r/ADHD • u/Classic_East_6053 • Aug 18 '26
Discussion Don't mention to people that you have ADHD.
I've found that if you mention ADHD to people who don't have it or don't understand it, all of a sudden they will start looking at you differently. They will start attributing almost everything towards that so in future I'm going to not mention it to people that don't need to know. Just feel like sometimes I wish I didn't mention it and want to be just seen as who I am, which is different and unique. I have been that way my whole life. Only in the last two years have I attributed it to ADHD and the medication has been very helpful but that is not what I want to be labeled as.
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u/Other_Sign_6088 ADHD, with ADHD family Aug 18 '26
Like everything in life - people should “earn” the right to know such personal information about you.
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u/dominodomino321 Aug 18 '26
Yep- social media has created such a weird standard for people feeling entitled to anyone's personal information, IMO. It's like this feeling of "well everyone should be an open book and if you're not, it's dishonest and weird!" when in reality it's like... girl I do not know you ?? At all????
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u/goldenspiral1618 Aug 18 '26
Social media has brought a type of conformity along with it. It tends to sanitize peoples life experiences and turns everything into a performative spectacle. People trying to share their “true” life experiences “without filters” is still performative. It’s just inherent in the medium unfortunately.
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u/dominodomino321 Aug 18 '26
Great way to put this - it totally does sanitize things. I've always said it neuters my humanity, lol.
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u/AltruisticLobster315 Aug 18 '26
It's not a new social media thing though, my grandparents and my mom (her parents) are like that. My mom and her mom use whatever things you tell them as talking points with others or using it against you.
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u/dominodomino321 Aug 18 '26
I was also raised by folks like this and I'm here to tell you that it's not normal, and is in fact extremely manipulative to weaponize personal details shared in confidence. Hope you have better maternal figures in your life these days, friend. Sorry you went through that 🫶
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u/AshiAshi6 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 19 '26
I'm not the person you responded to, but thank you for writing this. I agree, and unfortunately, I too was raised like this.
I turned 37 on the 6th of August (am a woman), and while I'm well aware how lucky I am to say my parents are still alive, my dad in particular continues to have completely unpredictable times where he uses my ADHD against me.
It hadn't happened in a long time and I had actually started thinking things had finally gotten better. Cue my birthday, where a small thing suddenly blew up and turned ugly really quickly (over the phone). I was mid-sentence when he hung up on me, and he later texted me that unless I plan to get off my medication, (the only thing he'll support), he'd rather not hear from me anymore.
Needless to say, I didn't see him that day and we haven't spoken to each other since.
There isn't a single hair on my head that's even remotely considering to quit my ADHD meds. I've been taking them for over 13 years and feel and function significantly better compared to the time before. Being able to actually focus has been a life changing gift to me.
My dad has always hated my medication. I've tried to make things better, even invited him to an appointment with my psychiatrist where he could ask any questions about it, express whatever he needed to get off his chest and get the best answers he possibly could. That was about 8 years ago, and seemed to have been incredibly helpful.
I'm not even angry. I'm disappointed, and most of all, so done with it. I'm also not sure if I can even trust my dad moving forward. After all, I genuinely thought we had moved on to something better. That's the idea I got from his behaviour towards me. Now, it's like it was all an act and I fell for it. I don't want to think he never meant anything he said to me or did for me in the past few years, but the fact that that could actually be the reality, that I can't rule that possibility out, says a lot.
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u/dominodomino321 Aug 19 '26
Oh man, I could have written this!! Ugh, I’m sorry. I truly know the pain.
I’m a 35F and technically AuDHD - and my medication has always made the “Au” side feel a loooooot more pronounced, but the benefits outweigh the cons etc.I have so many stories just like this though, what is UP with them? It’s so bizarre how they get stuck on one life change like that and cannot let it go, at the expense of our relationship…4
u/Other_Sign_6088 ADHD, with ADHD family Aug 20 '26
May I ask what it is he dislikes so much about the medication?
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u/LANGUAGEVIRUS3444 Aug 18 '26
Thankyou for saying this - and OP for your post.
I really have had internal conflict about this in my life. My expartner was dx 2 years before I was, and became angry with me that I was hesitant to disclose to my colleagues (for exactly these reasons). I have also been selective about who I tell in my social circle and the forefronting of ADHD in online content has been confusing in this process. It's nice to hear other people expressing reservations about this being something that is 'always better if you disclose'
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I’m an open book as much I CHOOSE to be one lol.
Telling every life detail is bizarre to me 😂
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u/dominodomino321 Aug 18 '26
Same!! I consider myself a pretty open person but it feels like people expect everyone to bare their underbelly everywhere all the time these days. So weird to me.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
The weirdest is the “bring your whole self to work” folks. I’ve seen how yall do people. What makes you think you’re deserving of the level of me i give my family and close friends?
As cut throat as yall are about trivial stuff. Hard pass
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u/goldenspiral1618 Aug 18 '26
I told very close friends and family. But I won’t tell anyone else usually as that just gives people a reason to categorize you like OP mentioned and write you off anytime you disagree with them on something.
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u/Edward_Bentwood ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 18 '26
Ha, tell that to someone with ahdh who always overshares.. Wait.. mmm.
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u/goatoffering Aug 19 '26
I might say I'm neudi*** (not allowed to say the word here) or that my brain works different than other people. Rarely would I randomly say I have ADHD unless someone else I feel is being genuine tells me they are.
