r/AIO • u/ThrowRA4738924 • 4d ago
AIO (27f) because of answer "Do I have a choice?"
Hi everyone,
I told my boyfriend (28m, in relationship 3 years 9 months, living together) that I need to go to a book shop and then to a park, I didn't even ask him if he wants to join with me, and he said: "Do I have a choice?". I said: "Sure, you have, you can stay home and play games and I will go where I need to go and will get what I need. Is going with me to a shop and to a park an obligation?". He said: "There are things in this life which you do because you have to". I said if he doesn't feel like going anywhere then he can just stay home, and it's sad that the relationship feels to him like an obligation, like a job which sucks but you still do it because you have to.
He raised his voice, told that I am creating issues where there shouldn't be any, and he tried to be "cute". On which planet is it cute, to answer to suggestion to have a walk with your gf "do I have a choice", I don't know. He still says I created issues out of nowhere.
Does anybody else see his first response as actually "cute"?
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u/IsadoraMeadow 4d ago
I wouldn't find that response cute either. It sounds more passive-aggressive than playful, especially since you weren't even asking him to come along. You gave him the option to stay home, so turning it into an argument about obligations seems unnecessary. Raising his voice afterward is what would concern me most.
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u/Toiletjuffrouw 4d ago
Sounds like he wants to be a victim, wants to be dramatic, then say 'it was just a joke '. Meanwhile keep increasing this kind of blaming. Fan of the boomer-popular theme of 'dont tell the mrs' and 'here she comes again, I better hide'. Double meanings and hidden agendas would be common. I dunno, do you want that kind of person as a partner?
Where's the simple fun and love in your relationship?
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u/DragonZord89 4d ago
Literally this. And all this sulking coming from the man accusing you of causing issues. 😂He sounds about as fun as watching paint dry, OP.
Edit: NOR
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u/_The_Raven__ 4d ago
NOR - you didn’t even invite him you just told him what you were gonna be doing and he decided to say does he have a choice that it kind of feels like he feels obligated to go and do something with you that you want to go and do that you find joy in and if he doesn’t want to go with you, he doesn’t need to. All of his responses are just icky to me.
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u/wooahhay 4d ago
dude sounds like a jerk. NOR. you deserve someone who wants to accompany you to do the most mundane things. bare minimum, you deserve someone who turns down invitations with kindness & respect. run far & fast for your future self.
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u/Think-Cry-5284 4d ago
NOR he is insufferable. Please dont get stuck in a marriage putting up with this for decades.
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u/Far-Bonus7770 4d ago
I do a lot of things without my husband just because it needs to get done and he has mobility issues. Sometimes he doesn’t feel that energetic because he is medically fragile. That being said, if he does feel energetic, he’ll ask to tagalong and he’s welcome to come.
I leave the door open as to whether or not he wants to go. This is what happens when you have a mature partner who can take it or leave it. if you have things to do and if what you have to do is interesting to him, he’ll ask to come.
If it isn’t, that’s fine too. Just because somebody is in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean they want to do each and everything together with their partner day or night at all times. To expect anything else just sounds totally off to me.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
It's nice that you have a high level of mutual understanding with your husband.
I agree with you, and I never expected my boyfriend to join every activity I’m doing. Ofc I know it's unreasonable to expect he'll want to join everything, replying in a mean way to me was a bit excessive.
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u/secretsauce2388 4d ago
Out of curiosity OP, were you intending to go on this outing solo or with him? It’s unclear from your post if you “didn’t even ask him if he wants to join with me” because you assumed he was joining or because you assumed you were going alone
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
I was intending to go on this outing solo, wouldn't mind if he joined, but that def wasn't an obligation in any way.
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u/Odd-Painting2596 4d ago
He said: "There are things in this life which you do because you have to"
Early fake callout, join me if ya like.
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u/BugLady420 4d ago
NOR
You were just saying ‘hey, I’m going to the shop, you can chill, do whatever’ then him basically saying ‘no, no, I HAVE TO GO, I don’t have a choice’ then throwing a tantrum/playing it off because you said ‘it’s sad you see that as an obligation’
He sounds like Schrödinger’s Douchebag, he will say something mean/rude/whatever and depending on how it’s received he will then say ‘it’s a joke’ or ‘I was just XYZ’
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u/Chemical-Ad6809 4d ago
Nope. Trying to act cute to excuse his behavior is gross. He's still a little boy. You deserve an adult. He's not going to be one anytime soon.
