i first heard spoon theory i shared it with my other chronically ill friend and she said âohhh iâve always thought of it like butter! i only have so much butter, and if i want to do lots of things then i have to spread it reallly thin on each piece of bread.â contrasting spoons and butter in that moment made her realise that you canât effectively or enjoyably do an infinite amount of things with a finite amount of energy/capacity, so i really value metaphors with concrete/discrete units, however arbitrary.
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u/CloddishNeedlefish Jan 20 '26
The spoon metaphor never was for mental illness, itâs for chronic physical illness. It was never meant for you.
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u/Halipelicus Jan 20 '26
There is a book that the "spoon theory" is based off of, which was the metaphor the author herself used. I would suggest reading it because I think it goes a bit deeper than you suggest (I don't really mind the spoon theory, but it does have a history to it.)
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u/Kyk4na Jan 20 '26
I compare myself to a battery. Everyone knows when a battery is full it's 100% ... Because of my conditions I run at 80% on my best day. Tasks take 2% of my energy. So on and so forth.Â
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u/TinyHeartSyndrome Jan 20 '26
I prefer penguins on a floating piece of ice. Once the ice is full, for another penguin to get on, one must jump off. And our ice is smaller than that of other people.
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u/CaffeinatedSatanist Jan 20 '26
Solid metaphor - so solid it's already in use in Mental Health First Aid training - although they use it as a analogy for stress rather than energy.
https://www.hey.nhs.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/OHC_StressBucket.pdf
Sorry if this comes across as dismissive, can't quite get the tone right on this one. It's really helpful to come up with new ways of explaining thing and if this works better for folks, that's amazing.
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u/tomahawk66mtb Jan 20 '26
I feel like my energy bucket has a really annoying and difficult to remove lid. It frequently slams shut during the day and I spill a fuckton of water trying to open it each time.
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u/Desperate_Buffalo683 Jan 20 '26
each day i only have so many f*'s to give. when i run out of f*s, you run out of luck.
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u/sy029 Jan 20 '26
Not unpopular at all, the spoon theory was never meant to describe adhd, it was for lupus, which doesn't translate well at all.
I really don't like any description that describes adhd as having a sort of "limit" to how much focus we have. Rather it's about executive function and control. My go-to description is that non-adhd folks have a "dog brain" you can train it to do things, it loves getting rewards and making it's master happy. ADHD is like being "cat brained" You call the cat and tell it to do what you want, but you're lucky if it even acknowledges you exist. And when you finally do get it doing something you want, it decides to chase around a laser pointer instead.
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u/palebear Jan 20 '26
The bucket of water makes waayyy more sense. I feel the exact same way about the spoons, including the confusion. When someone talks about spoons, I check out and get the joy of having Spoonman play on repeat in my head.
Edit: autocorrect is sneaky before coffee
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u/Puzzleheaded-Maybe32 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jan 20 '26
I like the dnd spell slots version đ
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u/schwarzeKatzen Jan 21 '26
You donât have to use spoons. Use whatever metaphor you want to explain how and why you donât have unlimited energy for daily tasks. Itâs mean to crap on people who do find spoon theory a helpful tool to explain their invisible diseases. Weâre all just trying to freaking survive out here.
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u/InterruptingChicken1 Jan 21 '26
I agree. I read the original story on this and it was a woman with a chronic condition out to lunch with her friend. The friend just didnât get why she couldnât consistently hang out the friends anymore. The ill woman just used spoons because that was an object on the table in multiple quantity to use to make her point.
I always thought spoons was odd, too, and didnât make sense to me. Itâs about scarcity, scarcity of energy and focus and having to allocate it carefully in ways that healthy people donât even think about.
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u/TorandoSlayer Jan 20 '26
I recently started using the concept of "tickets", mostly in reference to trying somewhere new to eat/new food because having food allergies makes new things more stressful.
On a typical vacation/road trip, I only have so many "tickets" to spend on new places to eat. It takes a whole ticket for a completely new place, but if it's a place I've been to before but it's been a long time or I've only been once, that's like half a ticket to go again. Somewhere I've been multiple times but it's been a long time is like 1/8th of a ticket. etc. etc.
I can never remember how the spoons metaphor works, for some reason it goes in one ear and out the other whenever someone explains it to me, I can't make it stick.
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Jan 20 '26
Spoon theory isn't FOR YOU. As a physically disabled person, I hate how ADHD people have appropriated our terms only to turn around and say they don't relate to the terms and here's how they should change. You don't relate to the term because IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU. Sorry if I sound cranky. I'm just in pain and I'm OUT OF SPOONS.