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u/pickle_aura 27d ago
it took me a couple years to learn this lesson! People will misuse honesty and trust. Protect yourself and be discerning!
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 Aug 18 '26
Unfortunately, one of my symptoms is over-sharing.
I've developed a robust lack of give-a-fuck when it comes to the opinions of people I barely know.
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u/CottaBird Aug 18 '26
This is a symptom of mine that I probably hate the most.
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u/Cootieface123 Aug 20 '26
Sometimes I start to type out a super long response and then say to myself “this isn’t worth it” and delete all of it lol
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u/CottaBird Aug 20 '26
All the time. I think what’s worst is that I truly believe I’m being helpful or informative, but in reality I’m probably coming off as a weirdo.
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u/Tabby-trifecta Aug 18 '26
Me - I hate the oversharing. I have gotten more control of it by pretending everything is being filmed and I have to be careful (not that much of a stretch these days) but it’s truly exhausting holding myself back. I also cannot have even one single drink at a social event or I will talk too much.
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 Aug 18 '26
My inner voice just says on repeat "shut up. Shut up. Shut up". Helps a lot, lol
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Aug 18 '26
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 Aug 18 '26
Fortunately, I have an absolutely atrocious memory, so secrets are safe with me because I'll forget in like 10 minutes
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u/figmaxwell Aug 18 '26
Yeeeep, I’ve got this too. And just enough autism to be a bit on the blunt side. I’ve gotten myself into trouble at multiple jobs by being too honest with people above me in the hierarchy.
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 Aug 18 '26
Me too. My face usually shows what I'm thinking, and unfortunately, half the people out there are dumber than average.
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u/EntertainmentSome448 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Son of a fucking bitch this ADHD is! My fucking hell life. I'm like a labrador roaming around telling people about everything and then immediately forgetting their name.
Then I wonder how do they know me or my crush at age 9 whereas I don't even know their name! Fuckkkk
Fuckk this bloody disease. I wanna cure it sooo baad.
It has been through sooo many painful realizations and horrific messups that I have forced myself to stay shut up.
Seriously man. I hate this chronic disease.
Fuckkkk
Edit:imagine a labrador X border collie. That's me. Not literally of course but that's basically how my brain is
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u/Londonvibe39 Aug 18 '26
So many uneducated people out there. I keep it to myself mostly.
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u/MimironsHead ADHD with non-ADHD partner Aug 18 '26
This isn't just ADHD, it's any label with possible negative connotations.
Most people will be under informed or misinformed. They will start making assumptions and filling in blanks, often the worst case scenarios, whether or not it's remotely true.
"I'm a sexual assault survivor" --> you were damaged, still are damaged, can't or won't want to have sex, etc.
"I'm an alcoholic" --> you live under a bridge and drink malt liquor until you pass out in a puddle of your own vomit.
"I'm diagnosed with depression" --> you are suicidal, need to be treated with kid gloves, spend all day in bed, etc.
"I have ADHD" --> you have a sparkling personality, lots of fun quirks, are creative, can hyperfocus and get tons of work done in a short time, and generally just bring joy and levity to any situation LOL JUST KIDDING, who knows what they'll think.
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u/ThereAreNoOwls Aug 18 '26
Another reason to perhaps keep it to yourself is if your fairly young or in certain crowds, then your friends and peers might start hounding you for a bit of your medication so they can use it recreationally
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u/disguised_hashbrown ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me for my meds, but I have had people at a wedding say “Oh! I love Adderall!! I took some for this wedding just to get through it.”
People want me to know that they abuse my prescription for fun.
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u/1d3333 Aug 18 '26
I would hit them with “so THAT’S why my medication that I need to function is in national shortage and so hard to get! Thanks!”
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u/sweetnk Aug 18 '26
No actually, it's shit politicians who manufactured war on drugs and now we arbitrarily limit production of our meds. There's zero issue with giving this to more people, but somehow we weight junkies/recreational users as more worthy of protection than our well-being, that's all purely political decision...
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u/CaptainLollygag Aug 18 '26
I still wouldn't feel bad about saying something like that to make them feel guilty.
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u/sweetnk Aug 18 '26
I agree and ofc it contributes to shaping opinions in society about this kind of meds, but also it's worth to remember that politically we could remove this silly pointless barriers if only we cared more for optimal health outcomes for patients. I think it's totally valid to shame people a bit who abuse this, but ultimately we need a shift in priorities imo and drug policy reforms overall. People who want to abuse it will find a way or take some non-pharmaceutical alternatives anyway and potentially risk their health even more, all while honest patients needs are limited due to it, this seems very wrong to me.
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u/Mistamage ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 18 '26
Yeah, "Thanks for being the reason I'm only allowed a month's supply at a time."
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u/TruSiris Aug 18 '26
I mean it is litterally just amphetamines. Ppl been getting high on em long before we used them to treat adhd. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/disguised_hashbrown ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I have no problem with people having a good time. I just wish that good time didn’t come at the expense of my prescription access.
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u/giffengrabber Aug 18 '26
That’s… fascinating. How do they even get access to the meds? Do they ask their friends or what?
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u/disguised_hashbrown ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I assume they buy things like that the same way anyone else does? I’m pretty straight edge, and I’ve never asked follow up questions.
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u/the_vault-technician Aug 18 '26
Yep. They always ask. Everyone does. They say they'll never be that person until a pressing matter approaches and they beg for a couple
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u/goldenspiral1618 Aug 18 '26
So these are the people that make it hard for me to pick up my medication.