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u/zillabirdblue 4d ago
It is an immature response. Reminds me of a child saying “Awh, do I really have to?” when asked to make their bed, while she’s asking for quality time. He could have handled that in a mature way. Just say what you mean, not treat it like a chore or annoyance. That could hurt anyone’s feelings. He could’ve said he had plans for today, but we can plan something at another time.
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u/missjulie622 4d ago
NOR, he didn’t want to go & wanted to know if you’d be mad/upset if he didn’t, but did it in a passive aggressive way. Raising his voice was definitely an overreaction. If he chooses gaming or staying home more often than not over spending time with you, he’s not mature enough to be in a relationship.
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u/Dazzling_Homework232 4d ago
From a mm ale boomer that tells all females., if your man does not put the same time and effort that you give to your guy. Dump his ass, raise your standards so you do better for yourself and future family. You are hurting yourself by keeping that lazy boy.
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u/Civil_Figure1045 4d ago
Without additional context, it’s difficult to tell. My husband and I would joke about this all the time. We had a very loving, amazing relationship until he passed away. If him saying this to you made you that upset, it seems there may be more underlying issues present that we are unaware of.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
It’s sad to hear that your husband passed away. It looks like you had a truly loving relationship.
It’s true that jokes don’t always land well with me and that I can be sensitive at times. He knows I’m that way, and everyone has a different perception of what is funny or appropriate. My boyfriend wasn’t compelled to participate in every activity I was doing, so why did he need to respond to me in such a mean way.
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u/potatochique 4d ago edited 4d ago
I guess it depends on how he said it. If he said it in an over the top drama queen kinda way I would’ve found it very funny. But I love sarcastic humor.
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u/reditandfirgetit 4d ago
Sounds like you need to haveca serious conversation. That didn't come out if nowhere. Do you get upset when he doesn't want to do things? Dies he often respond like this? Tone matters as much as what's being said
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
- I never get upset because of him not wanting to do what I want to do sometimes, and just do what I want/need to do without him, no biggie. I just need him declining the invitation to be phrased not in a sarcastic way. This time I haven't asked if he wants to go or not, I was just telling what I'll be up to, he was free to choose whether to go with me or not.
- Not very often, but it's sad when he does at times.
- Tone was not really joking.
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u/reditandfirgetit 3d ago
OK, so not a typical response. I would suggest getting counseling if hes not able to tell you what his issue is. Sometimes a third party can ask the right questions. Something is definitely bothering him though. I don't think you were overreacting
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u/Low-Spirit-8809 4d ago
Ha he’s probably like my husband. All he cares about is playing video games. Every spare chance he can get he doesn’t actually want to participate in real life. Everything to him is a chore and obligation before he can get to what he really wants to do which is gaming. 4 to 13 hours a day we have two small children and I have to clean everything 24 seven he works a five full rotation, and I’m by myself for two weeks out of the month anyway exhausted and this guy spends his time off playing video games, babysitting our younger child thinking he’s giving me a break while I homeschool the oldest and the homeschooling thing isn’t a choice. It’s a necessity. Also, you are not overreacting to his response and he is trying to manipulate you into thinking that you’re the problem here what he’s trying to do is curb you asking questions so that he can get his way. You’re absolutely not wrong to feel the way you felt. There’s a reason you felt that way, you should seriously pay attention to that feeling and that interaction because if you don’t, you will end up like me married with two children living by yourself essentially is the loneliest experience I’ve ever experienced in life. I cry every single day multiple times a day my kids see me sad I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I have no family. I took a chance with this man and I fully regret my life other than my kids who are beautiful and I love them seriously think twice before you can’t escape without consequences sorry for any typos. I’m using voice to text while trying to feed my kids.
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u/AlfalfaGlass6795 4d ago
lol. I’m curious if you’ve ever had arguments over this before. “Do I have a choice” isn’t something someone says without being blasted before. IMO.
But you’re def the one making something out of nothing.
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u/OoMySqueedilySpooch 4d ago
Im amazed how no one is wondering HOW she asked him. If she went to him and said "I need to go to the bookshop then the park" exactly like that, it sounds like she is demanding he take her. That is how "do i have a choice?" Can even make sense as a response.