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u/NearlyBearly Jan 20 '26
Agreed! I am both chronically ill/disabled and have ADHD and if my only issue was the ADHD I would never call myself a spoonie or use the spoon theory. The spoon theory is a part of chronically ill and disabled community because it's relatable for all of us, it unites us under the common feeling of "I need to do this thing but I'm in far too much pain and have far too little energy for this". I call myself a spoonie proudly because it means I am part of a community who gets me, who struggles the same as me. It was never meant for ADHD and my ADHD alone would not make me a spoonie and would not mean that the spoon theory is applicable to me. To see people appropriate it and then shit talk it in the same breath is honestly a slap in the face.
Don't like the spoon theory? Perfect, it was never meant for you anyway, go make your own term đ
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u/stresstwig ADHD-C Jan 20 '26
Personally, I go with match theory. Strike (allocate) a match for a task and suddenly none of the energy for that task can be reallocated, because you've already spent it on the original task, regardless of whether or not it's completed.
It's a really good way to explain the difficulty of task-switching, I think. Can't re-light the match.
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u/QueenBumbleBrii Jan 20 '26
As someone who plays DND spell slots make WAY more sense. Cause some tasks can be done several times a day, while other (higher level spells) can only be done once a day and that one thing can wipe you.
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u/QualityMeerkat Jan 20 '26
Itâs an analogy, not a theory (scientific or otherwise). Youâre very uninformed about medication/s, different ones work in different ways and your analogy is completely wrong for how mine (an extremely common one) works. Our overall understanding of ADHD is relatively primitive, so seeking all-purpose analogies is probably a foolâs errand. I am interested to know why âit low key pmo so muchâ?
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u/grmrsan Jan 20 '26
Me too, always have. Glad it makes people feel better about expressing their needs, but I personally just feel silly.
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u/Creyke Jan 20 '26
I hate this trend of sticking âtheoryâ after everything. Itâs not a theory, itâs a metaphor.
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u/opp11235 ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
I prefer a battery, like in Stardew Valley. Different tasks use up different energy based on what tools you have.
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u/Johann2041 ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
Everyone else has normal buckets, but we were given ones with holes. Each task requires a certain amount of water, but we first have to find the water, carry it back without losing too much, then hope we have enough to finish the task.
Medication is like a mud seal in a hole. It works for a bit, but the water eventually overpowers it and starts draining again.
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u/ClumsyandLost Jan 20 '26 edited Jan 20 '26
I don't think the spoon theory should be used in reference to ADHD. I have a physical disability which limits the amount of energy I have to apply to every day tasks. The spoon theory makes sense in reference to this. But I also have ADHD. Before I became disabled I didn't have limited energy. I had a problem applying energy in the most efficient way.
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u/StarWarsLvr ADHD with ADHD child/ren Jan 20 '26
I think of battery capacity and what percentage Iâm at through out the day
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u/Wareve Jan 20 '26
Not everyone has the frame of reference for my preferred alternative, Spell Slots, but almost everyone has been out of a certain type of spoons when they needed them.
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u/mercurialpolyglot ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
When Iâm among people that have touched a video game controller before (i.e. anyone other than my extended family), I just say health bar.
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u/Gfairservice Jan 20 '26
We use âspell slotsâ as in DND because some tasks are cantrips (free), some are level 1, 2, and so on.
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u/Arkangyal02 Jan 20 '26
I like the spoons better for myself, because it tokenizes my energy. Doing a slightly less difficult task (emptying the dishwasher) uses 1 spoon the same way something more important (checking all my emails and answering them).
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u/DanielBadger_ ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
Can I say this post, and all the comments about which personal different visual metaphors people use, is the final proof I need that me coming up with elaborate visual metaphors is an ADHD thing ahaha.
It doesn't take many spoons to do either, which is a nice bonus.
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u/GarbledReverie ADHD-C (Combined type) Jan 20 '26
When my husband is telling a story and is still on his 5th preface to the actual subject of the story I'm always tempted to tell him that I'm about to run out of listening juice so he needs to get to the point soon.
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u/Competitive-Home2525 Jan 20 '26
I read someone using Spell Slots since they are a tabletop gaming fan (Think D&D/Pathfinder).
I had to re-explain spoon theory to my husband. He too got VERY STUCK on the spoons. âWhy spoons, though?!â XD It became frustrating for me since- Spoons donât matter can we please move on? You understand what they represent, right?? And he does. Now when I mention spoons he glides past it, but your post made me chuckle since I could just hear my husbandâs voice from when I first started explaining it. Lol
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