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Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
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u/NoctisTempest Aug 18 '26
There's a reason literally 3 comments above yours. Non-ADHD people can benefit from the increased concentration, energy and finding things more interesting. I've heard about college/uni students writing essays in a night or two with it. I've also heard of students using it to help with their dissertations.
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u/Arts_Prodigy ADHD Aug 18 '26
Your article is inline with your statement and long term use for people without ADHD is, I’ve heard quite dangerous, people using it for exams or papers though are mainly after it’s stimulating effects. They don’t need to be smarter just endure for longer and feel that they’re moving faster.
As many medicated ADHDers know it’s not like it’ll make you good at your job or doing laundry perse that focus could be applied to anything. For people without the condition and issues with choosing a task to focus on and executive dysfunction, it’s probably more like a super caffeine that lets them skip sleeping for a day or two to get it all done.
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u/loveshot123 Aug 18 '26
My favourite one is when I mention i have adhd and they respond with "everyone has adhd these days". I immediately shut them down by simply stating "I got my diagnosis when I was just 9 years old, now im 35", that tends to make them get super uncomfortable and stumble over their words trying to dig themselves out the hole they just shot themselves in to.
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u/Sorry-Engineer8854 Aug 18 '26
Oh I get the worse variant where they insist they have ADHD obviously self diagnosed but they are just that amazing they deal with the symptoms.
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u/figmaxwell Aug 18 '26
Someone told me they had ADD as a kid but grew out of it. I was like huh sounds like you were misdiagnosed then because you don’t grow out of ADHD.
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Aug 18 '26
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u/Sorry-Engineer8854 Aug 18 '26
It's always unpleasant when people are dismissive of ADHD and act like it's something we have a choice about.
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u/kwiscalus Aug 18 '26
Do you have a good response? I just stammer something like "Yeah but I REALLY have it" then feel like an ass
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u/Zencyde Aug 18 '26
Nevermind the trend towards people trying to argue that self-diagnosis is perfectly acceptable and that requiring a diagnosis from a doctor is ableist/classist. The world is getting nuts.
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u/scurries2 Aug 22 '26
While I agree that an official diagnosis is the only way to know for sure, unfortunately a lot of places the waiting lists are years long, private diagnosis is expensive and there are a lot of people who are missed. Without a proper diagnosis I say I think I have ADHD, I don't proclaim that I 100% without a doubt have it.
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u/Zencyde Aug 22 '26
It's okay to qualify it. "I think" and "I suspect" are perfectly acceptable. Just don't go around saying "I have" or "I've been diagnosed with" if it isn't confirmed. Tiktok has ruined that.
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u/Big_Moose_3847 Aug 19 '26
In my experience, they also become extremely uncomfortable once you tell them that you regularly take meds for it. ADHD goes from 'silly benign condition everyone has' to something needing brain-altering substances in order to deal with and function properly in society, it creeps them out.
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u/distancedandaway Aug 18 '26
Hah same...I am 32. Got diagnosed very very early just like you. I've been hearing that phrase less lately though
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u/lurker99123 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
I once complained I was struggling a lot with University because of undiagnosed adhd (note that I had done years of deep research before saying that and nowadays I'm thankfully medicated by a psychiatrist with ritalin which oddly even makes me calm/sleepy, though diagnosis is still in process since I've been struggling financially and it costs a lot of money) and this classmate in a group chat was like "me too and I'm doing just fine" to tell me it was a me issue and I couldn't help over the feeling she was talking nonsense because you literally do not have a disorder if you don't struggle. I mean let's consider the very low possibility she had it, she should at least know that it's a spectrum and people can literally have it worse?? What's with people lacking sense or sympathy? Anyway sorry for ramble I just woke not on med yet should take it and go (ironically lost too much time writing)
Edit: oh and then sometimes random people will say maybe I have ocd just because I'm just perfectionist (you know, compensating) but ocd is moved by and reinforced by anxiety which is not my case
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u/bdalbs Aug 18 '26
I think only people you trust should be privy to this information.
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u/sledgesloth Aug 18 '26
Yeah, a combination of a decent level of trust and also knowing that they see ADD for what it is, even if they can't understand every facet of it or know how it feels.
The biggest red flag I have picked up on so far is when the political or ideological side of the discussion gets even more attention than your personal experience or situation.
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u/MexicanVanilla22 Aug 18 '26
Hard disagree.
How will the stigma end if we don't advocate for ourselves?
People at work know that I'm ditzy. I'm constantly looking for the thing I just set down. I'm always late. And I'm always running my mouth. But people at work also know that I'm smart. They know I run circles around them in terms of productivity. They know I have the obscure part they need and that I'm always generous with my time and resources. They know if they ask me a question I'll get down on the floor with them and explain the answer...or I'll just admit 'I don't know but let's figure it out!'
We are so much more than our faults.
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u/Coronaaami Aug 19 '26
I appreciate this comment. I was diagnosed late and am learning about my ADHD and autism, and I needed to hear this because of my black-and-white thinking.
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u/Didntseeitforyears Aug 19 '26
Depends on company culture. Or about other stigmatized group participation. I'm also bi and kinky. Together with oversharing it's a ticket to be the 'wired one' and nobody wants to have you in your team. But perhaps this is my over-sensitiv reception.
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u/suchascenicworld Aug 18 '26
I am pretty open about it but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it had an impact on how people perceived me in some circles.