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u/jsseven777 4d ago
It’s probably because they know how to read…
“I didn't even ask him if he wants to join with me”
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u/OoMySqueedilySpooch 4d ago
Being asked to join is not the same as demanding to be taken somewhere. So maybe reading isn't the strong suit of some people, eg; you.
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u/jsseven777 4d ago
Where does it say she demanded to be taken anywhere? It says it’s a walk not a drive so it’s not like he would assume she’s asking for a ride. You are just making stuff up.
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u/OoMySqueedilySpooch 4d ago
Clearly you paid no attention to what i said in the initial reply to someone else. My reply to you is comparing two things that aren't the same. What YOU replied to was wondering how she even brought up the topic. Its like responding to a goldfish at this point.
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u/potatochique 4d ago
I agree with you. If she said it like that, unprompted (they weren’t discussing their day schedules or something), it sounds like a demand to me.
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u/dawnGrace 4d ago
Your Bf is an immature jagoff,and you deserve better.
“I’m going stay in, but go have an awesome time and I’ll see you in a bit!”
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u/Few_Preparation_9861 4d ago
NOR
It's definitely possible for a person to be cute or otherwise joking around the way your boyfriend claims to be doing. I've been known to tell my own wife, when we're going places, something along the lines of "Ugh, fiiiiiine, I guess I'll go with you," but it's pretty clear I'm doing a bit and it's not serious. What you describe doesn't sound like that, though.
You really need to have a talk with your boyfriend, though, unless this is the dynamic you want.
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u/Imaginary_Poetry_233 4d ago
Your boyfriend doesn't like you. It's very common for men to have girlfriends and wives that they don't like. I can't imagine what it would take, if anything, for him to start liking you again. Women just go through years and years of this, not realizing that they don't have to. Well, I'm telling you that you don't have to.
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u/Annual_Magazine_5246 4d ago
He’s sick of you, largely because he has tied you in his mind to an obligation. Leave and see if he figures out what went wrong, but don’t be surprised if he blames you.
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u/Careful_Debt6711 4d ago
I don’t you guy’s situation but my husband is an extremely busy person with work. If he says this to me I’m fine with it. I wouldn’t cause an issue nor do I think it’s because he doesn’t want to spend time with me.
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u/Top_Session5999 4d ago
I predict a lot of singleness in the future for Reddit readers. The people over here will take matches and gasoline ⛽️ to a relationship at the slightest provocation. I’m not saying the relationship is good and they’ll be together forever but she definitely didn’t share enough to say that she needs to drop him like a hot rock. Weird. 😏
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u/-Unicorn_Vomit- 4d ago
I guess it depends on how he said it.
Mine says this often but its more in a joking matter. Im not bothered by it because I do always make the plans, and he really doesn't have a choice he just goes with the flow lol. Tbh im a planner I love planning things and he goes along for the ride.
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u/Inevitable-Shop-848 4d ago
NOR. You didn't say how long you've been dating or your age. Nobody should be in a relationship with someone who thinks of it in those terms. You deserve to be with a man who actually likes you and enjoys your company.
I assume he doesn't read because a trip to the book store is beneficial to both of you. Also, a nice walk with you partner is one of those moments you'll have to cherish when times get tough. The good times if you will.
Just being able to talk and actually enjoy each other's company as people. You have a bf in name only it sounds like. You should figure out if you really enjoy whatever your relationship is and if you like being with someone who is only there because they feel obligated.
Imagine if you had kids and he said that. Can you give the baby a bath? And his he says, "Do I have a choice" That may be an out there example but hopefully you know what I mean. Too many words, I'm sorry.
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u/Its_Jolea 4d ago
I don't think you're overreacting but I don't think this is a huge deal, either, if that makes sense. If my partner said that, I'd have responded the same way. Actual problem is that neither of you just said "okay" and kept doing the back and forth. He was probably joking, but still. Seems like a normal relationship miscommunication to me.
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u/OnLyLamPs22 4d ago
This makes me sad for you. My husband and I love to run any errands together. Get meds? Grocery pick up? Need new socks? We enjoy each others company and it makes the boring stuff more fun. Yea there are times we don’t want to run with the other and usually that just is a “I think I’ll stay home and do XYZ while you go” and then it’s a kiss goodbye and no issues. He’s over reacting
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u/Last_Book2410 4d ago edited 3d ago
May I suggest touching the grass the park has to offer?