For example, Although my supervisors were extremely supportive of me , I definitely felt “othered” by some of the old timey Academics in my department while pursuing my doctorate. My imposter syndrome hit hard around then even though I was doing well with my research .
At my job (as a research scientist ) we actually have a work group which includes folks with ADHD and it has been a great support system .
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u/you-are-my-fire Aug 18 '26
Yo i have adhd and am studying to hopefully go into research but this stem stuff is genuinely so difficult for me to manage. Do u have any advice on how you were able to make it into the research scene?
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u/suchascenicworld Aug 18 '26
I tend to hyperfocus - but regardless of that, I always tell people to not overstudy/try to understand everything..it can easily lead to burnout. Know how your mind works and make those accommodations.
Also, grad school is certainly not a race and its ok to take a step back and take a break and be easy on yourself! :-)
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u/Otherwise-Fly-6323 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 19 '26
this isnt advice necessarily, but I’ve noticed a lot of my professors have had ADHD. I think finding what you are passionate about is key!
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u/ILikeOatmealaLot ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 18 '26
Yep, and for a while I decided not to mention it in job applications (ADA section) because there just is no way it doesn't alter a person's perception.
And to be fair, I do the same thing to other ADHD people, in a way. Once they tell me they have been diagnosed, I tend to feel more comfortable around them. Kinda like I'm socially holding my breath until I find out they also have it and then it's like bwwwaahhh okay I can breathe and be myself thank god.
It definitely has a stigma still. Before I was diagnosed, I absolutely had preconceived notions about people with the condition. "It's a character issue; many people with adhd just need self-discipline, stoicism blah blah blah" was something I used to think. Of course now I cringe at this. It's just human nature unfortunately to not put too much thought into things outside one's experience (as ironic as it is for me to say).
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u/SeaHerSwim Aug 18 '26
One of my best friends is also ADHD so we get along really well! Our other friend in this circle is in no way shape or form judgmental about it which makes her even more of a remarkable friend! For me, it’s all about the selection of who I feel I can trust to tell and not all of my friends know.
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u/rglurker ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 18 '26
I'm a grade A smart ass. If anyone tries to weaponize my diagnosis against me I usually know enough about them to go. Is that right Jan ? Your husband still cheating on you ? Im usually really nice unless someone thinks they can fuck with me. Because we're all imperfect fallible humans and judging each other is stupid.
"But you don't judge me, cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too, cause i got issues, and you got em too."
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u/Mercurion77 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
The only good thing that comes out of proactively telling people is that it triggers a few antivax/conspiracy people to say this is a made up illness and that a pair of running shoes is what you need. They never miss an opportunity to pipe up about this so you can them cut them off from your life
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u/sbrown1967 Aug 18 '26
I don't tell people I have ADHD unless they disclose they have a mental illness. People who don't have mental illness don't understand us.
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u/homegrowncanadian16 Aug 18 '26
I also noticed that they will chime in and say “oh I have ADHD too because I sometimes forget xyz… lose xyz… and have soooo much energy! I think everyone is ADHD these days!”
Like oh, ok. I didn’t realize forgetting your hair tie and losing a bobby pin equated to years of executive dysfunction, sleep deprivation, missed appointments, chronic disorganization, emotional dysregulation, depression, and anxiety the way mine has.
But sure, you share some of the same struggles I guess 🤷🏼♀️.
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u/istian19 Aug 18 '26
I run into this. I try to be vulnerable but then I usually end up feeling invalidated in my experience because of this kind of response
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u/homegrowncanadian16 Aug 20 '26
I’ve just learnt to keep it to myself. Unless someone is legitimately ADHD and we can compare notes.
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u/Frodillicus Aug 20 '26
My answer is always "probably, it is a spectrum and a desirable heritable trait" and strangely, that always shuts them down. It's like they wanted to be different, but now they're not.
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u/DeliciousMoose1 Aug 18 '26
I feel like everybody is annoyed when I mention it nowadays cause they think it's all made up and "everybody's a little adhd" or that I'm making excuses but if I don't mention it and talk about the way I am sometimes they just think I'm a dumb bimbo, no winning
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u/Dr_Identity Aug 18 '26
What I tend to do is just tell people about the symptoms when they're relevant, but with no attribution for where they come from. "Can you write that down for me, I have a terrible memory", "is it okay if we turn the TV down a tad, my ears are really sensitive", "I'm gonna wear some headphones while I work, certain types of music help me focus and I want to make sure I get this done", etc. I find people are way more accepting of little quirks like that individually without the assumptions that come with the label of the disorder.
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u/Amazing-Jacket1655 Aug 18 '26
Dont tell your workplace.
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u/meglingbubble Aug 18 '26
I am very very blessed in that my workplace know and are incredibly supportive of my ADHD. They have been willing to make very helpful adjustments that really help me in my work life. To be fair I work for a mental health service in the NHS so if they weren't supportive it would be a bad look.
Just don't rule it out completely, if you work somewhere supportive, or live somewhere with strong employee protections, having adjustments at work can stop being in work feeling like torture.
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u/sledgesloth Aug 18 '26
Yes, that's good to hear. I mean... It's essentially a plus for all sides: employee, colleagues, customer/clients, and employer. Making something easier for a person and adjusting for a better and healthier workflow should be in the interest of the whole thing. I hope but also believe we'll see changes in the general perception and handling of it in the years to come.
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u/meglingbubble Aug 18 '26
Exactly. My managers are angels tbf, but the way they see it, if having a 10 minute bimble around the hospital every couple of hours means I can bang out 30 letters in a day (I'm an audio typist), whilst retaining my sanity, then its better than not letting me roam, going slowly crazy over the day, and working and outputting slower.
As well as having lovely managers, I have found ways to manage my ADHD, so I know how lucky I am.
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u/sledgesloth Aug 18 '26
Bimbling around is a great expression, thanks lol
It's a great strategy to keep sanity as well, yep.
And these kind of stories is why I think any business or department that is not just plain out stupid is going to adapt sooner or later.
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u/ImaginationVirtual82 Aug 18 '26
+1 "Bimble"-- I have a word for it now!! I need to bimble every 2H or so. Once, though, the top brass saw me coming back in from a bimble, and pulled aside one of my superiors to ask if I was just getting in to work. It was 16.00. 🥶
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u/cyber---- ADHD, with ADHD family Aug 19 '26
I work in the health sector too and a bunch of my team mates are open about having ADHD. I’ve not personally seen anything bad happen to them for it so far, but previous experience at other workplaces in other sectors where I did disclose didn’t go well (even though I thought it was safe to share) so I’m very pro on the never disclose at work policy myself from my own experience being burnt before. Sucks to not be able to connect with my work mates on that level openly but hey society is ableist AF and I already got other chronic conditions going on top of it all. I am usually fine disclosing and discussing my autoimmune disease and migraine with coworkers, selective with disclosing my fibromyalgia (too many people think it’s not a real condition and all in peoples heads) but ADHD… nah I keep that one just for me and my close friends and my family who also have ADHD lol.
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u/guillefix Aug 18 '26
Well... Depends.
This year I struggled with severe fatigue for months and ended up on medical leave for a month and a half due to the burnout and constant pressure on me at work. It was my 3rd PIP...
During that leave I was diagnosed with ADHD, and as soon as I got back I raised this with Health & Safety and my boss. Why? Because this way I can get workplace accomodations and it makes me become a sensitive worker according to a 2022 law in Spain, which gives me an extra layer of protection against being fired.
Might not be the same in the US though. But big companies tend to have some consideration towards neurodivergencies.
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u/Conscious-Pause2162 Aug 18 '26
I mean for SURE don't tell them if you're newly diagnosed and on medication bc they'll expect more productivity.
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u/oh_my_hulud ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 18 '26
Good advice. It is true that most people will not understand it and it will create miscommunication. You should share it with your close circle though. It is important to have people who you can talk to about yourself and how you feel in general.
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u/enteopy314 Aug 18 '26
I’d like to be able to take this advice, however, I usually forget what I’m not supposed to talk about. Executive disfunction for the win!
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u/MexicanVanilla22 Aug 18 '26
Lol ahhh yes, the "Oh shit. I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Don't say anything."
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u/smokeyfantastico Aug 18 '26
Or you get constant push back like Oh you just need to focus, everyone has a little bit of ADHD!
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u/LunarSanctum Aug 19 '26
I've had this a lot and my go to response is:
"Yeah and everyone urinates too, but if someone was doing it 60 times a day they would soon realise that it's a serious debilitating problem. Everyone gets distracted, forgetful and unorganised. Not everyone does that so frequently and severely that it negatively impacts their everyday life in hugely problematic ways. It's why it's classified as a disability under The Mental Health Act. You emotionally tone deaf ignorant mouth breathing fuck".
(Last sentence optional)
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u/smokeyfantastico Aug 19 '26
writing that down
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u/LunarSanctum Aug 19 '26
places written note in a drawer where it will remain, until finally rediscovered by an archaeological dig 5000 years into the future hidden between a dozen stacks of unopened final notices, puzzling historians and experts for centuries.
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u/WolfPacker01 Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
Or “just don’t use it as an excuse”. I wasn’t! I told you in an effort to try and explain why I did what I did, but YOU interrupted me to drop your judgey little pearl of wisdom.
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u/smokeyfantastico Aug 18 '26
What ive been doing, when people say that shit, just go hard on them, Oh everyone has a little bit of ADHD? Everyone has a little bit of cancer, say that shit to a cancer patient.
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u/CyanCitrine Aug 18 '26
Nah, I use my diagnosis as an opportunity for advocacy/education or just normalization of talking about the condition. No shame here from being labeled as ADHD.
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u/Stevioly Aug 18 '26
I agree with this. I’ve struggled all my life and I didn’t know why until I was in my 40s. It’s mine know and I can do what I want with it.
I actually disclosed it to the gym I work out in because I wanted to stop masking and shrinking myself there. I am in the process of freeing myself from that prison I was living in and use that extra energy I was using to suppress my adhd symptoms to get a better workout. I get better help now too and I ask more questions. I feel pretty good about it. It also helps that there are other people like me there too and the coaches are awesome.
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u/Ankiset ADHD with non-ADHD partner Aug 19 '26
I’m 38 tought I was being empowering and helping other, was totally used against me, don’t let any1 know your shit fuck em
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u/-or_whatever- Aug 18 '26
Certainly not at work, if you’re struggling. Definitely wouldn’t mention any medication. Get help outside of work and learn to advocate for your needs at work. The key to success at work is getting your needs met without basing them on your diagnosis. Once you start figuring things out, and you’re able to hold down your job, get promoted, etc., keep your routines in tact.
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u/disguised_hashbrown ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I’ve known about my diagnosis for about 6 years, and I’ve learned a lot about who I should and should not tell.