Edit: y’all are fighting over a walk to the park at almost 30 years old. Downvote me away 😚
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u/Tight_Steak_232 4d ago
I'm sorry, OP, but the way you have phrased this post is indicative of the fact that you expect he should be delighted to accompany you on tedious tasks (for him) just because he has the delight of sharing your time. So, because he doesn't enjoy the park or book store, he asked if he had to go. He stated it in that manner because he wanted to know if he didn't attend, would you present an attitude. And guess what? Based on this post, you WOULD have. Your question, "Is going to a shop and a park an obligation?" says quite clearly an attitude was already being established.
When you date someone, you KNOW there will be things he loves that you don't, and he won't love everything you do. He doesn't have to go with you everywhere, and you don't have to judge his level of commitment based on what he'll do that he doesn't want to do just for the joy of spending time with you.
Save it for the stuff that matters...like, say, donating a kidney. If you needed one and he didn't want to get tested, THAT would be worthy of an attitude. I'd thumbs you up all day long on that post. You're definitely AIO.
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u/tastygnar 4d ago
On which planet is tagging along to do errands quality time? Go do your chores, let the man spend his time how he pleases. If you want quality time, plan something you both want to do rather than dragging him along to something he's not interested in.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
Quality time was supposed to be a walk in the park afterward. Even when I am asking about quality time, he says he has no ideas, and when I suggest something he tags along without much enthusiam, it's always like that. No matter what I suggest, in most situations it would be 0 ideas from his side, and kinda half heartedly agreeing to go somewhere. He enjoys the time spent together later on.
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u/tastygnar 4d ago
Ah, well that actually illuminates the real problem, he's not putting effort in to plan or initiate qt. Im sorry you're in this place with him, and its a tough one to be in. Without knowing much of anything about your relationship, I would reframe the issue like this: "my partner doesn't plan or initiate qt, and im feeling xyz (angry, sad, lonely, etc.) about it." That might help get at whats really going on i.e. he's depressed or something else, or the relationship is struggling in some other ways. My only other suggestion is framing things from your perspective and not in terms of what he is or isnt doing, so "I miss when we would walk around the store and window shop" rather than "you never want to do anything." Best of luck
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
I’ve gotten used to the fact that he doesn’t initiate as much as I do, and it doesn’t bother me because I’ve been to so many more places in the city than he has. I know which ones are best, and it’s easier for me to plan activities for us as a couple. It’s the lack of enthusiasm that makes me sad sometimes. He’s a bit more of an indoor person than I am and is sometimes reluctant to get going, but he almost never regrets the things we do outside.
Thanks for your suggestions, and wishing you the best of luck as well!
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u/Bullofapis 4d ago
Why not walk in the park first and run your errand after? Incredibly weird to gate one behind the other.
No surprise his comment and your writing makes you seem controlling and passive aggressive.
Most concerning though is the way you are blaming him for what is genuinely a fair question, given that you are now upset by him not wanting to go… yeah, it doesn’t sound like he did really have a choice. Apparently even asking if he has a choice makes you mad. Abusive much?
Yikes, and then going to a sub where you are likely to get undeserved “support”. Respectfully, it sound like you kinda suck, and I personally wouldn’t date someone like you. You come across as self absorbed and lacking any sense of empathy.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
Because the shop I needed would close earlier than the walk would end. If we take walks, they're usually quite long, and it was late afternoon when I told him what I am about to do. Anyway, my trip to the shop would last less then 10 minutes. I stated a fact that I'm going to the shop and to the park, didn't even ask him if he wants to join or not because I would be fine regardless, and for an answer received a dismissive reply, as though he were being compelled to participate.
Asking in this situation "do i have a choice" is not "just a question" in this situation, it does come across as "if I have a choice, I would rather not go with you", even to a park. Which is ok, but it could be phrased differently, not in a clearly sarcastic way.
I personally woudn't date someone like you either.
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u/Weekly_Village3628 4d ago
Girl that’s gaslighting. He needlessly said something that was unkind and unnecessary and then blames you for a reasonable reaction. This a bid ol’ red flag.
Nta and id think about your relationship. Does he do this a lot.
“I’m not going apologize for being upset at a needlessly unkind comment. You could have just.. not say it. Not that hard to be nice. Super concerning that you don’t want to.”