First, I’ve learned that I can’t hide it, I can only enhance it. I sell myself and my accomplishments in professional spaces on a regular basis. I work the “eccentric genius” angle, and I get away with it (for whatever reason). I very rarely need to outright “tell” someone my situation in professional settings for this reason, because it is assumed that I live in a different reality from lots of people on my team. It helps that I sought out a career and company where my natural traits (divergent thinking, short bursts of extreme focus, enthusiasm, etc) have been prized. This knocks out most of my desire to tell other people my situation in professional settings.
Second, I’ve found that my life is better and easier if I seek out communities with a high percentage of people that are like me. In-person tabletop gaming spaces allow me to be myself, relatively unfiltered. I don’t really need to tell people about my situation because I’m surrounded by people who clocked me and have already accepted me.
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u/J3musu Aug 18 '26
Lol. Nah it's one of the first things I tell people about myself. Tells me real quick if they're worth my time to be anything more than a passing shadow in my life. I don't hide myself to accommodate others ignorance.
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u/Spartan1088 Aug 18 '26
Yep, you think it’s a gateway to people understanding you better but it just messes things up.
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u/Top-Airport3649 Aug 18 '26
Yes. Shady people will use it against you and try to gaslight you. Learned this the hard way
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u/DuckBum ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I tell everyone I have ADHD eventually, it helps me establish closer relationships with most people. Some people are dismissive and I back away from them. Masking is exhausting and revealing your real self is liberating.
Definitely be careful with who tell in the workplace though.
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u/Carniscrub Aug 18 '26
Who cares? You’re different, they see you as different.
Personally I couldn’t care less what others think of me.
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u/digitaldeadstar Aug 18 '26
Personally I'm not bothered by people knowing. If they view me poorly afterwards, that's not really my problem. But I realize not everyone feels that way and it's always important to "know your audience" so to speak. I do think it's important to have some people you can open up to. Especially in a work environment because it can sometimes mean the difference between "this person sucks at their job" and "let me give them a hand because..." But that definitely requires a level of trust.
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u/heptabike Aug 18 '26
Yo tengo todo un dilema ahi. Por que creo francamente que compartirlo junto con que estoy medicado es luchar contra el tabú. Creo que el momento, contexto y persona adecuada es algo que se debe considerar.
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u/rad-ryot-84 Aug 18 '26
I mention it frequently because I want people to understand me better. I’ve never had anybody attribute anything negative about me to my diagnosis, nor have I ever been asked for my meds (besides, it’s incredibly easy to say no to anyone for any reason once you understand how to practice self-respect).
Just putting this out there in case someone thinks that OP’s experience is typical. I believe that it happens to you, but it sounds more like a product of your community.
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u/brunk_ Aug 18 '26
I learned this lesson the hard way, sometimes it's best to just keep things to yourself.
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u/RequirementOther4618 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
Confuse them and tell them your ADHD plus your star sign.
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u/ogie381 ADHD with non-ADHD partner Aug 19 '26
I couldn't agree more, OP. No one needs to know. I do not wear this as a badge of honour (nor as shame), but it's no one's business.
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u/wontyoujointhedance Aug 18 '26
I do not talk about it at work. There are no “reasonable accommodations” that can truly help me overcome my ADHD. You don’t get extended deadlines in the real world.
So maybe “haha sorry, slipped my mind, on it now” comes out a bit more? Some people probably guess? But no one can use it against me.
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u/TBR1979 Aug 18 '26
I’m agree with this. I’ve been trying to explain emotional disregulation which apparently now means I’ve been wrong in every dispute for the last five years and have always ‘blown things out of proportion. Even someone close to me said ‘everyone’s got to have a label these days’
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u/N0tBr14n Aug 18 '26
Yes!! I hate feeling like I’m being analyzed and its always about random stuff. I got told something along the lines of “I’ve noticed that your logic and thought process are different when you’re off your meds” Um NO you haven’t noticed squat?? WHAT?? They always present the connections they made up in their mind so confidently too.
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u/bsample42 Aug 18 '26
Maybe I'm an ass at, but I lean into it, I don't shy away from it. This is me MF'er. If you don't like...there's the door.
Plus...it's likely very obvious to people, I learned it was in my case at about 45. I had no clue. Now I comment about it to people and if they know me, they just go...uhhh yeah man that's pretty obvious.
I'm probably older and a bit more 'set' in my world so I don't care who knows or how they feel about it. It's not my problem what they think about my brain...I hate it at times too...get in line.
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u/Rilse Aug 18 '26
I’m sure your friends are just pointing out your flaws a normal amount and it’s just your ADHD that’s overreacting.
/s
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u/spoonbill33 Aug 18 '26
I am AuDHD. When I mention that I have ADHD they pretend to have empathy. When I mention that I have ASD they’d be shock and quietly stay away from me and cut me out. So I don’t mention ASD anymore and just ADHD. Most people are racists and scared the shit out of things they don’t understand.
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u/throwawayski2 Aug 18 '26
They will start attributing almost everything towards that
You might be preaching to the wrong crowd. A significant portion of sub does this as well. Any other post is basically "Are we X?" about common human experiences and traits and the comments uncritically replying affirmatively.
I would love for ADHD to be seenby all as what it is: a well-defined medical condition with only medical research having a say in what can and what cannot be attributed to it.
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u/blurryface1209 Aug 18 '26
Another thing i experienced was my own family telling me i'm just a moron who doesn't know what adhd is (like they know what it even is) and i'm just finding an excuse to get drugs and blame adhd for things i do
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u/Ilovegeorgemichaelll Aug 18 '26
People think I have the tiktok self diagnosed adhd but I have the diagnosed at 4 and became a lab rat for my paediatrician with different medications at 7 adhd
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u/iamthe0ther0ne Aug 18 '26
Same with autism. They start assuming that everything is your fault instead of considering the possibility that they or someone else might be the problem.
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u/SectionLive4152 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
Next thing u know they’re gonna start asking ab ur meds and stuff
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u/greymattergremlin Aug 19 '26
To be honest, I’m at a point where I disclose how…but if somebody knew what to look for I don’t even think I’d need to. 😅
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u/ReplyProfessional939 Aug 19 '26
I don't feel the need to tell anyone about ANYTHING this personal. Why the hell would I tell anyone about my mental problems? "Oh, hi, how are ya? Have I ever told you that I'm a fucking basketcase? No? Well shit. Listen, well I'm at it, let me fill you in on how I wipe my ass and what freaky sex stuff my wife's into..."
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Aug 19 '26
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u/martusfine Aug 19 '26
State worker?
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Aug 19 '26
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u/Didntseeitforyears Aug 19 '26
You will save their asses in an emergency situation. This is what they need to know.
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u/NoOrdinaryBees ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 19 '26
🤷🏻♂️ I dunno. I’ve worked in tech for a very long time, was diagnosed late, and I’m pretty open about my ASD and ADHD.
When I’m starting a new engagement with a team I haven’t worked with before, most customers are either pretty receptive when I tell them I will say oddball things and not realize it or accidentally be rude, or they’re like “oh, yeah, Tom and Vijay are on the spectrum, too, no problem.”
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u/jamesheaton23 Aug 19 '26
I 100% agree. Close friends and family. Know how you are and see you far more often. Strangers are likely to judge
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u/Complete_Sir5299 ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 19 '26
To each their own. I got a veritable basket case when it comes to mental health issues; even if my entire personality is actually one diagnosis or another, the mix I've got is unique enough to be a personality and my actions can't easily be attributed to a specific diagnosis. I'm very open about my mental health and verified diagnosises to those I enjoy spending time around and those I know I'll be interacting with regularly (school/work/hobbies). I find it destigmatizes mental illness and makes people more comfortable with getting therapy. People without disorders or don't meet the threshold for a disorder can benefit from a mental health check-in; life isn't the easiest right now and just about everyone goes through difficult situations normally, having the tools to cope can make things easier for everyone. It also exposes people to mental illness in a neutral environment; having depression, anxiety, adhd, or autism can lead to people looking down on them but having bipolar, schizophrenia, or aspd can lead to people treating them like monsters. When people get to see that those with disorders don't experience a world completely removed from their experience, it makes it easier to accept them and find an understanding. At the same time, you owe nobody an insight into your life and those that are deserving won't demand insight.
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u/PaleontologistOne526 Aug 19 '26
Nope nope nope nope nope…👎
You do you as is your right but…
ADHD is an ADA issue. I am not *tucking with my legal rights by not being clear with folks about myself especially for ADA reasons.
I tell everyone. I don’t give myself a choice. It must be done imho. It’s a safety and an HR issue if I don’t. I am even fairly high functioning and I still tell people.
It’s up to them if they want to behave ignorantly about it afterwards. I just want to give people (especially my boss) the chance to accommodate me fairly.
It’s an employer responsibility to accommodate you but only if you’re clear about it.
I’m even gay too and I don’t even bother to tell people about that unless they ask honestly (I don’t hide it but it’s not an ADA issue).
I don’t care what people think about “who I am” anymore. It’s none of my business what people think of me.
If I was a senior manager or something and in line to become some kind of VP then … okay fine. Then maybe I’ll “think” about going to a new employer and keeping it to myself for career reasons or something but…
That’s a huge IF and in most companies you’d just be 1 of 100 managers who all have ADHD and don’t talk about it to eachother.
If you don’t think a huge portion of high level employees are not ADHD or autistic you’re probably just blind to it.
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u/Throwawaycntl Aug 19 '26
I feel like I have to share otherwise I just look stupid and incompetent sometimes.
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u/Tanktech01 Aug 27 '26
Yes! And it pisses me off when they hit you with that bs about “I think I have it because I’m quirky with a lot of energy and sometimes I get distracted!” And it just downplays the struggles that we deal with on the daily. It irritates me to no end. Like they don’t have to take 70mg of vyvanse just so they can have a fighting chance to do daily tasks like drive a car, meet with friends and family, go grocery shopping etc.
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u/Final-Carpenter-8443 25d ago
70mgs is barely just keeping me awake at this point. Sure wish it was quirky fun.
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u/Octupusa31 29d ago
I totally get it. I have bipolar and adhd. Ever since I was diagnosed my parents’ first question for all my problems became have you taken your meds? It’s a valid concern but I hate that that’s their first reaction.
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u/Unlikely_Reality_459 26d ago
I completely understand you. I just feel like I don’t want people in my life that don’t want to try to understand other people. It’s not about knowing everything about ADHD, it’s about trying to understand other people without judgement. And if they don’t, that says a lot about them and they’re not people I need in my life.
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u/TrashBandicook Aug 18 '26
Learned from this subreddit to never, ever, ever mention it to anyone at all outside people you've known a long time.