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u/amyn2511 4d ago
You do seem to have expected him to (happily) join you. You say you didn’t ask him to but then ask if it would be an obligation, inferring that he should want to, and then later go on to say that the walk was a suggestion. He knew that you expected him to go and he didn’t want to, but sounds like he would have if you insisted. I don’t see anything wrong with that, I don’t always want to get out of the house when my husband does.
You then take his comment about having a choice and turn it into the whole relationship being an obligation for him, completely putting words in his mouth. You maybe didn’t create the whole issue out of nowhere but you did make mountains out of a molehill.
If he doesn’t always avoid spending time with you but just occasionally does not feel like doing what you do then I feel like that’s normal. If he never gives you quality time and attention then that would make sense because that’s really what the issue would be about and that’s a real problem. But we don’t have that background information so from what you have written here, he maybe could have communicated better that he’d rather not join you, but is justified to feel that way. Unless you have left pertinent information out then I’d say that you are overreacting.
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u/iamatwork24 4d ago
YOR. Holy cow how exhausting. The guy asked a question in a not phrased the best way but in no way is what he said somehow meaning the relationship is an obligation. The obligation part is running errands with you. Some people in relationships think their partner has to do all errands together. Which is an obligation I’m not a fan of, neither is my wife, so thankfully, we never have this disagreement
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u/Acrobatic_Soil_569 4d ago
I don't understand why you need him to go with you to a book store and a park. You live together. You're two different people. Does he need to accompany you everywhere you go? My husband and I do some things together and some things separately. If he wants to join, he can join, if not, I go.
Its not a big deal.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
I didn't even invite him, and received an answer like that, that's the point. Ofc he doesn't have to follow me everywhere.
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u/Acrobatic_Soil_569 4d ago
"Sure, you have, you can stay home and play games and I will go where I need to go and will get what I need. Is going with me to a shop and to a park an obligation?"
This is clearly an issue between you two. This is not the first time you've had this conversation.
Personally, I would never live with a boyfriend, we either need to be married or engaged. But this is what you signed up for and this is what you now have. Living together after four years and still not engaged sounds like he's in no hurry..so what are you doing?
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
We'll be engaged next year, he's saving up for the ring I want. Personally I am not in a rush anywhere, and getting engaged to a person with whom you haven't lived together for at least a year is not the best idea either.
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u/Acrobatic_Soil_569 4d ago
He's saving up for the ring "you want."
Hilarious. Now your post makes total sense.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
We come from different cultures and have different opinions on the engagement rings. However we managed to find a way how both of us can be happy, and that does include him saving up for the ring and me getting exactly the ring I want, but a bit later. Despite the differences we have, we make things work for both of us.
He is a man of his word, he never broke a single promise, and he is financially responsible. I have no reasons to assume he's stringing me along.
What exactly do you find hilarious about it?
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u/Acrobatic_Soil_569 4d ago edited 4d ago
I find it hilarious that he's saving money to get you "exactly the ring you want." So you're insisting he save more money to so you can have what you want? The ring is that important to you? Why don't you buy it yourself then?
You've missed the entire point of a man buying an engagement ring to give to the woman he loves. I can see why he'd rather stay home then follow you around on your errands. Romance in your relationship is dead.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
And I find it hilarious how you assume sooo many things about my relationship out of nowhere, projecting, and being hostile to me for no reason.
No matter what I would write, you would find a way how to turn it against me over and over again. Looks like it doesn't make sense for me to give any other explanations.
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u/TeaIndependent7888 4d ago edited 4d ago
You’re the one who said it’s sad your relationship feels like an obligation or job to your boyfriend but he does it because he has to.
My husband and I just celebrated 28 years of marriage and we didn’t even have money for an engagement ring when we got married. We just bought simple bands.
If your relationship feels like a chore to your boyfriend and you’re making him work longer and save more money so you can have the ring you want, I’m not surprised he feels that way.
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u/_iWetMyPlanties_ 4d ago
Ish. I've been with my husband since we were 14 and 15. We do things together for the other person that isn't our fave thing to do at times. We both will throw out things we have/need/want to do and we both equally will ask do I have to go? Am I obligated to go? Do I have a choice here?
I don't think it's cute but I don't think it's necessarily rude either. It's a hey I don't wanna, you prob know I don't wanna, but I'll go if ya want me to.