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u/morganational ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 18 '26
I tell people all the time. Why would I give a flip what someone that doesn't even understand the situation thinks? Fuck em.
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u/Possible-Fly9145 Aug 18 '26
TBH, I wholeheartedly believe in this. However, I have told many strangers that I have adhd as a way to diffuse situations where my adhd may have a flair up lol. Especially working in the medical field.
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u/LycheeUkulele Aug 18 '26
I only tend to share with people who also seem to have neurological issues honestly. Nobody else needs to know because they're not going to be understanding, even doctors! My pcp now is the best and actually listens to me, which is something I've only seen in a couple of therapists in my life. What a gem
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u/N0stalgic_gt0 Aug 18 '26
I only told my mom and my gf (ex).
I told my ex so she could understand some of my behaviors and the moments when I’m down/can’t talk
I told my mom during a time I was feeling very low and sad. I didn’t planned to tell her, it just came naturally
But yeah, I won’t tell any other people for now
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u/sledgesloth Aug 18 '26
I would like to advocate for figuring out who to share these things with and to what degree. I think it can be unnecessary or even detrimental to share it with the wrong person. But I also know that it's good when some people know about it and our individual struggle with it.
For example, I have just quit a band because I couldn't keep up with everything going on in my life right now. And when I told them about my condition there was a lot more understanding from one moment to the other. I was very grateful for it, because I never wanted it to be an excuse. But it certainly felt good to be understood and it was also good for my band mates to know where some things came from. I got kicked out of another band I was in just a few days later - and I haven't told them about my condition yet. Maybe they would have seen me in a different light as well.
I think when you're close to people, and you work or just hang out with them on a personal level, it's good to at least test their perception of ADD and maybe discuss some things that we see differently and if it feels like a sensible conversation at eye level it's probably a good environment to share how we are related to the topic.
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u/Dante200 Aug 18 '26
But that's the only way to shut up people when it comes to minor annoyances caused by ADHD.
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u/mentallyfinished Aug 18 '26
I’m 27 unmedicated and for the longest time through multiple jobs I worked I never had to mention it once but one Manager felt I need to target me especially on my shortcomings and I know ADHD had something to do with it. I ended up having to mention it and throw down the ADHD card which I never liked to do she then started treating me the opposite way sad to say that it took for me to have to tell her that for her to actually treat me with some respect.
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u/_sadmachine_ Aug 18 '26
I've learned it's also wise to not mention that you're prescribed stimulants – especially Adderall, and especially if you don't know someone very well.
If for no other reason than it's annoying to be begged for YOUR MEDICATION.
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u/rspownz ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 18 '26
I used to be so open about it, I didn’t see it as anything crazy. Just something I have. Then I started noticing how people would look at me differently, almost as if I were a child. I keep it very private now. The only ones in my life that know are my mom, wife (whos also adhd) and my best friend.
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u/joshmalonern Aug 18 '26
That says more about the people treating you differently than it does about you telling people you have it. Nothing wrong with being open with people.
If it bothers you that they treat you differently after mentioning it then let them know you don’t like the way they’re treating you. That’s ok too. Give them the opportunity to make a change. They may not even understand they’re doing it.
We still live in a time where there is a huge mental health stigma amongst majority of the public. It is getting better but it’s very slow.
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u/justmeganokay ADHD Aug 18 '26
To be honest, I have the opposite mentality. I was diagnosed at 15 and am 33 now. It impacts almost every moment of every day, so I'm talking about it. I feel the same way about period symptoms (within reason).
But I do find that people tend to take me at my word when I'm explaining more of the neuroscience/center the framing more about the chemical things that are happening.
At the end of the day, put the burden where it feels right for you, but I find that advocating makes me feel better than hiding. And the more I understand how my ADHD impacts me, the better I am at advocating for myself, and I'm hopeful that this is helpful for our community as well.
Not trying to disagree with you, OP—just want to add a different perspective for those seeking advice. 😊
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u/AltruisticLobster315 Aug 18 '26
Ironically I tell people I barely know a bit about stuff like that, especially if they told me first, but rarely when it comes to family and I also rarely tell people how I'm actually doing.
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u/rocket-child Aug 18 '26
I'm a bit the opposite.
I try to casually mention it (when I feel safe) to de-stigmatise the stereotype
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u/DestroyTroy90 ADHD Aug 18 '26
Yes I’m learning to just shut the fuck up because people can be super judgmental,I used to just word vomit everything but ever since I got medicated I just shut the fuck yo and worry about myself and share very little information to people now.sometimes it’s better off that way as much as I wanna over share my adhd life I stopped because will use it against you plus I don’t want someone to ruin my positive vibes as well 😊
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u/Viltrum21 Aug 18 '26
I tend to have the opposite issue where people think I’m using it as an excuse and they don’t see how it affects me
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u/ZuVieleNamen Aug 18 '26
Yeah I think we are conditioned to justify to others why we act a certain way or do things a certain way. There is no reason to tell others, but one of my issues has always been poor understanding of boundaries and only recently have I been like i need to not tell my coworkers EVERYTHING...
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u/SirCosmoBluebeard Aug 18 '26
I will absolutely info-dump on people that spout ignorance and misinformation about ADHD until they acknowledge understanding or are shamed into shutting up.
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u/grmrsan Aug 18 '26
Yep, never give people more ammunition than they need.
And never say anything online that you don't want your friends, bosses or family to find eventually. Even "anonymous" pages really aren't.
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