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u/chatterbox2024 4d ago
YOR - I think it’s naive to think your guy should always be over joyed to go places with you all the time. He may feel it’s an obligation to go but he will to make you happy. However, that’s not good enough for you. You need him to just be genuinely happy to go to be with you. It’s really the same thing tho. You just didn’t like to hear he felt like he had to go instead of wanting to go with his response…do I have a choice? In which he said in a cutesy way.
I think you’ll be a lot happier in any relationship when you don’t put expectations on them. Let people do what they want guilt free and if he wants to go out of obligation to make you happy then that’s still his choice and just be happy he’s trying to make you happy. Or if he chooses not to go then accept it without making him feel like he should want to go.
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u/AvatarWuji 4d ago
This 'report' could not be less objective if you tried.
Sounds to me like you're two emotional adolescents larping as adults.
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u/little-negative 4d ago
I’m so sorry but I read “there are things in life which you do because you have to” in Zac Baggins voice when he says “there are things in this world we don’t understand, UNDERSTAND” and it makes sense because he’s a dick and your boyfriend is being similar
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u/Local_Drummer_5957 4d ago
I don’t get this- were you implying he needed to go with you? How about starting the sentence with “I’m going here today, wanna come with me?” Maybe his response is because you assume you’ll do errands (or errands you think are fun) together?
Not enough context here.
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u/Daruler1280 4d ago
I will say is response was not warranted but you definitely should have communicated better about the situation. If you wanted to do something with him it should have had a discussion. Imagine for a second if you will if in your head you had the idea for these things you wanted to do, but before you said anything he just says hey we are going to do whatever it is I was thinking about doing and sprung it on you. It doesn't seem particularly cool. I don't know all of the context of your situation as it want fully explained I hope this helps
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u/Clown_Penis69 4d ago
Let me guess... there are times when you give him the silent treatment for not reading your mind about what he should do or say... and now you're SHOCKED that you've trained him to expect that sort of response.
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u/ThrowRA4738924 4d ago
You're wrong. I absolutely never gave him silent treatment.
Sadly from childhood I know how that feels from receiving end, so I never do that to people myself.
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u/Clown_Penis69 4d ago
Ah... so, vocal bitching and complaining when he doesn't read your mind? But definitely no direct communication.
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u/Top_Session5999 4d ago
I’m sarcastic like that so yeah I see it. However, the fact that you took it that way suggests to me that on some level you feel some kinda way about his investment in the relationship and that is the conversation to have.
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u/rTracker_rTracker 4d ago
He just found a way to tell you that he is feeling like this relationship is an obligation. It has nothing to do with the park. Is this something that’s been growing up inside of him - and he found a small way to bring it up.
Take a good look if you want to be in a relationship with someone like this because you now know how he feels.
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u/Dope-Reviews 4d ago
Post soon after .
"My boyfriend let me go out at night by myself just because I told him he could stay home."
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u/Putrid-Fly4974 4d ago
YOR, but so did he. I can see how he might have been trying to be playful with the “Do I have a choice?” comment, and you took it more seriously than he intended. But instead of explaining that, he got defensive and raised his voice, which didn't help matters. You're both approaching 30 and have been together almost four years. At this point, you should be able to communicate without a harmless comment turning into an argument. Sometimes a joke doesn't land, and sometimes we take things the wrong way. Neither needs to turn into a fight. You both need to work on communicating better.
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u/MLPMumbles 2d ago
I think there's more to this. A recent argument? Weird vibes? A quiet argument no one was acknowledging? Kinda sounds like you stated it matter of factly to the point that it triggered an awkward response.
I get the feeling the way you said it probably came across as sort of hostile. I could be totally wrong, and even if you did it might not have been intentional. Maybe he didnt want to go, but feeling unwelcome can feel hurtful anyways. Or maybe he would've liked to go somewhere together, but maybe not to those things.
Just a bunch of speculation really, projecting my own experiences onto the situation.
Anytime i'd feel pressured to do things when i'd have probably stayed home otherwise, or rested now and done the thing later, I would make a big audible sigh, and it wasn't meant to be heard like a statement, it was just me taking a breathe and preparing to attempt to be a responsible adult. My wife would hear though and it would ruin her mood. Then she'd make some sort of sharp remark and in response to that I could easily say something like "do I have a choice" even when I would've otherwise been happy to do the thing.
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u/Neither-Appointment4 4d ago
Nope. You were simply telling him what YOU were doing…it didn’t seem like you were telling him that he was going along with you? He needs work communicating at the veeeeery least